A Cat’s Theory on Flight MH370

March 14, 2014

By Cole

After sitting many hours this week with paws pensively curled, reading and watching news unfold on this “greatest mystery in modern aviation history,” I’ve got some ideas.

Ground sources lost contact with the plane less than an hour after takeoff, yet the plane continued transmitting pings for 4 hours. And military radar may have spotted it 45 minutes after last official contact.

They think it deliberately turned west and continued on a route plotted between established waypoints, which would indicate carefully premeditated effort to further avoid detection.

It seems that mechanical failure should be the most far-fetched scenario now. Maps showing how far the plane could have traveled in 4 hours include a LOT of land.

No wreckage or bodies have surfaced in a week, either near the oil slicks nor anywhere else.

If it was a third-party hijacking or sabotage, why crash the plane where nobody could ever find it, ascertain what happened, or who did it? The act would become totally pointless.

I think all signs indicate the plane landed somewhere, intact, and a group of terrorists are holding 239 hostages, getting more giddy with every hour of the futile search they watch on CNN.

We don’t know how many hundreds of millions of dollars the countries searching will have to squander before the perps think it’s enough to reveal themselves.

Perhaps the world will unwittingly tip the bad guys’ hand by losing interest and giving up. When CNN starts saying “MH370” and “Amelia Earhart” in the same sentence, the terrorists had better speak up before nobody gives a damn.

We just saw Putin flip the world the bird by invading Crimea. I suspect this missing plane could be Al Qaeda’s way of announcing, “We’re back in the game, baby!”

It would have been Step One on board to confiscate all electronic devices so the passengers would have no way of contacting help. If they’re now on an island or in some other remote location, such devices probably wouldn’t work anyway.

I’m hoping I’m right because it means that those innocent people still have a chance of surviving this. Rescuers just need to quit playing in the water and go find them.


Cats Vote No on Syria

September 11, 2013

By Cole

Watching Charlie Rose’s amazing interview with Bashar Assad was like seeing Saddam Hussein resurrected. The only difference is that “weapons of mass destruction” are now “weapons of chemical warfare.”

We KNOW someone in Syria has them, because they’ve killed innocent people. But we only have the word of John Kerry (the white Colin Powell, before Iraq?) that Assad used them.

And now Obama’s itching to start a teeny-weeny little war. Like we’re all stupid enough to believe there is such a thing.

Sorry, Obama. No dice. Congress had better listen to cats and the majority of Americans and squash this harebrained scheme. Here’s why…

Dead is dead. Once you’re gone, how you got there is moot.

We’ve been perfectly fine with Assad killing scores of his people with guns and bombs, so where do we get off saying he stepped over a “red line” with sarin (if he did)?

Obama had some nerve last night trying to whip up outrage over Syrian children dying, “foaming at the mouth, gasping,” when he twiddles every time an American assembles an arsenal and mows down scores of people of all ages — including kids.

And our own depraved citizens respond to such atrocities by dashing out to stock up on MORE guns and bullets.

We’re good with an armed creep (George Zimmerman) trolling his neighborhood and wasting an unarmed black kid. Heck, our LAWS make his behavior perfectly acceptable, and encourage him to go buy more guns so maybe he’ll kill his estranged wife.

Our national sport, football, is among the most brutal. We cheer players who repeatedly bash into each other, knowing they’re probably getting head injuries that will hasten dementia and suicidal behavior as they age.

We kill criminals by lethal injection. Isn’t that basically deadly gas delivered as a liquid?

When it comes to killing, we have no high horse to get on. Our people are just as barbaric as any country in the Middle East. We just take a different approach sometimes.

The way to stop killing is NEVER more killing. Obama should know that.

The way this is unfolding, any military action is doomed to fail. We can let Congress set conditions — 90 days max, no ground troops — and our idiot media will blab it to the enemy so they know exactly how to respond and how to wait us out. Brilliant.

So billions of dollars we don’t have are squandered, people die, nothing is accomplished, and the Middle East has another reason to hate us.

Cats Working says, let’s not make the mess in Syria any bigger.


Massive Terrorist Plot or Face-Saving Device?

August 6, 2013

By Cole

How fortuitous that mere days after Putin flips us the bird by granting asylum to Edward Snowden, our crackerjack domestic spies can announce their over-the-top surveillance techniques work because they’ve uncovered the extremely high likelihood that al-Qaida is hatching a massive plot in the final stages.

They caught two top dogs (we have to take their word on rank, since they’ve killed the No. 1 and No. 2 al-Qaida operatives, oh, about 187 times) chatting by phone. One of them said it’s time to step up the plan against U.S. targets.

Those guys were spilling their guts like a pair of teenage girls because they never pass coded or encrypted messages, and had no idea anybody might be listening.

But our trusty spies can’t tell us where, when, or what the plan is. White House spokesman Jay Carney said

“What we know is that the threat emanates from, and may be focused on, occurring in the Arabian Peninsula. It could potentially be beyond that, or elsewhere. We cannot be more specific.”

Yikes! There could be a bomb in my litterbox! Or under your sofa!

So now we’re going into more debt to stage this international extravaganza of stepping up security by closing or evacuating embassies and posting more guards at home around New York City, in airports, and at big events.

But the average American citizen has been given no clue as to how to keep out of harm’s way.

Just trust Big Bro, little people. He will protect you.

And they must figure if they throw a few sensational nuggets of nothing to the media, rampant speculation will ensue (and it has), and many inattentive people will be fooled into thinking they’re hearing actual news updates. Works like a charm every time.

But here’s the real beauty of this whole thing: When nothing happens, the U.S. will declare triumph over terror. That buys instant justification for any more crazy spying the NSA wants to do.

Meanwhile, from the comfort of their fetid caves (or wherever those people hang out), al-Qaida biggies will be watching CNN on their iPads and going, “WTF? WHAT plot?”

The timing is all just too pat. The Obama administration has cribbed from Dick Cheney’s playbook. “Keep the pants scared off of everybody and there’s no limit to what we can get away with. Hell, they’ll even THANK us for keeping them safe.”

Just color me highly skeptical. Me and the New York Times.


Romney Finds His Soulmate

August 13, 2012

By Cole

In Hollywood parlance, I’m not sure if the new Republican ticket is Ryney (to rhyme with “whiny”) or Roman (pronounced like the cheap packaged noodles 99% of Americans will be eating if this pair wins).

On August 11, Mitt Romney continued his grand Foot in Mouth Tour with a visit to Virginia, standing in front of the battleship USS Wisconsin (because Republicans apparently need their symbolism that size to get it) and introducing to the world “the next president of the United States,” Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan.

You could almost hear foreheads being slapped off-camera as Ryan took the stage and began to speak, while Romney’s handlers turned Mitt around, saying, “YOU’RE the next president, REMEMBER??!!!”

Then Romney rudely interrupted Ryan by popping back into frame to explain with a nervous chuckle that he (Mitt) sometimes makes mistakes (ya THINK?) but, “I didn’t make a mistake with this guy.”

I predict that moment will be replayed widely on November 7 after Obama’s re-election, as Romney’s famous last words.

Paul Ryan is Sarah Palin in pants. Young (42), eager, ambitious, attractive, and rabid to spout off whatever the nuttiest fringe of the base wants to hear.

Granted, Ryan is intellectually leap years ahead of Palin because he does his homework, but the results are so far out in left field, he might as well be an idiot.

For starters, Ryney claim they can cut taxes and reduce the deficit simultaneously.

It sounds great in campaign-speak, but in plain English they’re saying, “We’re going to take in less money but pay more of the bills.”

And do this while increasing defense spending. In prep, perhaps, for yet a 3rd Republican-instigated war — tag-teaming with Israel to make Iran a parking lot?

The only way they can possibly do all this is to brutally slash programs that actually help people, like Social Security, Medicare, infrastructure maintenance (roads, bridges), and education for starters.

It’s said Romney feels totally comfortable with Ryan, a red flag right there. Also, both men have kept their hookup under wraps since August 1, and Ryan intends to divulge only 2 years of tax returns. That should tell us something about how open and transparent a Romney administration would be.

The only comfort in all this is knowing that the vice-presidency is the world’s biggest non-job, and you can’t believe ANY candidate’s promises. Once they’re faced with Congress, all bets are off and it’s every greedy crook for himself. All these 10-year projections of deficits, savings, and surpluses are baloney because these guys won’t be around to see them through.

Romney took a bold chance picking his veep. He should ask John McCain how that worked out in 2008.


John McCain’s ‘Scorn and Disdain’

December 15, 2011

By Cole

And a Merry Christmas to him, too.

Obama’s finally putting a lid on Bush’s wrongheaded fiasco in Iraq, and Republicans are stomping their sour grapes. Apparently, squandering $1 trillion and killing 4,500 Americans and 100,000 Iraqis isn’t enough. The GOP wants more waste and bloodshed under its tree this Christmas.

On the final combat troop withdrawal, John McCain declared to the Senate, “I believe that history will judge this president’s leadership with the scorn and disdain it deserves.”

Yeah, like McCain’s stellar “leadership” when he unleashed that opportunistic nitwit, Sarah Palin, as his running mate. Three years later, she’s still spewing stupidity across the lower 48.

Republicans claim that Iraq is still so unstable, it will probably fall into Iran’s arms and stop being our friend.

Since we decided to shove democracy down its throat, when has Iraq ever been our friend? If Iraqis haven’t learned self-governance after nearly 9 years of hand-holding, what makes McCain think they’ll catch on if we stay 9 more — or 100?

Granted, facing reality is a real strain for Republicans, but the fact is that being a mess is the norm in the Middle East. We’ve watched them riot and depose murderous rulers they’ve tolerated for decades, only to end up going, “Ruh, roh! Now what?”

Even if Arab countries could fulfill their hearts’ desire and wipe out Israel, they’d probably just start picking fights with each other and escalate hostilities toward Christians, just for the fun of it. That region will NEVER be mini-America.

Nor should we want it to. Nearly half the U.S. is living in poverty or close to it, with little hope of escape.

Inadequate, unaffordable healthcare is steadily sucking the economy dry with NO end in sight, but Americans are in poorer health than those in most other industrialized nations.

Republicans have “scorn and disdain” for our black leader and try to keep him from accomplishing ANYTHING whenever they can.

Is that what McCain wants the Middle East to aspire to?

If they really do love this country so much and want to lead it again, McCain and his cronies would do better to stop deifying every wack-job who comes down the pike wanting Obama’s job, forget countries they can’t control, and start getting proactive about what CAN be fixed here at home.


Why Investigate Gadhafi’s Death?

October 25, 2011

By Cole

Last week while she was visiting Libya, Hillary Clinton told an audience of students…

“We hope he [Gadhafi] can be captured or killed soon so that you don’t have to fear him any longer.”

She got her wish. Within days, Moammar Gadhafi was dragged out of a drain pipe like a common sewer rat, beaten by the people he’d terrorized for decades while they ignored his pleas for mercy (he’d taught them well), and put of out his misery with a bullet (or several) to the head.

There’s now debate over whether the rebels executed him on the spot, or he bled to death en route to the hospital. His body was seen in an ambulance by Holly Pickett, a freelance photojournalist.

You say tomato, I meow tomahto…

Hillary’s saying she backs a UN investigation into how it all went down.

Why? Who cares? Somebody offed the bad guy. He’s a national hero. You want to put HIM on trial?

You can’t have it both ways, Hillary. You wanted Gadhafi dead, so don’t start acting all concerned now about the circumstances. The world agreed he needed killing. It’s done.

It’s better than paying for his upkeep in prison for years while he just went crazier and used his trial as a stage to deny his greed and atrocities, claim he was still beloved by all, and just piss everybody off even more.

We all know that could only have ended with his execution.

So rather than miring the country for years in the phony game of “Justice for Gadhafi,” he’s history and they can begin RIGHT NOW to rebuild the country.

NATO and the UN should just let the sleeping dog lie.


With “Friends” Like Pakistan…

May 3, 2011

By Yul

We did the happy dance at the news Osama bin Laden “sleeps with the fishes,” as Cole put it on Twitter. But after hearing details of the raid, every American right up to President Obama should be asking the Pakistani government…

WTF?

Osama’s compound was purpose-built in 2005 a mere mile from the Pakistani equivalent of West Point. Many residents in the surrounding neighborhood are supposedly retired military.

Do the Pakistani armed forces recruit only the blind?

For 6 years, NOBODY saw anything suspicious about this residence, which the media keeps describing as the “poshest” in the area, surrounded by 18-foot walls topped with barbed wire?

If this place is "posh," I'm a German Shepherd.

Osama had barely hit the ocean floor before our politicians started pussyfooting around, trying not to hurt Pakistan’s feelings. But this much is obvious to any idiot…

If the Pakistani government knew bin Laden was there all these years and didn’t tell us while we wasted a fortune hunting him in Afghanistan, they are the biggest two-faced backstabbers ever and should be thankful we don’t follow up by bombing them off the map.

If the Pakistani government didn’t know bin Laden was there, they are too stupid to run a country and FAR too incompetent to be entrusted with $7.5 billion in aid we’ve promised them over the next five years. Money, I might add, we don’t even have to give.

Either way, the good old American purse needs to be snapped shut on Pakistan until their government does some serious ‘splainin’ about their relationship with bin Laden and al-Qaida.

Our government has believed that we could buy Pakistan and Afghanistan’s loyalty and cooperation. But now the leaders of both countries have shown us they are frenemies who can’t be trusted.

It’s time to stop throwing money and lives down that rat hole.


Washington Fiddles While Drivers Get Burned

March 4, 2011

By Cole

The Middle East gets into a self-inflicted muddle and the news is suddenly full of stories about gas prices spiking to $4 a gallon and counting.

How much you want to bet that, next quarter, our major oil companies will break previous records AGAIN for unconscionable profits?

Today, they’re mumbling excuses that places like China are straining supply with their growing consumption. They know Americans aren’t going to buy the line that their driving habits are driving up prices. Too many people are out of work and too many people are still driving less since Big Oil’s last huge faux crisis after Hurricane Katrina.

I’m no mathematician, but if gas prices rose parallel to the cost of oil, oil company profits should remain flat. Yet they never do.

Oil companies seem to be pouncing on the opportunity to gouge while they can blame the Middle East.

Since nobody can predict when the Middle East will ever calm down (which is probably never), it’s Big Oil’s intention to inflate prices meteorically before anybody can stop them and make it the new “normal” for American families to spend most of their disposable income on gas. A year from now, “cheap” $5 gas will seem like something we dreamed.

As usual, Washington sits on its thumbs, waiting for another recession to hit before it even thinks about taxing Big Oil’s windfall profits. After all, the more money Oil has, the more politicians it can buy. So what if “little people” have to choose between gas and food?

Every price jump at the pump will fuel consumer fury, culminating in the next obscene oil profit announcement, and that fury will head for Washington like a freight train just as the 2012 election campaigns kick off.

Meanwhile Congress is playing on the tracks with oil company lobbyists.


Obama Trapped in Muslim Mudslide

August 18, 2010

By Yul

For a fellow black cat, President Obama sure doesn’t seem to have my surefootedness nor an ability to land on his feet when he gets himself into a jam, as he did on August 13 during a dinner at the White House for Muslim leaders to honor their holy month of Ramadan. In a prepared speech, he brought up the proposed mosque 2 blocks from Ground Zero and said

“As a citizen, and as president, I believe that Muslims have the . . . right to build a place of worship and a community center on private property in Lower Manhattan, in accordance with local laws and ordinances.

“This is America, and our commitment to religious freedom must be unshakable. The principle that people of all faiths are welcome in this country, and will not be treated differently by their government, is essential to who we are. The writ of our Founders must endure.”

It certainly sounded like he has no problem with that mosque. So naturally, it gave the right-wing wackos reason to scream, “See, what did we tell you? He’s a closet MUSLIM! One of THEM!”

So the next day, Obama tried to backtrack by saying…

“I was not commenting and I will not comment on the wisdom of making the decision to put a mosque there. I was commenting very specifically on the right people have that dates back to our founding.”

He’s beginning to remind me of that Woody Allen character, Zelig, who would try to fit in everywhere by morphing into whatever type of person he was with.

I agree with Adele that if Muslims want to build a “community” center, fine. But making it a mosque intentionally excludes everybody but, uh, Muslims.

Obama certainly could have handled it better and sounded like he wasn’t caving to extremism. Michael Graham of the Boston Herald eloquently provided the words Obama could have and should have said.


Obama Talks to Karzai RE: McChrystal

June 24, 2010

By Yul

So Obama accepted Gen. Stanley McChrystal’s resignation (which the media generously calls a “sacking” to boost Obama’s new bad-ass image), and Gen. David Patreaus is going in. They said Obama called Afghanistan president Hamid Karzai to deliver the news, so imagine me as the kitty under his desk, secretly listening in…

Obama: Hi, Hamid? Barack here.

Karzai: Ah, Mr. Obama. A thousand felicitations. How are you?

O: Could be better. I’ve got BP holding on the other line, so let me get right to the point. I’m calling because there’s been a slight change of personnel in our efforts to turn your country into a Western-style Muslim-hating, God-fearing Christian nation.

K: Are you referring to my friend, Stan? The one who talked to that American magazine. What is it? Rock and Roll?

O: Rolling Stone.

K: Yes, that’s the one. I was just reading it. Stan and his men, how do you say it? — they drilled you a new one, ha, ha! — but they really seem to like Hillary.

O: (Tone turns icy) General McChrystal did not live up to the high ideals I expect in a seasoned military professional who carries out, without question, whatever orders I give. It’s the cornerstone of our democracy, so McChrystal had to go.

K: So, you’d rather prove to the whole world that you have thin skin, can’t take a joke, and let some hippie magazine determine your foreign policy? And you call me weak? You should lighten up, my friend. Life’s too short — you’d know that if you lived here.

O: Sorry, levity is out of the question, Hamid. I’ve got a lot of things on my plate and my hair is getting grayer by the minute. I don’t need any trash-talking general bad-mouthing me and Biden, so I’m replacing McChrystal with General David Petraeus.

K: The Butcher of Baghdad?

O: No, that was Saddam. Patraeus is a fine man. He’ll be a big help to you.

K: Can he be bought?

O: Of course not. He has utmost integrity, and I’d trust him with my life.

K: Then he’s no use to us. You might as well let him stay home. Oh, sorry to cut this short, Barack, but I’ve gotta go. I’m meeting the Taliban for lunch.


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