Why the GOP is Like the 4th of July

By Cole

Here’s a riddle: What do the misfits and intellectually-challenged opportunists vying for the Republican nomination have in common with Independence Day?

Fireworks. One by one they have been catapulted by their gullible followers to the heights of the polls. They hover for a time, all sparkly and beautiful and full of promise, and everybody “Oohs” and “Aahs” at their brilliance.

But then their flash is exhausted, they’ve got no substance to keep them aloft, and they fall back to earth.

Last week it was Rick Perry’s turn to flame out. After making an ass of himself almost every time he opened his mouth until he swore off debates altogether, they pulled him back in. That tells you right there he’s not cut out to tangle with whichever foreign despots we haven’t killed off.

And Perry obliged by really stepping in it. Herman Cain owes him a big one for deflecting the heat.

Don’t you just love listening to buffoons bragging about all the government agencies they’ll unilaterally wipe out — and then in the next breath reveal they have no idea what they’re talking about?

Poor Herman seems to be showing signs of early-onset dementia in his inability to remember any of the women who clearly remember him groping dissing them.

And now Rick Perry’s making George W. Bush look like Demosthenes.

And yet Perry and Cain act like they should get a pass for their inability to convey articulate or honest thought. After 8 years of Bush, and the U.S. declaring open season on heads of state we don’t like, it’s hard to imagine the rest of the world taking yet another mush-mouth in the Oval Office in stride.

Next up in the fireworks display: Newt Gingrich. He’s been one of those stealth types, but they’re running out of options so he’s he’s approaching his zenith and will have to show us what he’s got. It’s almost a certainty that some news hound will drag yet another skeleton out Newt’s walk-in closet, and he’ll end up on the ash-heap with the rest.

Meanwhile, Mitt Romney quietly lies in the shadows, waiting for his party to put away the garlic and the crosses, open his lid, and beg him to suck the life out of Obama.

Haiti’s Lucky Bill Clinton’s on the Case

By Yul

Reports from Haiti should make everyone jump up from their comfy sofas and make a donation to the relief efforts. Obama seems on top of the situation, but his reaction reminded me of the android Data on Star Trek: Next Generation.

While I’m glad the cat keeps cool in a crisis, a little unscripted human response to such widespread suffering wouldn’t have been amiss.

And although Obama says the U.S. will continue to help Haiti as long as needed, who knows what he’ll do if Republicans balk? I could hear them whining that Haitians should be able to pick themselves up by their own bootstraps, and to provide them free medical care right now would lead to socialism.

I could see Obama giving up on his monetary pledge in exchange for a truckload of blankets and still claiming his relief effort a big success.

For the sake of Haiti, thank goodness Obama tapped Bill Clinton to head up fund-raising and aid, with George W. Bush as his token sidekick.

Bill’s the only one I’ve seen on TV talking about Haiti. Bush is probably having a Katrina moment in Texas while Laura tries to pound into his head that Haiti’s in REALLY BIG trouble.

Clinton — talking off the cuff to NBC and CBS — came across so strong, reassuring, AND empathetic. Nothing dry or clinical about his descriptions of the suffering. He totally gets the urgency of finding survivors and stabilizing life for the now-homeless. But he’s also hopeful about how quickly Haiti will recover with continuing help, because he says they were already on the right track when they were knocked flat.

I hope Obama has been taking notes.

PS: The William J. Clinton Foundation Web site makes it very easy to help. The Red Cross is also accepting donations.