Boy’s Best Friend is His Cat

May 15, 2014

By Max

Cats Working salutes Tara Triantafilo, a gray 6-year-old tabby and former stray in Bakersfield, CA. Tara went all “Big Cat” on a vicious dog larger than her to single-pawedly save her 4-year-old human, Jeremy.

Jeremy was minding his own biz playing in his front yard when a neighbor’s 8-month-old Lab-chow mix decided to drag Jeremy away by the leg. It was all caught on security cameras.

Jeremy was toast until Tara sprang seemingly out of nowhere and launched herself at the dog, chasing him off her property. Watch it…

Jeremy’s wounds needed 10 stitches. Tara only got her tail in a fluff. News reports say Jeremy’s mother Erica also got bitten on the leg, but it’s impossible to see how, since she didn’t show up until Tara had the dog on the run.

The dog is now sitting in quarantine at animal control, serving out a 10-day sentence until his execution. His owners gave him up willingly, which makes me wonder if this wasn’t his first offense.

When the Triantafilos took Tara in as a young stray, they probably never dreamed she’d repay the favor. In addition to Jeremy, she also lives with 2-year-old twin boys and a 4-year-old Husky mix named Maya.

So far, Maya has had no comment on the incident, nor do we know her whereabouts while the attack was going down.

Erica says the kids treat Tara pretty rough, but she puts up with it. Sure, after living on the street, she figures a little tail- and ear-pulling and occasionally getting sat on are small prices to pay in exchange for a forever home.

Tara’s video went viral; I saw it on CBS. It was pretty insulting to see how the talking heads found it so TOTALLY INCREDIBLE that a cat could do anything selfless.

The Bakersfield Californian had the most complete story (with pictures), but you have to answer a few questions to read the whole thing.

Innocent Housecats Under Attack

February 1, 2013

By Max

A new survey claims domestic cats are homicidal maniacs who kill BILLIONS of mice and birds.

Here’s a news flash: Karen has killed more mice than me and Adele COMBINED. (I can’t speak for Cole. He’s mum about his feral kitten days.)

In this study, LiveScience researchers surmised there are about 84 million cats owned in the U.S. They pulled numbers out of their ass and claim we each kill 4-18 birds per year and 8-21 small mammals annually.

They failed to acknowledge that, of those 84 million housecats, MANY are indoor-only.

And who’s weeping over fewer mice and voles? There’s a reason they’re called “vermin.”

OK, chipmunk deaths are regrettable because they’re cute, and some are even great singers.

But this anti-cat wack job in New Zealand named Gareth Morgan has a blog called Cats to Go and says he’d pay the SPCA $5 for every cat it kills.

Who says birds are more important than cats? Has Gareth never heard of avian flu? Did BIRDS save Europe from the Black Plague?

Gareth should visit India. There aren’t many cats there, and rats devour the grain so people starve.

And what about our contribution to technology? The Internet full of BIRD videos is unthinkable.

I Can Has Cheezburger with lolBIRDS? Are you kidding?

Here’s just one example of Gareth’s cat-hate:

Before you say it, even well-fed cats kill. The fact is that cats kill on instinct, not because they need to eat, it is one of their most pleasurable activities. In one study, six cats were presented with a live small rat while eating their preferred food. All six cats stopped eating the food, killed the rat, and then resumed eating the food.

It was a RAT! Those cats did humans a favor, even though they had to finish their meal with rat hair in their teeth.

Yet this Gareth clown makes it sound like a bad thing.

Cats Working appeals to every cat-lover with a social media presence to denounce Gareth Morgan.

Instead of calling for our deaths, he should adopt some cats, keep them indoors, and learn what delightful companions we are — as opposed to dogs who just want to cover every ‘hood with poop.

Humane neutering programs will take time to eliminate feral cats, but people could speed things up a lot by offering more kitties good homes — indoors.

More killing is NEVER the answer.

Worried About Casey Anthony’s Dog

January 11, 2012

By Adele

Casey Anthony, the 25-year-old woman who was acquitted last year of murdering her daughter Caylee, is living in an undisclosed Florida location, serving out probation for her felony conviction on passing checks she stole from a friend.

Casey claims a computer hacker put this creepy video diary entry she filmed on October 13, 2011, out on YouTube. Nobody seems to know how it really got there.

At one point, Casey marvels, “It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to call something mine,” and gabs about all her stuff — a new computer, phone, camera.

Then she says she’s adopted a dog whom she talks to and loves. However, she doesn’t mention the dog by name or tell what breed it is. You get the impression she considers it more of her stuff.

Let’s hope someone is watching out for that unfortunate dog. Guilty of murder or not, Casey Anthony has demonstrated zero skill as a caregiver.

Casey goes on to talk about her upcoming birthday in March and how many more months she’ll be on probation. She thinks she could be free by February.

As Casey prattles on about herself, you can’t help remembering that little girl who will never have another birthday, and who laid for months rotting in the woods while her mother lied to police at every turn so she’d never be found.

If we can be sure about anything, it’s this: Casey Anthony’s itching to get on with her life. If that dog so much as whimpers about being left alone when she’s able to party again, it will end up road kill and Casey won’t stop or ever look back.

There’s something wrong with a country that will let people adopt pets after they’ve shown themselves incapable of keeping their own children safe and alive.

Wanted: A Cat for Michael Vick

December 16, 2010

By Yul

After doing hard time for mercilessly exploiting dogs for fighting and having a judge prohibit him from ever owning another one, football star Michael Vick says he still wants one. He thinks it would help his rehabilitation, and he misses having a pet around the house.

OK, I have a better idea. Instead of a dog, Vick should get a cat. And not just any cat, but…

A full-grown, street-wise tomcat. His attitude toward humans is that thumbs make them good for operating a can opener and wielding a litter scoop. Period.

This cat should preferably be black, so if Vick harbors any superstitions, he’ll start feeling real lucky whenever he manages to avoid being tripped by the cat on the stairs in the dark.

And whenever Vick fails to dodge the cat’s interceptions, he can chalk it up to “rehab.”

It should be a cat who tolerates some petting (just how much varies day to day) and then screams and sinks his claws and teeth into whomever is petting him whenever they exceed his secret time limit.

This cat will have confidence to spare, taking possession of (and shedding on) any piece of furniture that looks comfortable, and sacking out right in the middle of Vick’s bed every night.

The cat will never come when called, refuse to learn tricks, and disappear if Vick even thinks about trying to discipline him.

And if Vick does or says anything that displeases the cat, he will spray all over any object Vick treasures, including electronic devices.

I think only after Michael Vick has experienced a few years of being owned by a real “cat’s cat,” he’ll have a clearer understanding of how he totally blew it when he had trusting, obedient dogs.

How Do Cats Drink?

November 19, 2010

By Cole

Scientists think they have figured out how cats drink. Guess what? Our lapping style is different from dogs’.

Well, DUH!

Dogs use their big, fat, sloppy tongues like ladles. We move the tip of our tongue with lightning speed to create a steady stream of water we suck in, sort of like a human at a drinking fountain.

Here’s the much more scientific description from the abstract in Science magazine…

A combined experimental and theoretical analysis reveals that Felis catus exploits fluid inertia to defeat gravity and pull liquid into the mouth.

I’ll tell you, this amazing “breakthrough” in human knowledge was greeted with a “Ho, Hum” in the Felis catus world. Every kitten knows how to defy gravity without giving it a second thought. Don’t those bozos know any cats?

One scientist said our lapping strikes “a balance between the inertia that makes the liquid rise into the cat’s mouth… and the gravity that makes the liquid fall,” and marvels that we have figured out all this complex science.

The heck with inertia and gravity. We call it thirst.

Cats supposedly lap about 4 times per second, but I may contact Guinness because I think I’m faster. I usually wet my face so, obviously, my gravity-defying skill is so superior, it shoots water right past my mouth.

Roman Stacker, an MIT engineering professor and the goofball who initiated this study after watching his cat Cutta Cutta drink, admits the research has no immediate practical application, but justifies it on the grounds that it may contain “evolutionary lessons” about why cats and dogs drink differently.

He thinks cats want to keep their whiskers dry and dogs don’t care about appearances.

Maybe he should look at the bigger picture and notice that a cat’s tongue goes with the rest of the cat. We’re lithe and agile inside and out so we can make dogs look like clumsy oafs.

That’s the real evolutionary lesson.

Dog Poop Justice

November 11, 2010

By Cole

An unnamed woman in Belmont, Massachusetts, is in deep doody for throwing dog poop in the name of justice. She was walking her dog through her ‘hood recently when a vehicle sped through. She thought the driver almost hit a man on a bike and indignantly threw the bag of poop she’d scooped at the vehicle. It went through the open window and splatted in the driver’s face.

Now the woman faces charges of “assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, vandalism to property, and disorderly conduct.”

Fortunately, no charges were brought against her dog for “aiding and abetting” by supplying the woman with said dangerous weapon.

That woman shouldn’t be prosecuted. She should get a medal. She was doing the right thing by picking up after her dog. The driver was potentially homicidal, not some innocent victim.

Neighborhood Watch associations should follow the poop-thrower’s example and enlist all their dog-walking residents to give speeders the same treatment. It would serve two purposes:

1. Irresponsible dog owners who now don’t pick up after their pets would be more likely to start if they could have the thrill of flinging a steaming pile at a bad driver.

2. If more speed demons knew they might end up with a puss full of poop, maybe they’d slow down.

The speed limit on our street is 25 mph, yet drivers whiz through here like they’re training for NASCAR. Seems like our used kitty litter could do something to address the problem. Hmmmm…..

Obamas Should Have Got a Cat

October 13, 2010

By Cole

You first read it right here in the beginning. Yul said that the Obamas’ dog, Bo, needed the Dog Whisperer because every time we saw Bo, he was dragging an Obama family member around by his leash.

Now the Dog Whisperer himself, Cesar Millan, has weighed in, and he agrees with Yul. Bo may live in the White House, but he definitely needs to learn his place. Here’s the transcript of what Millan told Lesley Stahl on CBS Sunday Morning. And here’s video of him saying it.

Millan thinks George W. Bush’s dog, Barney, also had control issues, and points out that it’s ridiculous to see the reputed leader of the free world being yanked by a dog. It sends precisely the wrong message about U.S. strength to people like Putin, Amadinejahd, Netenyahu, Kim Jong Il, Chavez, and every other tough guy out there.


Who's the boss? (Photo - Gary Fabiano)


And that’s why, when picking a First Pet, if Obama had considered precedent he would have said, “To heck with Malia’s cat allergy; we’ve got presidential healthcare now. My doctor can cure her. Yes he can. We’re going to adopt a cat.”

He should have realized that never in the history of this country has a U.S. president been photographed getting schlepped around by his cat: Not Lincoln, Hayes, McKinley, Wilson, Coolidge, Kennedy, Ford, Carter, Clinton, or Bush II. Not even Martin Van Buren, and he had 2 tiger cubs.

That’s because if a cat is expected to play second fiddle, he just won’t play at all. A president’s image suffers no harm if nobody knows his cat is lurking (and smirking) under his Oval Office desk, whereas a boisterous presence like Bo is virtually impossible to hide.

%d bloggers like this: