Biden Finally Cuts Our Losses in Afghanistan

August 20, 2021

By Karen

I support Joe Biden 100% in pulling out of Afghanistan now, and I’m glad he’s not apologizing for it. It’s been 20 years, and it’s hopeless. The only thing we actually managed to accomplish was a temporary reprieve for girls and women so they could get educated and hold jobs without being butchered for being female by twisted fundamentalist fanatics.

Even that small normalcy is probably dead now with the Taliban back in power.

It only took the Taliban 10 days to show us that all we thought we had “built” — a functioning government, a military 300,000 strong — were illusions.

Afghanistan is just as corrupt and chaotic as ever. Prolonging our presence a month, a year, a century won’t change that.

Afghanistan is a landlocked hellscape, suitable mostly for growing poppies for opium, of roughly 40 million inhabitants. 56% still live in poverty and fear, even though the U.S. has poured $2.6 trillion into defense and infrastructure.

Our two-decade occupation has been a clusterfuck. But rather than blaming Biden for it all, let’s refresh our memories that it was the brainchild of these three clowns…

Obama tried a troop surge, and then a draw-down after he killed Osama Bin Laden, who put the bull’s eye on Afghanistan in the first place by using it as al Qaeda’s base for planning 9/11.

As for Trump, investigations will probably reveal eventually that he saw an opportunity skim a cut of all that sweet U.S. aid for himself by “doing a deal.” So in 2019, he sent his stooge Mike Pompeo to work out the details with the Taliban.

In exchange for virtually nothing but the Taliban’s promise to be good, Trump freed 5,000 of their fighters, including their co-founder, Mullah Abdul-Ghani Baradar, who is Afghanistan’s new president this week. The chickenshit president we were propping up fled to the UAE as soon as he saw his army laying red carpet for the Taliban. Pompeo looks so pleased with his handiwork…

Trump’s deal included removing all American troops by [UPDATE: May 1, 2021. Biden delayed that to September 11, but then accelerated the pull-out to beat his new deadline]. The Taliban had only to mark the “Retake the Country” date on their calendars.

Biden accelerated the pull-out, apparently unaware that an Afghan military isn’t really a thing. Not only did Afghan soldiers not fight back, they handed the Taliban billions of dollars’ worth of the weapons and equipment we paid for.

Scenes of the scramble at the Kabul airport to evacuate U.S. citizens and Afghans who helped us have been sickening. Those people don’t have a single Afghan policeman or soldier to escort them and protect them. It’s entirely up to us to get them out of there. while the Taliban stands at the airport gates, whipping, beating, and shooting at them.

I blame our State Department and Immigration. They KNEW there would be a need for evacuation. For months, they could have been quietly running a clearance operation for evacuees. Instead, they’re gift-wrapping them in pointless red tape and handing them back to the Taliban for execution.

Our betrayal of those people who WERE brave enough to fight for their country is the shame the United States will never live down.

PS: Earlier this year, CBS launched a sitcom called The United States of Al, about an Afghan interpreter who comes to live with the Marine he helped. It’s been renewed for a second season, which starts in October. But right now, with interpreters being hunted and killed by the Taliban, making jokes about it feels like bad timing and terrible taste.


Why We Can’t Fix Iraq

June 25, 2014

By Cole

ISIS is having a blast rampaging through Iraq, seizing buildings and oil fields, and showing everybody what badass al-Qaeda rejects they are.

But what will they do with Iraq once they’ve got it? When they realize how tedious running a country is, will they decide to stick with their strength and go off to conquer the next weakest link?

The Iraqi government would love for the U.S. to swoop in and kick ISIS’ butt so Iraq’s so-called leaders can keep their own skirts clean and their money in the bank. And why not? We’ve been willing before to pour limitless blood and money down that rat hole.

But this is the same government that wanted us completely OUT in 2011 and forced Bush to agree, leaving that clean-up job for Obama so Dick Cheney can now blame Obama for doing it.

Sadly, it’s the innocent Iraqi people who pay for our stupidity. Saddam Hussein understood Iraq better than that useless turd we left in the punchbowl, Nouri al-Maliki. We have only ourselves to blame for giving ISIS a reason to exist.

We abhor Koran-misquoting nuts who grasp at any flimsy reason to start “holy” wars, yet we tolerate our own Bible-misquoting nuts who can walk down almost any American street armed to the teeth, blow away innocent people on deluded pretenses, and then walk free to do it again.

“Gun rights” is our euphemism for terrorism in the U.S., and it’s legal. We’ll even defend people’s right to commit it on a mass scale. So what right have we to claim moral superiority over ISIS or any other terrorists?

Hell, we give national face time to blood-thirsty lunatics like Cheney, who scream the loudest for war every time people in the Middle East start killing each other over silly stuff, just like we do here, as if THEY’RE the only ones with a problem.

So, as a token, 300 of our soldiers are being sent back into harm’s way to play Dear Abby in combat boots, dispensing priceless “advice” to the American-trained Iraqi army, like…

“Keep your clothes on. No war was ever won by soldiers running away in their skivvies.”

“When ISIS attacks, instead of giving them your gun, aim it at them and pull the trigger.”

I say, Iran is much better situated and equipped to sort out the Iraq mess. We should leave it alone. America needs to gets its own house in order before it can preach peace to the Middle East. Our hypocrisy just makes things worse.


Karl Rove Knows Brain Damage

May 13, 2014

By Cole

Even though nobody knows yet if Hillary Clinton will run for president, Karl Rove’s not wasting any opportunity to get his digs in.

Back in December 2012, when she was secretary of state, Hillary spent 3 days in the hospital having a blood clot dissolved after she sustained a concussion. She left the hospital wearing dark glasses (standard protocol), and continued working.

On May 8, before an audience in Los Angeles, Rove implied that Hillary had suffered a “traumatic brain injury,” which is the clinical term for “brain damage,” although Rove now cravenly denies he was going there.

Hillary has shown no diminished ability to count, as Rove has when he claimed her 3 days in the hospital was 30.

Hillary’s shown no physical impairment, which is more than anyone can say for Rove’s former idol, Dick Cheney, who’s essentially been one of the walking dead, kept alive by artificial means, for years.

By Rove’s standards, the absence of a healthy functioning heart should have disqualified Cheney from office for both terms.

The only one showing signs of mental impairment here is Karl Rove, which White House spokesman Jay Carney aptly pointed out, recalling Rove’s inability to grasp that Obama won in 2012.

Every time Rove opens his mouth, he just reinforces his own irrelevance. If you stood him alone in a forest spouting lies, nobody would hear him.


Massive Terrorist Plot or Face-Saving Device?

August 6, 2013

By Cole

How fortuitous that mere days after Putin flips us the bird by granting asylum to Edward Snowden, our crackerjack domestic spies can announce their over-the-top surveillance techniques work because they’ve uncovered the extremely high likelihood that al-Qaida is hatching a massive plot in the final stages.

They caught two top dogs (we have to take their word on rank, since they’ve killed the No. 1 and No. 2 al-Qaida operatives, oh, about 187 times) chatting by phone. One of them said it’s time to step up the plan against U.S. targets.

Those guys were spilling their guts like a pair of teenage girls because they never pass coded or encrypted messages, and had no idea anybody might be listening.

But our trusty spies can’t tell us where, when, or what the plan is. White House spokesman Jay Carney said

“What we know is that the threat emanates from, and may be focused on, occurring in the Arabian Peninsula. It could potentially be beyond that, or elsewhere. We cannot be more specific.”

Yikes! There could be a bomb in my litterbox! Or under your sofa!

So now we’re going into more debt to stage this international extravaganza of stepping up security by closing or evacuating embassies and posting more guards at home around New York City, in airports, and at big events.

But the average American citizen has been given no clue as to how to keep out of harm’s way.

Just trust Big Bro, little people. He will protect you.

And they must figure if they throw a few sensational nuggets of nothing to the media, rampant speculation will ensue (and it has), and many inattentive people will be fooled into thinking they’re hearing actual news updates. Works like a charm every time.

But here’s the real beauty of this whole thing: When nothing happens, the U.S. will declare triumph over terror. That buys instant justification for any more crazy spying the NSA wants to do.

Meanwhile, from the comfort of their fetid caves (or wherever those people hang out), al-Qaida biggies will be watching CNN on their iPads and going, “WTF? WHAT plot?”

The timing is all just too pat. The Obama administration has cribbed from Dick Cheney’s playbook. “Keep the pants scared off of everybody and there’s no limit to what we can get away with. Hell, they’ll even THANK us for keeping them safe.”

Just color me highly skeptical. Me and the New York Times.


Can You Be Too Evil for a Transplant?

March 27, 2012

By Adele

Apparently not. Sometimes karma must take a nap. Last weekend, former vice president Dick Cheney got a heart transplant, after being kept alive with a pump for 20 months.

I don’t wish anybody dead, but with Cheney, you have to wonder if the U.S. would have started wars and the occupation of Iraq and Afghanistan if any of Cheney’s pre-2000 heart attacks had been fatal.

But because Cheney survived to beat the drum for war, tens of thousands of innocent soldiers and civilians have died. And Cheney has never expressed the least bit of remorse about it.

Not to mention all the animals he’s killed for fun on his hunting trips.

And now there’s a family, probably somewhere in the D.C. area, who must be wondering if the loss of their loved one made it possible for Cheney to survive yet again.

And if the organ donor wasn’t a war-loving conservative, his or her family must live with the suspicion that they helped resuscitate a monster. Transplant protocol allows for donors and recipients to remain anonymous.

In this case, it’s probably for the best.

Meanwhile, much younger heart patients who have never killed anybody continue to wait — and may die waiting for a heart donor.

The good news is that Cheney is retired and irrelevant, so it’s highly unlikely he’ll instigate any more wars. He’s free to happily live out the rest of his days on the fortune he raked in at Halliburton.

But karma may never live this down.


Cheney Shoots Everybody in the Face

August 31, 2011

By Cole

Since he left Washington, former vice president Dick Cheney has been festering in one of his undisclosed locations, composing his memoir, In My Time, a vindictive payback to everybody he thinks has ever wronged him.

Today the book is #1 at Amazon.com (the reader reviews are worth a look). Cheney’s been making the talk show rounds, trying to whip wacko neocons into a reading frenzy so he can supplement his $132K a year from the government and $30 million retirement package from Halliburton with some juicy royalties. (Speculation was that his book advance was around $2 million.)

Cheney spares nobody. He trashes Condoleezza Rice by describing her as naïve and “tearful,” and declares that Colin Powell’s resignation was “for the best,” among other insults.

Powell responded on Face the Nation that Cheney stooped to a lot of “cheap shots,” and by boasting to NBC that “there are gonna be heads exploding all over Washington” over revelations in the book, Cheney “overshot the runway.”

Cheney even flat-out contradicts scenes from George Bush’s memoir. According to Cheney, before Bush was ever the “Decider” on important matters, he checked with Cheney first.

Obviously, Cheney relishes memories of himself as the puppet master.

What the book really reveals, in Cheney’s own words, is that he is a soulless, heartless (literally — he runs on batteries) being (to call him “human” is too kind), capable of unfathomable coldness and cruelty.

On talk shows, he invariably wears that infuriating crooked smirk while reiterating his love for waterboarding and other tortures, and his staunch belief that he was the only one who was ever right. Everybody else was a liar or an idiot. 

And now his pure evil has been forever enshrined in print. I only hope that once his hard-core nut base is exhausted, book sales plummet and Cheney slithers back into his black hole and stays there until his pump fails.

BONUS: An interesting recap of a series of Cheney interviews. Makes you wonder how the guy managed to produce 500+ pages.


Let Supreme Court Star in Crush Videos

May 5, 2010

By Yul

In a breathtaking departure from sanity, the Supreme Court decided 8-1 in U.S. v. Stevens that cold-blooded, premeditated murder is a freedom-of-speech issue and struck down the “Crush Act.” Depictions of helpless creatures being brutally tortured and killed is once again a legitimate form of expression.

The court has reinstated perverted carnage as a dandy form of entertainment because they thought the wording of the Crush Act was so broad, it might impinge on the rights of hunters to film legal animal slaughter.

Now Dick Cheney need never fear he’ll be denied a photo op while mowing down defenseless birds or friends of his. The court has made it once again open season on innocent puppies, kittens, and other small animals who will meet horrible ends to satisfy sickos’ sexual fantasies.

It’s too bad all the justices except Samuel Alito, the lone vote of compassion, won’t ever enjoy the thrill of being under a dominatrix’s stiletto as she slowly grinds it through their livers while talking dirty and laughing at their agonized screams.

Fortunately, we animals have other humans watching our backs. California Congressman Elton Gallegly has introduced H.R. 5092 to make the Crush Act’s language more specific and overcome even the most blood-thirsty justices’ objections.

The ASPCA is also on the case. Cats Working urges you to visit their Advocacy Center to find out if your representative is a co-sponsor of the bill and, if not, urge him or her to become one so it can be passed quickly.

The Supreme Court is WRONG. Crush videos must NEVER be allowed to regain a foothold.


Obama, the Heartless Predator

June 19, 2009

By Yul

The way the media has been carrying on about Obama killing a fly on camera, you’d think he also ate it. I’ve seen the moment replayed at least a dozen times, and yesterday it was one of the lead stories on the Today Show — a new low, even for them.

PETA got upset, telling Obama he should have used a more humane way to dispatch the pest. Would they be foaming at the mouth if it had been a maggot crawling on his arm?

How about a mosquito, a tick, or a black-widow spider?

The fly had it coming. He breached White House security, flitting right past the metal detectors and the Secret Service. He could have been a tiny terrorist carrying a microscopic bomb that would have leveled Pennsylvania Avenue if not for Obama’s pre-emptive strike.

That’s the spin Dick Cheney would have put on it, after shooting the fly’s face off with a rifle.

But I believe what’s more important than Obama’s action here is what Obama was thinking. Was his coordination heightened because he imagined the fly to be Rush Limbaugh? We’ll probably never know.

Speaking of Limbaugh, that gasbag yesterday was bemoaning the fact that he crushed a fly with his shoe on his TV show in 1995 and nobody made a big fuss about it.

I guess that’s because flies swarming around the putrid stench of Limbaugh’s rhetoric is nothing extraordinary.

But in their over-zealous coverage of this non-event, if our news media is trying to warn other world leaders that Obama would kill a fly in spite of the way he talks sometimes, we’re in worse shape than I thought.


Cheney’s for Gay Marriage & Pigs Fly

June 3, 2009

By Yul

The sport of Republican-on-Republican bashing got more interesting when the No. 2 windbag betrayed his own party, telling the National Press Club, “People ought to be free to enter into any kind of union they wish, any kind of arrangement they wish.”

Dick Cheney tried to skirt the issue as VP because his youngest daughter, Mary, is a lesbian. But now since he’s the Man Who Can’t Shut Up, his babbling is getting increasingly outrageous, shredding whatever ideals and dignity the Republicans have left.

No. 1 windbag, Rush Limbaugh, will resort to cannibalism if Cheney keeps it up. Rush can’t let the coldest, snarliest Republican — the guy who’d rather shoot people in the face than look at them — become a simpering pile of goo because Mary gave birth to a bouncing baby boy.

Apparently, Cheney found no cloven hooves or tail on his grandson Samuel, and sees that Mary doesn’t lick him to bathe him, or feed him regurgitated worms and grubs.

Cheney must have been further reassured when his blood ties to this child didn’t cause coarse hair to sprout on his palms or turn him against his own wife — the Republicans’ greatest fears when gays get together.

So Cheney thinks being gay isn’t all bad, and gay marriage legislation should be left up to the states.

He’s wrong. The federal government should make civil unions the national standard between all humans who want to hook up, carrying the same rights and benefits across the board.

“Marriage” should be split off as a separate, optional religious ceremony, since it’s largely symbolic and irrelevant day to day, like taking Communion or being baptized. Each faith can decide who they’ll allow to get married.

It’s called separation of church and state. Why does it take a cat to point this out?


A Proud Day for Black Cats

January 20, 2009

By Yul

I’m trying not to gloat, but there wasn’t a cooler cat than Barack Obama ad libbing an oath of office so it would hold up in the Supreme Court, even though Chief Justice John Roberts did his best to throw Obama off.

And just like that, the country’s governance went from the ridiculous to the sublime. Unflappable, confident, focused, and without naming names, Obama gracefully tossed George Bush and Dick Cheney on the trash heap of history right before their eyes by vowing to clean up their messes and dismantle their web of denial, lies, and secrecy.

But what was with Elizabeth Alexander and that inaugural poem? Is it a cat thing, or was she losing everybody? Maya Angelou she is not. Bush and a lot of others probably wished they had earbuds and an iPod in their pockets during that recitation.

In the talking head department, Tom Brokaw cleverly got in one last dig by observing that Dick Cheney in a wheelchair had a “Dr. Strangelove” quality to it.

It seems a testament to Obama’s power to uplift that millions of people gathered in DC — with every living president and VP and most of Congress (with no love lost there) — yet no shoes were thrown.

Obama’s only been president a few hours, but you can already feel the change.


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