Chapter 1: COVID Chronicles

By Karen

Day 18

March 12 seems like a lifetime ago, but that’s when I began staying indoors. It was the day after my last grocery run and before it became an imperative. I haven’t left the house since March 20. My Saturn is atrophying in the driveway, and I hope the squirrels aren’t feasting on the wiring.

I’m almost out of fresh produce and could use a quart of milk, but with each passing day, I become more nervous about venturing out. I have no idea what it’s like out there. What if I’m the only one not wearing a mask and gloves? Will people point and call me “COVID Karen”?

I read a mask doesn’t protect you from catching it, only from spreading it if you already have it. Gloves aren’t protective because if the virus gets on them they’ll spread it like your hands would, and you’ll probably touch it if you don’t know the special secret technique for safely removing contaminated gloves.

When I do go out, I’ll be armed with hand sanitizer, wipes and sandwich bags. The bags go on my hands when I pump gas so I don’t touch the pump, the octane button, or the keypad. Then I’ll let the bags drop from my hands into the trashcan before I get back in the car.

Anybody else got nifty ideas to share for staying clean?

Last night I watched the Brad Pitt – Leonardo DiCaprio movie, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. I had no clue what to expect, but when Sharon Tate and the Manson family showed up, I was dreading how director Quentin Tarantino would handle that. Must say I was pleasantly surprised. Yes, there was gore, but in a good way. All in all, I found the movie quite delightful.

Today I’ve got 4 1/2 lbs. of bone-in country style pork ribs in the crockpot with onions, garlic, BBQ sauce and a dash of ketchup, so that’s dinners for the week done.

This morning while I was reading the paper in the living room, Roc started wailing in my bedroom. Tony went to investigate and there was immediate silence until they both dashed by me like maniacs. After a few laps chasing each other around the house, peace was restored. Thank God for Tony because Roc would be driving me and Max crazy.

One silver lining of this pandemic is that I’ve noticed robocalls have almost completely stopped.

I haven’t watched any news since Friday, so if Trump has said anything particularly stupid or deadly, I’m oblivious.

 

Let’s Compare COVID-19 Notes

By Karen

I’ll start… I have no symptoms except a pollen cough, but I’ve been home since March 12, leaving only twice for provisions. With 12 rolls of Wegman’s toilet paper that usually last six weeks or more, I’m feeling pretty well-stocked.

As a freelancer who’s worked at home since 2002, I confess it feels like the world has come down to my level. I can easily go six days without leaving the house. Last year, squirrels took advantage of this to leisurely chew my Saturn’s fuel line to bits.

But even with abnormally high tolerance for solitude, I’m thankful for the cats. Roc’s the only one who’s been acting a little off, more clingy than usual. He’ll meow like a maniac if I’m out of his sight too long.

Tony at nearly 10 months old has taken up the hobby of bannister-walking. Here he is, high above my head, strolling along the balcony that overlooks  my living room.

Last weekend I tried to order dinner from China Taste, my nearest takeout, but for the first time ever, they were closed. Was it because our Racist-in-Chief was whining about the “Chinese Virus” and they feared backlash?

Yesterday I hit my limit with what I’ll take from Trump. The vile sight and sound of that subhuman creature makes my blood boil, so his daily victory laps/lie marathons will no longer air in this house. Besides, it scares the cats when I scream obscenities at the TV.

That also goes for all political pundits who ask what Trump “meant,” or why he “contradicted” himself. All future discussion of the verbal diarrhea spewing from Trump’s mouth and Twitter feed needs to focus on his rotting mind and the need to remove and permanently silence him. Period.

Trump untethered is on track to kill a good chunk of the population. I’m thankful that my governor, Ralph Northam, is a Democrat and a physician. Trump won’t bully Virginia into doing anything stupid.

Do you ever wonder what Anthony Bourdain would be doing if he were still with us? I think he’d probably be holed up in New York to be near his daughter, but going stir-crazy. Parts Unknown would have become Future Unknown.

I like to think he’d keep busy writing. Maybe finish that novel he started years ago. Essays. Blogs. Another graphic novel about Jiro. Edit some manuscripts for his Ecco imprint.

This would have forever changed Bourdain’s globetrotting career, and perhaps ended it. He might be fine with that, even welcome the reason to stop, since it seemed he had lost the thrill of travel.

Speaking of travel hosts, Andrew Zimmern has moved to MSNBC with a new show, What’s Eating America. He’s trying really, really hard to fill Tony’s shoes and I give him an A for effort, but there will never be another Bourdain.

I just binge-watched two seasons of the Netflix series, The Kominsky Method, with Michael Douglas and Alan Arkin. If you like Curb Your Enthusiasm, you’ll love it. I laughed out loud many times.

Reading on my iPad, I’m nearly through Rick Wilson’s Running Against the Devil (previous book, Everything Trump Touches Dies). It’s an often hilarious, but serious, user manual for Democrats on how to beat Trump, but coronavirus has called off all bets. With “luck,” Trump shoveling the U.S. into its worst recession with the highest preventable death toll in history will doom that bastard in November.

Next on my reading list is Woody Allen’s new memoir, Apropos of Nothing. I’ve always been a Woody fan, always will.

So tell me, what have you been doing to cope during this nightmare? Let’s keep in touch here since we’re all in this together.

Random Thoughts from an Exploding Head

By Karen

I feel like Trump has us trapped in a dungeon, waterboarding our sanity with lies, insults and taunts while the media films it and Trump denies it’s happening.

Congressional Republican traitors blessed this gaslighting, hoping we’ll be too broken by November to drive electoral stakes through Trump’s fetid turd of a heart.

Making Trump lose the election may not be enough. Trump may become the first White House occupant — I NEVER call him “president” — who must be physically dragged out by the National Guard.

I’ve been keeping notes that could have been blog posts, but Trump’s outrages come so fast, every topic goes quickly stale. Anyway, here are some recent thoughts (topics bold for skipping if of no interest)…

Can’t call the other side GOP or Republicans anymore. They’re Trump’s cult, melded to a maniac. Whenever Trump decides to pour that lethal grape Kool-Aid (Nov. 4?), they’ll binge on it. Then Mitt Romney can step over the bodies and start his own party from scratch.

& & &

Media needs to divert all discussion of Trump having a second term to what needs to happen to get him involuntarily committed for a thorough psych workup to determine if he’s fit to continue in office NOW.

& & &

People who would put Grandpa in a rubber room for babbling nonsensically, slurring his words and wearing marmalade on his face as makeup now must wear earplugs and blinders to continue ignoring Trump’s obvious cognitive decline.

& & &

After presiding over the Senate’s sham removal trial, I’ll never see Chief Justice John Roberts as anything but a joke. He could have eliminated Mitch McConnell, Lindsey Graham, and any other senator who publicly declared pre-trial they would acquit Trump. It probably wouldn’t have changed the outcome, but may have influenced whether witnesses and documents were allowed. Instead, Roberts, in robes, sat and watched a Constitution-shredding shitshow like a disinterested bystander.

& & &

At the very least, Roberts should have ordered Rand Paul arrested when Paul named the now-irrelevant whistleblower outside the Senate chamber, directly defying Roberts’ refusal to allow it in the trial. When Roberts did nothing, Paul was emboldened to repeat the stunt on the Senate floor and he’s STILL not in jail.

& & &

On Morning Joe, Joe Scarborough said about Trump, “It is assuring, it is calming, that he’s so predictable.” True. Trump’s playbook is worn out. The only surprises Trump has left as his brain melts are how he reacts to rebukes or attempts to check his incompetence. He’ll become increasingly disgusting and profane until he’s literally throwing his own feces at reporters.

& & &

The White House is concealing Trump’s decline with no mention of his annual physical, which should have happened by now. Instead, they’re driving Trump hard until perhaps he collapses on stage at a rally, jerking, babbling, drooling, peeing and shitting himself while his eyes roll back in his head. His family and handlers refuse to get him desperately needed medical attention as long as there’s a penny left to wring out of his office.

As infuriating and frustrating as Trump’s tweets and statements are, I do feel satisfaction watching him flail against his own melting mind as the vicious, ambitious monsters he trusts goad him to continue pretending he’s OK, rather than letting him slip peacefully into dementia, away from the cameras.

& & &

Trump went to the National Prayer Breakfast to talk about how much he loves hatred. He finds hypocritical everyone who lacks his spite and vindictivenesss. So-called Christians in the audience laughed and applauded as he trampled faith and decency into the gutter, reinforcing that he’s above the law now and “can do anything.”

& & &

Every Congressperson who failed to vote for Trump’s impeachment or removal anointed him king and relinquished any ability to question or disagree with him — ever. They handed Trump the entire federal government as a tool to destroy them should they dare stray. If Trump gets a second term, their families will be high on Trump’s hit list.

& & &

Trump’s cult in Congress blew their one chance at recovering their cojones during the removal trial. They had damning, conclusive evidence of his crimes — with more to come had they allowed witnesses. They could have confronted Trump like the GOP confronted Nixon. Trump’s a chickenshit-variety bully who fears direct confrontation more than anything.

They could have made this deal: “You submit to a full psych evaluation and let us make the true results public. If they’re good, we’ll change the Constitution to make you king.”

Trump either would have resigned in abject terror of the truth coming out, or he’d have agreed to be tested. The test results would have confirmed him mentally unfit to serve, invoking 25^th Amendment time.

Either way, Trump would be gone, and Congress would be a co-equal branch of government again. Win-win.

& & &

If everyone in government would react to Trump’s nasty tweets, speeches and nonsensical media appearances with shrugs, eye rolls and no response, Trump’s fury at being mocked and dismissed would temporarily accelerate his “lashing out” in even more insane and vicious directions, causing faster mental burnout and hasten the day the world is rid of him.

& & &

Some wonder, is Trump abusing the information classification system to protect himself? DUH! It’s Corruption 101. If Trump decrees his every stupid or criminal move is top-secret, he’s above the law and free to do whatever.

Ironically, such a move would self-fulfill Trump’s fantasy fear that his rooms are bugged, everyone’s wearing wires, and there are cameras behind the drilled-out eyeballs of every portrait hanging in the White House. He’d make bona fide spying the only way anyone could find out what he’s really up to.

& & &

John Kelly can take his woefully belated condemnations of Trump and shove them. He did nothing to stop Trump from caging children — seemed to enjoy it, actually, and now profits from it — and remained silent during the brief window he could have had some influence in Trump’s removal. Kelly can go fuck himself.

& & &

Hope Hicks is returning to the White House, abandoning her cushy executive VP job at Fox to once again be Trump’s Depends-changer, reporting to Jared. Melania must have refused the job, and Ivanka probably told Jared to get Hope back because it’s “icky” that Daddy gets a stiffy every time Ivanka changes him. I would bet Hicks is the only woman in the West Wing willing to ensure Trump’s diaper changes always have a “happy ending,” which is why he’s missed her so much.

& & &

Attorney General Bill Barr kvetched that Trump’s incessant tweeting makes Barr’s job “impossible.” That, and his prosecutors are quitting cases and the DOJ entirely in to protest of Barr destroying the rule of law.

Dementia and pride make Trump unable to resist poking every slimy rock Barr slithers under to commit crimes for Trump. Never forget, Barr initially begged for the honor of ensuring that Trump and his cronies can crime forever and never face justice. His complaints about Trump now are distraction from his panic that he’ll be disbarred for gross malpractice and forced into retirement once he doesn’t have Trump’s protection.

& & &

Emboldened by being king, Trump tried to blackmail New York Governor Andrew Cuomo. In exchange for letting New York back into the Global Entry program, Trump wants the state to drop all lawsuits that will one day send Trump and his crime family to prison.

Trump fucking with New York’s international travelers to get himself a Stay Out of Jail card would now be causing globetrotting Anthony Bourdain countless wasted hours in Customs lines re-entering the U.S. I just wish Tony were alive to leave verbal blisters all over Trump’s thoroughly corrupt ass for targeting people who want to see the world.

Bourdain News: Sad and Happy

By Karen

I just learned that Anthony Bourdain’s brother Chris has announced the death of their 85-year-old mother Gladys on Friday, January 10, 2020, in hospice in the Bronx. The New York Times just reported it this afternoon.

(If you’re not an NYT subscriber, you may be able to open a free account to get to the article. That’s how I got all the NYT links in this post.)

Chris said Gladys had been in failing health for some time.

She worked at the NYT as an editor from 1984 to 2008, and wrote articles for it and other publications on the side. Back in 1978, she had a profile of Julia Child published in the NYT after visiting Child in Southern France. That was the year Tony graduated from the Culinary Institute of America, but I don’t know if he accompanied his parents on that trip to France, possibly as a graduation present?

Her obituary credits Gladys as the force behind Tony getting the career-launching article published in The New Yorker that led to his book deal for Kitchen Confidential. She happened to know the wife of The New Yorker’s new editor, who had been an NYT reporter, and Gladys vouched that Tony’s work was good enough for the woman to show to her husband.

The article was published and the rest, as they say, is history.

Gladys was born in 1934 and married Pierre Bourdain in 1954, a year after he got out of the Army. Tony was born in 1956.

Gladys’ obituary says she separated from Pierre in 1980 (Tony would have been about 24). Whether they ever divorced, I don’t know.

When Pierre died in 1987 at age 57, his obituary made no mention of Gladys.

Gladys died with Tony’s name tattooed on her wrist — her only tat.

Now for the happy news…

Minutes before I saw the sad news about Gladys, I read that that Bourdain’s co-author Laurie Woolever has finished one of the books they were working on before he died. It’s called World Travel: An Irreverent Guide, and will go on sale October 13. It’s available for preorder on Amazon.

Cats Working Shares Christmas Wishes

By Karen

Tony’s been with us for eight weeks, and he’s made himself at home. I often catch Max and Roc gossiping about the new kid behind his back…

The big boys are also not above tag teaming the little guy when they think they can get the best of him — but they never do. Tony always finds a way out…

I’ve found that having a cat named Tony Bourdain to supervise my cooking is almost like having the human still with us. That is, if Anthony Bourdain ever had big paws and no thumbs, a super-long tail he swished through all the food, and a terrible habit of leaping onto the counters.

At Thanksgiving, Tony didn’t let my cranberry relish go into the oven until he made sure I’d used enough sugar….

Like his namesake, my Tony also loves French cuisine, never above trying to steal my breakfast croissants…

We’re having a low-key Christmas this year, but Max and Roc are excited and have been filling Tony’s ears with tales of what’s in store because this is his first one. They’ve got him a little freaked out by the thought of a giant kitty coming down our chimney…

Because Christmas got crammed in so tight with Thanksgiving this year, I didn’t put up the big tree with all the cat ornaments, so the kitties have been making do with our little fiber optic tree…

Roc enjoys hanging out with the tree during the day — whenever he can snag Max’s rocker unoccupied…

…Like when Max goes off to play Elf on the Shelf. Here he is, taking pointers on from Fred Astaire on how to be a debonair spy…

Now it’s Christmas Eve. The boys have all paws crossed that they’ve been good enough to earn a visit from Santa Kitty. They hope to find their stockings filled with toys and treats in the morning. We hung Adele’s stocking one more time because she’s our Christmas angel this year…

The extra things hung by Adele’s and Tony’s stockings are the 2019 Fancy Feast ornaments, which I’ve been collecting since the 1980s. They sent two this time, so it seemed they naturally should go to the kitty who left us and the kitty starting his new life with us.

All of us Cats Working wish you and yours a very happy holiday season, no matter where, how, or when you celebrate it. And thank you for sticking with us even when it’s a long stretch between posts.

Cats Working Welcomes “The New Kid”

By Max and Roc

Roc: Since we lost Adele on September 12, I’ve made Max’s life hell. I didn’t realize how much I depended on Adele for company, even though I annoyed the shit out of her most of the time. Max was taking the brunt of my frustration and loneliness.

Max: Karen was devastated to lose Adele, who’d been here over a decade before I ever showed up, which was the very day after Adele lost her BFF Yul to kidney failure. I think she wrongly connected dots on those two events and always blamed me for Yul’s departure.

It was hard to live as Adele’s prey. Once she was gone, I finally felt free and loved it. Then Roc started hounding me constantly to wrestle, which we haven’t done since he was tiny and couldn’t beat me.

Roc: Karen put up with our scrapping for about six weeks before she found me a new friend going by the name Kappa, but whom we’ll call “The Kid” for now…

Max: The Kid and one brother were six weeks old and half dead when they were brought from Northern Virginia to the Richmond Animal League. There was no info on what happened to their mother. The Kid was malnourished, dehydrated, underweight, had ear mites, an upper respiratory infection and a heart murmur. The works.

RAL got him better and neutered him before placing him in a couple of foster homes. Then blood started coming out of his butt for no reason they could find.

Karen had hoped for a younger kitten; this one was nearly five months old now and on the verge of becoming a hard-to-place teen. But he was extroverted like Roc, so Karen decided he deserved a shot at a better life.

Karen had the Man Cave upstairs equipped for the slow introduction new cats are supposed to get. But once in the front door, The Kid shot out of his carrier and explored every inch of the house while Roc and I sat there going “WTF?” The Kid even ventured out on the beams!

To impress on you how dangerous this is, here’s our living room. For us big cats, it’s routine to leap from the beams to the kitty perch or the bookcases. It’s an Evil Knievel move for a kitten. (The Kid did fall off the middle beam soon after, but miraculously missed the furniture on the way down and didn’t miss a beat.)

Roc: The Kid and I were hanging out and playing within an hour of his arrival…

Max: With the heat off me, I could watch those two knuckleheads roughhouse from my comfy chair…

Roc: The Kid did spend his first night in the Man Cave just to calm him down. I spent the night camped outside his door to make sure he was OK. Who could resist this face?

Max: The next day, he wasted no time checking out Karen’s desk, where he learned how fascinating a cursor can be…

Roc: He jumped right in helping us keep tabs on the neighborhood from the big kitchen window…

Max: I even let him help me with squirrel patrol on the deck…

Roc: It was nice to have company at meals again…

We were getting along great, but I’ll admit I was surprised when The Kid followed me into the “locker room” to watch me do my “business!”

Max: Halloween night, Karen let him try a little ‘nip. I think he liked it…

Then we all joined him on the kitchen table to get in on the action…

Roc: The Kid soon revealed an intense interest in all things culinary. Karen can’t keep him off the counter. He has no fear whatsoever of the stove, on or off…

The Kid’s first Sunday, Karen made a big pot of chili, which he had to inspect…

He was also desperate to try her homemade beer bread. That’s right. Beer…

Max: The Kid can devour a 5.5 oz. can of Friskies Shreds in about two minutes (which means stealing Roc’s half). Karen hasn’t had a plate of food he hasn’t attacked since he got here. This morning he went after her breakfast…

I know it looks like a puke on a plate, but Karen said it was Potatoes O’Brien with a couple of eggs thrown in and it was delicious.

Roc: After breakfast, The Kid stole Max’s food (Max eccentrically eats in a mine field of Karen’s junk, the coffee table)…

Max: Karen bought The Kid “Da Bee,” a stick toy which was his favorite in his second foster home. He’s already on his second bee after demolishing the first one. This is Karen’s attempt to capture him playing cute with it…

She also tried for a nice portrait of him, but he preferred to look like he’s in Witness Protection…

Roc: He’s claimed the late Cole’s favorite teddy bear. The teddy seems happy to have a kitty again…

Max: The Kid’s got salt-and-pepper fur, a long, lanky physique, a daring and adventurous spirit, and a love of the kitchen, booze and cuisines feline and human, so we’ve named him…

Tony Bourdain

Democrats Need to Talk Straight About Health Care

By Karen

Though I no longer have a dog in this fight because this month I finally got to enroll in Medicare, my hair still ignites when I hear the Democratic presidential candidates misleading us — whether in ignorance or intentionally, I don’t know — about how to reform health care.

If you’re confused about Medicare for All (a.k.a. “universal coverage”), let me explain the jargon…

Insurance – The crux of the problem. Candidates say “insurance” and “health care” interchangeably, but they’re totally different. Insurance is a piece of paper. Health care is visiting a doctor. The company who sold you the paper may not pay for your doctor’s visit.

Private Insurance – Candidates say this to mean insurance individuals buy for themselves AND insurance that employers provide for workers. Again, two completely different things. When dissing Medicare for All, candidates say, “People don’t want to lose private insurance they love.”

NOBODY loves true private (individual) insurance. It’s expensive because insurers cherry-pick and jack premiums based on age and health. It often has a high deductible, it can be canceled without warning when you get sick, and it can pay little to nothing on claims.

Employer-provided insurance is controlled solely by employers, who can change it, cancel it, or shift its cost onto workers. If you quit or get laid off or fired, you lose that insurance.

To control costs, both types of private insurance may lock you into “provider networks.” You see the doctors the insurer wants you to see, or go elsewhere and pay most or all of those medical bills yourself.

Affordable Care Act (ACA) a.k.a. Obamacare –Obama and Biden managed to pass this in 2010 over Republicans’ dead bodies for people who can’t get employer-provided insurance. It has an online marketplace a.k.a. “the exchange,” where you can buy insurance. Because the ACA didn’t go live until 2014, insurers spent four years royally screwing people (like me) who already had individual insurance by raising premiums astronomically.

ACA insurers on the exchange offer no discounts (see “Subsidies” below). Policies available on the exchange depend on which insurers do business in your area. It’s totally up to the insurers. There may several, one, or none.

Subsidies – Insurance premiums under the ACA are cheaper for people with low incomes because the federal government shovels billions of dollars in subsidies to insurers to make up the difference and keep them profitable.

Public option – Today, the ACA offers insurance only through insurance companies. The proposed “public option” is insurance provided by the government. The easiest way to have that option is to let people under age 65 enroll in Medicare.

Single-payer system – This would create a central federal billing and payment hub (think Medicare) that doctors would bill for providing health care for all Americans (universal coverage). There would be no paperwork for patients and it would have no co-pays, no deductibles, and no surprise bills. England, France, Canada, all of Scandinavia, and many other countries do health care this way because it’s more efficient and cheaper.

Medicare for All – The universal, single-payer system that eliminates insurance and pays for all Americans to receive health care from birth to death.

—

Here’s where some of the Democratic candidates stood in last night’s debate…

Joe Biden wants to keep the ACA and add the public option. Problem: insurance companies continue getting billions in federal subsidies that could otherwise pay for actual health care.

Pete Buttigieg wants “Medicare for All Who Want It.” He says people should keep private insurance if they like, which is bullshit if it’s employer-provided. He wants to keep subsidies to control costs, still shoveling taxpayer money to insurers to keep their profits up instead of paying for actual health care.

Amy Klobuchar wants to reduce premiums. She thinks punishing Big Pharma will do that. Insurance and drugs are separate industries; they have nothing to do with each other. The only overlap is when your insurance doesn’t cover your drugs and you have to pay full price.

This morning on Morning Joe, Klobuchar complained about Medicare for All kicking “149 million people off of their private insurance.” She’s another one confused about employer-provided insurance that workers have no control over.

Elizabeth Warren wants Medicare for All, but must be unsure of the numbers because she won’t say how she’d pay for it.

The ONLY candidate who fully understands the problem and how to fix it — because he “wrote the damn bill” — is Bernie Sanders. Under his plan…

No American will need health insurance. Instead, we’ll channel what we now spend on premiums, co-pays, deductibles AND surprise health care bills into one system.

A single, centralized billing and payment system will drastically cut administrative overhead and expense for the entire health care industry. This federal system will also have clout to negotiate lower rates for health care services.

You can go to any doctor. Networks won’t exist.

Not a penny from taxpayers will be wasted on subsidies to boost insurance company profits.

I believe, with Bernie, that not only will we all come out ahead financially, but no one will have to go bankrupt from disease or illness.

Check out this publication from the White House from March 2018 called The Profitability of Health Insurance Companies. It says insurance companies have done just dandy since the ACA took effect (emphasis mine)…

“As government policy amplified eligibility and per-enrollee spending, the stock prices of health insurance companies rose by 172 percent from January 2014 to 2018 resulting in improved profitability and outperforming the S&P 500 by 106 percentage points.”

And its conclusion says…

“Despite an initial rough patch in the ACA marketplaces, the ACA Medicaid coverage expansion and subsidies to insurers have resulted in a large increase in health insurer profits. Health insurers’ stock prices more than doubled the impressive gain in the S&P 500 since the law’s main provisions took effect on January 1, 2014. Much of insurers’ increased profitability has resulted from increased Medicaid enrollment and increased payments per enrollee in Medicaid expansion states where the federal government pays nearly all the costs. While insurers initially incurred losses in the ACA marketplaces as they adjusted to new regulations and a relatively unhealthy risk pool, insurers are now profiting on the individual market as well, with higher premiums that are largely covered by federal premium subsidies.

Bottom line: Any candidate, Democratic or Republican, who talks about subsidies, or even insurance, is for squandering our taxes to keep the biggest obstacle to health care — insurance companies — profitable.