Disloyal, by Michael Cohen: Book Review

September 14, 2020

By Karen

Coming one week after Stephanie Winston Wolkoff’s Melania & Me, what most impresses me about Michael Cohen’s tell-all, Disloyal: A Memoir, is how prison stripped his varnish. He admits being seduced by his own worst instincts and accepts his share of blame for Trump’s myriad misdeeds.

Cohen’s family, especially daughter Stephanie, (who gave Vanity Fair a damning interview) watched him be abused and exploited for years and begged him to quit, but Cohen’s ambition overrode self-esteem…

“The real truth about why I wanted Trump to be president was because I wanted the power that he would bring to me. I wanted to be able to crush my enemies and rule the world. I know it sounds crazy, but look at what Trump is doing now: running the world into the ground, but still, he literally rules.”

On Trump’s obsession with Obama, Cohen says Trump once hired a “Faux-Bama” he could scream at and pretend to fire. This was so bat-shit crazy, Cohen says…

“I figured that Obama was the only person on the planet whom Trump actually envied — truly, madly, deeply.”

I’ve always considered Cohen a dimwitted stooge, but he has insight. For example, he arranged a meeting to snooker evangelicals into believing Trump is the messiah. As a child, Trump was influenced by attending Norman Vincent Peale’s church…

“The Protestant preacher was the author of The Power of Positive Thinking and an early radio and television star, sermonizing about the materialistic advantages of American conservative religion, making him a hero to the folks meeting with Trump as a pioneer in blending or conflating wealth and Jesus in a way that somehow found the Son of God was all about the bling.”

Cohen thinks Trump actually believing his own BS about himself is how he gets people to buy into it…

“The reason cults exist is because the cult leader has manifested his own crazy way of seeing the world.”

He likens Trump to Jim “Jonestown” Jones. Remember him? That nut who lammed off to Guyana, and when the feds were closing in, made his cult commit mass suicide by drinking poisoned Kool-Aid.

When he loses the election, Trump can just usher his cult into airplane hangars, lock the doors behind him and let COVID do its thing.

As with all of Trump’s relationships, theirs was one-sided. Trump’s abuse never let up, but Cohen considered the title “personal attorney” to a so-called billionaire tycoon, and then president of the United States, a fair exchange — until it wasn’t.

Cohen let me down in only two spots. Even after going to prison the first time — and during COVID getting thrown BACK in prison — in shackles — for refusing to cave when Trump tried to keep him from publishing a book, he writes…

“I care for Donald Trump, even to this day, and I had and still have a lot of affection for him.”


The other spot was pure dimwit Michael, on Melania…

“To me, Melania was the epitome of class. Her life was dedicated to being a mother to Barron, and she was never shy about letting everyone know that, including DJT.”

Cohen gets into Trump’s relationships with all his kids except Eric and Barron, and provides behind-the-scenes dirt on his role in many of the scandals you know about.

Cohen has an ironic sense of humor and I laughed out loud when he called Trump “a stand-up comic with a grotesque sense of humor,” and as having “rat-like cunning.”

I’m glad I read this one, and hope it’s more kindling to ignite Trump’s hair, which must spontaneously combust when Bob Woodward’s book, Rage, comes out tomorrow.

(Speaking of Trump’s hair, Cohen explains the why and how of the ‘do, and what Trump looks like straight out of the shower)

DOUBLE BONUS: Inspired by Peter Pan with a song that now feels destined for this remake, Randy Rainbow gives us the 2020 election season anthem…

Mary Martin must be smiling somewhere. In fact, many of her original lyrics fit the orange man-baby who won’t grow up…

Melania & Me: A Book Review

September 7, 2020

By Karen

But first… Tony was disappointed his picks didn’t fare better in the Kentucky Derby, but Tiz the Law came in a close second. Max Player pounded down the stretch, but precious moments he lost earned him fifth place. And Finnick the Fierce was scratched before the race for medical reasons.

If you missed it, here’s the race. Watch Max Player break near the rail. His jockey wears hot pink with an orange cap, so you can’t miss him. Max takes it easy until the final stretch. At 1:45 you can see him get blocked behind another horse…

Tony’s taking it in stride and looks forward to the Preakness on October 3.

I just finished Stephanie Winston Wolkoff’s Melania & Me, and I can save you the trouble of reading it unless you’re rabid to get deep into the weeds of how Trump’s D-list inauguration farce came together.

Wolkoff meticulously recounts every minute and name involved in the dodgy mess because she’s establishing her own innocence. But it was TMI for me. In the avalanche of far greater Trump scandals since then, to quote Melania herself, “I really don’t care, do you?”

Wolkoff and Melania first became BFFs when Wolkoff worked at Vogue, planning Fashion Week, the Met Gala and other major fundraisers for Anna Wintour. Wolkoff knows everybody, and her stepfather’s the son of jeweler Harry Winston.

She was the perfect mark for an ambitious immigrant whose résumé was as fake as her real estate tycoon boyfriend. Yet Wolkoff believed Melania’s friendship was genuine.

When Trump was sworn in, Wolkoff stayed in D.C. to establish Melania’s East Wing and fend off an Ivanka takeover — while Melania stayed in New York until mid-2017 to renegotiate her prenup — oh, and let Barron finish school.

In the White House, Wolkoff never had a “real” job. She signed in every day as a visitor. The government access on her cellphone and computer kept getting revoked. She was paid NO SALARY as a volunteer to give Melania budget to hire more staff. Wolkoff was never reimbursed thousands she paid for her hotel stays, other expenses — and eventually, lawyers.

Meanwhile, her husband and three young kids lived in New York without her. Wolkoff explains this as her devotion to making Melania the best first lady ever. I call it shit for brains.

Melania feigned concern about Wolkoff’s difficult working conditions, but never helped make the situation better, claiming to do so would be “breaking the law.”

At one point, Wolkoff physically broke down, spending spent weeks having several back surgeries and enduring constant pain.

I think Wolkoff would be Melania’s slave to this day if not for the investigations into the shady depletion of the inauguration fund. Instead, Wolkoff found herself, as the first lady’s friend, personally accused of taking about $25 million, which gave the real thieves time to run for cover.

Wolkoff says she was paid $480,000 for that work and she has all the receipts accounting for the rest of the money. She’s a witness in three investigations. And she has emails, texts and audio recordings to substantiate her book, if needed.

Melania was fine with Wolkoff taking the fall, perhaps because it’s come out that Trump’s D.C. hotel received a hefty portion of the missing money.

But to the last freaking page of this book, even though she describes Melania as plastic through and through, Wolkoff still seems unable to admit that Melania was never her real friend.

Melania gives zero fucks what anybody thinks or says about her, and she believes she’s answerable to no one on any matter. That’s why we hear so little from her. She can’t be bothered.

Wolkoff reveals herself as an idiot who gets played by a heartless, ruthless, single-minded grifter who teams up with a soulless, evil, corrupt Daddy’s boy to stay in the clothes, pampering and prestige she lives for.

Rather than applauding Wolkoff for giving us the truth about Melania and the inaugural money-grab, I’d rather slap her upside the head (as they say in the South) for her years of enabling such a monster.

Melania comes off as a vain, underhanded, high-maintenance nouveau riche ice queen. She’s a financial drain on the country and gives nothing in return but pouts, scowls, illiterate slogans (Be Best) and obscenely wasteful displays of her terrible taste in decorating.

Wolkoff documents how Melania pulls it off by conning otherwise decent people into concealing her innate selfishness, and I hope she’s ashamed of her complicity. Taxpaying voters deserve much, much better from a first lady.

Chapter 121: COVID Chronicles

August 27, 2020

By Karen

Day 169

Melania’s Got a Fidel Fetish & Tony Takes a Big Leap

I haven’t watched more than a few minutes of the Republican… Festival of Fear? Carnival of Corruption? Extravaganza of Exaggeration? Bacchanal of Bullshit?

I dropped by Tuesday just as Melania confidently stomped into the Rose Garden she’s had stripped of all beauty, maintaining its new color-free theme in her out-of-season khaki long-sleeved tribute to the fashion of Fidel Castro…

Some hapless assistant probably got her head bit off later for forgetting to accessorize Melania with the jaunty little cap and a cigar.

You could feel Melania’s joy overflowing as she read from the teleprompter and showed the nation that in three years at the White House, she’s made no effort whatsoever to improve her English…

Her doting husband Donald sat front and center looking so pleased and proud…

Talk about a steaming shit show.

CALENDAR UPDATE: I learned this morning that the Richmond Animal League is having the calendar contest winners select their months in the order they placed, so Tony as 12th gets whatever month nobody wants. February maybe?

I also learned that the professional photographer who’s coming to the house has had COVID, but she assures us she’s clean now and has immunity for three months.

I think I’m going to need a bigger bottle of bleach.

ANT UPDATE: There hasn’t been one ant on the kitchen counter in nearly a week. Rain soaking the ant killer I sprinkled around the foundation did the trick, for now.

MEDICAL UPDATE: I ventured to the dentist for a cleaning. I had to call them from the parking lot so they could let me in and take my temperature (97.6). Then they did the whole masks, visors, distancing thing. It’s nearly a week later and I’m not sick, so knock on wood.

I felt emboldened to schedule my mammogram due this month. Turns out they’re backlogged and the soonest appointment is in mid-November.

CAT UPDATE: Max is due for a vet checkup, but he doesn’t need shots so we’re skipping it. The vet’s protocol is that I sit in the parking lot while Max goes through whatever on his own. That office staff has never inspired confidence (I could tell stories), so no.

Tony’s not letting his new local celebrikitty status go to his head. Tuesday I was standing at the sunny balcony window checking how my solar-powered watches were charging when Tony decided to get involved. In a first for him — or any cat I’ve lived with — he LEAPED onto my back and hung between my shoulder blades by his right paw.

Thankfully, he let go while I was screaming and trying to figure out how to get him off me. My back on FIRE, I ran downstairs, sure I was leaving a trail of blood. But my T-shirt must have absorbed a lot of claw because my back hardly bled and I’m fine now. And who could stay mad at this face?…

Roc has decided Fuglen the Bird needs to be my constant companion and brings it to me everywhere, even when I’m in the shower. (BTW, Roc left Fuglen on that slipper for two days, and then relocated him to the living room)…

BONUS: Here’s comedian JL Cauvin as Trump (snorting Adderall?) critiquing Melania’s speech…

Chapter 96: COVID Chronicles

July 2, 2020

By Karen

Day 113

Stonewall Jackson is DOWN & I Locate TV’s Bottom

Yesterday afternoon, during violent thunderstorms, a crew from Connecticut came and lifted from their pedestal Stonewall Jackson and his horse on Monument Avenue. They were trucked to a secret storage location as a crowd watched and cheered. (I think for a minute they were chanting “Fuck the statues.”)…

Never missing any chance to get the Civil War on the front page, the Richmond Times-Dispatch editorial staff must have had a mass orgasm laying out today’s paper…

As of July 1, the Confederate statues became the property of the City of Richmond, and Mayor Levar Stoney immediately ordered them all taken down. I believe as I type this that they’re removing the statue of Matthew Fontaine Maury from Monument Avenue as well.

Robert E. Lee still belongs to the state, and a judge has temporarily blocked his removal, even though Governor Northam has said the thing has to go.

I still feel bad for the horses. They’re all noble and none deserve to be humiliated this way. They didn’t get to choose their riders or which side to fight on.

Once all the statues are gone, I wonder if they’ll go after the White House of the Confederacy downtown, which is now a museum, but was once Confederate President Jefferson Davis’ HQ. I’ve lived here 48 years and if I’ve ever passed this place, I didn’t know it. I think this is a view of the back. The front is nondescript…

Photo Trip Advisor

Around 1977, when I’d been here only five years and was already fed up with Richmond’s Civil War fixation, I was dabbling in bad poetry and wrote a sarcastic poem called “Monument Ave.” In hindsight, I realize it was probably mistaken as a patriot’s ode to Dixie when it was published in the Piedmont Literary Review. You’re in luck! I still have it…

Defeated generals
on green horses
direct traffic
they once
churned the clay
red to cover
the dead
shall rise again.

Leafing through my old binder of poetic output I have mostly no recollection of writing, I’m surprised how much I got published, although it never earned a cent. You got paid in copies if you were lucky.

The other night I happened upon a show on PBS whose very title seems to constitute TV’s official bottom of the barrel. It was, Judi Dench: My Passion for Trees. I’m not kidding. This is a real thing…

Naturally, I DVRed it. And as I sat there later watching it and thinking how this lockdown has finally driven me completely off a cliff, it turned out quite fascinating and I learned a lot.

My father can tell you how protective I am about the many trees on my property. I’ve been known to throw absolute shit-fits (known these days as “going full Karen”) anytime someone prunes them without my permission or suggests cutting them down. I won’t bore you with the technical stuff I learned from Judi, but if you have any interest at all in trees and can catch this, it’s quite good.

BONUS: Melania Trump (a.k.a. actress Laura Benanti) recently visited Stephen Colbert. We haven’t seen her in ages…

The Case for Deporting Melania Trump’s Parents

August 10, 2018

By Karen

I’m almost numb to Donald Trump’s flabby orange face and whiny voice. But yesterday’s news that Melania Trump’s parents, Viktor and Amalija Knavs, became naturalized U.S. citizens thanks to chain immigration was a fresh gut punch.

The White House won’t say, but it’s assumed Melania sponsored her parents’ green cards. No one knows when, but they were supposed to have the cards for five years before applying for citizenship.

In late February 2018, the Knavses were granted permanent legal residency, although they appear to have no legal residence. They shuttle between Trump Tower in New York, Trump’s golf club in Bedminster, New Jersey, Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort in Palm Beach, and the White House.

But let’s back up a bit. We don’t even know if Melania’s own 2006 citizenship is legal. Trump promised in August 2016 that Melania would give a press conference and reveal all, but it never happened.

The AP uncovered 1996 records where Melania earned $20,056 for 10 modeling gigs in the seven weeks BEFORE she had permission to work here under her visa. The government today could revoke her citizenship based on that, but we all know that’s not going to happen, either.

So once Trump became the White House’s official squatter, Melania’s retired parents pop over from Slovenia to join the gravy train. Now they flit here and there on Air Force One, housed, guarded and fed at taxpayer expense as administration hangers-on.

The Knavses, 2011, Pacific Coast News

Trump declares he wants only the best, the brightest and the whitest to enter this country, and the Knavses fit exactly ONE of those criteria. Let’s peek into the backgrounds of these new citizens.…

Viktor, 74, was a Communist Party member when Slovenia was part of Yugoslavia under Josip Tito. He chauffeured the mayor of their town, Sevnica (pop. approx. 5,000). He was a traveling salesman for a state-owned car company. By the time Melania was 15, he had a bicycle and car parts shop in Slovenia’s capital, Ljubljana, and owned an apartment that Melania lived in while attending high school there.

Before Viktor married Melania’s mother, he fathered an illegitimate son named Denis, tried to deny paternity and failed to pay court-ordered child support. Melania has never met Denis.

Melania’s mother Amalija, 72, used to harvest red onions on her family’s farm. She also worked in a government-owned textile factory, sewed her two daughters’ clothes, and designed and drew patterns for children’s clothing.

It would appear the Knavses’ citizenship was fast-tracked to slip them in even as Trump’s screams grow louder about stamping out immigrants, even the legal ones.

We’re left with questions…

Will the Knavses now apply for Social Security, which they never paid into?

Will they be on Medicare, which they never paid into?

What’s given is they’ll continue bellying up to the trough we taxpayers keep filling for them as long as freeloading Trumps occupy the White House.

The vast majority of people who emigrate here give up everything to escape poverty and violence so they may forge better, safer lives for their families through hard work. Yet Trump vilifies them, discriminates against them and kidnaps their children.

He’d rather welcome parasites like the Knavses, who offer nothing but white skin.

As of July 2016, the Knavses owned a home in Sevnica and a Mercedes, watched over by security guards. For their own protection, they should be shipped back before Trump’s administration crashes — and it will. They could open a Melania Trump souvenir shop. She’s become Sevnica’s biggest tourist attraction.

BONUS: The New York Times wrote an extensive story on Melania’s Slovenian roots in 2016.

Has Melania Had Enough?

May 31, 2018

By Karen

My fingers are crossed that Melania’s packed and waiting for Barron’s school year to end so they can both return permanently to New York before the indictments start rolling in on Trump and his underlings.

Yeah, I’ve heard Giuliani say, “You can’t indict a sitting president.” Bullshit. He’s a president, not the emperor. If he’s committed crimes (undoubtedly he has), he needs to be accountable like anybody else.

We haven’t seen Melania in public since Thursday, May 10, when Trump dragged her out at 3 a.m. to welcome home the three newly released North Korean hostages.

The following Monday morning, May 14, she underwent a kidney embolization procedure that’s usually outpatient, but remained hospitalized until Saturday morning, May 19, the day Prince Harry married Meghan Markle.

I suspected she and Trump fudged her incapacitation in case the Obamas were at the wedding. The Trumps weren’t invited and he’d have felt supremely snubbed. With Melania in the hospital, he could lie that they WERE invited, but couldn’t possibly attend.

Wouldn’t you know… as soon as live TV coverage confirmed no Obamas at Windsor, Melania, like a stripper from a cake, popped out of the hospital “in high spirits.” Mission accomplished.

After nearly a week of lying in bed to read and watch TV, if anyone in the family realizes how reviled and ridiculous Donald Trump is to all but the Fox-watching brain-dead, it’s Melania.

She hasn’t been seen since. When asked about her, Trump gestures vaguely upstairs and claims she’s there.

But Melania has been keeping tabs online, addressing questions about her whereabouts just yesterday…

White House staff claim she’s in meetings, planning all sorts of events. But why remain hidden?

Could she have had a little breakdown? It must feel like a mud bath she can never crawl out of, dealing with Trump’s ever-unfolding infidelities and lies about them, and his sabotage of every cause she tries to support, like children’s welfare and cyberbullying.

As a first lady, Melania’s most useful as arm candy. Otherwise, she’s wasting a ton of money on shallow White House decorating and separate travel arrangements so she can avoid her husband.

If Melania really wants to be a role model as first lady, she’ll announce, “Enough’s enough,” and escape this unsalvageable train wreck Trump calls a presidency. She and Barron will find it much easier to watch Trump and his cronies do the perp walk on TV than be forced to walk beside them.

Trump’s Strange Lack of Curiosity About Russia Explained

July 6, 2017

By Karen

Melania may have a hard time tucking Donald into bed tonight in Hamburg on the eve of what’s believed to be his first face-to-face with his idol, Vladmir Putin, at the G20 summit. It’s hard to know for sure if they’ve ever met before because Trump’s been lying for several years about their acquaintance.

By all reports, Putin’s done his homework and is well-armed with facts and intelligence. Trump goes in with the mostly blank slate he calls his “good brain.”

Trump has never asked about how Putin interferes in U.S. elections. I think it’s because Trump already knows. During the campaign, his flying monkeys verbally kept him informed on how they coordinated Russia’s efforts on Trump’s behalf.

The White House couldn’t get Trump up to speed on Putin because Trump’s puny attention span allowed only a series of tweet-length bullet points. He’s incapable of absorbing any more.

Putin also has an agenda, which likely includes getting back those two spying bases in the U.S. that Obama seized on his way out the door, and probably the lifting of financial sanctions.

Trump’s attitude seems to be, “Ask not what Russia can do for you, but what you can do for Russia,” because Trump requested a list of “deliverables” for Putin. Hey, why not? The man helped put Trump in the White House.

No one expects Trump to bring up Russia’s meddling as a bad thing. Rather, Trump may drop to his knees before Putin in gratitude and ask him how he likes his blow jobs.

Nah, I go too far. It wouldn’t be presidential, and it would take a crane to get Trump back on his feet. Maybe that’s why he brought Melania.

As for the rest of the summit, it remains to be seen how gauche and boorish Trump will be this time. At least the other leaders know to expect some scolding and shoving.

Angela Merkel has made it clear she has no use for the arrogant man-baby, and Emmanuel Macron has already played Trump’s childish alpha-male games.

When Trump’s BFF, Chinese President Xi Jinping, strolls in, wanna bet Trump goes all sweet and gooey like chocolate cake, instead of ordering China to bring North Korea to heel, like he’s been demanding in speeches to everyone else?

I don’t see how Trump can possibly survive this summit with his ass intact. After Putin chews him up and spits him out, the other 18 leaders can steer around his bloated orange carcass like roadkill. On too many fronts, Trump has not only abdicated leadership, but his right to express an opinion. CNN did a succinct run-down on the major conflicts Trump has created with the other 19 18 countries. (Correction: One of the G20 members is a representative of the EU.)

It’s sad that I actually want to see a president of the United States disrespected and demeaned in an international forum. But maybe being publicly bitch-slapped by other leaders will get his attention. Nothing will make him humble, but if the world stops listening to or believing him, it may minimize the damage Trump can inflict

Melania Moves to DC: Too Little, Too Late

June 15, 2017

By Karen

Melania Trump woke up recently and remembered she’s a U.S. citizen. She’s also an unwilling first lady now, but nonetheless it’s her duty to protect us from her husband if she can. Special Counsel Robert Mueller is closing in fast on Trump, and the orange man-baby is figuratively throwing furniture around the White House, trying to elude capture.

Maybe James Comey’s testimony about Trump’s self-destructive behavior behind closed doors made Melania realize it’s time to get in the game. Or maybe Ivanka’s failure to control Daddy with her insipid whining, or Jared’s looming legal peril for being a naïve brat who thinks he can swim with the sharks, convinced her.

Whatever the reason, on Sunday, June 11, Melania, son Barron, and Melania’s parents officially moved to Washington. Crossing the White House lawn, Melania even let Trump hold her hand for a few moments before pulling away and shifting her purse so he couldn’t. Watch it on MSN. It starts at about 1:00.

Embed from Getty Images

Perhaps that gesture was his early, and only, birthday present.

Within a day or so of Melania’s arrival, Trump did a complete 180 on his health care bill, whose cruelty he had celebrated in the Rose Garden. Now he calls it “mean.” Coincidence? I think not.

Of course, Trump lacks any grasp of that bill to give specifics on what should change. You can almost hear the Trumps’ conversation. This is probably all Melania had to say to change his mind…

“Donald, the people who voted for you, you know, the poor and ignorant ones. Health care is the only thing the government has done for them in many years. If you take it away now, they will say you are mean, and maybe they won’t vote for you again.”

But let’s pause to reflect on poor Barron. This kid’s siblings are all old enough to be his parents and his father could be his grandfather. And now he’s stuck in the White House all summer, probably cramped in one room, not a whole floor like he had in Trump Tower, with only the Secret Service for company. He has no opportunities to make friends his own age before he attends a new school in the fall.

I don’t know if Barron had any friends back in NYC. He reminds me of a stalk of white asparagus — frail, spindly, devoid of personality. I guess that’s what happens to a child when you raise it in solitude, without sunlight or exercise. Let’s just hope he never turns orange.

Back to Melania: Of all the Trumps, I think she has NOT relied on Fox News for intel. She’s been watching CNN and MSNBC to see how Donald’s being attacked so she can play defense.

She probably started packing to move after she watched Dan Coats, Mike Rogers, and Jeff Sessions play coy with the Senate Intelligence Committee and make things worse. But it was already too late. They brought Washington to its senses and Trump IS now being investigated for obstruction of justice.

Happy 71st Birthday, Mr. President!

This feels to me like Chris Christie’s Bridgegate, but with much higher stakes. Trump must agree with me, because his choice to replace Comey as FBI director is Christopher Wray, Christie’s personal attorney, who’s quite familiar with how these setups work.

Trump surrounded himself with established Russians tools Paul Manafort, Carter Page, and Mike Flynn because he knew he couldn’t beat Hillary without help — and Russia offered to help.

No other presidential campaign in history ever had so many unexplained interactions with Russians. Trump knew what his minions were doing because he’s a micromanager. Like Christie’s, they operated under orders not to say or write anything tying Trump to their activities.

But once they got caught, micromanager Trump swooped in to stop the investigation, and now he’s in the soup with them.

Obstruction of justice charges may segue into conflicts of interest, illegal business dealings, perjury, and even treason. The snowball is rolling down the hill now. Any Trump attempts to stop it will only bury him, Jared, and their cronies in a deeper avalanche.

Melania can’t save Trump now, and she probably knows it. But she’ll look worse if she doesn’t at least try to stand by her man.

Foreign Travel Fails to Enlighten Trump

May 31, 2017

By Karen

We paid for the man-baby to have nine days of nonstop play dates in the Middle East and Europe. He showed his gratitude by behaving like the quintessential Ugly American, going out of his way to belittle and demean his hosts in Europe.

Surprisingly, Melania allowed herself to be dragged along, even though Ivanka would have been thrilled to handle all first lady duties. But Melania made it clear she wasn’t happy. She avoided Trump’s touch in public as long as she could, usually with a scowl. Finally, she relented at their last stop, Sicily, by helping the Geezer-in-Chief leave Air Force One.

Notice, his hand is on top of hers so he can push down. When any real gentleman approaches a lady, he does so with palm up so she can rest her hand in his.

But backing up to their first stop in Saudi Arabia… we saw Trump dance around with a sword, curtsy upon receiving an obscene gold necklace, and hand the Saudis a “great” $100 billion arms deal. Yeah, Saudis deserve YUGE discounts from American manufacturers on weapons they’ll buy to kill us with.

Next stop was Israel, where Trump received warm hospitality after betraying their confidence by bragging coded intelligence from them to his Russian BFFs in the Oval Office.

The Israelis did make Trump stand with his face to the Western Wall. Trump didn’t seem to register his resemblance to a little kid being punished.

Then it was off to Europe to meet a gaggle of leaders, including the Pope. The Pope managed to come through unscathed. But the remainder of the trip was a disaster. The other European dignitaries made the fatal mistake of not immediately falling into line to kiss Trump’s ring and tell him how wonderful he is.

France’s new president, Emmanuel Macron, did give Trump a few “hand jobs,” but they left Trump ungratified. Macron’s more steely grip rendered Trump’s famous dick move for asserting his own dominance a failure.

But lest anyone forget who the biggest bully was, Trump shoved the prime minister of Montenegro…

The prime minister graciously said he didn’t really notice, but Trump still looked like a jerk.

As always, lacking the cojones to face the confrontations he instigates, Trump refused to tell the group whether the U.S. will continue to honor the Paris Climate Agreement.

Now that he’s back in the White House, with his Twitter, his blankie, and his thumb in his mouth, all signs point to Trump backing out any minute — because he doesn’t understand what it means.

Trump thinks he’s “Making America Great Again” by chucking all this country’s influence and leadership. German Chancellor Angela Merkel, who is evidently done trying to make nice with Trump and the insipid Ivanka, is telling her fellow leaders not to rely on the U.S. for anything for the foreseeable future.

Meanwhile, on the home front, investigators are closing in on that baby-faced weasel, Jared Kushner, for trying to establish a clandestine communication channel directly with the Kremlin. I can think of only two reasons Kushner and Trump would want that:

  1. The Trump administration intends to negotiate peace in our time without our government finding out about it, or
  2. The Trump and Kushner organizations have many shady, but lucrative, business deals they intend to continue with Russian oligarchs, and they need to keep Putin in the loop because he has the final word.

BONUS: Garrison Keillor captured this country’s mood while Trump was gone. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Should Taxpayers Pay to Secure Trump Family Business Trips?

February 28, 2017

By Karen

In two words: HELL, NO!

Security and embassy staff accompanied Trump’s son Eric to Uruguay on a business trip, and we taxpayers got stuck paying $97,830 for their lodgings. That doesn’t include their salaries and travel expenses.

This was business Daddy Donald claims to be divorced from, even as any profits presumably keep flowing into his bank account.

My question: How did Trump’s adult children keep themselves alive before Daddy got the Secret Service, and why are we protecting them now like they’re heirs to the throne?

Donald’s supposedly a billionaire who claims he doesn’t need to collect his $400,000 annual salary as president, so why aren’t he or his adult sons footing the bills for security on nongovernment-related business jaunts in Trump’s name?

After all, Trump’s already squeezing taxpayers to secure his house, golf course, and the freaking Atlantic Ocean every weekend he spends at Mar-a-Lago — which is to say, all of them.

And since Melania doesn’t want to be first lady, New York City pays anywhere from $150,000 to $500,000 a DAY to keep her and Barron in the digs they’ve grown accustomed to at Trump Tower, although the setup is wreaking havoc on Tiffany’s and anybody else unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity.

Our government lets Trump bank profits he rakes in on the D.C. hotel near the White House that he leases from the government in a conflict of interest so clear, it’s a disgrace that the feds didn’t confiscate the property on Inauguration Day. Why doesn’t Trump donate those to defray travel expenses?

Trump’s alleged forfeited salary amounts to chump change when he and his family are on track to siphon off hundreds of millions in travel and security expenses if he completes a term. The Trumps treat the U.S. Treasury like their piggy bank to finance trips wherever their fancies take them.

Meanwhile, Congress watches this ritual rape of the taxpayers and does nothing.

When Trump speaks to Congress tonight, any words he says about cutting budgets or saving money are meaningless so long as he and his family swan around, personally enriching themselves, while the rest of us pay for them to do it.

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