Let’s Pretend Trump Did Go to the Capitol

July 18, 2022

By Karen

We’ve heard that Trump wasn’t allowed to accompany his armed mob to the Capitol on January 6. But what if he had? Let’s imagine…

The White House and Capitol are 2 miles apart, about 1.995 miles farther than Trump’s ability to “march” anywhere, so he had to be driven. In this tale, his SUV had loyal Secret Service agents, guys Trump could count on to wipe their phones and obliterate all incriminating texts around 1/6.

After his speech at the Ellipse, when Trump barked, “I’m the fucking president and I can do whatever I want. Drive me to the Capitol,” he didn’t have to grab the steering wheel or strangle anyone.

[By the way, Trump driving himself to the Capitol might have been a crime in itself because his New York driver’s license expired in June 2020.

In the heat of his reelection campaign and daily coronavirus briefings, do you think he renewed it?]

His Secret Service detail said, “Yes, Sir, at once, Sir!” (They knew he loves being called “Sir.”) The SUV inched through the rag-tag crowd filling the street, so the usual 10-minute drive took longer. But that gave Proud Boys and Oath Keepers, who’d already spent hours crashing through the Capitol Police’s first lines of defense, more time to smash the unreinforced windows, which they’d located thanks to Trump’s sycophants giving them tours to case the place.

The SUV took Trump right to the Capitol steps to spare the germophobe from having to walk through the unwashed masses he loved precisely because of their poor hygiene. Just climbing those steps in shoe lifts and a girdle would be taxing enough for Trump.

Trump was anticipating his High Noon showdown on the House floor with Speaker Pelosi when he declared all vote-counting over and told that bitch, “You’re fired!”

A phalanx of more Secret Service agents materialized to form a human V in front of Trump to clear his path up the stairs, yelling, “Stand down, but stand by!” When rioters glimpsed the dead ferret on Trump’s head, they hailed their leader’s arrival, stepping back and holding their flag-spears aloft in salute.

Once inside the Capitol, Trump strode to the House chamber expecting to find Nancy Pelosi in hysterics and Democrat cowards bouncing off the walls in terror. But it was empty except for vagrants ransacking desks and a bare-chested nut wearing face paint and horns standing at the Speaker’s chair.

Enraged that Pelosi had eluded him, Trump screamed, “Fuck you, Nervous Nancy!” and stomped out.

In the underground garage where Mike Pence and his family were hiding came word that Trump was in the building. “Oh, Mother, he’s come at last to save us!” Pence exclaimed as he headed for the stairs.

From the top of the Capitol steps, Trump ordered some SS agents to lead “his people, but only the armed ones” to where Congress was hiding, because he wasn’t about to squander this opportunity to rid himself of Schumer, Pelosi and their Democrat scum.

Looking over the mob, Trump was inspired to deliver an impromptu speech (which would have come out as, “Stop the steal, rigged election, fake news, witch hunt, hoax, fight like hell, shifty Schiff, Hillary’s emails!” on endless loop). But Mike Pence ran toward him, with Mother waddling in his wake.

“Praise the Lord, Sir! My prayers have been answered. You’re here to deliver us from evil and make America great again!” Pence cried, dropping to his knees at Trump’s feet.

Trump looked down and replied, his voice dripping with contempt, “Mike, are you going to do the right thing or wuss out and be a pussy?”

Panicked and confused after fleeing from the mob, Pence momentarily forgot what Trump was asking about. That nanosecond of hesitation cost him everything.

Trump gestured to an obese, bearded clot of knuckle-draggers standing nearby and said, “Proud Boys, you know what to do.”

Trumps goons grabbed the still-kneeling Pence and dragged him screaming down the Capitol steps. When Pence saw the gallows, he went limp and the Proud Boys easily threw him onto the platform. Trump and Mother Pence had caught up and watched, but only one of them in horror.

As the noose fell around Pence’s neck, TV cameramen in trees a safe distance away broadcast worldwide his lips babbling a final prayer. The next moment, the Proud Boys yanked the rope.

Trump heard the satisfying snap of his VP’s neck as he struggled in midair. When Mike went still, Trump gave his signature thumbs-up.

“Mike got what he deserved.”

The mob roared and began chanting, “Nancy Next, Nancy Next!”

But Pelosi was on the phone with General Mark Milley, who deployed the U.S. Army, which arrived to find Trump smirking amid general jubilation and dancing around Mike Pence’s dangling corpse.

As the troops landed, Trump’s SUV whisked him away because he didn’t want blood splashing on his black cashmere winter coat.

The rioters, now finding themselves leaderless and under deadly threat from highly trained soldiers armed for combat, lunged at the army with their flag-spears. Concealed weapons came out and began firing, including AR-15s, of course.

Screams filled the air as heads and body parts flew all over the Capitol grounds, soaking everyone in unspeakable gore. Both sides suffered so many casualties, the epic Civil War confrontation at Antietam will henceforth be remembered as a garden party.

Since it was all broadcast live, the whole world watched the U.S. president lead a barbaric attack on the government he’d sworn a sacred oath to protect and defend.

Trump, now safely back in the White House after a quick stop at a McDonald’s drive-through, watched TV as he scarfed down three Big Macs and two large orders of fries swimming in ketchup. When he flung his porcelain plate against the wall, as 1/6 Committee witness Cassidy Hutchinson later described, it was not in rage, but celebratory.

Trump reveled in his self-made “American carnage” all afternoon, flipping from station to station. He replayed many times favorite moments when his people blew U.S. Army troops to smithereens.

It wasn’t until dusk, when his people were too hungry and exhausted to continue fighting, that Trump called a press conference. His message was simple and from the heart:

“You’re all very special people and I love you, but you can go home now. Thank you for your hard work. You are true patriots. I am going to reward you by giving you what you want more than anything in the world. I declare Donald J. Trump president for life.

“As of this moment, I’m dissolving Congress and firing all the Joint Chiefs. All branches of the military, including my most brilliant Space Force, now report directly to their Supreme Commander, Donald J. Trump. I declare martial law throughout the land. The 2020 election never happened, and we’ll never need an election again. Thank you, and good night.”

Trump took no questions.

As the rioters packed up, Congress returned to find their building in shambles, including urine in every corner and human feces all over walls, paintings, and statues.

Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer stood together, looking through a broken window at the silhouette of Mike Pence framed by moonlight, hanging from the gallows. If they still had jobs, they would have drawn up a list of possible members for a committee, which would then decide if the events of 1/6 needed to be investigated to determine if it was even remotely conceivable that Trump or anyone with him had possibly committed any crimes.

Mitch McConnell finally felt safe enough with all the Democrats gone to poke his head out of his shell and Kevin McCarthy pulled his thumb out of his mouth. Even though now also unemployed, they chanted in unison, “All Hail our Glorious Leader!”

Trump left the Supreme Court and Justice Department intact because he needed them to enforce his will and persecute his enemies. In an odd twist, he appointed Merrick Garland his new attorney general because he knew Garland would never dare to make a political fuss by charging anybody with anything. And he never did.

Pence’s killers faced no punishment. The rioters who slaughtered Capitol Police and Army troops were exonerated by Trump’s next executive order, which stated, “Since the United States loves the Second Amendment more than life itself, everyone must own a gun and murder is no longer a crime.”

Nobody lived happily ever after, including Trump. After about a year, dementia had reduced his mind to such mush, he couldn’t remember he’d ever been president. But the damage he’d been allowed to do wiped the United States of America right off the map.


It’s Depressing to Be a Democrat

June 11, 2021

By Karen

After four years of Trump lying, gaslighting, and trying to kill us, survivors who retained a shred of sanity turned out in November — by a 7 MILLION-vote majority — to put a Democrat back in the White House. We expected Biden to deliver a swift return to honesty, decency, respect for the rule of law — and consequences for the crimes Trump and his cronies committed to our faces.

Unfortunately, we failed down-ballot to give Joe Biden large enough Democratic majorities in both houses of Congress to clean up the mess Trump left.

In a perfect world, Democrats would be flushing out the treason by expelling and indicting every member of Congress who enabled Trump’s presidential crime spree, which would include Mitch McConnell, Kevin McCarthy, Rubio, Cruz and many others.

Instead, riffing on Star Trek lingo, Democrats are letting Republicans put the needs of the few (themselves) above the needs of the many (us).

And if that weren’t enough, Senate Democrats saddled with with the most abjectly stupid member, Joe Manchin, are letting him put the imbecilic needs of the ONE (himself) above the needs of ALL.

For instance, just 35 Senate Republicans were able to squash a January 6 commission, back-stabbing the Democratic majority who foolishly gave them every concession they demanded. By doing nothing in the aftermath, it looks like Democrats may let their treasonous colleagues’ complicity in Trump’s insurrection remain hidden forever.

You know the old saying, “Fool us once, shame on you…”?

Congressional Democrats would finish it: “Fool us EVERY TIME, grind the government to a halt, no problem.”

Manchin insists on keeping the filibuster because he still believes in Santa, the Tooth Fairy and the existence of 10 “good” Republicans. All by his lonesome — thanks to a fucked-up 50/50 Senate — Manchin can destroy all hope of getting the country back on track. Even though he heard, same as we did, that Moscow Mitch and his Murderous Minority will stop at nothing to make Biden fail.

Speaking of Trump, why is he still loose? The moment he left Washington, he should have been arrested and sentenced as “Individual 1” in the Stormy Daniels payoff crime that still has Michael Cohen under house arrest. Trump, confirmed in court as the mastermind, is MORE guilty than Cohen, yet, he’s free to spew demented lies and tear apart sanity itself to keep his MAGA cult sending him money and plotting a coup.

And how about that new attorney general, Merrick Garland? Who knew he’d be Bill Barr’s Mini-Me, covering for and defending Trump at every turn?

As I was writing this post, I read in The Washington Post that the DOJ is also fighting to keep hidden records from the Trump Hotel near the White House. The hotel where Trump raked in bribes from countries who booked rooms and events to curry favor.

I’ve had it. Chuck Schumer should be kicking McConnell and Manchin ass until they cooperate, and Nancy Pelosi should be hosting egg rolls of Republican heads down the Capitol steps to clean out the treason and corruption in the House.

Instead, they just talk, talk, talk and do NOTHING while McConnell responds with that creepy toothless, lipless grin of his.

Trump gave a speech in North Carolina last week, showing up in such a baggy, tatty blue suit that everyone thought he had his pants on backwards. Take a look at the babbling idiot Republicans are staking their futures on…

Depressed, disappointed, despairing, disillusioned, distraught, desperate. That’s how I feel. We voted for Democrats to hold Trump accountable and punish him for his crimes. We were counting on them to preserve the democracy Republicans are bent on destroying. But if Democrats refuse to do it, even though it means their own destruction, we’re doomed.

BONUS: The Boston Globe is publishing a six-part editorial series called “Future-Proofing the Presidency.” It calls outright for Trump to be held criminally accountable for obstructing justice. (The link works even if you don’t subscribe.)


Jan. 6 Rioters Peeling Away from Trump

June 4, 2021

By Karen

But first, a trailer for the Anthony Bourdain HBO documentary, Roadrunner, debuting at the Tribeca Film Festival June 11, in theaters July 16…

At 1:59, see a nanosecond of Tony in a red sports car with a brunette whose identity I can only suspect. The more her existence gets erased, the more heinously criminal I believe her involvement in his final days. Call me the suspicious type.

Now, to the present…

The FBI has rounded up roughly 500 Capitol rioters. Those with clean records are getting slapped wrists. But the violent ones caught on camera face felonies and promise to be great entertainment at their trials.

FYI, here’s a Justice Department list of everyone arrested and charged. Another list at Insider.com includes personal details on the perps.

The minute TV cameras stopped rolling, Trump forgot these people exist. Without presidential pardons, desperate defense lawyers are floating, “My client is too stupid to live.”

If we didn’t have such a woke culture, they’d be calling their clients the “R” word.

Defense places all blame on Trump, his enablers and Fox “News” for dishing out a diet of lies to ignorant dupes, and claims they bear as much responsibility as the rioters.

Essentially, defense hopes to thread a needle with an elephant. They can’t go all-out and declare their clients mentally incompetent, because that lets Trump and Fox slither off the hook. Instead, the rioters were relentlessly attacked by incendiary rhetoric and finally succumbed on January 6.

Prosecutors are going to love destroying this argument.

As convicted rioters begin marching off to prison, MAGA cultists who stayed home 1/6 but still believe the Big Lie are left no choice but to wonder where their own willingness to continue eating Trump-Fox garbage may lead.

Rioter Anthony Antonio (the guy who screamed nonsensically about it being 1776), has said: “I kind of sound like an idiot now saying it, but my faith was in him [Trump].”

Antonio’s lawyer Joseph Hurley explained, “You can catch this disease.” Misinformation “is not a defense. It’s not. But it will be brought up to say: This is why he was there. Because he was a dumbass and believed what he heard on Fox News.”

I would add, and because he probably flunked history.

Footnote: Antonio has never voted in a presidential election, so he had no skin in the game.

With a pandemic fresh in their minds, MAGA cultists who hear these dipshits called, by their own lawyers, dumbasses who caught “Big Lie Disease” may realize they’re also infected.

Who needs COVID or masks when you can ingest toxic lies from your TV until your brain mush no longer comprehends that a guy who gets the fewest votes is the LOSER?

The lawyer for “QAnon shaman” Jacob Chansley claims repeated exposure to lies overwhelmed Chansley’s ability to discern reality (and fashion, obviously)…

Photo: Saul Loeb - AFP - GettyImages

Although I despise them, I don’t think all cultists are 100% evil — they’re ignorant. They’ll get the shock of their lives when the trials reveal exactly how Trump and Fox have twisted their sad little minds.

Defections are happening already. On Memorial Day in Florida, Trump falsely claimed “thousands” of boaters waved Trump flags on parade. WTSP in Tampa Bay reported

Just north of the former president’s residence at Mar-a-Lago, “Trump 2024” flags waved in the wind as dozens of boats took to the water.

Two days later, Trump pulled the plug on his 29-day-old From the Desk of blog to “put it out of its misery” (his words) because few were reading.

Trump’s ability to spread poison is waning. His mental faculties are more often discussed than his positions on anything, especially since his delusion that he’ll regain power in August. He’s making no major personal appearances with press allowed. The great showman who lives to feed off crowds like an energy vampire will be babbling remotely via Jumbotron at a Wisconsin rally on June 12.

Rioters’ trials condemning the “Foxitis” contagion and Trump’s growing inability to hide his dementia should thin the cult. Treasonous Republicans still courting Trump’s dwindling base may find themselves like Wile E. Coyote come reelection…

BONUS: Searching YouTube, I came upon this golden oldie cat video that still makes me laugh. In the original version, these cats were meowing at each other. Then someone gave them dialogue…


Republicans Continue Their Spiral Down the Drain

May 28, 2021

By Karen

Today, all but six Senate Republicans voted against (or were too chicken to vote on) formation of an outside commission to investigate the January 6 Capitol riot. The expression of Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski — who voted for the commission — seems to sum up the reaction of all decent people to this new depravity…

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer said at a news conference he thinks they’re all afraid of Trump. I don’t agree at all. Trump has no clout anymore. He’s an idiot babbling from the fringe about imaginary crimes against him. He thinks his dwindling cult of ignorant, gullible racists will somehow kick Biden to the curb and restore Trump to the White House. He’s in La-La Land.

Reality is that Trump is about to be balls-deep in legal trouble, now that a grand jury in New York has begun digging into his dirtiest financial secrets. What’s left of his rotting brain will be too occupied with trying to evade prison to care about who’s in or out of Congress.

Power-hungry sycophants who helped Trump stage the insurrection will be swinging in the breeze if they expect to win reelection with Trump’s endorsement.

Without a bipartisan commission, House and Senate Democrats are now free to do their own investigations and here’s what I predict they’ll uncover about their morally bankrupt colleagues:

  • Phone records of conversations with “constituents” who subsequently got arrested for their roles in the riot.
  • Logs showing they scheduled or personally conducted tours of the Capitol to help the insurrectionists case the joint.
  • Meetings with Trump and his circle to plan how to overthrow the election by any means, the riot being just one component.

MOST fearful of this exposure because of their intimate involvement and coordination are Kevin McCarthy and Mitch McConnell. It’s the only explanation for their total obstruction of finding motives and means.

Let’s face it, the Republican Party no longer exists. It has decomposed into a pack of traitors who want to install a dictator, naively thinking they’ll be showered with money and power for their devotion. To achieve that end, they’re willing to cheat, lie, steal and sabotage every democratic system we’ve got.

In a word, Republicans are the party of treason. Here’s the definition, straight from Merriam-Webster

1: the offense of attempting by overt acts to overthrow the government of the state to which the offender owes allegiance or to kill or personally injure the sovereign or the sovereign’s family

2: the betrayal of a trust: TREACHERY

They fight the Biden presidency, and every good thing he’s trying to do for Americans, while continuing to toady to a demented, decisively defeated wannabe dictator.

They are A-OK with a gallows erected for the former vice president at the Capitol. Nothing to see there. Move on.

They call rioters “ordinary tourists” despite the WORLD watching them scream, fight and beat police with Trump flags while trying to find congresspeople to attack.

They support election “fraudits” like the travesty in Arizona, but only attempt them where they have willing cheaters in red state legislatures to help.

This sick behavior all boils down to treason. Until they’re brought to justice and punished — or at the very least, driven out of Congress by disgusted voters (who DO outnumber the cult) — democracy as we know it is doomed. They will befoul every future election until we eradicate them. And we must. They’ve given us no choice.


From the Notebook

May 18, 2021

By Karen

I’ve shifted to a Tuesday-Friday posting schedule due to my day job. Here are the bits I’ve been making note of…

Mask Update from Virginia: Today I went to the Post Office, Target, and Food Lion. The PO still had a door sign requiring masks, and everyone inside wore one. Target had removed its mask sign, but kept the social distancing sign. However, I didn’t see anyone maskless. At Food Lion, I forgot to look for the signs, but everyone was masked. I’m thrilled.

Medina Spirit Triple Screwed: The New York Racing Association suspended trainer Bob Baffert from its tracks, including Belmont, home of the third Triple Crown race June 5. So, Kentucky Derby winner Medina Spirit can’t compete, even if he wanted to win two out of three.

In any case, Medina will probably forfeit the Derby because Baffert let Medina receive a rash ointment containing the banned substance betamethasone. We await a second drug test to confirm the first failed test, but it’s using more of the same blood sample, so another positive seems certain.

Medina may have shot Baffert a “middle hoof up” in the Preakness. Medina led balls to the wall the whole race, only to fall a distant third to Rombauer and Midnight Bourbon in the final stretch.

So, a promising Triple Crown season will probably fizzle, with Medina Spirit a drug-convicted also-ran. Leave it to humans, right?

What’s No. 3 Worth Outside Horse Racing?: Demonic Dick Cheney’s daughter, Congresswoman Liz Cheney, a wisp of conscience that infuriates Republicans. First, she voted to impeach Trump (on 2nd try). Then she admitted he’s lying about the election being stolen, painting also as liars every Republican scumbag still spouting that bullshit. It was the first and only time I’ll probably ever agree with a Cheney.

So, Liz had to be punished. Through a weaselly, passive-aggressive secret vote, they stripped Liz of her No. 3 position in the House.

Did it ever matter? Did she get wear a special ring or something? I have no idea who No. 2 is. That position may not even need to exist because Kevin McCarthy reeks of No. 2 from constantly rolling in Trump’s crap.

Republicans Remember Insurrectionists as “Normal Tourists”: In real time, the world watched our Capitol swarmed by human Plague rats egged on by Trump to overthrow the presidential election. They smashed windows and doors, beat police, brandished weapons, smeared feces, ransacked offices and stole, and erected a gallows out front for the vice president.

We’ve been seeing video and hearing eyewitness accounts ever since about this nightmare that killed five people.

I’m waiting for Democrats to slam the lid on this garbage that it was a “normal tourist visit” NOW. Arrest the instigators who still sit fat and happy in Congress. Josh Hawley, Marjorie Taylor-Greene et al. need a little “me time” in jail to face the fact that that Trump’s out and so is gaslighting.

Israel – Hamas War: In its latest burst of impotent rage, Hamas started shooting rockets at Israel again, with predictable results: Israel’s Iron Dome is swatting the rockets away like flies, but in retaliation flattening huge swaths of what little they’ve allowed to remain of Palestinian territory.

In the U.S., it seems anything less than 100% unconditional support for everything Israel does is labeled anti-Semitism. But this has nothing to do with race or religion. It’s about oppression and human rights abuse.

Let me put it this way. Say your neighbor has a dog he encourages to poop all over your yard. This makes you angry and you feel he’s violating your land, so you start flinging the feces back over the fence into the dog-owner’s yard. One night, he responds by fire-bombing your house, destroying it and killing your whole family.

You can usually tell who’s “winning” a conflict by counting the casualties (as of this minute):

Palestinians: 212 dead (including 61 children, 35 women), 1,400+ wounded, 2,500 homeless.

Israelis: 12 dead (including 1 child).

Israel absolutely has the right defend itself from attack, but the disproportionate brutality is where I draw the line.

In a perfect world, Netanyahu and Trump would be sharing a prison cell for their lives of financial corruption and depraved indifference to human life, and we’d all be better off.


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