Melania Moves to DC: Too Little, Too Late

June 15, 2017

By Karen

Melania Trump woke up recently and remembered she’s a U.S. citizen. She’s also an unwilling first lady now, but nonetheless it’s her duty to protect us from her husband if she can. Special Counsel Robert Mueller is closing in fast on Trump, and the orange man-baby is figuratively throwing furniture around the White House, trying to elude capture.

Maybe James Comey’s testimony about Trump’s self-destructive behavior behind closed doors made Melania realize it’s time to get in the game. Or maybe Ivanka’s failure to control Daddy with her insipid whining, or Jared’s looming legal peril for being a naïve brat who thinks he can swim with the sharks, convinced her.

Whatever the reason, on Sunday, June 11, Melania, son Barron, and Melania’s parents officially moved to Washington. Crossing the White House lawn, Melania even let Trump hold her hand for a few moments before pulling away and shifting her purse so he couldn’t. Watch it on MSN. It starts at about 1:00.

Embed from Getty Images

Perhaps that gesture was his early, and only, birthday present.

Within a day or so of Melania’s arrival, Trump did a complete 180 on his health care bill, whose cruelty he had celebrated in the Rose Garden. Now he calls it “mean.” Coincidence? I think not.

Of course, Trump lacks any grasp of that bill to give specifics on what should change. You can almost hear the Trumps’ conversation. This is probably all Melania had to say to change his mind…

“Donald, the people who voted for you, you know, the poor and ignorant ones. Health care is the only thing the government has done for them in many years. If you take it away now, they will say you are mean, and maybe they won’t vote for you again.”

But let’s pause to reflect on poor Barron. This kid’s siblings are all old enough to be his parents and his father could be his grandfather. And now he’s stuck in the White House all summer, probably cramped in one room, not a whole floor like he had in Trump Tower, with only the Secret Service for company. He has no opportunities to make friends his own age before he attends a new school in the fall.

I don’t know if Barron had any friends back in NYC. He reminds me of a stalk of white asparagus — frail, spindly, devoid of personality. I guess that’s what happens to a child when you raise it in solitude, without sunlight or exercise. Let’s just hope he never turns orange.

Back to Melania: Of all the Trumps, I think she has NOT relied on Fox News for intel. She’s been watching CNN and MSNBC to see how Donald’s being attacked so she can play defense.

She probably started packing to move after she watched Dan Coats, Mike Rogers, and Jeff Sessions play coy with the Senate Intelligence Committee and make things worse. But it was already too late. They brought Washington to its senses and Trump IS now being investigated for obstruction of justice.

Happy 71st Birthday, Mr. President!

This feels to me like Chris Christie’s Bridgegate, but with much higher stakes. Trump must agree with me, because his choice to replace Comey as FBI director is Christopher Wray, Christie’s personal attorney, who’s quite familiar with how these setups work.

Trump surrounded himself with established Russians tools Paul Manafort, Carter Page, and Mike Flynn because he knew he couldn’t beat Hillary without help — and Russia offered to help.

No other presidential campaign in history ever had so many unexplained interactions with Russians. Trump knew what his minions were doing because he’s a micromanager. Like Christie’s, they operated under orders not to say or write anything tying Trump to their activities.

But once they got caught, micromanager Trump swooped in to stop the investigation, and now he’s in the soup with them.

Obstruction of justice charges may segue into conflicts of interest, illegal business dealings, perjury, and even treason. The snowball is rolling down the hill now. Any Trump attempts to stop it will only bury him, Jared, and their cronies in a deeper avalanche.

Melania can’t save Trump now, and she probably knows it. But she’ll look worse if she doesn’t at least try to stand by her man.

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Foreign Travel Fails to Enlighten Trump

May 31, 2017

By Karen

We paid for the man-baby to have nine days of nonstop play dates in the Middle East and Europe. He showed his gratitude by behaving like the quintessential Ugly American, going out of his way to belittle and demean his hosts in Europe.

Surprisingly, Melania allowed herself to be dragged along, even though Ivanka would have been thrilled to handle all first lady duties. But Melania made it clear she wasn’t happy. She avoided Trump’s touch in public as long as she could, usually with a scowl. Finally, she relented at their last stop, Sicily, by helping the Geezer-in-Chief leave Air Force One.

Notice, his hand is on top of hers so he can push down. When any real gentleman approaches a lady, he does so with palm up so she can rest her hand in his.

But backing up to their first stop in Saudi Arabia… we saw Trump dance around with a sword, curtsy upon receiving an obscene gold necklace, and hand the Saudis a “great” $100 billion arms deal. Yeah, Saudis deserve YUGE discounts from American manufacturers on weapons they’ll buy to kill us with.

Next stop was Israel, where Trump received warm hospitality after betraying their confidence by bragging coded intelligence from them to his Russian BFFs in the Oval Office.

The Israelis did make Trump stand with his face to the Western Wall. Trump didn’t seem to register his resemblance to a little kid being punished.

Then it was off to Europe to meet a gaggle of leaders, including the Pope. The Pope managed to come through unscathed. But the remainder of the trip was a disaster. The other European dignitaries made the fatal mistake of not immediately falling into line to kiss Trump’s ring and tell him how wonderful he is.

France’s new president, Emmanuel Macron, did give Trump a few “hand jobs,” but they left Trump ungratified. Macron’s more steely grip rendered Trump’s famous dick move for asserting his own dominance a failure.

But lest anyone forget who the biggest bully was, Trump shoved the prime minister of Montenegro…

The prime minister graciously said he didn’t really notice, but Trump still looked like a jerk.

As always, lacking the cojones to face the confrontations he instigates, Trump refused to tell the group whether the U.S. will continue to honor the Paris Climate Agreement.

Now that he’s back in the White House, with his Twitter, his blankie, and his thumb in his mouth, all signs point to Trump backing out any minute — because he doesn’t understand what it means.

Trump thinks he’s “Making America Great Again” by chucking all this country’s influence and leadership. German Chancellor Angela Merkel, who is evidently done trying to make nice with Trump and the insipid Ivanka, is telling her fellow leaders not to rely on the U.S. for anything for the foreseeable future.

Meanwhile, on the home front, investigators are closing in on that baby-faced weasel, Jared Kushner, for trying to establish a clandestine communication channel directly with the Kremlin. I can think of only two reasons Kushner and Trump would want that:

  1. The Trump administration intends to negotiate peace in our time without our government finding out about it, or
  2. The Trump and Kushner organizations have many shady, but lucrative, business deals they intend to continue with Russian oligarchs, and they need to keep Putin in the loop because he has the final word.

BONUS: Garrison Keillor captured this country’s mood while Trump was gone. I couldn’t have said it better myself.


When Did We Elect Jared Kushner?

April 6, 2017

By Karen

After discovering that being president eats into his time watching Fox, tweeting, playing golf, and wasting taxpayers’ money feeding his ego with nostalgia rallies all over the country, Donald Trump has dumped most of the job’s heavy lifting onto his son-in-law, Jared Kushner.

Thanks to nepotism gone wild, we now have a rookie 30-something with no government experience making decisions on important domestic matters, whenever he’s not off somewhere undermining our professional diplomats’ work on foreign affairs.

NY Daily News photo

From what I could gather, here’s what Jared currently has on his plate…

  • Coordinate building the Mexico wall
  • End the opioid epidemic
  • Revamp the Veterans Administration
  • Manage all trade deals
  • Roll out broadband access nationally
  • Fix the criminal justice system
  • Oversee $1 trillion in infrastructure projects, guaranteed to attract big developers like Jared’s father
  • Handle diplomatic relations with Canada, China, and Iraq
  • Monitor the National Security Council regarding North Korea’s nuclear threat
  • Negotiate peace in the Middle East, because he’s Jewish
  • Head the newly formed Office of American Innovation to introduce Trump’s corrupt business practices into government

I believe Trump tapped Jared for this workload because he sees any man who wants to (and does) bang his daughter Ivanka as a kindred spirit he can totally trust.

Let’s look at Jared’s qualifications. He inherited his father Charles’ real estate business at age 24 when his dad went to prison for witness tampering, illegal campaign contributions, and tax evasion. Charles is now free and back at the reins, and he’s given top jobs in the business to fellow ex-cons he met in prison.

Jared has never attempted any business project without backing from the Kushner family, and the moment in 2009 when he pulled his head out of their ass to marry Ivanka Trump, he took one deep breath and inserted it firmly up Donald’s ass, where it remains today.

I wonder if Trump’s own sons, Uday and Qusay, oops, I mean Eric and Donald Jr., harbor any resentment toward this kid whom Dad has chosen to run an entity far greater than any Trump Organization — the United States of America.

If Jared ever has a question or feels unsure, he can always consult the wisdom of the bloated orange man-baby whom ISIS has astutely pegged “a foolish idiot.”

The cliché, “The blind leading the blind,” has never been more apt.

It seems inevitable that Jared will be unable to bring his plate-spinning act to a successful conclusion. When they come crashing down around him, what will Donald do? Take responsibility for his own inability to lead or delegate duties appropriately, or throw Jared under the bus? Obama could probably answer that.

Just when you think Trump can’t sink any lower, he positions his beloved Ivanka’s husband to take his fall when things fall apart — and Jared doesn’t seem to see it coming.


Let’s Make Laughter Trump’s Downfall

February 14, 2017

By Karen

I’ve been working on a Trump post for over a week, but the never-ending craziness eclipses what I write one minute with something worse the next.

Good news today is that national security advisor Michael Flynn threw himself on history’s trash heap as the Russian tool he’s always been. One down.

Sadly, Kellyanne Conway only got “counseled,” in lieu of the long suspension without pay she deserved, for giving Ivanka Trump a “free commercial” on Fox after Nordstrom abandoned her brand. T.J. Maxx, Marshalls, Neiman-Marcus, Sears, and Kmart are doing likewise. Conflict of interest’s loss.

We’ve got a 70-year-old baby rampaging through the White House in a loaded diaper, screaming for attention however he can get it, and nary an adult in sight with the guts to, literally, change him.

Steve Bannon keeps Trump occupied while Bannon foments World War III by sitting Donald at his desk, shoving a big felt tip in his stubby fist, and providing stacks of important-looking papers to scribble on while fawning toadies watch. Trump holds up his handiwork and everybody admires  his cleverness.

“Look, Donald just made a BIG boom-boom. What a gooooood boy!”

“Look, Donald just made a BIG boom-boom. What a gooooood boy!”

trump-execorder-1

Signing his name illegibly is the only job skill Trump has mastered so far.

Getting himself up to speed on North Korea’s ballistic missile test at Mar-a-Lago last weekend in front of country club diners was just Trump seeing a new opportunity to drop a big, fat presidential boom-boom for all to admire, including Japan’s prime minister.

But it wasn’t quite received that way.

As Trump displays daily his ignorance, arrogance, and disregard for facts, Congress rubber stamps the parade of unqualified ass-clowns Trump calls a cabinet. And Bannon churns out executive orders for Trump to sign without reading so Trump can take the fall when Bannon’s overreach and rookie mistakes go public.

What can concerned citizens do? I say we give Trump the Saturday Night Live treatment.

Laugh at Trump and every scumbag who enables him. Mock them mercilessly. Let Trump and his cronies be greeted everywhere with jeers and boos.

Trump’s a thin-skinned bully who can dish it out but can’t take it. Let’s make him take it from all sides, every minute, every day. The incompetent heads who lose face will start rolling out of the White House after Michael Flynn’s. To slowly, relentlessly waterboard Trump with derisive laughter will erode his sanity like nothing else can.

Watch how Trump made his mark on Scotland. They’ll be dancing in the streets the day we’re rid of him…

Every time we’re forced to listen to an ill-informed flunky spew nonsense, let’s respond with this…

Let’s dissect and reject the tactics of his dedicated lie-spewing machine…

I hope TV networks decide Kellyanne Conway adds nothing to meaningful discourse and stop booking her. Trump may threat-tweet, “See you in court!” but nobody’s First Amendment right to free speech guarantees air time. Let her start a blog.


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