After discovering that being president eats into his time watching Fox, tweeting, playing golf, and wasting taxpayers’ money feeding his ego with nostalgia rallies all over the country, Donald Trump has dumped most of the job’s heavy lifting onto his son-in-law, Jared Kushner.
Thanks to nepotism gone wild, we now have a rookie 30-something with no government experience making decisions on important domestic matters, whenever he’s not off somewhere undermining our professional diplomats’ work on foreign affairs.
From what I could gather, here’s what Jared currently has on his plate…
- Coordinate building the Mexico wall
- End the opioid epidemic
- Revamp the Veterans Administration
- Manage all trade deals
- Roll out broadband access nationally
- Fix the criminal justice system
- Oversee $1 trillion in infrastructure projects, guaranteed to attract big developers like Jared’s father
- Handle diplomatic relations with Canada, China, and Iraq
- Monitor the National Security Council regarding North Korea’s nuclear threat
- Negotiate peace in the Middle East, because he’s Jewish
- Head the newly formed Office of American Innovation to introduce Trump’s corrupt business practices into government
I believe Trump tapped Jared for this workload because he sees any man who wants to (and does) bang his daughter Ivanka as a kindred spirit he can totally trust.
Let’s look at Jared’s qualifications. He inherited his father Charles’ real estate business at age 24 when his dad went to prison for witness tampering, illegal campaign contributions, and tax evasion. Charles is now free and back at the reins, and he’s given top jobs in the business to fellow ex-cons he met in prison.
Jared has never attempted any business project without backing from the Kushner family, and the moment in 2009 when he pulled his head out of their ass to marry Ivanka Trump, he took one deep breath and inserted it firmly up Donald’s ass, where it remains today.
I wonder if Trump’s own sons, Uday and Qusay, oops, I mean Eric and Donald Jr., harbor any resentment toward this kid whom Dad has chosen to run an entity far greater than any Trump Organization — the United States of America.
If Jared ever has a question or feels unsure, he can always consult the wisdom of the bloated orange man-baby whom ISIS has astutely pegged “a foolish idiot.”
The cliché, “The blind leading the blind,” has never been more apt.
It seems inevitable that Jared will be unable to bring his plate-spinning act to a successful conclusion. When they come crashing down around him, what will Donald do? Take responsibility for his own inability to lead or delegate duties appropriately, or throw Jared under the bus? Obama could probably answer that.
Just when you think Trump can’t sink any lower, he positions his beloved Ivanka’s husband to take his fall when things fall apart — and Jared doesn’t seem to see it coming.