Virginia to Rick Perry: ‘Get Lost’

January 16, 2012

By Cole

Friday the 13th was unlucky for Rick Perry & Co. (Gingrich, Santorum, and Huntsman). A federal judge ruled they couldn’t play the Virginia primary game, lose, and then whine about its unfair rules.

(Actually, Santorum and Huntsman were just hoping to catch a break. They hadn’t previously tried to qualify for the ballot in Virginia.)

And in a twist whose irony was apparently lost on this rat pack, they complained that having to hire Virginia residents to gather votes is TOO EXPENSIVE ($50K-$100K).

So, Virginia’s Republican primary on March 6 will have only Mitt Romney and Ron Paul on the ballot, with no write-ins allowed.

On another front, the state GOP is considering scrapping its loyalty oath, which all primary voters must sign, promising to support the eventual Republican nominee. Even Virginia’s Republican governor, Bob McDonnell, who typically loves any discriminatory, backward idea that crosses his path, thinks this unenforceable oath is a bad idea.

Waiving the oath could open the door for Democrats and independents to flood the polls, hand Paul a resounding victory, and give Romney another dose of heartburn.

Wouldn’t that be sweet?

Perry’s appealing the ruling, but it’s too late. By law, absentee ballots for the military and other votes have to go out by January 21, so Virginia can’t keep diddling around with this indefinitely.

Besides, this mess is probably self-inflicted, if we believe the person who watched Republican volunteers qualifying the signatures candidates collected and tossing out enough, often on a whim, to make Perry come up short. (So did Gingrich, but he admitted some of his names were bogus.)

But after watching George W. Bush “win” twice in questionable squeakers, voting hanky-panky is sort of expected from Republicans. They talk about loving this country, then treat it like some banana republic, where rules can always be bent to their advantage.

GOP Virginia Primary is Toast

January 3, 2012

By Cole

The stink over the Virginia GOP primary ballot gets ranker by the minute. Virginia’s Attorney General, Ken “Cuckoo” Cuccinelli, was in favor of letting Rick Perry bully his way in with a lawsuit — until he was against it. Now Cuccinelli thinks it would be unfair to Romney and Paul, who followed the rules for getting 10,000 valid signatures, to change the game midstream so the slackers can join them on the ballot.

Republicans call this “flip-flopping” and consider it a mortal sin. Let’s hope the Tea Party remembers that when Cuccinelli runs for governor next year.

But it gets even better: Now Gingrich, Bachmann, Huntsman, and Santorum have asked to be on the ballot — and the last 3 never even submitted the first signature.

One Republican screener who witnessed the signature validation process has reported it was entrusted to untrained boobs who tossed names for reasons like the signers didn’t stay on the lines.

At this point, the whole process is so corrupt, Virginia’s Republican voters are beyond screwed. The party should stop wasting money churning this mess and forget it. A primary doesn’t elect anybody anyway.

State Democrats already canceled their primary because Obama’s unopposed.

A GOP ballot with Paul and Romney on it is only slightly less absurd. They’ll be lucky if anybody shows up at the polls March 6 to participate in this farce.

But if they cave and let the motley crew on the ballot without making them do the work, the qualification requirements for next time can be reduced to having a pulse.

(And the rules aren’t that crazy. Virginia residency is required to discourage candidates from bringing in their flying monkeys to collect signatures. The 400 names per congressional district is to make candidates canvass every rural corner of the state, not just hit the dense condo jungles of Northern Virginia and get 10,000 names during one rush-hour gridlock.)

The bottom line is that the GOP destroyed its own primary. Half the candidates didn’t bother to enter. Now they’re wasting good money trying to salvage something whose results can’t fail to be so bogus, they’d embarrass Vladimir Putin.

Why isn’t the Tea Party screaming, “Enough is enough”?

Rick Perry v. Virginia

December 30, 2011

By Cole

Virginia’s GOP presidential primary is March 6. The only candidates on the ballot will be Ron Paul and Mitt Romney, in that order. They drew straws or something because our GOP has no truck with voodoo spelling like alphabetical order.

Here are the main rules for getting on the Virginia ballot:

  • Collect 10,000 valid signatures from Virginia voters.
  • Signatures must include at least 400 names each from the 11 congressional districts (that’s 4,400 of the names).
  • People gathering signatures must be legal residents and eligible to vote.

See anything unfair or hard about this?

Paul and Romney did it with a few thousand signatures to spare, but it proved too much for Rick Perry and Newt Gingrich. (The other wannabes didn’t bother to try.)

Perry’s gatherers weren’t all Virginia residents, so some of his signatures were tossed out. Now Perry is suing Virginia in federal court to block the ballots from being printed until his name is included.

This puts Virginia in a bind because Perry’s hearing isn’t until January 13 and the ballots have to be printed and mailed to absentee voters 45 days before the primary.

Gingrich, who lives in Virginia, shrugged off his disqualification, saying one of his gatherers made up a bunch of names. He thought he could still win as a write-in candidate.

Joke’s on Newt. Virginia doesn’t count write-in votes in primaries.

But Newt’s still unperturbed. He probably expects to transcend mortal voting and ascend to the presidency by divine intervention. Hey, if the Supreme Court could do it for George Bush, why not?

What Rick Perry is GUARANTEED if his litigation prevails is a dead-last finish in Virginia. For all his big talk about states’ rights, he has shown the country he won’t hesitate to use federal power to stomp any state that personally crosses him.

But what I don’t get is why ANY of these primaries mean anything to anybody. They serve no purpose but to help the media fill time they’d otherwise use airing YouTube videos and tweets.

Who cares what a handful of nitwits in Iowa, New Hampshire, or Virginia think? The only special insight they have comes from partisan commercials and robocalls.

So go ahead, Perry. Sue the pants off Virginia and consummate your political suicide. You picked a nice spot for it.

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