Trump’s a Product of Poor Potty Training

January 10, 2017

By Karen

Donald Trump’s introduction to the toilet must have been so traumatic it’s influencing all his behavior today. My theory is that Trump’s nannies didn’t praise every boom-boom he made effusively enough to suit him so, as an adult, he wants to force the world to make it up to him.

It would be unseemly and messy for Trump to go around literally dropping deuces for all to admire, although I don’t rule it out in the future as his mind continues to unravel. Right now, his bathroom sessions mostly manifest as tweets.

Trump spends an inordinate time on Twitter. It’s like he’s trying to outdo himself by making every tweet stink more than the last, intended to dazzle and shock and elicit praise for his cleverness.

So far, we’ve seen Trump raise his leg on the established etiquette of quietly getting up to speed on his new job while the current president finishes his term undisturbed. Trump has pissed all over Obama’s recent decisions on Israel, Russia, and Gitmo. He’s sprayed diarrhea in the face of the media and our intelligence agencies. He tries to dominate every news cycle like a petulant brat who can’t stand NOT to be the adults’ center of attention.

He does all this while fomenting the Porta-Potty stench of nepotism, conflicts of interest, and even treason that will hang over Washington for the duration of his term like the rankest aftershave.

Trump obviously believes the more he reeks, the more attention he gets. And if it’s negative, that’s OK. It’s more fodder for his Twitter dumps.

We see Trump strut and preen, smirk and gloat like an evil toddler with a load in his pants, seeking to foul the shoes of the next grownup who crosses him. Just ask Meryl Streep, who decried at the Golden Globes everything Trump stands for…

His closest advisors (his son-in-law?) and billionaire cabinet members — unqualified, lacking appropriate experience, and some even opposed to the very existence of the entities they’ll oversee — are little more than a pile of steaming turds Trump’s shoveling at Congress with glee. We can only hope some get flushed during confirmation hearings.

At this point, it doesn’t matter who you voted for. No rational adult can be watching Trump’s boorish, fact-free, childishly destructive approach to running this country and not be filled with dread.

China already has Trump’s number, and it’s No. 2. To celebrate their upcoming Year of the Rooster, they erected in Taiyuan on Dec. 24 this giant sculpture with Trump’s hairstyle and hand gestures.

© STR/AFP/Getty Images

© STR/AFP/Getty Images

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Does Trump Already Consider Quitting an Option?

November 10, 2016

By Karen

When I first heard it, I was stunned. Now I’m shocked the media hasn’t noted something Trump revealed near the end of his acceptance speech.

He apparently thinks he has an option to throw in the towel if the presidency proves too tough for him. He drops the clue at 15:50…

Here’s the transcript…

“I look very much forward to being your president, and hopefully, at the end of two years or three years or four years, or maybe even eight years, you will say, so many of you worked so hard for us, but you will say that, you will say that that was something that you were really very proud to do.”

His muddled use of pronouns renders the thought nonsensical, but why those time frames? Why wouldn’t a such a relentless braggart say, “After my first hundred days,” or, “After my first year in office”?

It seems clear to me that he’s implying he may consider the job a fait accompli by mid-term. We can only hope.

(Don’t you love how his son Barron, in white tie to Trump’s left, can’t conceal utter boredom throughout the whole speech? Poor kid’s life is about to be thrown into chaos, and they’re forcing him to stay up all night and watch Daddy give his 1,987,999th speech.)

Trump’s ties to Russia throughout his campaign are coming to light, thanks to the Russians themselves.

And as Trump’s unseemly associations continue to be laid barer than Melania at a photo shoot, by Inauguration Day his administration should be ass-deep in alligators in an Oval Office swamp of his making. Trump will soon learn that while a candidate may successfully hide some of his dirt (think income taxes, immigration records), the White House is a glass house.


U.S. Elects its First Dictator

November 9, 2016

By Karen

They’re calling it the American Brexit.

Donald Trump is president-elect and it’s official: ignorance, hatred, and bigotry are the fuel that runs the United States.

And don’t forget deceit. To people who listened to Trump’s year of verbal diarrhea and thought it sounded great, yet lied to pollsters because they were ashamed to admit it, I say, just wait. Your payback is coming. Very soon.

You can’t hand a demented monster absolute power, shored up by BOTH houses of Congress, and expect rainbows and roses.

Trump managed to deliver a coherent, moderately dignified, and inclusive acceptance speech, but we can count the days before he reverts to type. He’s never been able to sustain sanity.

In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if he gloats and announces today that he was being sarcastic.

For a first lady, we’ve got a piece of Slovenian arm candy whose website misrepresented her level of education. In researching her immigration history (which Trump promised to provide but never did), the AP uncovered that she earned $20,000 in seven weeks, modeling in the U.S. before she was legally allowed to. She stole jobs from American models.

Melania announced that her focus will be cyber-bullying. Let’s hope she starts by closing her husband’s Twitter account.

What’s most galling about this revolting development is that Hillary may have won the popular vote.

After Trump has repeatedly bashed Mexicans and all Hispanics, Muslims, blacks, the military, women, and many others, you have to be a real fool to believe he’ll work in anyone’s best interests but his own.

One election won’t turn a profane, ignorant, narcissistic buffoon into a statesman overnight.

I’m going to go curl into a fetal position and cry now. This feels so much more ominous than the Bush-Cheney victories. Sure, that pair started wars, but they had some experience governing and didn’t go around pissing in everybody’s face with personal insults while they did it.


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