Rand Paul Can’t Tell a Predator from a Paramour

January 27, 2014

By Adele

That pinging sound you hear is Rand Paul’s loose screws hitting the floor. Yesterday on NBC’s Meet the Press, Paul told David Gregory he thinks that Republicans’ chronic misogyny is being overstated because Bill Clinton had a “predatory” affair with Monica Lewinsky back in 1995-97 when she was only 20.

Maybe it was an honest mistake that Paul tried to paint Monica as barely past jail bait, when she was actually 22. But we know that’s what Republicans do with easily provable facts — ignore them.

Paul went on to say that although it wasn’t Hillary’s fault, Bill’s affair should be OK to use against her if she runs for president in 2016.

In Paul’s telling, the Clinton-Lewinsky encounter was a one-off where Bill pounced on her like a total perv in — gasp! — “his office”!! Paul repeats the location several times. Watch him spout this nonsense with your own eyes.

By Monica’s account, it was an ongoing, consensual relationship. Oops, there’s another pesky fact to ignore.

If Bill Clinton had a problem with women, it was that he liked them TOO MUCH, and he was too eager to get hands-on with it. Clinton’s administration didn’t make a hobby of cooking up ways to disenfranchise women.

Bill may have liked to see women strip off their clothes, but he wasn’t into stripping them of their rights.

On the other hand, too many male Republican politicians like to sit in their offices and dream about all the pregnant women seeking abortions they’d like to see first being penetrated during medically needless transvaginal ultrasound procedures.

Or being raped and forced to bear their attacker’s baby if they get pregnant. Or spending their reproductive years popping out a baby every 9 months because they have no access to birth control.

Who sounds pervier now?

If you’ve been reading Cats Working, you may remember I was for Hillary Clinton before I was against her, and I defected because of her response to Bill’s infidelity.

But Rand Paul has catapulted me back onto Hillary’s bandwagon, if only because she’d never go on national TV and pull fake history out of her ass to make nonsensical points to justify indefensible positions.

If Hillary does decide to run, one can only hope Rand Paul is her opponent. It would be such a joy to watch her eviscerate him in a debate — which she undoubtedly could.

Only a walking brain-dead woman (I’m looking at you, Sarah Palin and Ann Coulter) could listen to male Republican trash talk about women and believe they don’t see women as a threat, and are actively scheming to send women back to the Dark Ages at the first opportunity.


Romney Finds His Soulmate

August 13, 2012

By Cole

In Hollywood parlance, I’m not sure if the new Republican ticket is Ryney (to rhyme with “whiny”) or Roman (pronounced like the cheap packaged noodles 99% of Americans will be eating if this pair wins).

On August 11, Mitt Romney continued his grand Foot in Mouth Tour with a visit to Virginia, standing in front of the battleship USS Wisconsin (because Republicans apparently need their symbolism that size to get it) and introducing to the world “the next president of the United States,” Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan.

You could almost hear foreheads being slapped off-camera as Ryan took the stage and began to speak, while Romney’s handlers turned Mitt around, saying, “YOU’RE the next president, REMEMBER??!!!”

Then Romney rudely interrupted Ryan by popping back into frame to explain with a nervous chuckle that he (Mitt) sometimes makes mistakes (ya THINK?) but, “I didn’t make a mistake with this guy.”

I predict that moment will be replayed widely on November 7 after Obama’s re-election, as Romney’s famous last words.

Paul Ryan is Sarah Palin in pants. Young (42), eager, ambitious, attractive, and rabid to spout off whatever the nuttiest fringe of the base wants to hear.

Granted, Ryan is intellectually leap years ahead of Palin because he does his homework, but the results are so far out in left field, he might as well be an idiot.

For starters, Ryney claim they can cut taxes and reduce the deficit simultaneously.

It sounds great in campaign-speak, but in plain English they’re saying, “We’re going to take in less money but pay more of the bills.”

And do this while increasing defense spending. In prep, perhaps, for yet a 3rd Republican-instigated war — tag-teaming with Israel to make Iran a parking lot?

The only way they can possibly do all this is to brutally slash programs that actually help people, like Social Security, Medicare, infrastructure maintenance (roads, bridges), and education for starters.

It’s said Romney feels totally comfortable with Ryan, a red flag right there. Also, both men have kept their hookup under wraps since August 1, and Ryan intends to divulge only 2 years of tax returns. That should tell us something about how open and transparent a Romney administration would be.

The only comfort in all this is knowing that the vice-presidency is the world’s biggest non-job, and you can’t believe ANY candidate’s promises. Once they’re faced with Congress, all bets are off and it’s every greedy crook for himself. All these 10-year projections of deficits, savings, and surpluses are baloney because these guys won’t be around to see them through.

Romney took a bold chance picking his veep. He should ask John McCain how that worked out in 2008.

Never Drop the Soap at Penn State

November 17, 2011

By Cole

It’s not often we agree with Sarah Palin (OK, never), but if the allegations about Jerry Sandusky are true, we’re sorry she said, “Hang him from the highest tree. I’ll bring the rope,” before we did.

We’re spitting mad because the man has brought disgrace to a school whose mascot is a big cat!

How could any man, especially a strapping football player like Mike McQueary, see a 10-year-old boy being ass-raped by Jerry Sandusky and not yell, “Hey, Jerry! Stop that right NOW!” or even better, throw a punch and deck the perv?

Unless maybe Mike has been there, done that himself. It would certainly explain his passivity now.

You must have heard about Sandusky’s lethal confession/interview on Rock Center, where he insisted everyone is lying about him. He claimed the kid McQueary saw him with had turned on all the showers to slide across the floor, and the “slap, slap, slaps” McQueary heard were Jerry and the boy snapping wet towels.

But what responsible adult lets a buck-naked kid slide across a slimy, germ-infested locker room shower floor? That kid probably still has athlete’s ass.

The Catholic Church must be sighing with relief at this breathtaking display of laissez-faire by every man who knew something wasn’t right about Sandusky.

“See, we aren’t the only ones who think man-on-boy action is A-OK!”

Some have speculated that Joe Paterno and that janitor who saw Sandusky giving a boy a blow job didn’t want to “intrude.” It makes you wonder how they’d have reacted if Sandusky had been buggering their own kids, or perhaps they consider sodomy a rite of passage.

Sandusky’s lawyer, Joe Amendola, was on stage with Bob Costas on Rock Center while Costas sank Sandusky so deep into the doo-doo of guilt, nothing short of a miracle will save him.

But Amendola still says he believes Sandusky’s innocent. For that to be true, these are the only possible scenarios I see:

1. The authorities can’t identify and track down the 8 boys (now men), and they don’t voluntarily come forward (although one allegedly plans to).

2. Sandusky has already gotten to the boys and bought their silence, possibly years ago.

3. Some of the boys do come forward and THANK Sandusky for “mentoring” them through the difficult phase when they first became aware of their homosexual tendencies, and because of him they are now proud gay men in fulfilling relationships and don’t want to press charges.

By denying these acts on national TV in the creepiest, most evasive possible way, instead of just admitting he’s a predator (if he is), Sandusky has declared open season on himself and I think it’s only going to get uglier.

Bye, Bye, Palin – Good Riddance

October 6, 2011

By Adele

When the begging wasn’t immediately redirected to her after Chris Christie declined again to run for president, Sarah Palin sidestepped embarrassment by piggy-backing onto Christie with her own “withdrawal” from the race.

In some twisted way, I bet she thinks it sets her and Christie up as the inevitable, unbeatable Palin-Christie GOP ticket in 2016.

Palin’s been milking her 16th minute of fame for too long, and this should finish her off. There’s little she can do to hold the public’s interest over the next 4 years that she hasn’t already tried.

She starred in a reality show that tanked. She pseudo-“wrote” 2 books that revealed there’s nothing but lint between her ears. She doesn’t do interviews, so talk shows are out.

Even her gig as a Fox News talking head is iffy. Fox’s chief, Roger Ailes, just told the Associated Press he hired Palin only because she was “hot,” and now that he’s making a “course correction” to steer his neocon propaganda machine network toward the middle ground, Palin’s incendiary hunter-speak about political foes being “targets” in her “crosshairs” won’t play.

So where does that leave Palin?

She might follow Bristol onto Dancing with the Stars if they can guarantee she’ll win it. She could appear on Celebrity Apprentice if Trump can be sweet-talked into rigging it so she wins. She could pose as Playmate of the Month because everyone’s dying to see how a woman with a litter of 5 looks naked.

Palin’s career trajectory is definitely headed for “Whatever Became of…?” and I couldn’t be more thrilled.

As the 2012 election heats up, we’ll undoubtedly see Palin making her last stand, popping up behind candidates’ shoulders at photo ops like some Alaskan Zelig as she desperately tries to cast herself as a kingmaker.

But she’ll finally have to set the course for her stupid bus back to Wasilla, where she can live out her days on the millions she bilked out of her gullible supporters.

Christie Lets the Loonies Churn

October 5, 2011

By Cole

What part of “I’m not running for president” don’t the Republicans understand? New Jersey governor Chris Christie has told them for the MILLIONTH time he doesn’t want the job.

If Republicans hadn’t humored Tea Party wackos, they wouldn’t have ended up with the motley collection of fools and misfits who have risen to the top of the party like swamp scum.

Now they’ve got to live with it.

Meanwhile, Sarah Palin in her garish bus is popping wheelies in Walmart parking lots all over Nowhere, USA, trying to get somebody’s attention and praying for the Tea Party to come and beg her to be the savior who drives Obama out of office.

Her requirements for the job are simple:

  • No participating in debates
  • No interviews or Q&As she hasn’t scripted
  • No running in pesky primaries

If Palin had it her way, there would be no election, either. She’d just be anointed — and probably get bored and quit 2 years into her term.

I have no idea how good or bad a governor Chris Christie is (I’m sure reader MorganLF can fill us in), but his refusal to let himself be talked into running seems like a sign of integrity, which is unheard of in a politician.

Of what remains, here’s my feline take …

  • Michele Bachmann – Talked herself into oblivion, thank goodness.
  • Rick Santorum – Invisible Man.
  • Mitt Romney – Sleeps in a coffin.
  • Newt Gingrich – Senile.
  • Rick Perry – Keeps letting his mouth shoot him in the foot.
  • Ron Paul – Flake with a few good ideas.
  • Jon Huntsman – My favorite, but reason and common sense doom him.
  • Herman Cain – Hmmmm…

Cain’s star is rising, but could the Tea Party ever stomach a race between 2 black cats?

I suspect TPers would stay home in droves on election day, finally dispelling any doubt they’re a bunch of racists. If it came down to casting a vote for ANOTHER black man (I mean, where’s it going to end?), they’d just let Obama stay in the White House.

Did Newsweek Trick Bachmann Into Looking Crazy?

August 11, 2011

By Adele

The Tea Party’s in a snit over Michele Bachmann’s Newsweek cover photo and I don’t get it. It’s not like they crammed spinach between her teeth.

Bachmann’s a middle-aged woman with crows’ feet who looks like her contacts are uncomfortable.

Hillary Clinton has been photographed many, many times looking a lot worse — with grimy hair, no makeup, a SCRUNCHIE — and you don’t hear Hillary whining.

In all fairness, Bachmann hasn’t complained, either. She’s got her rabid fan base for that.

But they’re not charging that Newsweek retouched the photo to make Bachmann look bat-shit. Nor has it been suggested the photographer said, “OK, Michele, now let’s get a shot where you’re fantasizing about Mitt Romney or Obama getting hit by a bus.”

Just Google images of Bachmann. She sometimes gets a creepy look in her eye. The Tea Party just doesn’t want you to see it.

We don’t need pictures to show us Bachmann’s nutty. Almost every time she opens her mouth or signs some rankly discriminatory, racist pledge, she proves it.

She’s a slightly more coherent Sarah Palin, puffing her mere wisps of experience into qualifications to run the country. She mangles facts a lot, like when she tried to score brownie points in Iowa by confusing the late, revered actor John Wayne with John Wayne Gacy, the serial killer.

This was a lose-lose for Newsweek. If they’d airbrushed Bachmann to be a perky cheerleader like Palin, the Tea Party would be screaming she’d been trivialized.

As usual, what the Tea Party fails to grasp is that when Newsweek called Bachmann “The Queen of Mean,” (which the TP is largely OK with), they needed a picture to match. 

Congress Deserves a Beating

August 5, 2011

By Adele

Contempt has to stand on tip-toe to see Congress these days. Our so-called “representatives” behaved like a pack of selfish, spoiled brats, playing the self-inflicted crisis to the hilt, milking out every last drop of drama until they unveiled a joke of a debt “deal” minutes before high-tailing it out of DC for thoroughly undeserved vacations.

In their wake, the stock market crashes and burns — again — devastating the retirement accounts of ordinary people who felt they were just crawling out of the hole Congress dug last time it diddled while Wall St. flushed the economy down the toilet.

It’s inconceivable to think anyone is stupid enough to buy into Republicans’ infantile refusal to face economic reality. 

But then you turn on the TV and there’s Sarah Palin.

Any idiot knows that if you spend wildly beyond your means, you don’t recover by “cutting back” on future spending, but by raising more money to pay the bills you owe RIGHT NOW.

Conservatives think they’re being slick, railroading Obama into turning the U.S. into a deadbeat debtor with no choice but to file bankruptcy, ruin its credit, and earn worldwide disgust like we’ve never seen before. 

All that, just to get a black man out of the White House.

Yeah, it must be racism, because their stated rationale that the wealthy need to be even wealthier so they can create jobs is just plain NUTS.

Give me one example since 2008 of some American billionaire starting a company and hiring thousands of new workers.

No, I didn’t think you could. 

What smart billionaires do is game the tax system and outsource decent jobs so they can shaft the government and their workers, keeping the lion’s share of profits for themselves — and lapdog politicians.

To top it off, we’ve got Eric Cantor rubbing Virginia’s nose in it with an ad claiming he’s “a leader who shares our values.”

Sure, if our values included mugging homeless, jobless people, children, the sick, and the elderly so fat-cats in banking, insurance, and real estate have more money to pour into Cantor’s campaign coffers. You don’t have to look hard to see where his loyalties lie.

In the meantime, while the Repubs and Tea Partiers dance a jig, thinking they struck a blow against Big Government, we see prices on EVERYTHING rising because the money has to come from somewhere.

As always, it will come from ordinary Americans, once again getting shafted by the people they elected.

Birthers Asking the Wrong Question

March 2, 2011

By Yul

The goofiest states today are:

Arizona, Connecticut, Indiana, Maine, Missouri, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Tennessee, and Texas.

Georgia just joined the list, and Montana dropped off.

What do they have in common? Pending legislation that questions Obama’s citizenship and insists he prove it before he can be on their 2012 presidential ballots. (Montana’s bill didn’t pass.)

Hawaii’s governor issued a statement in 2008 saying state law prohibits releasing people’s original birth certificates to lookie-loos, but that she has seen it and swears it’s real.

Reporters also uncovered the published birth announcement that appeared in 2 Honolulu newspapers. Do the birthers think the papers were in cahoots in 1961 to fake Obama’s citizenship in case he ever decided to run for president?

The citizens of these 10 states should be outraged that their state representatives are wasting time on such pointless nonsense. If someone’s convinced Obama’s not a U.S. citizen and he’s on the ballot in 2012, the solution is quick and simple — DON’T VOTE FOR HIM.

Hawaii has provided all the proof any sane person should need that Obama was born there, so the real question for the birthers is…

Is Hawaii really a state?

I bet the majority of birthers think there’s something in the Constitution saying the “United” states must be contiguous (which there isn’t). And they probably can’t name the ocean Hawaii sits in.

Since the birthers are about as rational as Charlie Sheen, let’s lead them to their next “logical” conclusion…

If Hawaii isn’t a state, then neither is Alaska.

That means Sarah Palin can’t run for president because she doesn’t meet the residency requirement, which is in the Constitution, right here…

Article II, Section 1, Clause 5: Qualifications for office

No Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.

Palin was born in Idaho, but her family moved to Alaska when she was a few months old. She went to college, ironically, in Hawaii, and in Idaho, but her total time living in the “real” U.S. (even if you include Hawaii) doesn’t add up to 14 years.

So, birthers, your presidential qualifications outrage needs to go back to the drawing board.

Obama’s New WTF Strategy

January 28, 2011

By Yul

If a ditz like Sarah Palin can figure out that Obama’s new slogan, “Winning the Future,” abbreviates to WTF, you just know the morning after his State of the Union speech, Obama was incredulously asking, “Didn’t anybody realize that?”

(Note to Palin: WTF is not an “acronym” because it doesn’t form a pronounceable word. But I bet you call all abbreviations acronyms, don’tcha, because you think it makes you sound smarter.)

Although I’m still proud there’s a black cat in the White House, my reaction to “winning the future” is WTF?

Think about it.

“Losing the future” means dying, so “winning the future” means not dying. But you know the politicians intend to spin it to mean anything. Circular gibberish is partly what got the U.S. into a mess in the first place. Shoveling another slogan on top isn’t going to help.

Except for WTF, Obama’s State of the Union was breathtakingly devoid of facts, specifics, and eloquence. About 18 minutes in, he said…

“We need to teach our kids that it’s not just the winner of the Super Bowl who deserves to be celebrated, but the winner of the science fair.”

…and got a standing ovation. Clearly, some barrel-bottom-scraping was going on.

That applause was particularly hurl-worthy when we all know some of the bastards who clapped will turn around and try to decimate education spending because they believe book-larnin’ ain’t gonna fix what ails this country — but letting every redneck and psycho pack an assault weapon will.

(BTW, Obama must have ad libbed that Super Bowl/science fair comment because it’s not in the official text. Too bad he didn’t ad lib the rest.)

His other gem was, “This is our Sputnik moment.”

Sputnik!? WTF indeed.

Obama even fell flat sprinkling in those little stories about the nobodies he had planted in the audience for their 15 seconds of fame.

But what he did give us was a non-pharmaceutical cure for insomnia. Tonight, if you have trouble sleeping, watch this. You’ll be sawing logs within minutes. Guaranteed.

Will Sarah Palin Quit Shooting Her Mouth Off?

January 11, 2011

By Adele

The rootin’ tootin’ rhetoric of Sarah Palin and her ilk finally took — and sent a bullet through Arizona Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords’ head.

Palin’s cheerleaders, Glenn Beck and Rush LimpPaw, quickly claimed it coincidence that Palin had Giffords’ district in crosshairs on the map she posted on Facebook, and that she specifically named Giffords and other Congress members as deserving to be taken out in the midterms for their healthcare reform support.

Palin’s map post ended with…

“We’ll aim for these races and many others. This is just the first salvo in a fight to elect people across the nation who will bring common sense to Washington.”

Nope, absolutely no firearms lingo there.

Palin’s amnesiatic aide, Rebecca Mansour, is now swearing the graphics weren’t crosshairs. So why weren’t they DOTS?

And last March 23, Palin wasn’t thinking guns when she tweeted, “Commonsense Conservatives & lovers of America: ‘Don’t Retreat, Instead – RELOAD!’”

They’ve found no link yet between Tucson assassin Jared Loughner and Palin, but neither can Palin claim her macho talk has done anything to make wackos like him consider laying down their arms.

As always, Palin’s defensive and belligerent. Maybe she should just pick dates and announce when it’s officially open season on other politicians she’d like to see rubbed out.

You can betcha what she won’t do is man up and admit her gun metaphors just blew up — wounding 14 people and killing 6.

Palin e-mailed Glenn Beck that she “hates violence.” That’s why she swaggers through her reality show, Alaska, with guns, just itching to murder something for entertainment.

Or why she can gleefully club a large halibut to death to keep it from “bruising itself.”

Poor, misunderstood Sarah. How could anybody think she’s pro-killing?

If Palin had any sense, she’d realize that unofficially leading Americans who barely cling to the fringes of reason isn’t such a good idea. If she refuses to dial back the bile after the senseless bloodshed in Tucson, we can only hope more people wake up and stop listening.


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