The Votes Are In: Racist and Stupid Win

November 6, 2014

By Cole

With approval for the Republican-smothered Congress standing at 14% in September, what did voters do this week? They gave Republicans an even bigger majority in the House AND handed them the Senate.

After 6 years of thwarting and obstructing Obama at every turn, on every issue, this Congress is poised to be remembered as the most useless one in American history.

Yet Rush LimpPaw is declaring the election a mandate for Republicans to do nothing more for the next 2 years than to STOP OBAMA.

There are only 2 logical reasons voters would want to perpetuate this insanity:

1) They approve of Republicans’ gratuitous, often irrational, opposition to Obama, which makes them suspects as an accessory to racial bigotry.

2) They are too self-absorbed or stupid to comprehend that Republicans, Wall Street, and Big Business are, and always will be, BFFs. If there’s one certainty in politics, it’s that the GOP will screw the little guy financially, occupationally, medically, educationally, and environmentally to further its own self-interests.

Earlier this year in Virginia, many Democrats temporarily crossed over to the dark side to help rid Washington of that odious Republican fixture, Congressman Eric Cantor. But then they couldn’t get one of their own elected in his place. So now our congressman is a political neophyte and extreme right-winger named Dave Brat. The best Virginia can hope for is that he gets squashed at the bottom of the pecking order.

Cantor wasted no time cashing in on his defeat. The Wall Street crooks he courted throughout his political career graced him with a prestigious job in investment banking carrying a 7-figure annual compensation package that he has scant qualifications for.

It’s called showing gratitude, Republican-style.

All of us at Cats Working are disgusted with the mid-term election outcome, but there may be a silver lining.

Republicans are now perfectly positioned to self-destruct. They think they’ve got a mandate to keep on keeping on — scheming ways to disenfranchise women, gays, minorities, immigrants, and anyone who isn’t an old white fat cat — or to continue doing absolutely nothing, which has become their second nature.

With control of the House and Senate, they can keep that black cat in the White House under their thumb, where they think an inferior being like him belongs.

They can marshal all the proponents of racism and gun violence who call themselves “conservatives” to help them drag this country back to the Dark Ages on social issues.

They can keep taxing and whittling away at the middle class to help the rich get richer (and skim a generous percentage off the top for themselves) until there’s no one left for them to rob.

They think this is all a “recipe for success.”

Go ahead, Republicans, keep it up. In 2016, the looks on your faces when the next president is a Democrat are going to be priceless.


Limbaugh Saves Face by Betraying Listeners

March 4, 2012

By Adele

Attention, dittoheads: Rush says he only wants to entertain you! His attack talk? It’s comedy. The guy’s just trying to be funny!

After 5 sponsors began pulling ads from his radio show, the great El Rushbo went all Limpaw and started back-tracking after calling women “feminazis” and Sandra Fluke in particular a “slut,” a “prostitute,” “round-heeled,” and “promiscuous.”

Fluke’s unpardonable sin was to testify in favor of affordable contraception before Nancy Pelosi and other members of Congress. Rush tried to inflame his listeners by falsely claiming that Fluke wants the government to pay her to have sex, and demanded she post videos of her sex life online to give taxpayers something for their money.

With prodding, Republican House Speaker John Boehner finally mumbled that Rush had been “inappropriate.” The White House called Rush’s words “reprehensible.”

Rush’s response was to pile it on thicker.

After Obama phoned Fluke in support, saying her parents should be proud she’d spoken out, Rush said Fluke’s parents should be “embarrassed” that their daughter is having so much sex, and should “disconnect their phone” and “go into hiding.”

But as always, when conservative men with rock-solid moral superiority see the money slipping away (sponsors Sleep Number, The Sleep Train, Quicken Loans, Legal Zoom, and Citrix started pulling ads, and others are considering it) Rush issued a hubris-laden apology to Fluke — and utterly dismissed the malicious, incendiary intent of his broadcasts that his listeners LOVE (bold mine)…

For over 20 years, I have illustrated the absurd with absurdity, three hours a day, five days a week.”

“My choice of words was not the best, and in the attempt to be humorous, I created a national stir. I sincerely apologize to Ms. Fluke for the insulting word choices.”

“Illustrating the absurd with absurdity” is what Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, and Cats Working do. It’s called “satire.” When Rush’s worshippers are hanging on his every word and quoting him, I don’t believe they realize he’s doing schtick.

According to Rush, he isn’t their spokesman. He admits he’ll say anything for the money. Yank the money, he crumbles.

I just hope Rush has really done it this time — sealed the deal for Republicans to lose the female vote. The best way to punish Rush’s mouth is to keep Obama in the White House.


Will Sarah Palin Ever Run Out of Scapegoats?

November 18, 2009

By Adele

Short answer? No. And Oprah Winfrey walked on eggs trying not to become the next one. Sarah Palin’s book, Going Rogue, began polluting bookstores yesterday, blaming everybody for everything. Now she’s whining to Rush LimpPaw, Barbara Walters, and anybody else who can listen to her with a straight face.

(Photo - AP/Harper)

Oprah seemed unusually subdued for most of their chat, carefully lobbing softball questions as if she’d been ordered, “Don’t try to make Sarah ad lib an original thought or say anything she can’t readily quote from the book.”

Oprah did dare to replay the infamous clip of Katie Couric asking Palin about what she reads. Palin’s still oblivious to the fact that she’s the only one who detects malice or a hidden agenda — and she still can’t name a title.

New York Times book reviewer Michiko Kakutani has pegged Going Rogue as “part cagey spin, part earnest autobiography, part payback hit job,” and hinted that Palin’s co-author, Lynn Vincent, features editor of an evangelical magazine called World, did Palin no favors by not cleaning up nonsensical imagery like this sentence from the first paragraph:

“I breathed in an autumn bouquet that combined everything small-town America with rugged splashes of the Last Frontier.”

Oprah only seemed to thaw out when she got Palin to say Levi Johnston has an open invitation to Thanksgiving, right after she trashed him by claiming he aspires to a porn career because of his relatively modest Playgirl spread.

Speaking of trashing, Palin also did a number on John McCain’s key campaign staff, especially manager Steve Schmidt, who calls the book “total fiction.” McCain has only said he’s “disappointed.”

So the dimwit thinks she gets the last word by putting her delusions in print.

The Associated Press did some fact-checking and, not surprisingly, found Palin’s facts lacking.

I confess, like President Obama, I will probably never read Palin’s book because Karen won’t let me. But the buzz tells me if you’re looking for reasons Palin would make a good president, they aren’t in Going Rogue.


Cheney’s for Gay Marriage & Pigs Fly

June 3, 2009

By Yul

The sport of Republican-on-Republican bashing got more interesting when the No. 2 windbag betrayed his own party, telling the National Press Club, “People ought to be free to enter into any kind of union they wish, any kind of arrangement they wish.”

Dick Cheney tried to skirt the issue as VP because his youngest daughter, Mary, is a lesbian. But now since he’s the Man Who Can’t Shut Up, his babbling is getting increasingly outrageous, shredding whatever ideals and dignity the Republicans have left.

No. 1 windbag, Rush Limbaugh, will resort to cannibalism if Cheney keeps it up. Rush can’t let the coldest, snarliest Republican — the guy who’d rather shoot people in the face than look at them — become a simpering pile of goo because Mary gave birth to a bouncing baby boy.

Apparently, Cheney found no cloven hooves or tail on his grandson Samuel, and sees that Mary doesn’t lick him to bathe him, or feed him regurgitated worms and grubs.

Cheney must have been further reassured when his blood ties to this child didn’t cause coarse hair to sprout on his palms or turn him against his own wife — the Republicans’ greatest fears when gays get together.

So Cheney thinks being gay isn’t all bad, and gay marriage legislation should be left up to the states.

He’s wrong. The federal government should make civil unions the national standard between all humans who want to hook up, carrying the same rights and benefits across the board.

“Marriage” should be split off as a separate, optional religious ceremony, since it’s largely symbolic and irrelevant day to day, like taking Communion or being baptized. Each faith can decide who they’ll allow to get married.

It’s called separation of church and state. Why does it take a cat to point this out?


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