If No Gun Control, Then People Control

September 18, 2013

By Cole

So, within spitting distance of the White House and the Capitol, some nut walks into the Navy Yard, mows down 12 innocent people, and wounds 8 more before getting shot dead himself.

At the risk of sounding jaded, I’m not even bothering to register this latest punk’s name because the funerals probably won’t even be over before someone else tries to top his body count.

We now know the guy was a well-documented mental case with an irrational shooting incident in his past. He bought his latest weapon in Virginia.

We’re in the process of updating our slogan, “Virginia is for Lovers,” with “Virginia is for Mass Murderers.”

After doing a little target practice and undergoing a perfunctory 4-minute background check that came up clean, the killer waltzed off with an 870 Remington pump-action shotgun under his arm.

No doubt, people will respond to this latest atrocity by dashing out to buy more guns and bullets, and Congress will do nothing. Complaints will be made about the inadequate mental health system, but nothing will change.

So here’s my proposal…

If we won’t stop people from buying guns, let’s declare every person who tries to buy a gun insane until they can prove beyond a doubt otherwise. To crib from Jeff Foxworthy…

You must be insane if… You hear about a mass shooting and want to go buy a gun.

You must be insane if… You think ANYBODY not actively serving in a war should have access to an assault rifle (or a Hummer).

You must be insane if… You’re a member of the NRA because your poster boy, Wayne La Pierre, isn’t wrapped too tight. Extra point against you if you haven’t noticed.

You must be insane if… You ever think the answer to killing is more killing.

You must be insane if… You think it’s OK for any child to live in a home where there’s a gun or with adults who have a gun they can shoot.

You must be insane if… You think it’s OK to bring a gun into a grocery store, Starbucks, church or any other place fellow human beings peacefully congregate.

I may be totally disgusted with humans shooting each other, but I’m ready to accept their empty-headed rationalization that guns don’t kill people, people do.

So now let’s admit that people who think they need a gun are CRAZY. Let’s get serious about keeping weapons away from them.

Let the stores be full of guns. Just make it next to impossible for anybody to prove they NEED one.

And THAT’S how we could have avoided the shooting in Washington.

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Washington Goes Limp on Assault Weapons

July 24, 2012

By Cole

Obama and Boehner have agreed not to push for new gun control legislation in the wake of the Aurora, Colorado, massacre “allegedly” carried out by that Bozo-headed whack-job, James Holmes.

How many more innocent people must be mowed down to get Washington’s attention? Our elected officials all seem to share a smug certainty that no AK-47-wielding maniac who’s had enough of their self-serving bullshit will ever confront them.

It would appear that gun lobby contributions mean more to them than the safety and lives of the entire American population.

True to form, conservatives howl, “If you outlaw assault weapons again, you trample our FREEDOM!”

Freedom to do what? Murder in multiples? Anybody who thinks this is a defensible argument needs to be stood up against a wall and shot. Hey, live by the gun, die by the gun.

Other conservatives say the problem is that people don’t own ENOUGH guns.

Dudley Brown, executive director of the gun advocacy group Rocky Mountain Gun Owners, said, “If I only had 6,000 rounds for my AR-15s [like Holmes did], I’d literally feel naked.” And assessing Holmes’ stash, he said, “Two handguns, a shotgun and a rifle. That’s the average male in Colorado.”

So why wasn’t some “average male” packing heat in that theater and take down Holmes, or at least wound his firing arm? We haven’t heard from one armed moviegoer that night who regrets not wasting that punk and saving lives.

There’s a reason. Amidst chaos, it would take an extraordinary, highly-trained marksman with steely presence of mind to actually shoot the perp, rather than hit the screaming victims running around.

In most situations, I imagine it would be impossible.

As always, a glaring fact conservatives refuse to face is that “freedom” to buy weapons also applies to crazy people. According to them, nuts need more rights, but society doesn’t deserve the right not to arm insane killers.

Obama and Boehner need to grow a pair and reinstate the ban on assault weapons, and let the NRA be damned.

For the guns that are left, screw background checks. Before anybody can buy a gun, there should be a minimum 100 hours of mandatory firearms training, with psychiatric evaluation. And if the person fails to pass both parts with flying colors, no gun.

This would go far in weeding out other delusional limp-dicks, inspired by Cho, Loughner, and Holmes, who think godhood is theirs with the flick of a trigger finger, and put guns in the hands of people who know how to use them — for the right reasons.


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