Tony Leads a Revolution & Other Cat News

August 27, 2021

By Karen

When I named him Tony Bourdain, I should have known Tony the cat would be a rebel. The hill he’s chosen to have me die on is apparently collars. For decades, all of my cats have worn collars without incident. Until Tony…

“Some kitties are born to greatness. I’d rather claw my way to the top,” says Tony the Troublemaker.

You may remember, last year at the beginning of the pandemic, after Tony destroyed his orange collar, he got a blue one

“Does is bring out the pink in my nose?”

It didn’t take him long to scare the crap out of me by working his jaw under it to choke himself. I think he cut his tongue in the struggle because the collar was bloody by the time I heard his screams and snapped it off of him.

That was the end of collars for Tony, until this past April when Max’s birthday wish was for everyone to get new collars.

The ones I found were light and super-soft, but Tony popped out of his almost immediately. Roc and Max, who have both always worn collars, seemed fine with theirs.

But Tony must have been applying peer pressure behind my back, because Roc eventually popped his collar off, repeatedly, until I gave up.

Max held out until about a week ago, when he turned up naked one morning. Several days later, I found his collar at the base of his favorite perch…

Max would have let me put it back on him, but it’s looking shabby now. To go for his annual checkup and shots yesterday, he did agree to wear Tony’s like-new collar to the vet’s. Who do you think wore it better?…

Another Mysterious Incident…

A few weeks ago, I found this mouse in the hall outside my bedroom…

None of current cats have EVER played with it, and I have no idea which toy box it came from. But it’s tatty, so somebody must have loved it once. I just don’t remember who.

After several days undisturbed on the floor, it disappeared and I couldn’t find it anywhere. Then it reappeared and I saw Roc give it a few half-hearted kicks, but nobody has touched it since.

Tony and Roc have favorite toys (yellow sparkle ball, Fuglen the bird, respectively) they carry around, but they never just carry around random stuff, so red mouse is our new mystery.

RAL’s 2022 Calendar Went to the Dogs…

Because the contest got so cut-throat last summer when Tony came in 12th and became Mr. July 2021 on the Richmond Animal League calendar, I’d never get mixed up in this event again. The contest for the 2022 calendar wrapped up last Saturday and I caught the last 30 minutes. It raised a bit less than Tony’s calendar (approx. $66K vs. $80+K), but the competition was no less vicious and only three cats made the final cut.

Another black dog comfortably dominated by $6.5K until the last eight minutes, when a pair of dogs in third place threw in $6.6K and claimed the No. 1 spot.

The top fundraising cat, in fourth place with just over $3K, was a tux named Popeye Hailey…

“Popeye is a chip off the old Maxie in his snazzy collar,” says Max.

Also winning was a black cat named Thackery the Bestest…

“Black cats rock!” says Roc.

A tortie came in 11th place. Next year’s calendar will have nine dogs and only three cats.

The real drama was a cat named Father Christmas we were all rooting for because he looks like Tony’s great-great-great-great-great grandfather…

“The family resemblance is unmistakable,” says Tony.

But in the LAST THREE MINUTES, some stupid dog in a bandana made a last-ditch donation and pushed Father Christmas off the calendar into 13th place by only $21.

FUN FACT: The roughly $2.5K that Tony’s fans contributed last year would have put him in seventh place in this year’s contest.

Roc Dreams He’s a Tabby…

With humidity, the weather here has been feeling like 100+ for weeks on end now and we’re all wiped out. I happened to catch Roc this morning in Max’s favorite perch spot, masquerading in stripes as a tabby…

Max Rediscovers the Upstairs Perch…

Max hasn’t gone near the blue perch since I dragged it to the top of the stairs last November after building them a grand new perch for early Christmas.

This week, he rediscovered it and its fabulous aerial view of the front yard and neighborhood. Tony, who has been claiming exclusive rights, was none too pleased…

“Max, you can borrow it for a little while, but I’ll BE BACK!” says Tony the Terminator.

Tony Wishes You a Happy Thanksgiving

November 26, 2020

By Tony

I’m posting today because I have the most news to share, and I’m celebrating my first Thanksgiving where I’m not a crazy kitten who has no idea it’s a special day.

The Wormald family decided to skip the big get-together at Karen’s sister’s, but Sis is cooking anyway and sending plates to everyone. We cats expect to score some turkey for dinner.

Yesterday, Karen went to the Richmond Animal League to pick up her 2021 calendars featuring moi as Mr. July — AND this portrait I got as a thank you for my fundraising (which YOU GUYS made possible)…

It was painted by local artist Lynn Black, owner of Paint For Good. I think she really captured my “Toniness,” don’t you?

I also have a new hobby, thanks to Karen recently becoming interested in ghosts again. She watches this show called Paranormal Caught on Camera and I’ve become obsessed with the UFO sightings. It started out innocently enough, although Karen says I’ll ruin my eyes sitting so close to the TV…

Next thing I knew, I HAD to catch those things!…

I’ve been doing this almost every time a UFO story comes on, dashing to the TV from wherever I am. Unfortunately, the room is dark so Karen’s not having much luck catching me on camera. Ironic, huh?

But I know you must be dying to find out what Karen did with our old kitty perches after the new furry one took center stage. BTW, we’re keeping the box it came in for a while because it’s a great playpen. I keep my new favorite yellow sparkle ball there (the old blue one has disappeared)…

So, the beige perch is now beside the couch, where the tatty blue one was…

Roc and I still do our claw workouts there because we’re trying to keep the new furry perch nice and not get yelled at.

Remember the flamingos? They’ve moved and the blue perch has taken their place at the top of the stairs!

This is exciting because it makes going upstairs a lot more fun. Max says that looking out the little window has been every kitty’s Holy Grail. Now we’re the first ones who get to use it anytime we want without risking our necks…

Now I love the balcony…

So does Max…

And here’s a very rare shot of ALL of us sharing the perch (that black shadow at the bottom is Roc). Karen was hoping this is what would happen on the new furry one, but whatevs. We’re cats…

All of us at Cats Working wish everyone a Happy, Safe and Healthy Thanksgiving. And don’t forget to share the turkey with your kitties!


Chapter 130: COVID Chronicles

October 22, 2020

By Tony

Day 225

I Know My Calendar Month!

For anyone just joining us, over the summer, Karen entered me in the 2021 Calendar Contest sponsored by my alma mater, the Richmond Animal League. Thanks to the amazing generosity of Cats Working readers, friends and family who helped me raise funds to help other kitties (and dogs) at RAL, I was one of the 12 winners and got my own page on the calendar. But all the winners got to pick their months in the order of how much they raised. The top dog got first pick, et cetera, all the way down to me, who came in 12th after my conniving cat competitors managed to outraise me in the final moments.

Bottom line: I ended up with the month nobody else wanted. We’ve all been speculating on which month that could possibly be, and I think it will surprise you.

Yesterday, RAL sent us a PDF of the calendar before it goes to the printer so we could make sure my page is OK. It was. But I’m going to keep you in suspense just a little bit longer by sharing some of the photos Karen took of me on my big photo shoot day in September (she had to take them because I hid when the real photographer showed up). These were also-rans for the calendar.

Here’s when I came out of hiding after the photographer left. I wasn’t sure if the coast was clear…

I have to confess I was feeling like a loser because I had chickened out and blown my big chance to get a professional headshot. (Meow Mix auditions, here I come — not!)…

Karen tried to reassure me that it wasn’t the end of the world and we could still come up with something good on our own. I appreciated the cheering up, but I was skeptical…

So she gave me some time to think about it, and I finally realized she was right. I AM photogenic, dammit! I was ready to pose. Bring on that iPhone. I’m ready for my closeup!…

Karen took the photo of me that will appear in the calendar. When we were done with our photo shoot, I felt proud, like I deserved a million treats — but I didn’t get them. A pinup calendar kitty has to watch his waistline…

And now, without further stalling, I reveal my calendar month…

JULY

I think it’s pretty perfect. You get six whole months to look forward to seeing me.

As one of the top fundraisers of 2020, I’d be a neglectful kitty if I didn’t add, if you’d like a calendar, you can order it at RAL. Profits go to their mission of saving animals’ lives and helping them find forever homes.


Chapter 127: COVID Chronicles

October 2, 2020

By Tony

Day 205

RAL Calendar Update & My Preakness Picks

Karen’s letting me do a special post today because I’ve got news to report (making Roc and Max look like total slugs in this blogging business).

I still don’t know what month I got, but here’s the photo they’re using…

Karen took this of me on my big photo shoot day after the photographer left and I came out of hiding. But the photographer did clean up the tatty corner of my perch.

Karen also wrote the blurb about me that’s going with it, but I’ll save that as a surprise for anyone who orders the calendar, which you can do from the Richmond Animal League website (no pressure, I get no credit for that).

On the sports beat, the third and final race of Triple Crown season is the Preakness Stakes this Saturday. It will be on NBC and post time is 5:45 p.m. ET.

Only 11 horses are running. Tiz the Law, who won the Belmont and came in second to Authentic in the Kentucky Derby, is taking a pass to rest up for the Breeder’s Cup Classic in November.

Authentic, who won the Kentucky Derby in September, is back as the favorite (odds 9-5) to try for two out of three. He’s running from post position 9. I hope he’s third.

Max Player is the only horse who’s shown up for all three races. He’s starting right next to Authentic in pp 8. Even though his odds are 15-1, I’m rooting for Maxy to win this one because he came in third at Belmont, fifth in the Derby, and his persistence and can-do attitude deserves a win.

And for second place? My pick is in memory of the big sister I never met, Adele. She would have put all her treats on Swiss Skydiver (pp 4, 6-1) because SHE’S A FILLY.

The last girl to win the Preakness was Rachel Alexandra in 2009, a race covered by our late Fred. Then Adele got this exclusive interview with “Alexandra the Great” when she was named Horse of the Year. She’s one tough broad.

BONUS: Karen was poking around the web and asked me to include this delightful montage of show tunes she found (Attn Anita in CA: Moulin Rouge is in here!). It’s delightful and matches her mood after learning that Trump and Melania finally get to experience the joys of COVID. It’s a little long, but it goes fast if you like this stuff…


Chapter 126: COVID Chronicles

September 21, 2020

By Tony

Day 194

My Photo Shoot Fail & Welcome to My Dream House!

Karen says I’m old enough to take responsibility for my actions, so I’ll tell you how it went with my big photo shoot last week. Not good.

Last Friday, a lady with a really nice camera came over to take my picture for the RAL 2021 Calendar. Unfortunately, nobody at the League told her what months any of the animals picked, so my month is still a mystery.

That morning, I knew something was going down because Karen was tidying up and dusting. When I heard the doorbell, to use Trump’s crude language, I’m embarrassed to confess that I “choked like a dog” and ran upstairs. Karen and the lady found me hiding under the desk, which mortified me so much, I dashed downstairs and burrowed in the back of Karen’s closet.

Meanwhile, Roc sauntered into the living room and sprawled across the floor like a centerfold, hoping he might be able to step in as my understudy and become a star, but no dice.

Karen tried to carry me out to the living room and got her arm accidentally scratched when I leaped down and lammed it back upstairs.

She and the photographer agreed that a photo of me looking terrified wouldn’t be good, so that was that. After the lady left and I calmed down, Karen got quite a few flattering shots of me and sent them to the photographer. We don’t know which one she’ll use, but here are a couple of them…

Then I started showing off and posed standing up. (That’s Roc in the bed we totally shunned all summer, but now it’s suddenly a hot ticket again.)…

Karen has mentioned I have a Chewy.com Dream House in the living room. It’s got two rooms (so far) and I spend a lot of time in it. Karen thinks it’s a dump and that I might have lived under a bridge as a kitten…

Last week during Hurricane Sally, Karen was drying out her Chihuly umbrella when I decided to add it to my house. Dale Chihuly is a glass artist who had a beautiful exhibition at the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts several years ago, which is where Karen got the umbrella. The inside is a picture of his colorful bowls. I just had to taste it…

Now my house’s best features are my crinkly paper…

And my umbrella lanai…

PS: Max isn’t a photo op guy, either, but Karen caught him on the Man Cave Café sink the other day and he sends his regards…


Chapter 121: COVID Chronicles

August 27, 2020

By Karen

Day 169

Melania’s Got a Fidel Fetish & Tony Takes a Big Leap

I haven’t watched more than a few minutes of the Republican… Festival of Fear? Carnival of Corruption? Extravaganza of Exaggeration? Bacchanal of Bullshit?

I dropped by Tuesday just as Melania confidently stomped into the Rose Garden she’s had stripped of all beauty, maintaining its new color-free theme in her out-of-season khaki long-sleeved tribute to the fashion of Fidel Castro…

Some hapless assistant probably got her head bit off later for forgetting to accessorize Melania with the jaunty little cap and a cigar.

You could feel Melania’s joy overflowing as she read from the teleprompter and showed the nation that in three years at the White House, she’s made no effort whatsoever to improve her English…

Her doting husband Donald sat front and center looking so pleased and proud…

Talk about a steaming shit show.

CALENDAR UPDATE: I learned this morning that the Richmond Animal League is having the calendar contest winners select their months in the order they placed, so Tony as 12th gets whatever month nobody wants. February maybe?

I also learned that the professional photographer who’s coming to the house has had COVID, but she assures us she’s clean now and has immunity for three months.

I think I’m going to need a bigger bottle of bleach.

ANT UPDATE: There hasn’t been one ant on the kitchen counter in nearly a week. Rain soaking the ant killer I sprinkled around the foundation did the trick, for now.

MEDICAL UPDATE: I ventured to the dentist for a cleaning. I had to call them from the parking lot so they could let me in and take my temperature (97.6). Then they did the whole masks, visors, distancing thing. It’s nearly a week later and I’m not sick, so knock on wood.

I felt emboldened to schedule my mammogram due this month. Turns out they’re backlogged and the soonest appointment is in mid-November.

CAT UPDATE: Max is due for a vet checkup, but he doesn’t need shots so we’re skipping it. The vet’s protocol is that I sit in the parking lot while Max goes through whatever on his own. That office staff has never inspired confidence (I could tell stories), so no.

Tony’s not letting his new local celebrikitty status go to his head. Tuesday I was standing at the sunny balcony window checking how my solar-powered watches were charging when Tony decided to get involved. In a first for him — or any cat I’ve lived with — he LEAPED onto my back and hung between my shoulder blades by his right paw.

Thankfully, he let go while I was screaming and trying to figure out how to get him off me. My back on FIRE, I ran downstairs, sure I was leaving a trail of blood. But my T-shirt must have absorbed a lot of claw because my back hardly bled and I’m fine now. And who could stay mad at this face?…

Roc has decided Fuglen the Bird needs to be my constant companion and brings it to me everywhere, even when I’m in the shower. (BTW, Roc left Fuglen on that slipper for two days, and then relocated him to the living room)…

BONUS: Here’s comedian JL Cauvin as Trump (snorting Adderall?) critiquing Melania’s speech…


TONY’S SPECIAL REPORT: You Did It!

August 23, 2020

By Tony

After a month that felt like a year, the 2021 RAL Calendar Contest finally ended last night at 8 p.m. when the top 12 fundraisers were announced.

Last Monday, we were in the dumps about my chances. Other pets were bringing in so much money, especially those damn dogs. What was a kitty to do?…

But then on Wednesday a BIG donation from “Rusty Crow” suddenly appeared — and it got MATCHED. This totally turned the tide, raising me to 9th place. Rusty Crow wishes to remain anonymous, but Karen knows who they are and wants to express her amazement and eternal gratitude for their repeated and unexpected support.

Dogs had already seized the top seven spots, but other cats weren’t sitting around on their tails, and their donations kept coming.

On Friday, Karen’s sister Keri brought in another surge from friends and family.

Yesterday, the final stretch, began quietly, as we expected. At 6:30 p.m., Karen, her mother, and several Cats Working readers and friends made their moves and got me to 8th place. I became the TOP CAT!

Roc and I tried to play it cool during that last hour, watching Karen rip her hair out at the laptop watching more donations come in…

I don’t exaggerate when I say all hell broke loose at 7:55. Especially between the two top dogs. The one who’d held a massive lead the whole time was suddenly kicked to second place. Her owner immediately donated $5,150 to get her untouchably back on top.

Meanwhile, a catfight broke out around me. At least one cat’s human threw another $1,000 into the pot. When all the fur finally settled, here’s what the leaderboard looked like…

I WAS STILL ON IT. I WON!

Because of COVID, no big celebration was possible, but the RAL people wrapped it up on Facebook. You can watch how the cats scrambled the leaderboard and see how those big last-minute donations freaked everyone out. Go to 9:30 for the winner announcements. Mine was the first name they called!

We couldn’t relax until the video made it official, but I pretended I knew I was a shoo-in all along…

Later, I unwound on my favorite blankie in bed while Karen read about John Adams…

This morning, everything feels back to normal. I hit the dry bowls for some brunch…

Even though I’ll be a pinup cat next year (month TBA), I want to assure everyone that, like my namesake Anthony Bourdain, I’ll stay humble and never be above tearing paper and hanging out in my Chewy box…

I CAN’T SAY THANKS ENOUGH to everyone who supported me, including Ottavia Bourdain, who topped me off with a last-minute contribution. The $2,566 I raised will do SO MUCH to help other cats (and dogs, probably). RAL takes in animals from rural shelters in Virginia so they’ll have the best chance to become healthy and strong and find loving homes like I did.

I feel so blessed. Just a year ago, I was a sick kitten bouncing around foster homes with an uncertain future. Today, I’m a four-legged tribute to an internationally beloved writer and traveler, and a blogger with a family of my own. AND I have my month as an RAL Calendar Kitty to look forward to in 2021! It doesn’t get any better than this. And it’s due to the kindness all of you have shown me. I love you.

BONUS: Here’s another snippet of unwinding time where I get a little feisty…


Chapter 119: COVID Chronicles

August 17, 2020

By Karen

Day 159

Tony’s Last Stand & That Sucking Sound You Hear is Life

TONY FUNDRAISING UPDATE: The 2021 RAL Calendar Contest is in the home stretch. Thanks to another generous Cats Working reader, Tony hit 11th place for five seconds on Saturday. Now he’s back to 12th. He’s ON the calendar by a whisker, but the competition for those last slots is brutal. I’ve despaired of making it, but would be overjoyed if anyone can get our Tony into the winners’ circle. Donations are accepted until August 22.

Meanwhile, Tony’s growing up. I think I mentioned he’s been chummier at bedtime. I’m still trying to get pictures. Yesterday I was on the couch reading when he tried to find his happy place there, or at least figure out what appeals so much to his big brothers. He spent one moment opposite me in “the spot”…

Then he was all over me. This is just a snippet of a much longer interaction, with him mostly in my face…

And here’s a gratuitous flashback to the cats’ Saturday night. (Don’t miss Max on the mantle)…

Also on Saturday, Trump lost his brother Robert. When Trump stopped by the hospital for a visit on his way to play golf, he must have seen that Robert was near the end, but that didn’t interrupt his fun weekend plans.

The White House’s hollow statement of grief clearly didn’t come from Trump. It claimed Robert was his “best friend” and included the line, “We’ll meet again.”

Oh, the irony. Most of the world hopes they “meet again” in hell ASAP.

I’m feeling like a chain-saw has massacred my last nerve.

Over the weekend, tiny ants who splash through puddles of Raid like Gene Kelly in Singin’ in the Rain invaded my kitchen counter. Ant killer I sprinkled outside around the foundation will take time. Praying it works.

Then out of nowhere, Richmond got 10 freaking inches of rain. Now we have a water RESTRICTION because the water treatment plant flooded. But they say the water’s still fine. Dysentery’s just what we need in a pandemic.

My security system with Comcast (a.k.a. Xfinity) just increased $8 a month and I’m livid because Comcast sucks. Recently I did a simple sensor battery change and it crashed the whole system for no reason. I spent two hours on the phone getting the runaround until someone accidentally transferred me to actual tech support.

This morning I wasted another hour trying — and failing — to speak to a human, either to get the increase waived or to cancel the service. Trying their “text support” caused the phone robot whose limited repertoire had already dead-ended me a dozen times to call my cellphone repeatedly.

Then while brushing my teeth this morning, my toothbrush batteries went dead.

When all the batteries around you start dying, you’re in a fucking black hole.

This Thursday I’m supposed to get my teeth cleaned, which will be the most peril I’ve put myself in since March.

I’m also doing a slow boil over Congress taking a vacay while Trump destroys the U.S. Postal Service. Not to mention leaving millions of people vulnerable to eviction and starvation because Republicans can’t even pretend to give a shit anymore.

Trump’s enablers’ behavior doesn’t make even a little sense. Now they’re killing their own voters. It’s just indiscriminate sadism.

I don’t know if I’ll watch any of the Democratic convention. I don’t need to hear how we’re going to stop Trump in January. He’s on track to have us all sick or dead by then if someone doesn’t stop him NOW.

BONUS: This is the only thing that made me smile today. It’s Randy Rainbow’s turn to turn “Camelot” into “Kamala!”…


Special Message from Tony

August 11, 2020

By Tony

First, thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has already helped me raise funds to give cats (and dogs) who come to our alma mater, the no-kill Richmond Animal League, a chance at a good life. If your generosity makes me one of the top 12 fundraisers, I will be featured on a month in the 2021 RAL Calendar, which will not only show that Cats Working readers are the best, but it will also be a tribute to my namesake, Anthony Bourdain.

Right now, I’m in 14th place. So I’m close!

The humans running the 2021 RAL Calendar Contest announced today they have an anonymous donor who will match up to $2,500 in donations beginning at 10 a.m. (ET) on Wednesday, August 12.

So, if you have been toying with donating, anything you give tomorrow will be matched and equal double votes for me. I and the pets this helps will be thankful for any amount you can spare.

Here’s where you can visit my page to make a donation.

Thought I’d just let you know.

PS: I love you all!


Chapter 116: COVID Chronicles

August 6, 2020

By Karen

Day 148

Tony Becomes Couch-Curious & Dreaming of a Trump–Lisbeth Salander Matchup

Tony’s over the moon that his post has raised $250 (Thank you!) in the Richmond Animal League’s 2021 Calendar Contest to help once-homeless dogs and kitties like Max, Roc and Tony get medical care and a second chance at life.

Tony hopes to be a top-12 fundraiser and get his name and face on a calendar page as a tribute to Anthony Bourdain. If you can help him by August 22 with a donation of any size, please do.

In the meantime, I think I need a bigger couch. Lately, Tony’s been angling for a spot, but Roc and Max aren’t giving an inch. This morning, Max wasn’t even in “the” coveted purple spot when Tony tested the water…

Now, to literature: When my friend Shelley told me about the Swedish crime novel, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson, it didn’t sound like my kind of thing. But I read it and Lisbeth Salander, the “Girl,” has earned her place beside Jane Eyre, Jo March, Scarlett O’Hara and any other steely heroine you can name.

Larsson intended a 10-book “Millennium series,” but had only finished three, not yet published, when he died unexpectedly in 2004.

Films were made in Sweden of all three books, starring Noomi Rapace as Lisbeth…

What happened with the series after Larsson’s death between his long-time partner Eva Gabrielsson and his executors is an unfinished story in itself, which you can read about in the link above.

I thought no actress could compete with Noomi Rapace until an American Dragon Tattoo came out starring Rooney Mara…

Several years later, Americans filmed the third book, The Girl in the Spider’s Web, with Claire Foy, the softest incarnation of Lisbeth…

But back to the books. After Larsson’s nearly complete fourth novel and notes for others got tied up in squabbling, his publisher hired Swedish author and crime journalist David Lagercrantz to continue the series. He wrote three more and now says he’s finished. I’m reading his last book, The Girl Who Lived Twice, and it’s a shame because he has stayed true to the characters and added some great twists.

In the past week, I’ve also rewatched movies starring all three actresses. I’ve chosen Noomi Rapace’s Lisbeth as best to deal with Trump.

A bit of backstory: Larsson’s original title, which was oddly translated to The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, was Män som Hatar Kvinnor (Men Who Hate Women). Being abused and tortured by misogynists all her life is what turns Lisbeth Salander into literature’s ultimate avenging badass.

My Salander-Trump match-up fantasy is a situation from the first book. Picture this:

Trump has been put in charge of Salander’s personal finances (that’s all you need to know). Before she can get an advance on her “allowance,” he forces her to give him a blowjob in his office. The next time she needs money, he invites her to his apartment. She expects more oral stuff, but he ties her up and violently rapes her.

Can you picture Trump doing that to a woman? Sure you can.

When she comes back AGAIN, he thinks she’s into him. Instead, she tasers him, strips him, trusses him up like a steer, and forces him to watch a secret video she filmed from her purse while he was attacking her. She threatens to use it to ruin him if he ever crosses her path again.

As a final touch, she tattoos, “I’M A SADIST PIG AND A RAPIST” in big, bloody, sloppy letters all over his chest.

Now that I think of it, this is probably something like Trump fears Putin will do to him if he ever makes a peep against Russia.

Lisbeth Salander, I wish you were real.

BONUS: When Trump called Yosemite National Park “Yo-Semite” and “Yo-Semin-ite”…

My sister Keri and her actor friend Dan Ruth made this parody, which Keri hopes will go viral…

DOUBLE BONUS: I just loved this scene of Hitler bemoaning Trump’s miserable crowd failure in Tulsa…


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