Karl Rove Knows Brain Damage

May 13, 2014

By Cole

Even though nobody knows yet if Hillary Clinton will run for president, Karl Rove’s not wasting any opportunity to get his digs in.

Back in December 2012, when she was secretary of state, Hillary spent 3 days in the hospital having a blood clot dissolved after she sustained a concussion. She left the hospital wearing dark glasses (standard protocol), and continued working.

On May 8, before an audience in Los Angeles, Rove implied that Hillary had suffered a “traumatic brain injury,” which is the clinical term for “brain damage,” although Rove now cravenly denies he was going there.

Hillary has shown no diminished ability to count, as Rove has when he claimed her 3 days in the hospital was 30.

Hillary’s shown no physical impairment, which is more than anyone can say for Rove’s former idol, Dick Cheney, who’s essentially been one of the walking dead, kept alive by artificial means, for years.

By Rove’s standards, the absence of a healthy functioning heart should have disqualified Cheney from office for both terms.

The only one showing signs of mental impairment here is Karl Rove, which White House spokesman Jay Carney aptly pointed out, recalling Rove’s inability to grasp that Obama won in 2012.

Every time Rove opens his mouth, he just reinforces his own irrelevance. If you stood him alone in a forest spouting lies, nobody would hear him.


Debate 2: Romney’s Night of Magical Thinking

October 17, 2012

By Cole

At last night’s debate, Mitt Romney faced a feisty President Obama who wasn’t about to let Republican deceit, dishonesty, and distortions go unchallenged, and it was exhilarating to watch.

Romney’s beef with Obama seems to boil down to a naïve assumption that Obama failed to wave the wand Romney thinks is in the Oval Office’s top desk drawer. Mormons have great faith in magic, especially when it’s in their underwear.

Instead, Obama has been trying to reverse all of George W. Bush’s bad calls the hard way — by trying to work with obstructionist Republicans in Congress who would gleefully destroy this country if it would bring the black cat down.

Romney promises once he’s president, he’ll repeal the Affordable Care Act (on his first day) and replace it with all its good things and even more, create 12 million jobs, cut everybody’s taxes by 20%, balance the budget, get Iran to behave, and make China stop “cheating” (at what, exactly?).

Anybody who believes Romney can do all this without being anointed king is — sorry, but there’s no other way to put it — a f**king idiot.

Pollsters claim Romney’s closing the gap with women voters. WTF? Will they still love him after hearing how he sought out women “qualified” enough to serve on his state cabinet in Massachusetts, and seeming gobsmacked when he was presented with “binders full” of them?

We’re talking about Boston here, home of Harvard and MIT, one of the nation’s hottest hubs of higher education. DUH! Who would have known there’d be any smart women there?

As for Romney’s impressive display of faux concern for the 47% types in the audience, the New Yorker did a great job, so read about that there.

I’m surprised nobody’s picking up on the return of Old Miser Mitt, repeatedly asking Obama if he’d checked his retirement account lately. Obama blew him off by saying his isn’t as big as Romney’s, so he doesn’t check it often.

Didn’t you feel déjà vu to the debate where Romney tried to make a $10,000 bet with Rick Perry? Every time Miser Mitt mentions personal finances with the smug air of a guy who knows he’s got more money than anybody in the room — it makes my fur crawl.

But the best moment came when Romney stepped right into the shit with his closing statement, claiming he cares about “100%” of the people.

Obama sailed cleanly through that opening by reminding everybody it’s recorded on tape that Romney really believes 47% of Americans are lazy mooches.

Romney has backed out of appearing on The View on October 18, but he’s sending Ann alone. Apparently, chatting with a bunch of stupid women is not on his To-Do list — and he’s afraid of Whoopi Goldberg.


Rock’em Sock’em Joe Biden

October 12, 2012

By Cole

FINALLY, a Democrat had the courage to stop a Republican in mid-lie and distortion — 82 times in 90 minutes, the pundits counted.

Joe Biden’s VP debate with Paul Ryan was everything the first Obama-Romney debate was not. Biden actually laughed at Ryan’s persistent attempts to con American voters into buying the notion of a conservative middle-class low-tax Utopia that neither Ryan nor Romney themselves believe in.

Sure, today the opposition is crawling all over Biden for saying the White House was unaware that our embassy in Libya had asked for more security before it was attacked by terrorists on September 11.

Republicans, with their selective memory, like to think Democrats have a lock on massive intelligence failures.

At least when Obama doesn’t get the message, he doesn’t declare war on a different country, like dear old George W. Bush did after ignoring repeated warnings that Osama bin Laden was planning to attack us. Bush’s response was to fixate on Saddam Hussein and destroy Iraq, which had nothing to do with it.

To steal a choice phrase from Virginia’s former Republican governor, George Allen, Joe Biden came as close to shoving most of Paul Ryan’s misconceptions back “down his whiny throat” as anybody’s ever likely to get.

And it felt good. Real good.

To Ryan’s credit, he never backed down. Like a well-trained pit bull, he kept spouting the party’s worn-out lies and fact-free promises like he believes them. And he probably does.

Let’s hope Obama can maintain the momentum on October 16 in his foreign policy debate with Romney. It’s got potential as an easy slam-dunk, since Romney has already gone out of his way to piss off China (“cheaters”) and Russia (“our No. 1 geopolitical foe”), and talks like he’s itching for war with Iran and Syria.


Bill Clinton Knees the GOP

September 6, 2012

By Cole

If you go around talking trash about the Democrats, you’d better hope Bill Clinton doesn’t cross your path.

With wry wit and a casual, bantering manner, last night Clinton gave the Republicans a good one to the groin, refuting point for point — with facts — every lie they spouted at their convention.

It should be required viewing for all undecideds.

In the clearest terms, he laid out the choice voters face…

“In Tampa, the Republican argument against the President’s re-election was pretty simple: we left him a total mess, he hasn’t cleaned it up fast enough, so fire him and put us back in.”

The only gripe the talking heads had was that Clinton spoke too long. But I saw the speech’s length as a direct measure how much bullshit the GOP has been shoveling at us.

Unfortunately, Clinton won’t end Romney & Co.’s lies because they have nothing else. God forbid they delve into Romney’s background as a CEO, governor, or tax-paying citizen for anything useful to brag about.

Now we can compare the two parties in a nutshell…

The Democrats are proud to showcase their smart past president, using the knowledge he gained in foreign policy, the economy, healthcare, education, you name it, as a verbal lethal weapon.

The Republicans are hiding their past president under a rock. And Romney’s ONLY plan is to resurrect all the bone-headed George W. Bush strategies that got us into 2 wars and devastated the middle class.

Romney is calling the Democratic convention a “celebration of failure.” But he didn’t watch Michelle Obama’s speech, and he’s obviously ignoring the dozens of speakers reeling off Obama’s achievements — which Obama pulled off in spite of intransigent foes like Mitch McConnell and Eric Cantor constantly plotting against him.

Here’s an interview with Romney before Clinton spoke, reeling off all the shiny new statistics he’s just memorized for the upcoming debates.

(And notice his forehead is wrinkled again. Apparently, his eerily unlined face at the Republican convention was as phony as everything else about him.)


GOP Convention: A Confederacy of Dunces

August 30, 2012

By Cole

The glassy-eyed, brain-dead fanatics on the floor of the Republican convention fascinate me. To see them gobble every crumb of verbal crap dispensed from the podium is like watching lemmings wolf down a last meal before they go off a cliff.

They have no idea that every one of them who isn’t a white male millionaire is in for a royal screwing if they get their wish and Romney wins.

In a cynical attempt to seem inclusive that fooled nobody, the GOP assigned U.S. possessions like Puerto Rico, the Virgin Islands, and American Samoa prime seats because their delegations look racially diverse — even though THEIR VOTES DON’T COUNT.

Ann Romney got to address the 32 percent of voters who, in a CBS News poll, claim they don’t know Mitt enough to form an opinion. She delivered a brilliant speech that made her fellow Stepford Wives mist over, and we learned that Mitt was a cutie in high school, but virtually nothing of substance beyond that.

To listen to Ann’s litany of lovingly empty claims…

  • Mitt loves his country (but not enough to stop dodging taxes)
  • Mitt won’t let you down (unless he does — he’s prone to change his mind a lot)
  • Mitt will get the job done (if he doesn’t eliminate or outsource it)

…was to stuff cotton candy in your ears.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s keynote address showcased him to the country as a pompous gasbag with life-threatening eating issues who probably won’t survive to run for president in 2020 if Romney wins and serves 2 terms.

They’re saying Condoleezza Rice’s rousing speech — and the only one to acknowledge the importance of education — will win her a seat in Romney’s cabinet. Let’s hope it’s his china cabinet back at Lake Winnipesaukee.

ALL of them have erased the George W. Bush years off the slate. They’re in total denial that the ruinous ideology Bush lived by, and they still embrace, started this country’s flush down the toilet.

And then they have the bloody nerve to accuse Obama of failing to stop it when all they want to do is KEEP FLUSHING.

But by far, the whopper topper was Paul Ryan’s Obama-bashing marathon. It was so jam-packed with deceit and deception, Karen could barely stop screaming at the TV. I won’t rehash it because a Fox News writer named Sally Kohn did it so well.

You know your lies have jumped the shark when even Faux News is crying foul.

From now until election day, the Republican strategy is to continue repeating the same thoroughly discredited lies (such as, Obama has eliminated the work requirement from welfare) and hope enough stupid, unquestioning voters believe them.

Tonight Romney’s got to pull off the grand deception of seeming like a credible, affable, empathetic, and competent man with a plan.

After his department-store-dummy reaction while Chris Christie was heaping praise on him like whipped cream on a banana split, I don’t think Romney’s got a prayer — or a clue.


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