America’s Real “Most Dangerous Person”

August 23, 2011

By Adele

Anthony Bourdain’s in the soup for calling Paula Deen “the worst, most dangerous person to America,” but he overlooks an even more insidious influence. This bitch is so arrogant, so demeaning and demonic, she fluffs my tail and make me hiss whenever I see her.

I just caught the demon on Finding Sarah, that bizarre OWN reality series Sarah Ferguson’s financial desperation drove her to do.

I’m not talking about Fergie. She’s a hot mess, but lovable, even if she raised children with no fashion sense.

I’m talking about Suze Orman.

Apparently, Sarah, who was teetering on bankruptcy, was forced to spend 2 days with the she-devil because Sarah’s projects and endorsements went Poof! after News of the World scammed her into selling access to Prince Andrew to make news.

Orman began by berating Sarah for letting Andrew be her “cushion.” He lets her stay at his place occasionally.

Orman asked, “What’s it feel like to be dependent?” “Do you really want to be successful?”

Then the bitch proceeded to spew impractical platitudes…

“Finding Sarah means taking your power and not doing something just to fulfill a contract or a commitment.”

Suze, you idiot. That’s called “having a job,” which Sarah could use.

“Your key is not to rush.”

Suze, impending bankruptcy comes with a sense of urgency.

Tell yourself, “I’m going to only have people in my life… that help me find me.”

“When you owe somebody money, it’s is my distinct belief that it’s not about the money. It’s about what is the lesson you have to learn about yourself that the problem with money is showing you.”

Suze, do you read the paper? Do you think millions of flat-broke unemployed people, with no healthcare, facing foreclosure, and eating only by the grace of food banks are interested in “learning lessons about themselves?”

Poor Sarah sat there and took it, probably feeling an inch tall. Then Orman went for the kill, proclaiming, “I have a crush on myself!”

If I could have leaped through that screen and shredded her for Sarah, I’d have done it.

There isn’t a more egomaniacal woman on TV, including Palin and Bachmann. Suze Orman learned about finance working for such beloved institutions as Merrill Lynch and Prudential Bache. She’s been parting suckers from their money with her worthless money advice ever since, and every dollar she rakes in feeds her bloated sense of self-importance.

I’d like to see Paula Deen become Suze Orman’s nutritionist.

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