Giant Rats Aren’t Your Pals

December 18, 2007

By Fred

Just when you think it’s safe to go back into the jungles of Papua, Indonesian New Guinea, you’re greeted by a giant, cuddly rat that lets you pick it up and pet it.


Well, this cat’s got news for the crazy humans who think this critter makes an interesting science project: There’s no such thing as a friendly rat. Or even an honest rat. This guy is just pretending to like you to win a free ticket off Gilligan’s Island so it can become a pet. Once it’s settled in and getting three squares a day, there’s going to be trouble.

It could even be female and pregnant. Before you can say “Mickey Mouse,” you’ll be up to your neck in 3-pound vermin with tails like broomsticks.

Cats are closely watching this story because it seems that those who didn’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Back in the Middle Ages, somebody probably gave a rat a break, and then Europe got practically wiped out with Black Plague.

Cats came to the rescue then, and we’re ready to do it again if we have to. We’re willing to protect the humans that feed us, brush us, and let us shed all over them. Anyway, it’s high time we reminded rodents who’s still king of the jungle.

All the news stories mention only one giant rat being found, but they never live alone. It’s undoubtedly got friends waiting to make their move. When they do, we’re ready…

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