Ken Cuccinelli was most recently Virginia’s attorney general, a misogynistic, backward-leaning Republican who was replaced last year by Democrat Mark Herring. Cuccinelli also ran for governor last year and lost to Terry McAuliffe, another Democrat.
You could say that Cuccinelli has done his fair share to turn this red state blue.
But in his newest job, he’s trying to correct that perception. With 3 fellow lawyers, he has opened a firm called Virginia Self Defense Law, whose tag line is…
Defending those who defend themselves.
By that, they mean defending people who aspire to be like George Zimmerman (who provoked a confrontation with and killed an unarmed black teen named Trayvon Martin in Florida) or Michael Dunn, another Floridian who recently dodged a first-degree murder rap after he provoked a confrontation with and killed an unarmed black teen named Jordan Davis by firing 10 bullets at the van Davis was riding in as it sped AWAY from Dunn.
These guys would be Cuccinelli’s dream clients.
For as little as $8.33 a month — “less than half the cost of a hunting license” — wack jobs with violent tendencies who think they might someday shoot inappropriately can have this firm on retainer to defend them at no extra charge when they follow through.
On one hand, you’ve got to admire Cuccinelli’s sheer brilliance at tapping in to the irrational paranoia of his conservative ilk, creating a stream of cushy, mostly-passive income for himself and his cronies while providing nothing in return to most of them (let’s hope).
He’s become the perfect parasite, sucking cash out of wannabe killers by giving them a sense of security while they pursue their dream of ridding the world of everybody who, in their eyes, deserves to be dead.
On the other hand, what kind of bottom-feeding scumbag builds a business on coming to the aid of limp-dicked bigots who use guns to make bad situations worse? When the facts come out, these guys usually deserve to spend the rest of their lives under the jail (as we say in the South).
To address this concern, Cuccinelli offers this caveat: He will only represent a client if the defense can be self-defense or a violation of the client’s second amendment right to bear arms. If any weapons charge is related to a crime like robbery or drug dealing, all bets are off.
Virginia is already famous as the premier supplier of deadly weapons on the East Coast. Now Virginia offers the services of Cuckoo Cuccinelli & Co. to get shooters off the hook for murder — for less than $10 a month.
Can it get any sicker than that?