I Think We’re Gonna Need a Bigger Pigsty

November 29, 2017

By Karen

Gayle King seemed visibly shaken to learn that, after years of her unrequited flirting on CBS This Morning, Charlie Rose had been dissing her behind her back by preying on many other women who crossed his path.

Now, NBC has stuck a fork in Matt Lauer. We should have seen it coming. In 2012, Katie Couric said Matt’s most annoying habit was pinching her ass. That same year, Lauer got Ann Curry fired from the Today Show because they lacked “chemistry.”

Curry karma’s a bitch. Turns out Matt’s the one with no chemistry, or his victims would have thanked him, not ratted him out.

Myriad stories of sexual harassment and assault lately feel to me like women’s bubbling rage at Donald Trump, the proud pussy-grabber who treats his current wife like a serf.

But I think we’ve reached a tipping point. The media needs to recognize that not all these tales are created equal. A fanny grab that lasts the length of a camera click is NOT the same as a rape, and the consequences shouldn’t be equal.

We need to permanently quarantine the truly disgusting pigs and give the mere piglets a slap on the rump and a time out.

Pigs are the ones who fantasize that women share their fascination with their penis. They’ll talk about it, display it, fondle it, and use it as a weapon when opportunity presents itself.

Trump has bragged about his penis size.

Trump identifies with and supports fellow pigs like Roy Moore in Alabama because they both have a thing for little girls. With Trump, it was Ivanka. Moore would settle for any child he could force to touch his penis.

Joining them in the sty are Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein, Charlie Rose, Louis C.K., Kevin Spacey, probably Matt Lauer, if stories of his affairs prove true.

Piglets are men like George H.W. Bush and Al Franken. No penises involved, just wandering paws that would have recoiled in shame if any of the stupid women whose bums they touched had simply pulled away or said, “Move your hand.”

These women talking about it years later are being treated with the same gravity as women who were aggressively harassed or assaulted. WTF?

Here’s the infamous photo of Franken that supposedly shows him “grabbing” Leeann Tweeden. See the shadows under both of his hands? He’s not even touching her.

Was he being tasteless? Absolutely. Was she being assaulted? Not even close.

The worst thing Franken apparently did was force an unwanted tongue kiss on Tweeden during a USO skit rehearsal. He says he doesn’t remember it like that, but has the chivalry to let Tweeden’s story stand. He even wrote her a personal, sincere apology, which she read and accepted on The View

Tweeden says she doesn’t want Franken to lose his Senate seat over this. So what’s her point? She’s hardly one to advance this cause. She has modeled for Frederick’s of Hollywood and Hooters, was named one of the Top Hooters Girls of All Time, and has posed nude in Playboy.

Basically, Tweeden’s a woman who was fine with men jerking off to pictures of her posing as a piece of meat, but a kiss from Al Franken scarred her for life. Puleez.

So far, Al Franken has been the only man to strike a tone of appropriate guilt and remorse. He’s even saying more women may claim he did something. He’s no fool. He realizes women are out for blood, and no man who’s ever been in the same room with one is safe right now.

Which brings me to the other story that sticks in my craw and happens to involve Anthony Bourdain’s current girlfriend, an Italian actress named Asia Argento.

Argento was the first to tell her story about Harvey Weinstein to The New Yorker. She claims he forced oral sex on her when she was 21 years old, and she feigned enjoyment to make him stop. Must have been an Oscar-worthy performance because Weinstein was in her life for the next five years. She described their consensual intimacy as “one-sided and onanistic,” but he introduced her to his mother, apparently gave her “fur coats and apartments,” and helped pay for her childcare.

The Italian press didn’t buy it. And I’m sorry, but when Argento dated and accepted gifts from Weinstein, unless he held a gun on her, she was more about ambition than victimhood.

Women who spin their brief encounters with public figures into traumas they dared not reveal until a shot at five minutes of fame presented itself come off as opportunistic and muddy the waters for women who actually suffered harm.

Even worse, they don’t help the cause — which is to make men keep their hands, penises, and tongues to themselves and treat women with the respect we deserve.

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Trump and Clinton Almost Face Off

September 8, 2016

By Karen

Trump and Clinton were like two ships passing in the night – on the aircraft carrier Intrepid. A weird setting for sparring with NBC Today Show host Matt Lauer, now known as Mr. Fluffmeister.

The candidates appeared consecutively to answer veterans’ questions on foreign policy and being commander-in-chief.

Hillary was first, and Lauer leaped for her throat, forcing her to explain her email misuse for the umpteenth time.

OK, we get it. Using her own server was dumb. But how many years has it been with no repercussions from anything that might have leaked, and no evidence she was ever seriously hacked? It wasn’t illegal at the time and there’s nothing to prosecute.

Hillary routinely gets crucified on many things that, if bungled by a man, would get a shrug and a, “Boys will be boys!”

Let’s face it. Hillary doesn’t have an open, sunny disposition. When cornered, she resorts to slippery lawyer-speak. Her detractors act like she’s the only politician in history to do that.

Thanks to Lauer’s pointless email questions, Hillary was hard-pressed to address foreign policy, and then Matt kept telling her to be brief.

But Hillary somehow managed to display great familiarity with geography, foreign affairs, and the challenges the next president faces.

And then came Trump. The bar for his performance was so low, all he had to do was not drool or poop his pants. His verbal vomit was presidential poetry to Lauer, who didn’t challenge any lie or boast. Nor did he push Trump onto the ropes to answer for anything.

With his customary disregard for the military audience, Trump dissed our generals as being “reduced to rubble” and hinted he’d fire many, yet make them submit within 30 days a plan for defeating ISIS. Not that Trump already doesn’t have his own secret plan. He just wants to see if his generals have another one.

Trump, you idiot. You’re not starring in The King & I.

Remember when Yul Brynner, the king of Siam, is stewing over how to prove to England’s Queen Victoria that he’s not a barbarian? When Anna, the English governess, asks what he intends to do, the king commands, “You guess!”

Trump wants to play “You Guess!” with the generals, thinking he’ll trick lowly beings with no right to advise a king president into giving him a plan. Which they’d do, and he’d follow because he has no clue.

Trump’s appearance was notable for its lack of specifics, admiration for Putin, and inability to resist insulting Obama and Hillary, which both candidates were asked not to do, and Hillary mostly complied with.

Trump sat slouched and didn’t even turn his head much to respond to any veteran’s question. Hillary spent most of her time on her feet, facing her questioners.

For all his attacks on Hillary’s physical fitness, Trump looked like an out-of-shape, low-energy, unhealthy couch potato.

Considering the double standard, I thought Hillary showed presidential-caliber comportment and intelligence. Trump, as usual, was a clown show.

Can’t wait for the September 26 real debate when Trump finally has to face Hillary.


Shame on ‘CBS This Morning’ RE: Robin Williams

August 12, 2014

By Karen

Thankfully, it’s not often I wake up to news so unexpected it leaves me stunned. My heart can’t take it. But it happened today when I learned that Robin Williams died at age 63 by apparent suicide.

When I turned on the TV, Matt Lauer was already into full sensational video obit mode on the Today Show, so I switched to CBS This Morning.

CBS happens to be the last network Robin Williams worked for. Just last season, he starred in The Crazy Ones, his first foray into TV sitcom since Mork and Mindy.

I watched every episode of The Crazy Ones because it starred — ROBIN WILLIAMS!

OK, it wasn’t the funniest, but Robin had good chemistry with his on-screen daughter, Sarah Michelle Gellar. From the outtakes closing every episode, it seemed they were leaving most of Williams’s improv skills on the cutting room floor.

My sense was that the rest of the much-younger cast kept pinching themselves over the chance to work with ROBIN WILLIAMS, and I believed the show would gel in its second season, after maybe some tweaks.

But CBS didn’t give Robin a chance to fix it. They pulled the plug on ROBIN WILLIAMS after one season, in a mind-blowing lack of faith that he would ever deliver.

After that, we read reports that Williams was depressed and checked himself into rehab. And now he’s dead.

And today Charlie Rose and Nora O’Donnell had the GALL to sit there, running clip after clip of Williams’ career — but not ONE from The Crazy Ones.

At one point late in the show, Nora mentioned The Crazy Ones, but Charlie quickly steered her away before she said too much.

Nora also said Williams was one of her favorite interviewees, and they showed a recent blip of him at the table — obviously there to plug The Crazy Ones — but they never mentioned that part.

NOBODY said a peep about the CBS cancellation, even though the sitcom’s “failure” undoubtedly weighed on Williams’ already-shaky confidence and self-esteem.

Way to go, CBS, you fucking cowards. Wail and moan over the loss of a great talent — whom you kicked to the curb like so much garbage just a few months ago. Go claim your spot in the journalistic sewer with the Today Show.

PS: Buried below a bunch of other stuff, I found that CBS did slip that last Williams CBS interview about The Crazy Ones on their website. Too little, too late.


Matt Lauer Gets a Taste of Karma

September 21, 2012

By Adele

Folks, remember, you read it here first: The Today Show kicked out Ann Curry for hurting the ratings, yet, as I predicted, that snowball’s still rolling downhill.

We switched to CBS This Morning the day after Ann left, but we still start the day with local news on NBC. Then Karen waits until Today begins and Matt Lauer and Savannah Guthrie come on screen before she pointedly changes the channel. She says it still feels good, too.

Apparently, our defection isn’t the only one, because Good Morning America has been eating Today’s lunch lately.

So now who are they going to blame? Is Al Roker next in line for a pink slip for not making the weather entertaining enough?

The New York Post reports Lauer has turned into an “anchor animal,” trying to rule the Today roost like an executive producer, and his IQ popularity numbers are down 25%.

Lauer claims he’s open to new ideas for the show. He should have read the slew of ideas I supplied right before Ann Curry left.

But now, the only idea that may actually work is to say “buh-bye” to Matt Lauer. Maybe Katie Couric could use a gofer on her new show.


‘Today Show’ Producers Have a Death Wish

June 26, 2012

By Adele

It’s like watching a slow-mo train wreck on the Today Show. Ann Curry somehow manages to carry on with grace while NBC execs continue to crap on her good name rather than take responsibility for their own failures in the ratings.

And now it seems they’re seriously considering the vowel-challenged Hoda Kotb to be Matt Lauer’s new sidekick.

REALLY??!! Can anybody even pronounce “Kotb?”

Thanks to NBC, Hoda’s image is of a middle-aged mid-morning drunk who dresses like she thinks she’s a hot 25-year-old.

Just the type to play Matt Lauer’s straight man — NOT.

And where does that leave Hoda’s booze-buddy, Kathy Lee Gifford? Will they pull Regis Philbin and his creepy perm out of retirement and prop him up beside her?

The people at Good Morning America must be dancing for joy. NBC is as hard-pressed to find a decent morning host within its ranks as the Republicans are for a presidential candidate who doesn’t make you hurl hairballs.

Giving Hoda more prominence will be the kiss of death to the Today Show — and it will be well-deserved.


Ann Curry Not Today Show’s Problem

June 25, 2012

By Adele

I’ve been watching the Today Show since I was a kitten, and it’s been going downhill for years. But this hatchet job on Ann Curry is the last straw. Can you say…

Hello, Good Morning America!

You know things are bad when I’m driven into the arms of Oprah’s BFF, Gayle King.

Reportedly, they’re paying Ann Curry $10 million to take a mid-contract hike, blaming her for Today’s sagging ratings.

But the NBC suits seem conflicted on how Ann is single-handedly destroying the show. They do agree she makes a dandy scapegoat.

To stroke Matt Lauer’s massive ego, Ann has dumbed it down and smiled through cringe-worthy drivel they keep throwing at her. I’d like to see her go back to serious news. She’s more of a Christiane Amanpour type anyway.

And here are some suggestions for NBC to salvage Today

  • Cut the inter-cast banter. They should take a backseat to the news.
  • Tell the cast to SHUT UP and let guests answer interview questions (Meredith Vieira was the worst; nobody could get a word in).
  • Present actual news. Too often, what comprises a “story” is nothing but reiterated teaser fluff. You make viewers wait and wait…and wait to FINALLY see stories, but too often our reaction is, “That’s IT?”
  • Speaking of teasers, cut the BS “Up next, but first…,” and “Straight ahead, after this…” The delays are maddening, and you usually pull a bait and switch and don’t even show the next freaking story next. Say a story is “coming right up” and mean it, damn it.
  • Don’t imply you’ve got a live body there, and then air some stale canned footage from last night’s Brian Williams newscast.
  • Accept that 2-3 minutes is not enough time for an interview. When you cut everybody off in mid-sentence for more stupid commercials, you reveal your priorities—and they’re not with interesting content.
  • Screen out everyday yahoos who speak in monosyllables. They’re the interviews from hell.
  • Cut the stupid, obvious questions. We KNOW how somebody who’s lost a limb or a child or survived a catastrophe feels. You don’t need to ask.
  • Just say no to celebrities in their own minds, like Octomom, Kate Gosselin, and the Kardashians. They’re only “famous” because faux-news organizations like you keep them alive.
  • Discontinue cooking segments unless the chefs have enough time to actually cook a recipe viewers can follow.
  • Fire your panel of so-called “professionals” Nobody gives a flying f**k what Star Jones or Donny Deutsch think about anything.
  • Cut that hour with Kathy Lee Gifford and Hoda whatsits. They give washed-up, middle-aged drunks a bad name.

Ann Curry, take the money and run. You were too good for those self-centered rat-bastards. When GMA mops up in the next ratings sweep using Today as a Swiffer, you’ll have the last laugh.


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