Animal Planet Declares War on Housecats

August 1, 2011

By Cole

Bill O’Reilly’s upset about Norway’s mass murderer being called a “Christian” extremist? How would he like it if a network portrayed certain members of his species as psychos out to destroy people’s quality of life?

Oh, wait. I just described Fox News’ position on Democrats.

Anyway, Animal Planet undoubtedly hates housecats.

First, it was My Cat From Hell.

In this short-lived series, cats reacting predictably to inappropriate conditions forced upon them by people who think cats are furry knickknacks were filmed behaving “badly.” Then this tattooed dude named Jason Galaxy would come in, move litterboxes, recommend perches, toys, beds, and scratching posts, and everyone would live happily ever after.

Voila! The cat was “cured.”

Apparently that didn’t go far enough. Along came Help! I’m Becoming a Cat Lady. Apparently, it’s a one-off because it’s not listed on Animal Planet’s website.

But PopWatch loved it.

In this travesty, a single woman with two cats is painted as a walking dating disaster, and it’s all the cats’ fault. The premise is that it’s wrong to lavish too much affection on your cats.

This “fixer” named Alyson comes in to hide all traces of the cats by moving the litterbox and kitty perch (granted, the litterbox in the dining room was ICK).

The woman is taught to wear butt-hugging jeans and flirt so she can attract someone who will hog her blankets, leave her toilet seat up, commandeer her remote and, if things “work out,” double her laundry and dishwashing.

Furthermore, he’ll always want to know where she’s going, when she’ll be back, and what’s for dinner every night.

And this is supposed to be better than living with cats?

Not to mention that most guys are dog people, so if the “reformed” woman thinks she’s found a keeper, she shouldn’t be surprised when he lays down the ultimatum, “It’s me or the cats.”

The whole point of the show is to marginalize cats so people can find f**k-buddies.

To that I say, f**k YOU, Animal Planet!


%d bloggers like this: