Herman Cain STILL Doesn’t Get It

December 4, 2011

By Adele

As a presidential candidate, Herman Cain’s greatest distinction has been that he’s not only clueless about foreign countries, he totally doesn’t get half the voters in America — women.

Consequently, Cain “suspended” his campaign yesterday. He may have succeeded in blowing off multiple reports of random ass-grabbing a few weeks ago, but the latest revelation of a 13-year affair with a woman living near Cain’s doorstep in Georgia FINALLY caused his campaign contributors to head for the exits.

But why did Ginger White decide to come forward? She and Cain were apparently tight until she did, if the volume of texts they exchanged recently is any indication.

White said she decided to speak out after seeing Cain totally trash the other women, claiming they were ALL lying, unstable, doing it for money out of desperation. White must have thought her more current, solid claim of his infidelity would get him to come clean.

Cain’s now calling White’s story “garbage,” and she says going public has been “humiliating.”

Yet, Cain admits he’s been helping to support this “troubled,” garbage-spewing liar (unbeknownst to his wife) out of the sheer goodness of his heart.

If nothing else, Cain’s proven a magnet for unbalanced babes who harbor a maniacal urge to bring him down, no matter how much mud they’re dragged through.

It must be the current political climate, where so many people prize ignorance above diamonds, that emboldens guys like Cain and Jerry Sandusky to think their pathetic attempts to bury their stinky business and shred their victims’ characters will vindicate them.

But it’s best that voters see this side of Cain now. If he crumbles under the “lies” of a few “unstable” women, what would he do in a REAL crisis? Hide under the bed?

So Cain’s campaign is kaput. “Suspended” my foot. When you make Newt Gingrich look good, you’re toast. Cain ends up on the trash heap with Bachmann, Perry, Santorum, Paul, and Huntsman (who always seemed too qualified and sensible to have a chance.)

Cain claims he’s now at peace with God and his wife. I can’t speak for God, but his wife was probably standing behind him at gunpoint while he made his drop-out speech — just in case he decides to try again in 2016.

But I don’t think it will surprise anyone if, after the Secret Service and TV cameras pull out, Herman wakes up one morning to find his clothes in a bonfire on the front lawn.


Why the GOP is Like the 4th of July

November 14, 2011

By Cole

Here’s a riddle: What do the misfits and intellectually-challenged opportunists vying for the Republican nomination have in common with Independence Day?

Fireworks. One by one they have been catapulted by their gullible followers to the heights of the polls. They hover for a time, all sparkly and beautiful and full of promise, and everybody “Oohs” and “Aahs” at their brilliance.

But then their flash is exhausted, they’ve got no substance to keep them aloft, and they fall back to earth.

Last week it was Rick Perry’s turn to flame out. After making an ass of himself almost every time he opened his mouth until he swore off debates altogether, they pulled him back in. That tells you right there he’s not cut out to tangle with whichever foreign despots we haven’t killed off.

And Perry obliged by really stepping in it. Herman Cain owes him a big one for deflecting the heat.

Don’t you just love listening to buffoons bragging about all the government agencies they’ll unilaterally wipe out — and then in the next breath reveal they have no idea what they’re talking about?

Poor Herman seems to be showing signs of early-onset dementia in his inability to remember any of the women who clearly remember him groping dissing them.

And now Rick Perry’s making George W. Bush look like Demosthenes.

And yet Perry and Cain act like they should get a pass for their inability to convey articulate or honest thought. After 8 years of Bush, and the U.S. declaring open season on heads of state we don’t like, it’s hard to imagine the rest of the world taking yet another mush-mouth in the Oval Office in stride.

Next up in the fireworks display: Newt Gingrich. He’s been one of those stealth types, but they’re running out of options so he’s he’s approaching his zenith and will have to show us what he’s got. It’s almost a certainty that some news hound will drag yet another skeleton out Newt’s walk-in closet, and he’ll end up on the ash-heap with the rest.

Meanwhile, Mitt Romney quietly lies in the shadows, waiting for his party to put away the garlic and the crosses, open his lid, and beg him to suck the life out of Obama.


GOP Throws Money at Herman the Harasser

November 2, 2011

By Cole

Herman Cain was naughty in the ‘90s with two female employees at the National Restaurant Association — and when the story just broke, he had one of his best campaign contribution days ever.

So much for GOP reverence for family values and zero-tolerance for sleaze — like they spouted when they tried to crucify Clinton.

Maybe Mitt Romney should consider a YouTube video of himself performing kinky sex with an underage girl who turns up pregnant — and then pay her NOT to get an abortion. By GOP logic, Mitt’s campaign coffers would overflow and he’d be guaranteed the nomination.

But back to Cain’s “problem”…

He initially claimed no memory of the incidents, but then vague little snippets started coming back to him.

Now we know the association silenced one of the women with a year’s worth of severance pay and made her sign a nondisclosure agreement.

When there’s that much smoke, it MUST have been a good fire.

On the other hand, so what? The incidents apparently occurred at booze-fueled parties, where people always say/do things they regret later.

If Cain IS as innocent as he claims, why is he being so evasive? Instead of faking amnesia or claiming he wasn’t privy to the settlements, he could have put the whole matter to rest with complete and decisive disclosure, proving he’s unafraid to look reality in the face.

Instead, he’s acting like a shifty, lying CEO — the same type Occupy Wall Streeters are fed up with and staging protests against.

I think Cain just blew his moment to sew up the nomination. He may have inspired the GOP’s biggest morons to redirect their Sarah Palin PAC contributions to him, but he’s quickly losing his cred and probably pissing away his chance at the presidency.

The only conclusion one can draw from Herman Cain’s behavior today is that whatever he did back then, it must have been pretty, pretty bad…


Christie Lets the Loonies Churn

October 5, 2011

By Cole

What part of “I’m not running for president” don’t the Republicans understand? New Jersey governor Chris Christie has told them for the MILLIONTH time he doesn’t want the job.

If Republicans hadn’t humored Tea Party wackos, they wouldn’t have ended up with the motley collection of fools and misfits who have risen to the top of the party like swamp scum.

Now they’ve got to live with it.

Meanwhile, Sarah Palin in her garish bus is popping wheelies in Walmart parking lots all over Nowhere, USA, trying to get somebody’s attention and praying for the Tea Party to come and beg her to be the savior who drives Obama out of office.

Her requirements for the job are simple:

  • No participating in debates
  • No interviews or Q&As she hasn’t scripted
  • No running in pesky primaries

If Palin had it her way, there would be no election, either. She’d just be anointed — and probably get bored and quit 2 years into her term.

I have no idea how good or bad a governor Chris Christie is (I’m sure reader MorganLF can fill us in), but his refusal to let himself be talked into running seems like a sign of integrity, which is unheard of in a politician.

Of what remains, here’s my feline take …

  • Michele Bachmann – Talked herself into oblivion, thank goodness.
  • Rick Santorum – Invisible Man.
  • Mitt Romney – Sleeps in a coffin.
  • Newt Gingrich – Senile.
  • Rick Perry – Keeps letting his mouth shoot him in the foot.
  • Ron Paul – Flake with a few good ideas.
  • Jon Huntsman – My favorite, but reason and common sense doom him.
  • Herman Cain – Hmmmm…

Cain’s star is rising, but could the Tea Party ever stomach a race between 2 black cats?

I suspect TPers would stay home in droves on election day, finally dispelling any doubt they’re a bunch of racists. If it came down to casting a vote for ANOTHER black man (I mean, where’s it going to end?), they’d just let Obama stay in the White House.


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