Only One Appropriate Response to North Korea

December 19, 2014

By Cole

Does North Korea’s childish hijacking of the satirical comedy, The Interview, remind anybody else of that annual Dr. Seuss holiday special, How the Grinch Stole Christmas?

If you’ll recall, the big, bad Grinch whose heart was two sizes too small crept into the village of Whoville on Christmas Eve and stole all the trees, decorations, and presents.

And what did the Whos do when they woke up robbed? They celebrated Christmas anyway.

As Americans, we need to take a page from the Whos’ playbook.

Granted, The Interview’s best moments may have already been shown in the promo clips before Sony shelved the film. But since when do we let a Kim Jong-un tell us what’s entertainment?

Or cower at a threat from faceless hackers that reads like a satire of itself:

Warning

We will clearly show it to you at the very time and places “The Interview” be shown, including the premiere, how bitter fate those who seek fun in terror should be doomed to.

Soon all the world will see what an awful movie Sony Pictures Entertainment has made.

The world will be full of fear.

Remember the 11th of September 2001.

We recommend you to keep yourself distant from the places at that time.

(If your house is nearby, you’d better leave.)

Whatever comes in the coming days is called by the greed of Sony Pictures Entertainment.

All the world will denounce the SONY.

More to come…

George Clooney is right. If we let North Korea win this point, where does it end? We might as well shelve the First Amendment.

The movie chains and Sony need to grow a pair and release The Interview on Christmas Day — in theaters, on DVD, and on demand. And movie-goers should make like Whos and watch it — and laugh even at the lame parts.

If Kim Jong-un can’t find it in that shriveled little raisin he calls a heart to laugh with us, then we can laugh at him.

PS to the hackers: If you want Americans to take your threats seriously, learn English.


Can the First Amendment Save Larry Craig?

October 28, 2007

By Fred

First, a correction: Larry Craig has never fathered children. He adopted his wife’s litter.

In Craig’s quest to be a red-blooded stud, he’s got the ACLU saying that foot-tapping and hand-waving are protected by the First Amendment.

Yeah, and so are whisker-twitching and tail-swishing.

Craig’s also floating the argument that charging him with disorderly conduct is unconstitutional, which must mean he thinks hassling the guy in the next stall was orderly conduct.

I caught Matt Lauer’s interview with Craig and his wife Suzanne on Dateline recently and learned a lot. For instance, Larry’s been leaving a trail of men since college. And when he was a new congressman in 1982, there was another congressional page scandal and he was the only one involved who tried to deny it.

Once, a man tried to prove Craig’s gayness by describing his private parts. Suzanne scoffed that the guy got three things wrong. I wondered how she’d know, if they’re really God-fearing conservatives who only “do it” on their birthdays with the lights off. She’d need better eyes than a cat to catch a glimpse of Larry’s jewels from missionary position.

My ears perked up when Craig said he’s been in that particularly well-known gay “hot spot” in the Minneapolis airport many times but, “to his knowledge,” has never been solicited for sex.

To his knowledge? Was he implying that guys have hit on him, but he just didn’t get it?

Note to Larry: If you have nothing to hide, weasel words don’t help.

As California’s wildfires are tragically proving, where there’s tons of smoke… The more Craig protests, the gayer he sounds.


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