Who Needs Stinking Elections? Just Form a New Country!

December 21, 2007

By Fred

I had a WTF moment when I sat on Russian President Vladimir Putin’s face – as Person of the Year on Time magazine’s cover. Apparently, I wasn’t alone, because Time has been swearing it’s no honor, just recognition of his… uh… “influence.”



When George W. Bush looked into Putin’s eyes, he saw his soul. When I look into Putin’s eyes, I’m reminded of the shark Robert Shaw described in Jaws: “…he’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes.”

Putin latest scheme to hold onto power is to merge Russia with Belarus so he can be president of a bigger, better country. The only turd in the water bowl is that Belarus already has a ruthless dictator, Alexander Lukashenko, who isn’t about to give up his own job security.

I’m worried that Dick Cheney will hear about this and start telling George, “Let’s invade Mexico and form a ‘new’ country. We could slip some fine print into the Constitution that says Congress can’t run a new country, so they’d be toast and you and I can rule as long as my pacemaker lasts.”

If that doesn’t tempt George, Cheney could add, “We’d be killing three birds with one stone. Once we’re running Mexico, all their illegal immigrants automatically become citizens and an unlimited source of cheap labor. What’s not to love about that?”

It takes a while for Bush to grasp concepts, but once he gets it, he’ll probably say, “Why stop at Mexico? Hell, let’s invade Canada! Our boys could whip those woosies in a week. Then we can say we have universal healthcare to shut up all the crybabies who think they’re too good to go to the emergency room when they get sick. Bring it on! My legacy’s looking better already!”

They’d make Genghis Khan and Atila the Hun proud.

Bush: The Bad Leaders’ Role Model

November 8, 2007

By Fred

President Bush is stewing over General Pervez Musharraf in Pakistan. He even phoned the guy and explained, “You can’t be the president and the head of the military at the same time.”

Bush wants that niche all to himself. Because he’s called “the Commander in Chief,” he thinks he can start wars without asking anyone’s permission. That big domed thing in Washington with all those senators and congresspeople is a chicken coop as far as he and Cheney are concerned.

Bush shouldn’t be shocked when other power-hungry nut jobs follow his lead.

President Mahmoud Amadinejad of Iran loves making outrageous statements with no basis in reality. He says Iran has no gays, and the jury’s still out on whether the Holocaust really happened.

Bush thinks God talks directly to him.

Hugo Chavez of Venezuela calls Bush “Satan” and smells sulfur whenever he’s nearby.

Bush thought Saddam Hussein was demonic and couldn’t rest until he was dead, paving the way for all leaders to have each other whacked at will.

Vladimir Putin seems to be planning to pick up where he leaves off as president by becoming prime minister of Russia. Bush thinks he saw Putin’s soul in his eyes. I think he just recognized another bird of the same feather.

The two razor-thin “elections” that put Bush and Cheney in power couldn’t bear scrutiny. Now that they’ve made the world their litter box, they’d probably opt to stay in the White House for life if they thought they could get away with it. If they don’t like being copied by despotic leaders who mistreat their people, they have only themselves to blame.

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