This is the last post I’ll write about this election. OK, maybe one more, but only if I get to gloat. I promise I won’t whine if Romney gets more votes. (I just can’t bring myself to call him a “winner.”)
Once again, we cats are forced to sit on the sidelines while the fate of our country lies in the hands of feckless humans, just because you have opposable thumbs.
But if cats could vote, I can tell you the only ones who’d be voting for Romney are pampered Persians with a sense of entitlement, and some Siamese who can’t see straight.
The Domestic Shorthairs, the nation’s most powerful feline contingent, which includes most strays and by far outnumbers purebreds, would be voting for the black cat.
So I hope everybody goes to the polls tomorrow to vote, UNLESS…
- You haven’t watched at least 500 TV ads (if you live in a swing state) and rolled in that mud.
- You didn’t bother to watch any of the debates, so you missed seeing Romney’s best flip-flops and outright lies.
- You think the country needs a president who believes there’s magic in his underwear (and I’m not talking about what’s IN his underwear, which all men believe to be magical, but his actual shorts).
- You think the country needs a first lady who’s more empty-headed than Laura Bush and has dedicated her life to breeding, either herself or through her offspring.
- You want to see our Commander in Chief, through sheer tactlessness, totally piss off China, Russia, most of Europe, South America, and Africa.
- You think the Middle East deserves a U.S./Israeli attack on Iran — just because it’s there.
In that case, you are too dumb to vote and you need to stay home watching the Cartoon Network. We’ll let you know how it turns out.