Florida has Worn Out its Welcome

July 14, 2013

By Cole

Enough’s enough. First, they were too stupid to read a ballot and we ended up with Bush, Cheney, and two pointless wars.

Then they decreed it A-OK to whack inconvenient kids who cramp mom’s social life. They wasted big taxpayer bucks pretending to care about missing Kaylee Anthony while mom Casey lied and lied. And after all that, the jury said, “Screw the kid. Sorry to have bothered you, Casey. Live long and prosper!”

And NOW they’ve given overzealous Barney Fife types like George Zimmerman carte blanche to chase down and kill anybody they ironically deem “off” and call it self-defense.

It’s time to let Florida become the lawless frontier it aspires to be. Let them elect their own village idiot (Zimmerman, perhaps?) to preside over them killing each other into extinction.

The “not guilty” verdict delivered in the George Zimmerman trial was jaw-dropping, but unsurprising. It’s precisely the kind of stupid we’ve come to expect from Florida’s residents.

How on earth, when given this scenario…

  • Man trolls neighborhood with a loaded gun, looking for trouble.
  • Man spots black kid on foot and assumes he’s up to no good,
  • Man recorded by police lumping the boy in with other “f**king punks” who have caused trouble, although he doesn’t know the boy from Adam.
  • Man disobeys police dispatcher’s request not to follow the boy.
  • Man gets out of his truck anyway and somehow comes face-to-face with the boy, who turns out to be taller and stronger.
  • Man shoots boy to death.

…did they decide Zimmerman did absofuckinglutely NOTHING WRONG??!!

And now Zimmerman can go back on the streets — with the very gun he used to kill Trayvon Martin. They’re giving it back to him.

Every armed racist must be strutting a little bit taller. Getting away with cold-blooded, unprovoked murder just got a lot easier.

This country has its problems, but letting Florida lower the collective IQ and become the poster state for mayhem shouldn’t be among them.

I say, cut Florida loose. Let it become North America’s sovereign mecca for murderers, child molesters, pornographers — you name it. Let them flourish under the vast protections afforded by Florida’s joke of a judicial system.

Let every George Zimmerman wannabe flock there and prowl Florida’s streets in search of blood to shed. Murder can henceforth be called “keeping the peace.”

And heaven help any innocent souls who don’t have the sense to flee. Sooner or later you’ll do something Barney finds heinous, like buy Skittles, and end up dead like Trayvon — and rotsa ruck finding anybody to give a damn.

Happy hunting, George!

A Vast Parental Conspiracy?

July 8, 2011

By Adele

If Casey Anthony could party hard for a month while her daughter Caylee was missing, and be aquitted of every charge related to Caylee’s disappearance and death, one can only conclude the jury wore mental earplugs and blindfolds.

It’s a disturbing pattern.

Juries who refuse to convict or recommend the maximum punishment to mothers like Casey Anthony must be thinking…“There, but for the grace of God, go I.”

They’re the people who put a book called Go the F**k to Sleep by Adam Mansbach in the No. 1 spot on a NY Times bestseller list.

It’s no secret that kids can be as annoying as hell.

I believe parents on juries recall times when they’d have liked to forget their own brats existed, just for a little break from parenthood.

But would they ever want to end up on Death Row for it? Hell, no!

Remember Susan Smith, the South Carolina woman who incensed the country in 1994 after drowning her 1- and 3-year-old sons in a lake and making up a story about a black carjacker, when she really did it to please her child-averse lover?

When the truth first came out, everybody wanted Smith’s head on a platter. But as time dragged on, people started thinking, “Oh, the poor woman. She’s suffered enough. She lost all her children.”

Smith faced the death penalty, too, but got only a life sentence and could be freed in 2024. In the meantime, she has no worries because the taxpayers provide her room and board.

These mothers’ heinous, heartless crimes always seem to turn in their favor. They get sympathy over losing their children when THEY are the reason their kids are dead.

The wilful dismissal of facts and disconnect from reality that infects conservative political ideology bleeds into courtrooms. Jurors refuse to find guilt because they know they themselves are guilty of at least passing fantasies of what life would be like without the kids. If they start punishing each other for that, who’s next?

Innocent, defenseless children born to monsters don’t have a chance. They can be butchered and tossed out like garbage and the adults who should have protected them shrug it off, claiming no amount of “evidence” will prove it even happened.

For all we know, this idiot jury believes Caylee Anthony is still alive somewhere because the skeletal remains may not really be hers.

When parents put self-preservation first, there will never be justice for children.

Florida Welcomes Disposable Children

July 6, 2011

By Adele

If you’re a young adult whose wild and crazy unprotected sex resulted in a pesky child to raise — YEARS before you were ready to give up drinking, partying, and sleeping around — Florida wants to help.

Just tell the kid you’re taking him/her to meet Mickey Mouse at DisneyWorld. Pack light. A roll of duct tape fits easily into a carry-on.

As soon as you arrive in Orlando, take the child to McDonald’s for a Happy (Last) Meal and keep the receipt. It will come in handy later if you ever need to show anyone what a devoted parent you are.

Before you check into a hotel, slap a few strips of duct tape over the child’s nose and mouth, then throw him into the trunk of your rental car before too many people see him.

For the duration of your stay, you can enjoy all of Orlando’s attractions and nightlife, unfettered by a cranky brat with poopy diapers whose insistence on eating and sleeping would only cramp your style.

When it’s time to head home, dump the kid in the nearest empty lot. If the car trunk smells funky from a corpse rotting in Florida’s heat, not to worry. The rental company has chemicals to take care of that.

Back home, if anyone in your family happens to notice your child hasn’t been around for a while and raises a “stink,” just accuse them of molesting you and threaten to sing like a canary. That should shut them up.

And never fear being caught or convicted. If a remorseless killer and pathological liar like Casey Anthony can get away with it, rest assured that the same morons who couldn’t read a ballot in 2000 and handed the White House to George W. Bush are still going strong and likely to be on your jury of “peers,” if it ever comes to that.

But, thanks to the Anthony “not guilty” verdict, the Orlando ‘burbs will soon be strewn with the remains of so many unwanted kids, they’ll look like above-ground catacombs. The chances of your departed darling ever being found and linked to you are slim to none.

Now, don’t you feel better?

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