What if Cats Wore Burqas?

June 23, 2009

By Adele

Since his wife Carla keeps a closet full of Dior, it’s no surprise French President Nicolas Sarkozy sees nothing chic about burqas and niqabs, those head-to-toe black things some Muslim women wear. Yesterday in a speech to parliament, Sarkozy called those women “prisoners behind a screen” with no identity, subservient and debased, and declared such dress unwelcome in France.

That got me thinking…what if by some bizarre twist of nature, dogs could make cats wear burqas? Forcing us under wraps with nothing but our eyes to contend with is the only way they could ever get the upper paw on us.

Dogs would be free to romp and play and pee everywhere. Cats would become identical-looking nonentities — sweltering in the sun, unable to run, jump, eat, or even wash our faces in public.

The robes would drag through our kitty litter, stifle our natural grace, keep our tails between our legs, and make vermin lose all respect for us. Before long, the planet would be teeming with rats gone wild and the plague would make a comeback.

Cats — useless, faceless, helpless — would have to sit there and watch mankind get wiped out while dogs just stood around barking their heads off.

If God, Allah, or Whoever intended for any of us to be shapeless blobs, we’d have been built that way in the first place. But we’re not. We’ve got parts and we’re supposed to use them.

I hope Sarkozy’s attempt to liberate Muslim women is accepted graciously, without riots or violence. He only wants to see who they are and let them realize their full potential.


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