Ideal Solution for Obama’s Hillary Problem

June 5, 2008

By Adele

Watching her drag the carcass of her campaign around all week, I’m beginning to wonder if Hillary Clinton is completely unhinged. She seems to think staying in a fog of denial will somehow make Barack Obama roll over and play dead.

But we know that if Obama offers Hillary the No. 2 spot on his ticket, he’ll have to sleep with the light on the whole time he’s in the White House. Putting her a heartbeat away from the presidency would just be tempting fate for something “unfortunate” to happen to him, given the Clintons’ talent for making people disappear.

Barack’s best hope of living to serve two terms is to promise Hillary a seat on the Supreme Court if he wins.

I’m sure Hillary would be thrilled to be deemed Supreme, forever able to hide her thick ankles under judges’ robes. Ruth Bader Ginsberg could retire with a clear conscience, giving up her seat to a fellow liberal and a woman, and the current balance of power would remain stable to keep the Republicans quiet.

On the court, Hillary could indulge her penchant for mud-wrestling, regularly getting down and dirty with world-class chauvinists like Clarence Thomas and Antonin Scalia. Now and then, she might even manage to keep them from setting the country back a hundred years.

With Hillary permanently sidelined from campaigning, the Democratic party wouldn’t have to worry about Clintons stirring up any more trouble – unless Chelsea someday enters politics. But that wouldn’t be for years because Chelsea has to get comfortable talking to the media first.

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