Romney Finds His Soulmate

August 13, 2012

By Cole

In Hollywood parlance, I’m not sure if the new Republican ticket is Ryney (to rhyme with “whiny”) or Roman (pronounced like the cheap packaged noodles 99% of Americans will be eating if this pair wins).

On August 11, Mitt Romney continued his grand Foot in Mouth Tour with a visit to Virginia, standing in front of the battleship USS Wisconsin (because Republicans apparently need their symbolism that size to get it) and introducing to the world “the next president of the United States,” Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan.

You could almost hear foreheads being slapped off-camera as Ryan took the stage and began to speak, while Romney’s handlers turned Mitt around, saying, “YOU’RE the next president, REMEMBER??!!!”

Then Romney rudely interrupted Ryan by popping back into frame to explain with a nervous chuckle that he (Mitt) sometimes makes mistakes (ya THINK?) but, “I didn’t make a mistake with this guy.”

I predict that moment will be replayed widely on November 7 after Obama’s re-election, as Romney’s famous last words.

Paul Ryan is Sarah Palin in pants. Young (42), eager, ambitious, attractive, and rabid to spout off whatever the nuttiest fringe of the base wants to hear.

Granted, Ryan is intellectually leap years ahead of Palin because he does his homework, but the results are so far out in left field, he might as well be an idiot.

For starters, Ryney claim they can cut taxes and reduce the deficit simultaneously.

It sounds great in campaign-speak, but in plain English they’re saying, “We’re going to take in less money but pay more of the bills.”

And do this while increasing defense spending. In prep, perhaps, for yet a 3rd Republican-instigated war — tag-teaming with Israel to make Iran a parking lot?

The only way they can possibly do all this is to brutally slash programs that actually help people, like Social Security, Medicare, infrastructure maintenance (roads, bridges), and education for starters.

It’s said Romney feels totally comfortable with Ryan, a red flag right there. Also, both men have kept their hookup under wraps since August 1, and Ryan intends to divulge only 2 years of tax returns. That should tell us something about how open and transparent a Romney administration would be.

The only comfort in all this is knowing that the vice-presidency is the world’s biggest non-job, and you can’t believe ANY candidate’s promises. Once they’re faced with Congress, all bets are off and it’s every greedy crook for himself. All these 10-year projections of deficits, savings, and surpluses are baloney because these guys won’t be around to see them through.

Romney took a bold chance picking his veep. He should ask John McCain how that worked out in 2008.

Laura Bush, Stay Annoying. It’s Working!

February 7, 2008

By Adele

I’ve suspected that our glassy-eyed First Lady with the Stepford Wife smile wants her approval rating in the toilet with her husband’s by the time they leave Washington or he’ll never forgive her. That’s why she suddenly started yowling about the government crackdown on democracy in Burma.

And went to the United Arab Emirates to talk about breast cancer with women she couldn’t even see. I guess she didn’t think there are any women in the U.S. who’d discuss it face-to-face with her.


(Photo by Kamran Jebrili, Reuters)

On February 1, she dressed in red and trotted over to The Today Show to prove she knows what heart disease is.

All her efforts to be a model nonentity for unaspiring females everywhere seem to finally be paying off. According to the Pew Research Center, she’s come down from a 70% favorable approval rating to 54%, and her unfavorable rating has risen from 18% to 29%.

Overall, her favorability has dropped only 16 points compared to George W’s 25 points, but it shows that she’s obviously doing something right. By the time the two of them pack up to return to Crawford next January, the White House staff should be diligent about not letting any doors hit them in the ass.

I don’t want to be accused of being a negative kitty, so let me provide a rundown from Pew on Laura’s current favorable ratings. You have to subtract from 100 to figure the percentage that either views her less than favorably or is too clueless to have an opinion:









Under age 30


Age 30-49


Age 50-64


Age 65+


I was just a kitten when George and Laura Bush moved into the White House, so she’s the only First Lady I’ve ever seen in action. I assume “living in a fog” was just her unique interpretation of her job duties. So no matter who gets elected, the next First Lady has got to be more interesting – even if she’s a man.

It Takes One to Know One

November 20, 2007

By Adele

Around here, I’m called “The Twitch.” Fred and Yul think I don’t know what they really mean.

Joke’s on them because I’m flattered. Twitch describes my mercurial ways to a T. In a flash, I can go from cuddling on a lap to huddling under the bed. One minute I’m blissfully warming my toes on Yul’s tummy – the next I’m chasing him around like a fury. On Monday, chicken with rice is my favorite meal – on Tuesday, I won’t touch the stuff.

In humans I think this is called schizophrenia. But I’m just being the perfect cat.

It’s too bad Hillary Clinton isn’t a cat because she’s being called rude names and John McCain thinks it’s funny.

Some unidentified McCain supporter got her 15 anonymous minutes of fame by asking, “How do we beat the bitch?” She probably doesn’t realize she revealed herself with a capital B to all us females who get pretty sick of being dominated by men.

And now Kathleen Parker, whose columns usually make great litter box liners, is warning men to quit bashing Hillary because it might make women side with her. God forbid women should support each other. We might actually gain the upper hand.

On the other hand, Hillary would instantly end her run for president if she ever got tired of all this personal abuse and called her petty critics bastards.

But if she did it, I wouldn’t blame her a bit.

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