Virginia Governor Scrambles to Salvage Vagina Vote

February 23, 2012

By Adele

Have you noticed how men have been running amok lately, trying to trample women’s rights? First, we had that dick-fest in Washington, where male Republican politicians and religious leaders sat around kvetching about how giving women affordable access to contraception would infringe on MEN’S BEST INTERESTS!!

And right here in Virginia, Virginia’s Republican-led House of Delegates almost pulled off a bill mandating invasive transvaginal ultrasound (that’s internal probing with an 8-10” instrument) on women seeking an abortion, which Governor Bob McDonnell said he would sign.

Democratic No. Va. Delegate David Englin rightly reminded his colleagues that “object sexual penetration” is already on the books in Virginia as a serious sex crime.

But what rankles most is that the bill’s ORIGINAL SPONSOR was Delegate Kathy Byron (R-Lynchburg). And I can describe her in just 3 words…

Stupid, sadistic bitch.

A thousand irate citizens protested outside the state capitol, but what really got our legislators’ attention was the national media.

When Governor McDonnell saw Jon Stewart brilliantly nail his bald-faced hypocrisy and mysogynism on the Daily Show, McDonnell probably heard the female vote swishing down the drain, making him a poisonous VP pick for whichever idiot becomes the Republican nominee for president.

So McDonnell did exactly what any Republican with unshakable moral beliefs does when his selfish ambition is threatened — a complete 180. Now McDonnell thinks the law should be limited to external ultrasounds.

Yet any ultrasounds in early pregnancy are useless except to remind doctor and patient that Big Brother is watching and to raise the abortion’s cost. But in the Republican mind, all the expense and intrusion is worth it if just one mother gets guilted into bearing a child she doesn’t want.

Va. Republicans may have wussed out on this, but they’re also cooking up a law that “personhood” begins at conception. Women who have abortions or accidentally miscarry would be guilty of murder. And by logical extension, anyone who uses contraception (including men wearing condoms) would be guilty of attempted murder.

So basically, anybody who has protected sex risks being prosecuted as a felon unless a baby pops out 9 months later.

But while Republicans are busy stripping women of their reproductive rights and dignity, here’s something for Democrats to propose to even the playing field.

If women are prohibited from practicing birth control but don’t want or can’t have children, they should be able to go to court and get an order for their partner to have a vasectomy.

There are already too many people in the world, and millions are starving. If men are going to force women to bear children, then women should be able to force men to become sterile.

It’s only fair.


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