Romney Demands More Secrecy from Obama

By Cole

In a speech at a Veterans of Foreign Wars convention yesterday, Mitt Romney finally admitted, “The time for stonewalling is over.”

Unfortunately, he wasn’t talking about his refusal to let voters see exactly how many millions (or billions) in taxes he’s dodged over the years.

He was referring to the Obama administration’s leaks of national security intelligence, and demanded a full investigation (although one is already in progress).

According to Romney, belatedly revealing our military’s brilliance in taking down Osama bin Laden constitutes “contemptible” behavior.

He also called Obama’s treatment of Israel “shabby,” although Israel isn’t complaining.

He also accuses Obama of “betrayal” by undermining our allies.

It’s like watching a Boy Scout try to start a fire by rubbing two sticks together.

Coincidentally, right now Romney is flitting through a bizarre little junket to Israel, Poland, and Great Britain to boost his foreign policy cred. As if being photographed shaking hands with guys who happened to have an hour free on their schedules to meet a powerless presidential wannabe gives him any.

Romney seems to overlook his own ceaseless betrayal of the citizens of Massachusetts who elected him governor, and now have to listen to him kvetch about the healthcare system he established for them because Obama is doing something similar on a national scale.

As most Republicans know — nothing the black guy does can ever be good enough or right — even if they thought of it first themselves.

From what we’ve seen so far of Mitt, he’s woefully lacking in specific, constructive plans, but hard to beat when it comes to duplicity, evasiveness, and secrecy.

Romney as president would make Richard Nixon look as forthcoming as a Penthouse centerfold.

GOP, Face It: You’re Stuck with Romney

By Cole

As if Republicans can’t give us enough examples of their refusal to face reality, now we’ve got Rick Santorum. This man has a loser stench that he alone seems unable to smell, and he still will not admit that Mitt Romney sewed up the nomination this week with a clean 3-primary sweep.

Voters have finally noticed the tide, and not even Santorum at his most sanctimonious has the power to turn it.

No, he’d rather subject himself to the humiliation of the upcoming Pennsylvania primary. This is the state that most recently flung him out of the Senate with an 18-point loss.

And now he thinks those same voters would MUCH rather see him in the White House? And this guy’s kids are home-schooled — to be the next generation of village idiots, one must assume.

Even nutty Newt Gingrich has had the good grace to fold up his campaign and fade away.

It’s sad that the best person the GOP could find to pit against Obama is a creepy guy who probably sleeps in a bed with a lid on it. But it’s time for them to face it.

I won’t go so far as to say yet that they’re probably handing Obama a second term, but I think we can see where this is heading.

Conservative craziness seems to finally be hitting the wall.

The most constructive thing Republicans could do until they hold their pep rally to make Romney’s nomination official would be to stop spewing their mostly-fact-free vitriol, stop blowing money on moot campaigning, and give everyone’s ears a break.

Then in the fall, we can shake Romney’s Etch-a-Sketch to forget what a total phony he is, and let the real campaign begin.

What Would be Worse Than President Newt?

By Adele

First Lady Callista, or “Cally Lou,” as she’s known to family.

You can sling mud all day about Michelle Obama or Hillary Clinton (I have). But when it comes to sheer repugnance, NO ONE competes with Callista Gingrich:

• 6 years as Newt’s mistress before becoming Wife No. 3 after he got around to divorcing Wife No. 2, whom he had married after cheating with her on his first wife, the mother of his 2 daughters.
• Younger than Newt’s daughter Kathy by 3 years, same age (45) as Newt’s daughter Jackie. I bet Newt’s itching for them to call Callista “Mom.”
• Beneficiary of Newt’s $500K line of credit at Tiffany’s.

And anyone wonders why Newt lags in polls with female voters?

Callista’s on the campaign trail a lot, although she rarely speaks. Rather than supporting her husband’s ambition, don’t you get the feeling she’s there to make sure Newt doesn’t start stepping out with Wife No. 4?

Desperate Republicans who can’t embrace that morally squeaky-clean Mormon, Romney, now claim serial cheating is A-OK and, “It’s between Newt and God.”

They’re apparently good with rank hypocrisy, too, since Newt was going full-steam after Bill Clinton for Monica while he and Callista were making wet spots on the sheets.

Before Callista met Newt, she reportedly dated a single, age-appropriate guy for a few years, but broke it off when she found another girl in his apartment.

But Callista’s got Newt’s immortal soul covered. She persuaded him to convert to her faith, Catholicism. You can just imagine. “Oh, Newty, Wooty, you’ll love it. It’s GREAT! You can break every Commandment whenever you like. Then you just step into this little phone booth and give the priest the gist — it’s all ANONYMOUS. You say a few prayers, and your soul is good as new!”

Have I been making Callista sound like a dumb blonde? Sorry. As First Lady, she has said her pet cause would be MUSIC EDUCATION. She studied music and plays piano and French horn.

Somehow she missed the part where Republicans want to strip education to its bare bare bones, cut silly electives like art and MUSIC, kill artsy-fartsy Public Television and Broadcasting because nobody needs opera, and eliminate the National Endowment for the Arts and anything else that has the slightest whiff of culture.

And Callista’s greatest contribution to fashion as First Lady would undoubtedly involve a renaissance for peroxide and the helmet-head hairdo. (Sorry, honey, Barbara Bush beat you to the pearls.)

Politics hasn’t seen such a golddigging bimbo since a cute little blonde named Eva sank her claws into Juan Peron.

Is this REALLY who you want standing behind the leader of the free world?

Passed on State of the Union

By Cole

Nobody needs an hour to hear the state of the union. I can tell you in 2 words:

It stinks.

We fell asleep before President Obama finished glad-handing all his suck-ups and started flapping his teleprompted gums before Congress last night. Watching that bunch who dedicate their lives to sending this country down the crapper for their own enrichment, and applauding every 30 seconds about it, was more than we could stand.

Nor did we want to hear Obama’s latest bright idea for a new task force, fraud team, super-committee, or study group whose sole purpose will be to kick any actual solutions to our dire problems past that tricky fork in the road called “the election.”

If you’ve heard one State of the Union address, you’ve heard them all. No matter how bad things are, a president of either party will say, “We’re strong, we’re great, things are getting better.” Yada, yada, yada.

And millions of Americans are out of work, living in their cars, wondering where their next meal is coming from, or becoming deathly ill because they can’t afford to see a doctor.

Michelle Obama “wowed” everyone in a blue dress by the unpronounceable designer, Barbara Tfank, while she sat with Warren Buffett’s secretary, who was there to remind us she pays more taxes than her millionaire boss. I bet a Tfank is beyond her means.

And that’s because we have a system where, if you make so much money you can pile it up somewhere to passively accrue even MORE money, and you can live well on it doing absolutely NOTHING productive (Mitt Romney, I’m thinking of you), you get to pay a relative pittance in taxes.

But if you actually WORK and EARN A LIVING, the government can’t take a big enough chunk out of your hide. You’re lucky if they leave you with enough to buy a can of Alpo.

If the greedy, corrupt fat cats who occupy Washington had a problem with this situation, they’d change it. That’s why people elected them. But apparently they don’t. It’s more fun to stand around yammering and clapping and pretending for one night that they give a damn.

Thankfully, nobody says (yet) that we have to watch.

GOP Virginia Primary is Toast

By Cole

The stink over the Virginia GOP primary ballot gets ranker by the minute. Virginia’s Attorney General, Ken “Cuckoo” Cuccinelli, was in favor of letting Rick Perry bully his way in with a lawsuit — until he was against it. Now Cuccinelli thinks it would be unfair to Romney and Paul, who followed the rules for getting 10,000 valid signatures, to change the game midstream so the slackers can join them on the ballot.

Republicans call this “flip-flopping” and consider it a mortal sin. Let’s hope the Tea Party remembers that when Cuccinelli runs for governor next year.

But it gets even better: Now Gingrich, Bachmann, Huntsman, and Santorum have asked to be on the ballot — and the last 3 never even submitted the first signature.

One Republican screener who witnessed the signature validation process has reported it was entrusted to untrained boobs who tossed names for reasons like the signers didn’t stay on the lines.

At this point, the whole process is so corrupt, Virginia’s Republican voters are beyond screwed. The party should stop wasting money churning this mess and forget it. A primary doesn’t elect anybody anyway.

State Democrats already canceled their primary because Obama’s unopposed.

A GOP ballot with Paul and Romney on it is only slightly less absurd. They’ll be lucky if anybody shows up at the polls March 6 to participate in this farce.

But if they cave and let the motley crew on the ballot without making them do the work, the qualification requirements for next time can be reduced to having a pulse.

(And the rules aren’t that crazy. Virginia residency is required to discourage candidates from bringing in their flying monkeys to collect signatures. The 400 names per congressional district is to make candidates canvass every rural corner of the state, not just hit the dense condo jungles of Northern Virginia and get 10,000 names during one rush-hour gridlock.)

The bottom line is that the GOP destroyed its own primary. Half the candidates didn’t bother to enter. Now they’re wasting good money trying to salvage something whose results can’t fail to be so bogus, they’d embarrass Vladimir Putin.

Why isn’t the Tea Party screaming, “Enough is enough”?

Bye, Bye, Palin – Good Riddance

By Adele

When the begging wasn’t immediately redirected to her after Chris Christie declined again to run for president, Sarah Palin sidestepped embarrassment by piggy-backing onto Christie with her own “withdrawal” from the race.

In some twisted way, I bet she thinks it sets her and Christie up as the inevitable, unbeatable Palin-Christie GOP ticket in 2016.

Palin’s been milking her 16^th minute of fame for too long, and this should finish her off. There’s little she can do to hold the public’s interest over the next 4 years that she hasn’t already tried.

She starred in a reality show that tanked. She pseudo-“wrote” 2 books that revealed there’s nothing but lint between her ears. She doesn’t do interviews, so talk shows are out.

Even her gig as a Fox News talking head is iffy. Fox’s chief, Roger Ailes, just told the Associated Press he hired Palin only because she was “hot,” and now that he’s making a “course correction” to steer his neocon propaganda machine network toward the middle ground, Palin’s incendiary hunter-speak about political foes being “targets” in her “crosshairs” won’t play.

So where does that leave Palin?

She might follow Bristol onto Dancing with the Stars if they can guarantee she’ll win it. She could appear on Celebrity Apprentice if Trump can be sweet-talked into rigging it so she wins. She could pose as Playmate of the Month because everyone’s dying to see how a woman with a litter of 5 looks naked.

Palin’s career trajectory is definitely headed for “Whatever Became of…?” and I couldn’t be more thrilled.

As the 2012 election heats up, we’ll undoubtedly see Palin making her last stand, popping up behind candidates’ shoulders at photo ops like some Alaskan Zelig as she desperately tries to cast herself as a kingmaker.

But she’ll finally have to set the course for her stupid bus back to Wasilla, where she can live out her days on the millions she bilked out of her gullible supporters.

Christie Lets the Loonies Churn

By Cole

What part of “I’m not running for president” don’t the Republicans understand? New Jersey governor Chris Christie has told them for the MILLIONTH time he doesn’t want the job.

If Republicans hadn’t humored Tea Party wackos, they wouldn’t have ended up with the motley collection of fools and misfits who have risen to the top of the party like swamp scum.

Now they’ve got to live with it.

Meanwhile, Sarah Palin in her garish bus is popping wheelies in Walmart parking lots all over Nowhere, USA, trying to get somebody’s attention and praying for the Tea Party to come and beg her to be the savior who drives Obama out of office.

Her requirements for the job are simple:

• No participating in debates
• No interviews or Q&As she hasn’t scripted
• No running in pesky primaries

If Palin had it her way, there would be no election, either. She’d just be anointed — and probably get bored and quit 2 years into her term.

I have no idea how good or bad a governor Chris Christie is (I’m sure reader MorganLF can fill us in), but his refusal to let himself be talked into running seems like a sign of integrity, which is unheard of in a politician.

Of what remains, here’s my feline take …

• Michele Bachmann – Talked herself into oblivion, thank goodness.
• Rick Santorum – Invisible Man.
• Mitt Romney – Sleeps in a coffin.
• Newt Gingrich – Senile.
• Rick Perry – Keeps letting his mouth shoot him in the foot.
• Ron Paul – Flake with a few good ideas.
• Jon Huntsman – My favorite, but reason and common sense doom him.
• Herman Cain – Hmmmm…

Cain’s star is rising, but could the Tea Party ever stomach a race between 2 black cats?

I suspect TPers would stay home in droves on election day, finally dispelling any doubt they’re a bunch of racists. If it came down to casting a vote for ANOTHER black man (I mean, where’s it going to end?), they’d just let Obama stay in the White House.

Trump vs. Obama

By Yul

The mouth-breathing birthers can remove their tin-foil hats now. Obama’s signed birth certificate is out there, and the family of his doctor (now deceased) has verified the doctor’s signature.

Donald Trump wasted no time taking all the credit, “proud” and “honored” that he succeeded in bringing this to light, naming the Clintons as some of those who “failed” previously.

Funny, I don’t recall Bill ever fretting over Obama’s citizenship, nor Hillary courting votes from the right-wing nut fringe.

Also funny that the “people” Trump claimed he had snooping in Hawaii also failed to unearth the paperwork, with Trump’s riches available for bribes and such.

Obama kindly alluded to the billionaire buffoon as a “carnival barker” who’s distracting the country with “silly” issues.

But Trump’s already a step ahead. Now he claims that Obama faked his way through Columbia and Harvard (graduating magna cum laude from Harvard notwithstanding) and Trump wants to see transcripts.

I say, if Donald Trump is so keen on full disclosure, let’s start with the top of his head.

How can anybody take the man’s tough talk seriously when he can’t bear to face his own reflection? Does he really think he’ll restore America’s glory when nobody can look at his “crowning glory” and keep a straight face?

It’s ironic that such a colossal windbag lives in eternal dread of sudden gusts. I guess it’s a given that, as president, he’d never champion wind energy (“I said, NO photo ops of POTUS with windmills!”)

President Trump would always be surrounded by a platoon of goons to keep photographers from getting behind him and blowing his cover. Literally.

My theory: What’s on top is actually coming up from his collar, growing from his back.

Trump’s been doing a live job interview with voters on Celebrity Apprentice, demonstrating his macho, convoluted logic in discarding good people, and how he relishes the use of fear to maintain his façade of authority.

I wouldn’t trust Trump to scoop my litterbox.