Let’s Make Laughter Trump’s Downfall

February 14, 2017

By Karen

I’ve been working on a Trump post for over a week, but the never-ending craziness eclipses what I write one minute with something worse the next.

Good news today is that national security advisor Michael Flynn threw himself on history’s trash heap as the Russian tool he’s always been. One down.

Sadly, Kellyanne Conway only got “counseled,” in lieu of the long suspension without pay she deserved, for giving Ivanka Trump a “free commercial” on Fox after Nordstrom abandoned her brand. T.J. Maxx, Marshalls, Neiman-Marcus, Sears, and Kmart are doing likewise. Conflict of interest’s loss.

We’ve got a 70-year-old baby rampaging through the White House in a loaded diaper, screaming for attention however he can get it, and nary an adult in sight with the guts to, literally, change him.

Steve Bannon keeps Trump occupied while Bannon foments World War III by sitting Donald at his desk, shoving a big felt tip in his stubby fist, and providing stacks of important-looking papers to scribble on while fawning toadies watch. Trump holds up his handiwork and everybody admires  his cleverness.

“Look, Donald just made a BIG boom-boom. What a gooooood boy!”

“Look, Donald just made a BIG boom-boom. What a gooooood boy!”

trump-execorder-1

Signing his name illegibly is the only job skill Trump has mastered so far.

Getting himself up to speed on North Korea’s ballistic missile test at Mar-a-Lago last weekend in front of country club diners was just Trump seeing a new opportunity to drop a big, fat presidential boom-boom for all to admire, including Japan’s prime minister.

But it wasn’t quite received that way.

As Trump displays daily his ignorance, arrogance, and disregard for facts, Congress rubber stamps the parade of unqualified ass-clowns Trump calls a cabinet. And Bannon churns out executive orders for Trump to sign without reading so Trump can take the fall when Bannon’s overreach and rookie mistakes go public.

What can concerned citizens do? I say we give Trump the Saturday Night Live treatment.

Laugh at Trump and every scumbag who enables him. Mock them mercilessly. Let Trump and his cronies be greeted everywhere with jeers and boos.

Trump’s a thin-skinned bully who can dish it out but can’t take it. Let’s make him take it from all sides, every minute, every day. The incompetent heads who lose face will start rolling out of the White House after Michael Flynn’s. To slowly, relentlessly waterboard Trump with derisive laughter will erode his sanity like nothing else can.

Watch how Trump made his mark on Scotland. They’ll be dancing in the streets the day we’re rid of him…

Every time we’re forced to listen to an ill-informed flunky spew nonsense, let’s respond with this…

Let’s dissect and reject the tactics of his dedicated lie-spewing machine…

I hope TV networks decide Kellyanne Conway adds nothing to meaningful discourse and stop booking her. Trump may threat-tweet, “See you in court!” but nobody’s First Amendment right to free speech guarantees air time. Let her start a blog.


UnFoodie Tackles Zucchini Chips

January 31, 2017

By Karen

My weight has been creeping up, so I’m back on the Weight Watchers® Points Plus plan in earnest to get things back under control. The biggest hurdle is that all crunchy, carb-based snacks cost way too many points, so I continue seeking alternatives. I consider things like celery and hummus more of a punishment than a snack.

Remember my experiment with collard chips? Once the acrid taste of burnt weeds had faded from memory, I was ready to try again when I saw this easy recipe for Sea Salt and Vinegar Zucchini Chips (the link is a short video) in Cooking Light magazine. At only 57 calories per 24 chips, it was WW-friendly.

And the stars were in alignment. I had a zucchini that needed killing and the other ingredients, so what the hell?

The article said, “Light, crisp, and just as good as their junk-food counterparts, these veggie chips are a revelation.”

The recipe…

1 7 oz. zucchini, cut into 1/8-inch-thick slices (about 48)
1 tbsp. malt vinegar
½ tsp. olive oil
1/8 tsp. sea salt (which was laughably insufficient)

While preheating the oven to 200 degrees, I combined the sliced zucchini, vinegar, and oil in a bowl, tossed it, and let it sit for 10 minutes while I lined a baking sheet with parchment. I then laid out the zucchini and sprinkled it with sea salt. So far, so good…

zucchini-raw

After an hour…

Sure seemed like a lot more when I started. Time to flip them!

Sure seemed like a lot more when I started. Time to flip them!

Two hours…

Finally starting to brown, but still not crispy, and still shrinking.

Finally starting to brown, but still not crispy, and still shrinking.

After three hours…

The incredible shrinking snack.

The incredible shrinking snack.

Here’s what I ended up with. This bowl holds about a cup and I ate every chip myself without counting them — and then raided the cupboard for a real snack.

You won't be asking anybody to pass the dip.

You won’t be asking anybody to pass the dip.

To call them a “revelation” borders on Trumpian hyperbole. They were certainly not worth three hours of my life. My recommendation is to leave these wispy little time-sucks to the experts who sell them in bags.


Melania Trump, Second Fiddle First Lady

January 25, 2017

By Adele

After Donald Trump’s demeanor toward his trophy wife Melania on inauguration day, I get why she’s staying in New York with Barron. Maybe her absence will make Trump’s cold black heart grow fonder.

This video has been circulating, comparing how the Obamas and Trumps arrived at the White House on their big days. It’s telling…

NOTE 2/1/17: Aha, the video above is broken. Trump’s stifling of the First Amendment has begun. Fortunately, his boorish and dismissive behavior toward Melania during those moments is an irrefutable matter of public record…

Melania seems to know 10 paces behind Trump is the safest place to be.

And now watch both men and their wives at the inauguration ceremony…

Melania at 46 still looks like a model. Two days after the inauguration, January 22, was the Trump’s 12th wedding anniversary. I couldn’t find a word about Trump noting the occasion; most reports filled the void by mentioning a 25-carat diamond ring he gave her on their 10th.

Melania’s gift to Trump was to fly back to New York.

Melania’s blue Ralph Lauren ensemble for the inauguration was chic, if a bit matchy-matchy. Didn’t anyone tell her there was serious walking involved and she needed sensible heels? Her dogs must have been barking that night. Trump did throw her the bone of holding her hand as they strutted along the parade route.

Everyone expected the billionaire’s wife’s inaugural ball gown to mesmerize and eclipse anything in recent memory, including Michelle Obama’s first one, with wads of dryer sheets stuck all over it.

President Donald Trump, left, arrives with first lady Melania Trump at the Liberty Ball, Friday, Jan. 20, 2017, in Washington. (AP Photo/Patrick Semansky)

President Donald Trump, left, arrives with first lady Melania Trump at the Liberty Ball, Friday, Jan. 20, 2017, in Washington. (AP Photo/Patrick Semansky)

Apparently, Melania helped Hervé Pierre, formerly of Carolina Herrera, design the gown. The result was a dress that dragged on the ground, a flounce that made her look wider from the side, and a slit almost up to her hoo-ha. And what was with that red string around her waist? A secret shout-out to Putin?

But after seeing how Trump treated her all day, I can imagine how she instructed Pierre…

“I must not have anything too showy. Make it as plain and simple as possible. No beads, no sparkle. Donald will be very upset with me if I upstage him. He must be the center of attention at all times or it will go very bad for me, if you know what I mean.”

So Pierre did his best to gussy up a sackcloth. On the positive side, if Melania can fend off the Smithsonian and lose the belt, that gown will make a dandy bathing suit cover-up this summer.

BONUS: Here’s some backstory on their lavish wedding. Notice Melania’s scary eyes right after the ceremony.


Hillary, PLEASE Skip Trump’s Inauguration

January 18, 2017

By Karen

Dear Hillary,

What the hell are you and Bill thinking? After all the poor decisions during the campaign that caused you to blow it with the Electoral College, how can you add this boneheaded move to the pile? NOBODY wants to see you behind Trump as he gets sworn in to the job you should have gotten — except maybe Trump.

Forget the baloney about the “peaceful transfer of power.” That’s Obama’s hand-off to make, not yours, not Bill’s. Obama will have George W. Bush and Jimmy Carter watching his back. Three former presidents kowtowing to Trump will be stomach-churning enough.

Besides, Trump has no interest in peace. He never hesitates to verbally attack countries, world leaders (exception Putin), and even individual American citizens. And on Friday, this country hands him all our bombs and our military might. Do you really want to stand there and condone that?

You know Trump won’t resist gloating and smirking at you as he takes the job you worked so hard for. And when he does, the heads of the 2,864,974 more Americans who voted for you over Trump will explode. It will be the last straw after having the Electoral College spit on their votes.

Your presence in Washington will only stoke fury in hundreds of thousands of people who will be there on Saturday to protest Trump and every abomination he stands for. Do you really want to do that? Don’t you think Trump himself has already given people plenty to be incensed about without giving him the opportunity to diss you one more time?

Dozens of congress members won’t be there, nor will your successor, Secretary of State John Kerry. I’m begging you and Bill to follow their example and stay home.


Trump’s a Product of Poor Potty Training

January 10, 2017

By Karen

Donald Trump’s introduction to the toilet must have been so traumatic it’s influencing all his behavior today. My theory is that Trump’s nannies didn’t praise every boom-boom he made effusively enough to suit him so, as an adult, he wants to force the world to make it up to him.

It would be unseemly and messy for Trump to go around literally dropping deuces for all to admire, although I don’t rule it out in the future as his mind continues to unravel. Right now, his bathroom sessions mostly manifest as tweets.

Trump spends an inordinate time on Twitter. It’s like he’s trying to outdo himself by making every tweet stink more than the last, intended to dazzle and shock and elicit praise for his cleverness.

So far, we’ve seen Trump raise his leg on the established etiquette of quietly getting up to speed on his new job while the current president finishes his term undisturbed. Trump has pissed all over Obama’s recent decisions on Israel, Russia, and Gitmo. He’s sprayed diarrhea in the face of the media and our intelligence agencies. He tries to dominate every news cycle like a petulant brat who can’t stand NOT to be the adults’ center of attention.

He does all this while fomenting the Porta-Potty stench of nepotism, conflicts of interest, and even treason that will hang over Washington for the duration of his term like the rankest aftershave.

Trump obviously believes the more he reeks, the more attention he gets. And if it’s negative, that’s OK. It’s more fodder for his Twitter dumps.

We see Trump strut and preen, smirk and gloat like an evil toddler with a load in his pants, seeking to foul the shoes of the next grownup who crosses him. Just ask Meryl Streep, who decried at the Golden Globes everything Trump stands for…

His closest advisors (his son-in-law?) and billionaire cabinet members — unqualified, lacking appropriate experience, and some even opposed to the very existence of the entities they’ll oversee — are little more than a pile of steaming turds Trump’s shoveling at Congress with glee. We can only hope some get flushed during confirmation hearings.

At this point, it doesn’t matter who you voted for. No rational adult can be watching Trump’s boorish, fact-free, childishly destructive approach to running this country and not be filled with dread.

China already has Trump’s number, and it’s No. 2. To celebrate their upcoming Year of the Rooster, they erected in Taiyuan on Dec. 24 this giant sculpture with Trump’s hairstyle and hand gestures.

© STR/AFP/Getty Images

© STR/AFP/Getty Images


How Oprah Goosed Weight Watchers Stock

December 22, 2016

By Karen

Here’s another perfect example of the media not doing its (math) homework. All Oprah Winfrey had to say was, “Hey, look, I lost some more weight!” and it became big news, no questions asked.

Oprah joined Weight Watchers® in August 2015, investing $43 million in the company in exchange for a seat on its board. By the end of January 2016, she filmed an ad claiming she had lost 26 lbs. eating bread every day.

I calculated she was losing 1-2 lbs. a week, which is reasonable, but hardly worthy of a media blitz, especially when you factored in how much Oprah needed to lose.

To provide some context, I followed the WW Points Plus® plan myself in 2012 and lost 50 pounds in 9 months.

So today we get this big announcement that Oprah has lost “more than” 40 pounds. Not “an additional” 40 pounds. Forty pounds total.

And if she actually lost “more than” 40, don’t you think she’d proudly give the exact number, like she did when it was 26?

So let’s do the math. She was down 26 in late January, and now 40 in late December. That’s 14 lbs. lost in 11 months.

Therefore, in 2016, her average loss has been 1.27 lbs. a MONTH. That’s 20.32 ounces. Averaging four weeks in a month, she’s been losing about 5 ounces a week.

And on that paltry progress, Oprah’s stake in the company grew to $77 million because the media didn’t do the math and put the story in proper perspective.

I’m really happy that Oprah feels she’s finally got the situation under control. I’ve been there. It’s a never-ending struggle.

What I have a problem with is Oprah growing even richer touting weight-loss results that would have most dieters in despair.

I once had a friend who’d say he could lose that much weight taking a good dump. Come to think of it, anybody could.


Watching Trump Play at Being President

December 12, 2016

By Karen

Donald Trump and his enablers are radiating crazy with LED intensity. When he isn’t preening for the stream of supplicants vying to be on his cabinet, he’s jetting off to “thank you” rallies where he babbles lies to fawning admirers. Like the Carrier workers in Indiana he duped by inflating the number of jobs not moving to Mexico, so as to appear a bigger savior. To bask in their grateful applause, he lied to 300 people’s faces that their livelihoods were safe.

He hasn’t even been sworn in yet, but he’s already re-elected himself, telling Fox that he’s blowing off daily intelligence briefings because, “I’m, like, a smart person. I don’t have to be told the same thing in the same words every single day for the next eight years.”

And now that the CIA is getting warmer on how Russia tipped the election scales, Trump’s calling their investigation “ridiculous.”

I believe Trump knew what Russia was doing, which was why he kept saying the election was rigged. He was pissed because he didn’t think it was working, until it did. Now he lies that he won “by a landslide” and that those 2.7 million more votes that went to Hillary were “illegal.”

Meanwhile, he may ask the head of ExxonMobil, Rex Tillerson, to be secretary of state. Vladmir Putin once pinned Tillerson with a friendship medal, so who other than Tillerson would more eagerly cover Donald and Vlad’s dirty tracks, whether they lead to ill-gotten votes or corrupt business deals?

Trump’s other cabinet choices look like a lead-footed Dancing with the Stars cast, heavy on Wall Street fat cats he dissed during the campaign, and generals for whom he expressed nothing but contempt. Sprinkled in is cannon fodder — Ben Carson for HUD — who will give Trump his first cue to bellow, “You’re fired!” when Trump needs to distract us from some criminal activity.

Two other light-weights being considered are Sarah Palin for Veterans Affairs (341,000 employees serving nearly 22 MILLION veterans when she couldn’t hack governing 740,000 in Alaska), and Rick Perry for Energy, a department Perry wanted to abolish in 2012.

The emerging pattern is Trump’s intent to head every agency with a person who, if unable to undermine by imposing upon it contradictory ideology, to bring it down through sheer incompetence. Trump must think federal agencies threaten his omnipotence, so they have to be crippled or destroyed.

And conflicts of interest with his businesses and family financial interests already feel ingrained in his every move.

Trump plans to continue as an executive producer of The Apprentice, which compromised all NBC journalists, his co-workers. Kellyanne Conway nonsensically compared Trump’s dabbling in Apprentice to Obama playing golf.

Let’s not forget Trump’s other hobby — cyberbullying private citizens on Twitter.

Carrier union leader Chuck Jones accurately said Trump “lied his ass off” about the number of union jobs he saved, so Trump tweeted that Jones had done a “terrible job” representing workers. That was enough for Trump’s groupies to send Jones death threats.

Consistent with his behavior campaigning, our future president incites violence against private citizens he thinks have crossed him. Does this make him a petty, egomaniacal dictator yet?

The world watches while this ignorant maniac assembles a gaggle of racists, hawks, backward-thinkers and know-nothings destined to sow chaos from the moment he’s inaugurated.

My only consolation is that Melania’s not moving into the White House with him. The longer she stays away, the more I respect her. She knows he’s dragged her in way over her head, and to limit her and her son’s exposure to Trump’s insatiable need to be worshipped can only be a good thing.


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