Jan. 6 Committee, Please Stop Teasing Us

By Karen

What I’m sick of seeing, besides Trump’s putrid orange face and Mitch McConnell’s animated rotting corpse, is certain members of the January 6 Committee giving “interviews” to cable news talking heads who seem to have a boundless propensity for flinging themselves against brick walls.

I’m looking particularly at you, Adam Schiff and Zoe Lofgren.

At least Jamie Raskin will slip us decent teasers, such as the public hearings are going “blow the roof off the House.” Do tell!

This past weekend, Adam Kinzinger graciously confirmed that White House attorney Pat Cippollone’s testimony on July 8 didn’t contradict anything other witnesses had already said. So, White House aide Cassidy Hutchinson wasn’t committing perjury for 15 minutes of fame. Nice to know.

And every time Liz Cheney opens her mouth and the word “Trump” comes out, it’s like watching her father Dick shoot his best friend in the face all over again — but this time in the best possible way.

But Schiff and Lofgren, didn’t your mothers ever warn you, “If you have nothing useful to say, don’t go on TV and pretend you do”?

Here’s how these faux interviews typically go…

Interviewer: Mr. X was spotted going into the committee hearing room this morning and he seemed to be in there all day. That’s enough time to ask a lot of questions. Can you tell us how it went?

Member: Yes, we had invited Mr. X to come and speak to us, but I’m not at liberty to confirm that he complied, nor what might have been discussed if he did.

Int: Will we be seeing Mr. X testify under oath at a future televised public hearing?

Mem: Out of deference to my colleagues who will be chairing future hearings, I must refrain from divulging the names of their potential witnesses.

Int: Can you give us any idea of the themes your future hearings will tackle?

Mem: I don’t want to get ahead of our esteemed chairman, Mr. Thompson, who is ably steering the course of our investigation. But I can say we have gathered a wealth of evidence on a range of topics.

Int: Can you tell us how many more hearings the committee plans to hold, and might they extend into August?

Mem: New information is coming to light daily as new witnesses come forward, so the duration and number of any remaining hearings is not something I’m able to speculate on at this time.

Int: Can you tell us where these new witnesses are coming from? It’s been reported that you’ve already interviewed over 1,000 people.

Mem: The hearings so far have inspired others to contact us and share facts they possess which they may not have realized were relevant until now. We are grateful for their cooperation.

Int: Will your committee be making criminal referrals to the Justice Department?

Mem: It was never our intention to determine whether any criminal acts ever actually occurred. We are merely putting information we’ve gathered before the American people so that they can decide.

And there goes five minutes of all our lives we will never recover, and we learned absolutely NOTHING. Watching these media whores do their coy little minuet around substance — enabled by so-called cable “news” hosts — is enough to make anyone’s hair spontaneously combust.

Just give us more hearings, and if you can’t tell us anything more in between, then shut up.

6 Responses to Jan. 6 Committee, Please Stop Teasing Us

  1. You need patience!

  2. catsworking says:

    I do. But I’ve reached the point where I change the channel if MSNBC announces an interview with one of those committee members coming up. They’ve wasted enough of my time filling the airwaves with evasion.

  3. keriwormald says:

    What I want to see is Steve Bannon’s trial. Now that’d be “Must See TV” because the judge isn’t putting up with that “this trial is beneath me” bullshit. Bannon’s a disgrace that doesn’t make Richmond look too good.

  4. catsworking says:

    Yes, Richmond collects another black mark for having spawned Steve Bannon. I think his trial is supposed to be very short. The prosecutors said they could present their case in one day. And the defense got all their frivolous motions shot down last week until they said they had no defense left and the judge answered, “Agreed.”

    What I hope to see is the jury doing an immediate U-turn in the deliberation room and marching right back out with a guilty verdict. AND that Bannon gets the max of 2 years in prison. AND while he’s in there, that Merrick Garland gets off his wimpy ass and charges Bannon with a shitload of sedition conspiracy so he never gets out.

  5. MorganLF says:

    Looks like the gin blossomed dirty unkempt Bannon(who trump loathes) will only get about 90 days.

  6. catsworking says:

    Morgan, where did you hear that? Max sentence is 2 years. I’m hoping the judge throws the book at him for dicking everyone around from beginning to end. Also, he should have been taken into custody on the spot because he knows Chinese billionaires with yachts. He’s a flight risk big-time.

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