Will Trump Meet His Match with Asian Jet Lag?

By Karen

I love when Donald Trump goes abroad because he becomes somebody else’s problem. When he crosses many time zones, we don’t wake up dreading to see on Twitter the fruits of his potty sessions.

I think Trump’s first (and probably last) jaunt through Asia will wreak such havoc on his mind and body, no one will ever mistake him for a world leader again.

Map – CNN

Tonight, Trump sleeps in Hawaii, which is 6 hours behind Washington. If his usual bedtime is midnight, it will be 6 p.m. there. He could use the extra time to meet those investigators he hired there who supposedly uncovered bombshells about Obama’s real birthplace.

When Trump leaves Hawaii for Japan, his watch hops ahead 19 hours.

In Tokyo on Sunday, local time will be 13 hours ahead of DC. So, if it’s noon at the White House, it’s 1 a.m. the next day for Trump. He may start showing cracks then.

Tuesday, he flies to Seoul, enjoying the same time zone as Tokyo. Then on Wednesday in Beijing, Trump gains an hour. So, 6 p.m. in China is 6 a.m. that day in DC.

Next he’s off to Vietnam, gaining another hour in Da Nang and Hanoi on Friday.

Sunday, he flies to Manila and loses the hour he gained in Vietnam as he meets his soulmate, the Filipino despot Rodrigo Duterte. Trump should be a babbling idiot by then, so it promises to be an interesting conversation.

Heading for home on Monday, Nov. 13, when it feels like noon for Trump, it will be midnight of the previous night back in DC.

If you don’t think all this time-hopping isn’t going to drive our Man-Baby-in-Chief bat-shit, you don’t know Trump.

Holding Trump’s leash the entire time will be his nannies Rex Tillerson, H.R. McMaster, and John Kelly. Ivanka isn’t going, and CNN reports that Melania and Jared Kushner are only scheduled for a portion of the trip.

If the time changes weren’t bad enough, Trump must also navigate Asian cuisine. His caretakers hope to keep him on shoe-leather steaks slathered in ketchup with two scoops of ice cream on the side (hold the chopsticks).

But banquets are planned. China’s president, Xi Jinping, wants to “treat Trump almost like an emperor,” according to CNN. Xi knows the more gold-plated and vulgar he can make Trump’s reception, the warmer their relations will be.

Vietnam also plans a big welcome for Trump and hopes he will explain why he shits on them every chance he gets.

It seems highly unlikely Trump can refuse every Chinese, Japanese, Korean, or Vietnamese dish he’s served without offending someone. On the bright side, more toilet time to catch up on tweeting.

Trump was a gauche boor in Europe earlier this year, where the cultures aren’t such a stretch. In Asia, his potential to be a world-class ass is infinite.

Meanwhile, will Kim Jong Un in North Korea feel like the snubbed kid in the ‘hood and start lobbing missiles in Trump’s direction, just for attention?

Will Trump throw a hissy about “Little Rocket Man” and get Seoul vaporized?

Trump thinks the Mueller investigation is bad, but he’s now got 12 days to tip-toe through a minefield of diplomatic issues he doesn’t understand, while his already-addled brain gets raped by jet lag. And his handlers can’t control Trump’s most deadly weapon — his mouth.

This trip may actually beat Robert Mueller in causing the big orange couch potato’s inevitable and total meltdown.

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8 Responses to Will Trump Meet His Match with Asian Jet Lag?

  1. Francis Alan Wormald says:

    YOUR ANALYSIS OF THIS IS COMPLEX YET SPOT ON…HE IS NOT CAPABLE OF HANDLING RIGORS OF THIS TRIP> PLUS HE IS GOING INTO UNFRIENDLY TERRITORY…TO SAY THE LEAST… SHALL WE X OUR FINGERS?

  2. catsworking says:

    Word is that he’s obsessing about the Mueller investigation now and not doing much prep for this trip. Today he was tweeting shit about Bergdahl from the plane, so he’s STILL fixating on stupid stuff he can’t control. If Mueller indicts anybody while Trump is away, Trump will go bonkers. As it is, he’s incapable of carrying on a substantive conversation about any Asian issues except to whine that they don’t trade fair or kick Kim Jong Un around enough. Period.

    I’ve got my fingers crossed that they bring him home in a straitjacket. Especially after Melania peels off and he’s being led around by the Three Amigos, all hell could break loose as he loses track of the days.

  3. Morganlf says:

    Speaking of shits on Vietnam. I predict he’ll cut the trip short because of a bad case of shits that he will pick up..even though he will likely push noodles around his plate then wolf down Twinkies and burnt steaks on the plane.

    He will claim exhaustion. He’s an old fat man. All the adderal and coke in his arsenal won’t get him through this. Nor will the fleet of golf carts that have no been commandeered to haul boo-boo feet around.

  4. catsworking says:

    Morgan, I agree that it’s a long shot he will actually complete the trip, and it will end over something silly like the shits. If he does go the distance, he will be such a basket case when he gets back that we’ll be seeing totally nutso, incoherent tweets for weeks to come while everybody around him gets fed into Mueller’s meat grinder.

    This week I was feeling euphoric over the guilty plea by his minion, but now I feel as if Trump’s physical breakdown due to over-exertion is coming and will be reason to rejoice if it silences him.

  5. Randi says:

    I will be curious to see what happens when tRump is in South Korea, it will be so tempting for Kim Jon Un to launch another missile in his direction! It will surely be difficult for both of them to contain themsleves, and if tRump can’t keep his mouth shot, who knows what will happen. He is not the kind of man who will tip-toe through a minefield. We’ll see!

  6. catsworking says:

    Randi, one place in South Korea Trump is staying away from is the DMZ between North and South Korea, although he’s sent Pence there for a visit before. I’m sure if Trump hears the slightest hint that Kim is getting ready to shoot, he’ll hop on his plane and send out a barrage of insulting tweets and taunts to “Little Rocket Man” as he flies away.

    If there’s one fact that’s been established beyond any doubt about Trump, it’s that he’s chickenshit to the core. When he talks like a bully and hurls insults, it’s never directly to anyone’s face but always in tweets or in front of an audience so there’s no risk of him getting punched in the face. And then there are the 5 deferments so he’d never have to see any military action.

  7. Stillmisseszappa says:

    Ivanka spoke in Japan-is she joining 45 for the trip? Poor girl.

  8. catsworking says:

    I knew Ivanka was going to Japan on her own, but I don’t think she plans to join Trump anywhere. It feels like the “grownups” want him all to themselves to control, with no family members for him to go whining to. I don’t know when Melania is supposed to come back.

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