I Think We’re Gonna Need a Bigger Pigsty

November 29, 2017

By Karen

Gayle King seemed visibly shaken to learn that, after years of her unrequited flirting on CBS This Morning, Charlie Rose had been dissing her behind her back by preying on many other women who crossed his path.

Now, NBC has stuck a fork in Matt Lauer. We should have seen it coming. In 2012, Katie Couric said Matt’s most annoying habit was pinching her ass. That same year, Lauer got Ann Curry fired from the Today Show because they lacked “chemistry.”

Curry karma’s a bitch. Turns out Matt’s the one with no chemistry, or his victims would have thanked him, not ratted him out.

Myriad stories of sexual harassment and assault lately feel to me like women’s bubbling rage at Donald Trump, the proud pussy-grabber who treats his current wife like a serf.

But I think we’ve reached a tipping point. The media needs to recognize that not all these tales are created equal. A fanny grab that lasts the length of a camera click is NOT the same as a rape, and the consequences shouldn’t be equal.

We need to permanently quarantine the truly disgusting pigs and give the mere piglets a slap on the rump and a time out.

Pigs are the ones who fantasize that women share their fascination with their penis. They’ll talk about it, display it, fondle it, and use it as a weapon when opportunity presents itself.

Trump has bragged about his penis size.

Trump identifies with and supports fellow pigs like Roy Moore in Alabama because they both have a thing for little girls. With Trump, it was Ivanka. Moore would settle for any child he could force to touch his penis.

Joining them in the sty are Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein, Charlie Rose, Louis C.K., Kevin Spacey, probably Matt Lauer, if stories of his affairs prove true.

Piglets are men like George H.W. Bush and Al Franken. No penises involved, just wandering paws that would have recoiled in shame if any of the stupid women whose bums they touched had simply pulled away or said, “Move your hand.”

These women talking about it years later are being treated with the same gravity as women who were aggressively harassed or assaulted. WTF?

Here’s the infamous photo of Franken that supposedly shows him “grabbing” Leeann Tweeden. See the shadows under both of his hands? He’s not even touching her.

Was he being tasteless? Absolutely. Was she being assaulted? Not even close.

The worst thing Franken apparently did was force an unwanted tongue kiss on Tweeden during a USO skit rehearsal. He says he doesn’t remember it like that, but has the chivalry to let Tweeden’s story stand. He even wrote her a personal, sincere apology, which she read and accepted on The View

Tweeden says she doesn’t want Franken to lose his Senate seat over this. So what’s her point? She’s hardly one to advance this cause. She has modeled for Frederick’s of Hollywood and Hooters, was named one of the Top Hooters Girls of All Time, and has posed nude in Playboy.

Basically, Tweeden’s a woman who was fine with men jerking off to pictures of her posing as a piece of meat, but a kiss from Al Franken scarred her for life. Puleez.

So far, Al Franken has been the only man to strike a tone of appropriate guilt and remorse. He’s even saying more women may claim he did something. He’s no fool. He realizes women are out for blood, and no man who’s ever been in the same room with one is safe right now.

Which brings me to the other story that sticks in my craw and happens to involve Anthony Bourdain’s current girlfriend, an Italian actress named Asia Argento.

Argento was the first to tell her story about Harvey Weinstein to The New Yorker. She claims he forced oral sex on her when she was 21 years old, and she feigned enjoyment to make him stop. Must have been an Oscar-worthy performance because Weinstein was in her life for the next five years. She described their consensual intimacy as “one-sided and onanistic,” but he introduced her to his mother, apparently gave her “fur coats and apartments,” and helped pay for her childcare.

The Italian press didn’t buy it. And I’m sorry, but when Argento dated and accepted gifts from Weinstein, unless he held a gun on her, she was more about ambition than victimhood.

Women who spin their brief encounters with public figures into traumas they dared not reveal until a shot at five minutes of fame presented itself come off as opportunistic and muddy the waters for women who actually suffered harm.

Even worse, they don’t help the cause — which is to make men keep their hands, penises, and tongues to themselves and treat women with the respect we deserve.

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Virginia to Trump: We’ve Had Enough of You

November 10, 2017

By Karen

My head almost exploded with joy when I saw the election returns here in Virginia. Democrats swept the races for governor, lieutenant governor, attorney general, and many more.

Even better, Democrat Ralph Northam beat Republican Ed Gillespie by 9 POINTS.

I’ve heard a few desperate Republican grumbles about former felons having voting rights, but I doubt Virginia has 233,179 and they’re all registered Democrats. That’s the margin Northam won by.

That said, Virginia still looks pretty red, including my county, but the good news is that a lot of that ground is farms or wilderness.

Washington Post

If Gillespie had won, he’d have replaced current governor Democratic governor, Terry McAuliffe. Trump would be gushing, “Virginia, you love me, you REALLY love me!” even though he lost Virginia to Hillary.

Instead, Trump sulked, tweeting, “Ed Gillespie worked hard but did not embrace me or what I stand for,” implying it had nothing to do him.

Steve Bannon spouted similar bullshit. He may be butt-hurt that Gillespie turned down his kind offer to come rally the KKKers and neo-Nazis.

They’re both lying — they both know it — and here’s why.

Ed Gillespie’s opponent in the Republican primary was Corey Stewart.

Stewart fancies himself a southern-fried Trump Mini-Me. He was born and raised in Minnesota, but now embraces the Confederacy, white supremacists, and guns. He served as Virginia chairman of Trump’s campaign but got himself fired after staging an unauthorized pro-Trump demonstration in D.C.

Stewart has previously run for lieutenant governor and senator and lost.

So, if a hardcore Trump-lover like that couldn’t even win the primary, how the hell do Republicans get off saying Gillespie wasn’t Trumpy ENOUGH?

Gillespie never had Trump campaign for him except attack-tweets on Northam and a rambling, last-ditch robocall released on election eve. Mike Pence came to Virginia once. Gillespie did run some Trump-like ads I didn’t really watch because they accused Northam of far-fetched garbage like supporting gangs.

In the end, poetic justice was served all around. Eleven Democratic women beat male Republicans in the House of Delegates. Among the winners are two Latinas, an Asian-American, a lesbian, and a transgender woman who sent the 13-term geezer who calls himself Virginia’s “chief homophobe” into retirement.

And a young man named Chris Hurst, who advocates stricter gun control after his girlfriend, a TV news reporter, was gunned down on air, beat a three-term incumbent with an A rating from the NRA.

Good sense and decency triumphed for a change, and things are looking good in Virginia. We have a strong firewall against whatever mayhem Trump tries to unleash before we can get rid of him.

PS: A shout-out to Morgan in New Jersey for replacing toxic Governor Chris Christie with Democrat Phil Murphy.


Will Trump Meet His Match with Asian Jet Lag?

November 3, 2017

By Karen

I love when Donald Trump goes abroad because he becomes somebody else’s problem. When he crosses many time zones, we don’t wake up dreading to see on Twitter the fruits of his potty sessions.

I think Trump’s first (and probably last) jaunt through Asia will wreak such havoc on his mind and body, no one will ever mistake him for a world leader again.

Map – CNN

Tonight, Trump sleeps in Hawaii, which is 6 hours behind Washington. If his usual bedtime is midnight, it will be 6 p.m. there. He could use the extra time to meet those investigators he hired there who supposedly uncovered bombshells about Obama’s real birthplace.

When Trump leaves Hawaii for Japan, his watch hops ahead 19 hours.

In Tokyo on Sunday, local time will be 13 hours ahead of DC. So, if it’s noon at the White House, it’s 1 a.m. the next day for Trump. He may start showing cracks then.

Tuesday, he flies to Seoul, enjoying the same time zone as Tokyo. Then on Wednesday in Beijing, Trump gains an hour. So, 6 p.m. in China is 6 a.m. that day in DC.

Next he’s off to Vietnam, gaining another hour in Da Nang and Hanoi on Friday.

Sunday, he flies to Manila and loses the hour he gained in Vietnam as he meets his soulmate, the Filipino despot Rodrigo Duterte. Trump should be a babbling idiot by then, so it promises to be an interesting conversation.

Heading for home on Monday, Nov. 13, when it feels like noon for Trump, it will be midnight of the previous night back in DC.

If you don’t think all this time-hopping isn’t going to drive our Man-Baby-in-Chief bat-shit, you don’t know Trump.

Holding Trump’s leash the entire time will be his nannies Rex Tillerson, H.R. McMaster, and John Kelly. Ivanka isn’t going, and CNN reports that Melania and Jared Kushner are only scheduled for a portion of the trip.

If the time changes weren’t bad enough, Trump must also navigate Asian cuisine. His caretakers hope to keep him on shoe-leather steaks slathered in ketchup with two scoops of ice cream on the side (hold the chopsticks).

But banquets are planned. China’s president, Xi Jinping, wants to “treat Trump almost like an emperor,” according to CNN. Xi knows the more gold-plated and vulgar he can make Trump’s reception, the warmer their relations will be.

Vietnam also plans a big welcome for Trump and hopes he will explain why he shits on them every chance he gets.

It seems highly unlikely Trump can refuse every Chinese, Japanese, Korean, or Vietnamese dish he’s served without offending someone. On the bright side, more toilet time to catch up on tweeting.

Trump was a gauche boor in Europe earlier this year, where the cultures aren’t such a stretch. In Asia, his potential to be a world-class ass is infinite.

Meanwhile, will Kim Jong Un in North Korea feel like the snubbed kid in the ‘hood and start lobbing missiles in Trump’s direction, just for attention?

Will Trump throw a hissy about “Little Rocket Man” and get Seoul vaporized?

Trump thinks the Mueller investigation is bad, but he’s now got 12 days to tip-toe through a minefield of diplomatic issues he doesn’t understand, while his already-addled brain gets raped by jet lag. And his handlers can’t control Trump’s most deadly weapon — his mouth.

This trip may actually beat Robert Mueller in causing the big orange couch potato’s inevitable and total meltdown.


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