Dear Mitt…

So you got a pink slip after 6 years of pouring your heart and soul into the job of running for president. It’s like the voters shut down your vote factory. Bummer.

(Photo – ABC News)

Even worse, the “undeserving” black cat and his zany sidekick won — without an Etch-a-Sketch. Their party didn’t even have any schemes to keep people out of the polls and disqualify votes.

But their party also didn’t show contempt for women who want birth control and equal pay, minorities who don’t “self-deport,” the elderly who collect Medicare and Social Security they worked their whole lives to pay for, and that pesky 47% you think are lying in the gutter waiting for government handouts.

When you add all those people together, it’s a wonder you got as many votes as you did.

So now you’re “between jobs.” If you get tired of watching your kids spawn the next generation of Romneys (just read No. 19 is on the way) or hanging out at your many homes, you and Ann could take a vacation to Switzerland or the Caymans and visit your money. You don’t think U.S. banks are good enough to hold it, so it was pretty ironic of you to expect voters to bank on you.

If there’s any consolation, perhaps it’s that you’ve given parents a great example to use for scaring their kids…

“If you keep saying you believe one thing one day, then deny it and say the opposite the next day, nobody will ever trust you, and you’ll grow up to be a loser like Mitt Romney.”

I’m sure becoming an unemployment statistic must gripe your soul, so maybe you could reapply at Bain Capital.

You’ve been saying every minute for the past 2 years that the economy is in the toilet, so it should be easy to find scads more companies to kick while they’re down until they’re dead and feather your nest even plushier.

Or maybe you could bone up on history. Particularly the era of 2000-2008 when the president whose name you never speak sent this country into its current tailspin with the ruinous ideas you still embrace. Maybe he holds the answer as to why you failed to persuade enough voters to screw themselves by electing you.

As they say, “Those who don’t learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.”

But in all fairness, George Bush’s family had a well-oiled cheating operation that ensured he could never “lose.”

It looks like Karl Rove must have dropped the ball in Ohio for you. To see how vehemently he refuted the results on Fox News, Rove seemed to know Ohio was supposed to go down differently.

I bet you weren’t planning to prove the truth of another cliché, “Cheaters never prosper.”

Uncle Sam may let you slither through loopholes to cheat on your taxes, but the country just couldn’t let you lie and cheat your way into the White House.

God Bless America.

Sincerely,
Cole

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16 Responses to Dear Mitt…

  1. adele says:

    Well put, Cole. Not surprisingly, I heard that the turnout on Sesame Street was huge, and Mitt lost by a landslide.

  2. catsworking says:

    Yeah, Adele, I saw a cartoon somewhere with Big Bird calling Romney a “Biotch” and saying something like, “Guess who’s out of work now?”

    The only lack of justice in this whole thing is that Paul Ryan got to keep his congressional seat. I have no doubt he will be floating a Ryan-Cantor ticket in 2016, thinking it’s time for the “Young Guns” to take over.

    And in some super-deep pocket of stupidity in Minnesota, Michele Bachmann kept her congressional seat.

  3. imabear says:

    Amen1

  4. Noel McWormald says:

    Amen.

  5. adele says:

    There’s also a photo floating around with Big Bird superimposed next to Mitt, who’s giving his concession speech. The caption says, “This is brought to you by the letters F and U.”

  6. catsworking says:

    Adele, Love it!! And the little bit of Republican naval-gazing that’s going on. They can’t bring themselves to admit they’ve alienated just about everybody by kow-towing to white racist homophobic wackos.

    You know, we’ve got nothing against the concept of not spending more than you have and of paying your debts. It’s their insistence on getting personal, judgmental, and dictatorial over private matters that are nobody else’s business that crosses the line. And their obvious contempt for women, the misguided women who call themselves Republicans notwithstanding.

    Speaking of which, I read yesterday that Sarah Palin is now trying to become a fitness guru and has starved herself down to 93 lbs. by working out incessantly.

  7. Gizmo's mom says:

    Adele, if you can post a link to that photo I’d love it!

  8. MorganLF says:

    I was listening to Howard Stern interview a really dejected Mitt post election. (They have a dead on impersonator!who called into the show).

    I will attempt to relay the jist :

    Mitt, ” I said I liked poor people and Jews, what the fuck else was I supposed to do?

    Howard interjected, ” well governor it seems like you were beaten by a black man.”

    Mitt, under his breath ” Mo-ther-fucker!”

    Howard “do you have any more comments,governor?”

    Mitt glumly :” Robbed by a black man…..how typical, fuck America”

    I almost drove off the road….

  9. THAT STORY IS PRICELESS! NOW THAT IS THE “REAL” MITT ROMNEY! BESIDES, ANYONE WHO WOULD BE A FRIEND OF RUSH LIMBAUGH AND DONALD TRUMP HAS PROBLEMS; ONE IS A FAT, OBNOXIOUS DRUGGIE, AND THE OTHER IS A RICH, OBNOXIOUS BASTARD WHO TRADES IN WIVES LIKE OTHER PEOPLE TRADE IN CARDS. THEY ARE DEFINITELY THREE OF A KIND!

  10. Zappa's Mom says:

    I miss Howard Stern so much!! I can’t get satellite radio at all.BTW,I saw very skinny Sarah Palin pics a few weeks ago hanging around
    “DWTS” when her dumbass daughter was still on….please tell me she was voted off.

  11. MorganLF says:

    ZM I feel you ..the Howard u remember is ever better on satellite ..and the cursing ..makes me need diapers ..I pee myself on a regular basis.

    Jaysus us northern NJ , NY locals do have some colorful idioms!

  12. Incredulous Reader says:

    Too many people on here that vote without doing their homework. Me thinks you voted strickly on popularity and race rather than ability to get the job done. As Uncle Ted tweeted, “Goodluck America you just voted for economic & spiritual suicide. Soulless fools:.

  13. catsworking says:

    Methinks we ignored race and voted on the FACT that the economy IS slowly improving, Republican bigotry and obstructionism notwithstanding.

    It’s only imbeciles like “Uncle Ted” who believed Romney could wave a magic wand and made all George Bush’s failures disappear. Just because you guys refuse to remember/acknowledge the country suffered for 8 years under that moron doesn’t mean it never happened.

  14. MorganLF says:

    Incredulous Reader….you’re in the “bubble” as Bill maher says. This is a well researched crew, as Catsworking just commented, have you not taken into account that Dubya cut taxes and started two wars? Something that never has happened in the history of our democratic republic….and had catastrophic financial consequences, that was left like a steaming turd on the doorstep of the Obama presidency .

    He ended a war, saved the country from teetering on the edge of bankruptcy, doubled the Dow and killed Bin Ladin…the Wall Street bailout did not happen on his watch …what’s your argument?

  15. adele says:

    And methinks Incredulous Reader needs to learn how to spell “strictly.” An interesting 19th century minimally educated spelling choice — “strickly?” Really.

  16. catsworking says:

    These drive-by conservatives usually find Cats Working by searching on Bourdain — like this joker, who was obviously searching for more on Tony’s hot young wife. Then they get all righteous and indignant over us expressing honest curiosity and opinions (based on what we thought we knew at the time).

    Hilarious.

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