So you got a pink slip after 6 years of pouring your heart and soul into the job of running for president. It’s like the voters shut down your vote factory. Bummer.
Even worse, the “undeserving” black cat and his zany sidekick won — without an Etch-a-Sketch. Their party didn’t even have any schemes to keep people out of the polls and disqualify votes.
But their party also didn’t show contempt for women who want birth control and equal pay, minorities who don’t “self-deport,” the elderly who collect Medicare and Social Security they worked their whole lives to pay for, and that pesky 47% you think are lying in the gutter waiting for government handouts.
When you add all those people together, it’s a wonder you got as many votes as you did.
So now you’re “between jobs.” If you get tired of watching your kids spawn the next generation of Romneys (just read No. 19 is on the way) or hanging out at your many homes, you and Ann could take a vacation to Switzerland or the Caymans and visit your money. You don’t think U.S. banks are good enough to hold it, so it was pretty ironic of you to expect voters to bank on you.
If there’s any consolation, perhaps it’s that you’ve given parents a great example to use for scaring their kids…
“If you keep saying you believe one thing one day, then deny it and say the opposite the next day, nobody will ever trust you, and you’ll grow up to be a loser like Mitt Romney.”
I’m sure becoming an unemployment statistic must gripe your soul, so maybe you could reapply at Bain Capital.
You’ve been saying every minute for the past 2 years that the economy is in the toilet, so it should be easy to find scads more companies to kick while they’re down until they’re dead and feather your nest even plushier.
Or maybe you could bone up on history. Particularly the era of 2000-2008 when the president whose name you never speak sent this country into its current tailspin with the ruinous ideas you still embrace. Maybe he holds the answer as to why you failed to persuade enough voters to screw themselves by electing you.
As they say, “Those who don’t learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.”
But in all fairness, George Bush’s family had a well-oiled cheating operation that ensured he could never “lose.”
It looks like Karl Rove must have dropped the ball in Ohio for you. To see how vehemently he refuted the results on Fox News, Rove seemed to know Ohio was supposed to go down differently.
I bet you weren’t planning to prove the truth of another cliché, “Cheaters never prosper.”
Uncle Sam may let you slither through loopholes to cheat on your taxes, but the country just couldn’t let you lie and cheat your way into the White House.
God Bless America.