GOP Convention: A Confederacy of Dunces

August 30, 2012

By Cole

The glassy-eyed, brain-dead fanatics on the floor of the Republican convention fascinate me. To see them gobble every crumb of verbal crap dispensed from the podium is like watching lemmings wolf down a last meal before they go off a cliff.

They have no idea that every one of them who isn’t a white male millionaire is in for a royal screwing if they get their wish and Romney wins.

In a cynical attempt to seem inclusive that fooled nobody, the GOP assigned U.S. possessions like Puerto Rico, the Virgin Islands, and American Samoa prime seats because their delegations look racially diverse — even though THEIR VOTES DON’T COUNT.

Ann Romney got to address the 32 percent of voters who, in a CBS News poll, claim they don’t know Mitt enough to form an opinion. She delivered a brilliant speech that made her fellow Stepford Wives mist over, and we learned that Mitt was a cutie in high school, but virtually nothing of substance beyond that.

To listen to Ann’s litany of lovingly empty claims…

  • Mitt loves his country (but not enough to stop dodging taxes)
  • Mitt won’t let you down (unless he does — he’s prone to change his mind a lot)
  • Mitt will get the job done (if he doesn’t eliminate or outsource it)

…was to stuff cotton candy in your ears.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s keynote address showcased him to the country as a pompous gasbag with life-threatening eating issues who probably won’t survive to run for president in 2020 if Romney wins and serves 2 terms.

They’re saying Condoleezza Rice’s rousing speech — and the only one to acknowledge the importance of education — will win her a seat in Romney’s cabinet. Let’s hope it’s his china cabinet back at Lake Winnipesaukee.

ALL of them have erased the George W. Bush years off the slate. They’re in total denial that the ruinous ideology Bush lived by, and they still embrace, started this country’s flush down the toilet.

And then they have the bloody nerve to accuse Obama of failing to stop it when all they want to do is KEEP FLUSHING.

But by far, the whopper topper was Paul Ryan’s Obama-bashing marathon. It was so jam-packed with deceit and deception, Karen could barely stop screaming at the TV. I won’t rehash it because a Fox News writer named Sally Kohn did it so well.

You know your lies have jumped the shark when even Faux News is crying foul.

From now until election day, the Republican strategy is to continue repeating the same thoroughly discredited lies (such as, Obama has eliminated the work requirement from welfare) and hope enough stupid, unquestioning voters believe them.

Tonight Romney’s got to pull off the grand deception of seeming like a credible, affable, empathetic, and competent man with a plan.

After his department-store-dummy reaction while Chris Christie was heaping praise on him like whipped cream on a banana split, I don’t think Romney’s got a prayer — or a clue.

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Todd Akin Exposes the American Taliban

August 22, 2012

By Adele

Republicans have made it official: Their platform decrees that EVERY man’s sperm is sacred, including rapists’. If a woman is brutally violated and becomes pregnant, she should have no right to seek an abortion.

What will Republicans think of next — stoning to death women they suspect of adultery?

Missouri Congressman (and Senator wannabe) Todd Akin revealed the logic behind this Republican misogyny.

During a TV interview in St. Louis, Akin calmly and clearly explained how he learned from doctors that woman have a biological mechanism to “shut down” fertilization and avoid pregnancy when they are “legitimately” raped.

Democratic disgust was immediate. Republicans are fuming over having their deeply-rooted ignorance verbalized.

So Akin has apologized for using “the wrong words” and pretends to agree that all rapes are bad.

I think Akin’s only regret is being rightfully called out as a dumbass. He refuses to drop out of the race to unseat Democratic Senator Claire McCaskill. Let’s hope sensible Missouri women do the right thing and crush Akin at the polls.

Since Akin specified “legitimate” (which he now says meant “forcible”) rape, what would he and his ilk consider “illegitimate” rape…

  • A woman trying to escape a control-freak husband, who stalks and assaults her as “just punishment?”
  • A woman who wears a tight, low-cut outfit into a bar and ends up gang-banged on a pool table because “she asked for it?”
  • A little girl who doesn’t move or scream when Daddy climbs into her bed to teach her “how to be a woman?”

Romney’s trying to “distance” himself from Akin’s words, but his running mate Paul Ryan has worked with Akin in Congress on legislation to reproductively hog-tie women permanently.

Paul Ryan believes women should only have abortions if their lives are in danger, but they deserve to bear lifelong consequences for rape or incest.

Akin’s now saying he should continue in the Senate race because he misspoke “one word in one sentence in one day.”

WHICH WORD, TODD? YOUR WHOLE STATEMENT WAS INACCURATE!

Obviously, he still doesn’t get it. And prominent Republicans can pooh-pooh Akin all they want, but their actions — trying to make abortion and birth control crimes, forcing pregnant women to have unnecessary ultrasounds in Virginia — speak louder than words.

They just don’t like any one of their own to admit it.

BONUS: A great blog post on this topic at Forming the Thread.


Weight Watchers® Update

August 20, 2012

By Karen

Part 5 – Strange Path to the 10% Sweet Spot

After 12 weeks with Weight Watchers® online, I’ve lost a tad over 10% of my starting weight, or roughly 19 lbs. They say this is supposed to yield an untold wealth of health benefits.

It does feel good. But I still don’t feel slim and nobody’s saying, “There’s something different about you. Have you done something to your hair?”

A 2.1-lb. drop last week, the most I’ve lost since the earliest stages, resulted from some weird eating.

First, my salty/crunchy craving made me demolish 3 bags of pork rinds at 16 points each (remember, I get 26 points/day).

Why pork rinds? Because I vaguely remembered they were a good thing on the Atkins Diet.

I also snacked on turkey pepperoni instead of yucky raw carrots or celery because 16 slices (of pepperoni) are only 2 points.

And I cut back on fruit.

Basically, I pushed back on the WW vegetarian agenda and increased fat and protein à la Ottavia Bourdain. (Maybe my next craving will be to beat up somebody!)

This morning I tried on my bathing suit and decided I wouldn’t die if I were seen in it, although I wouldn’t be proud, either. I still have Mr. Peanut’s torso — if he had enormous boobs.

The other day I treated myself to a dressy little top on sale in size large that fits like a sausage casing now, but I hope to wear at the holidays.

I’m walking or pedaling 10,000 steps or more every single day.

I don’t miss potatoes or sweets. Starch-wise, I’m having nothing but whole-grain bread and pasta, except for a Thomas’ thin bagel 3x a week with lox and light cream cheese.

But I miss do beef and pork a LOT.

I’ve considered quitting WW’s annoying site and continuing alone, but online tracking is keeping me honest, and I do appreciate the weekly canned encouragement, since the cats couldn’t care less what I look like.

My next weight-loss goal is another 5%.

At my next doctor’s visit, I want to see the nurse’s face when, for the first time in ages, she realizes she doesn’t have to fling that 150-lb. weight on the scale to get my number.


Romney Finds His Soulmate

August 13, 2012

By Cole

In Hollywood parlance, I’m not sure if the new Republican ticket is Ryney (to rhyme with “whiny”) or Roman (pronounced like the cheap packaged noodles 99% of Americans will be eating if this pair wins).

On August 11, Mitt Romney continued his grand Foot in Mouth Tour with a visit to Virginia, standing in front of the battleship USS Wisconsin (because Republicans apparently need their symbolism that size to get it) and introducing to the world “the next president of the United States,” Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan.

You could almost hear foreheads being slapped off-camera as Ryan took the stage and began to speak, while Romney’s handlers turned Mitt around, saying, “YOU’RE the next president, REMEMBER??!!!”

Then Romney rudely interrupted Ryan by popping back into frame to explain with a nervous chuckle that he (Mitt) sometimes makes mistakes (ya THINK?) but, “I didn’t make a mistake with this guy.”

I predict that moment will be replayed widely on November 7 after Obama’s re-election, as Romney’s famous last words.

Paul Ryan is Sarah Palin in pants. Young (42), eager, ambitious, attractive, and rabid to spout off whatever the nuttiest fringe of the base wants to hear.

Granted, Ryan is intellectually leap years ahead of Palin because he does his homework, but the results are so far out in left field, he might as well be an idiot.

For starters, Ryney claim they can cut taxes and reduce the deficit simultaneously.

It sounds great in campaign-speak, but in plain English they’re saying, “We’re going to take in less money but pay more of the bills.”

And do this while increasing defense spending. In prep, perhaps, for yet a 3rd Republican-instigated war — tag-teaming with Israel to make Iran a parking lot?

The only way they can possibly do all this is to brutally slash programs that actually help people, like Social Security, Medicare, infrastructure maintenance (roads, bridges), and education for starters.

It’s said Romney feels totally comfortable with Ryan, a red flag right there. Also, both men have kept their hookup under wraps since August 1, and Ryan intends to divulge only 2 years of tax returns. That should tell us something about how open and transparent a Romney administration would be.

The only comfort in all this is knowing that the vice-presidency is the world’s biggest non-job, and you can’t believe ANY candidate’s promises. Once they’re faced with Congress, all bets are off and it’s every greedy crook for himself. All these 10-year projections of deficits, savings, and surpluses are baloney because these guys won’t be around to see them through.

Romney took a bold chance picking his veep. He should ask John McCain how that worked out in 2008.


UnFoodie Copes with Weight Watching

August 6, 2012

By Karen

Part 4 – PointsPlus® vs. Reality

Jennifer Hudson says you can believe in Weight Watchers® Because it Works™, but Jennifer isn’t looking fabulous these days because it’s easy.

With WW, the first hurdle is to lose your interest in food. If you want stay within points and drop pounds, you can’t indulge in more than an infrequent bite or two of anything that’s worth eating.

(Note: WW PointsPlus® values in parentheses.)

I no longer cook in oil (4 per tbsp.) or use real butter (3 per tbsp.). Cooking spray (0) is my new best friend. Screw the ozone layer.

This brings me to my biggest gripe with WW. To play the points game and eat enough to stay alive, you’re compelled to embrace the chemically-engineered low-cal, no-fat, sugar-free foods that caused this obesity epidemic in the first place. Or go vegan.

And fake food is typically more expensive than the real thing.

In 10 weeks I’ve lost 15 lbs., but I’ve given up some of life’s little joys…

  • OREO® cookies (5 – 3 cookies)
  • Nutella® and peanut butter (5 – 2 tbsp.)
  • McDonald’s Quarter Pounders with cheese (14)
  • Fried calamari (11 – ½ cup)

Almost every meal includes stuff I don’t really like, such as cantaloupe, grapes, carrots, lettuce by the head, and truckloads of zucchini.

I’m almost always hungry. Sure, I could binge on bananas, but what’s the point? I’d be hungry again an hour later.

WW wants you to eat plenty of nuts, but it’s a Catch-22. Twenty-three almonds are 5 points.

When I’m not destroying the kitchen preparing meals (every bland meal-for-one seems to involve at least 30 minutes of intensive chopping and a sinkful of dishes and pans) I do 10,000+ steps a day, either pedaling my stationary bike, walking around, or stepping in place in front of the TV while I watch it.

Yes, I know it’s all good for me, but most days I feel like I could bite the heads off geeks.

I bought a WW cookbook thinking I’d find some different, flavorful dishes. Wrong. The P+ on anything worth fixing make it not worth eating.

Frozen meals aren’t a viable option, either. Weight Watchers® Smart Ones® frozen meals aren’t particularly low-point — and the portions are measly. Ironically, the few beef dishes seem to have lowest points (4-6) because they contain an ounce of meat in a criminally-empty tray. Most of the meals are white-pasta-based, although WW preaches whole grains.

Desperate for crunch, I tried Seapoint Farms Dry-Roasted Edamame with Wasabi (3 – ¼ cup). Light and dry, like I imagine eating bugs would be, and too many points for what you get. And the wasabi scorched my sinuses like I French kissed a blowtorch.

Some evenings I make popcorn from scratch. One-quarter cup of dry corn (3) in 1 tsp. of olive or canola oil (1) is only 4 points, and I’ve got the perfect bowl that makes me feel like I’m eating a lot.

For protein, it’s mostly baked fish and chicken (1 per oz.) and a lot of faux Boca® Burgers (3) and Morningstar Farms® Chipotle & Black Bean ¼ lb. Burgers (5).

I never eat potatoes (4) or rice (5 per cup, white) unless they’re in a frozen meal.

Only someone who’s nursing an eating disorder can eat this way indefinitely. The fact is that most of the American diet is fattening, unhealthy — and DELICIOUS. Anyone who prefers WW is a pervert.

But I intend to stick with this chronic deprivation until I lose the weight.

My first payback finally came just this past weekend when some size 18W pants I had bought in May wouldn’t stay up.

As disgusting as my meals have become, becoming too small for “fat pants” makes it all worthwhile.


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