Virginia Governor Scrambles to Salvage Vagina Vote

By Adele

Have you noticed how men have been running amok lately, trying to trample women’s rights? First, we had that dick-fest in Washington, where male Republican politicians and religious leaders sat around kvetching about how giving women affordable access to contraception would infringe on MEN’S BEST INTERESTS!!

And right here in Virginia, Virginia’s Republican-led House of Delegates almost pulled off a bill mandating invasive transvaginal ultrasound (that’s internal probing with an 8-10” instrument) on women seeking an abortion, which Governor Bob McDonnell said he would sign.

Democratic No. Va. Delegate David Englin rightly reminded his colleagues that “object sexual penetration” is already on the books in Virginia as a serious sex crime.

But what rankles most is that the bill’s ORIGINAL SPONSOR was Delegate Kathy Byron (R-Lynchburg). And I can describe her in just 3 words…

Stupid, sadistic bitch.

A thousand irate citizens protested outside the state capitol, but what really got our legislators’ attention was the national media.

When Governor McDonnell saw Jon Stewart brilliantly nail his bald-faced hypocrisy and mysogynism on the Daily Show, McDonnell probably heard the female vote swishing down the drain, making him a poisonous VP pick for whichever idiot becomes the Republican nominee for president.

So McDonnell did exactly what any Republican with unshakable moral beliefs does when his selfish ambition is threatened — a complete 180. Now McDonnell thinks the law should be limited to external ultrasounds.

Yet any ultrasounds in early pregnancy are useless except to remind doctor and patient that Big Brother is watching and to raise the abortion’s cost. But in the Republican mind, all the expense and intrusion is worth it if just one mother gets guilted into bearing a child she doesn’t want.

Va. Republicans may have wussed out on this, but they’re also cooking up a law that “personhood” begins at conception. Women who have abortions or accidentally miscarry would be guilty of murder. And by logical extension, anyone who uses contraception (including men wearing condoms) would be guilty of attempted murder.

So basically, anybody who has protected sex risks being prosecuted as a felon unless a baby pops out 9 months later.

But while Republicans are busy stripping women of their reproductive rights and dignity, here’s something for Democrats to propose to even the playing field.

If women are prohibited from practicing birth control but don’t want or can’t have children, they should be able to go to court and get an order for their partner to have a vasectomy.

There are already too many people in the world, and millions are starving. If men are going to force women to bear children, then women should be able to force men to become sterile.

It’s only fair.

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8 Responses to Virginia Governor Scrambles to Salvage Vagina Vote

  1. adele says:

    I was just sure that Cats Working would weigh in on this. I kept meaning to ask about your take on the whole transvaginal ultrasound thing. I’ve had one, and while it wasn’t the most painful medical procedure I’ve had, it certainly wasn’t a walk in the park. And I needed one for a medical reason. I can only imagine how invasive it would have seemed, if its only purpose was to violate MY personhood and right to make a decision.

    Bill Maher was pretty funny about the whole personhood thing. He suggested that maybe it should start as soon as a drunken couple in a bar make eyes at each other. I can’t believe how 19th century some of our fellow Americans are becoming. Pretty soon, there will be campaigns against vaccines and sanitation, because they will be viewed as a violation of God’s will.

    In the meantime, though, I like your idea of forced vasectomies for any male, who indulges in recreational sex.

  2. catsworking says:

    Yes, Karen and I have been following this business closely, even though she’s past the point of ever needing an abortion, and I was spayed against my will when I was a kitten (but we cats see it as our patriotic duty so there will be fewer kittens and more of us can find homes).

    It’s the principle. If we give these male egomaniacs an inch, they’re going to demand women wear burqas and sign over their paychecks to their nearest male relative.

    The Va. Republicans are also scheming to repeal the one-gun-a-month law, which was passed 18 years ago by Gov. Doug Wilder. Virginia is in danger of losing its standing as the gun-running hub of the East Coast. The Repubs. say letting people buy as many weapons as they want, whenever they want, should make no difference on crime because criminals don’t usually come by their guns legally.

    And you can open the Richmond paper on any given day and usually find at least a full page worth of articles about gun-related accidents and murders (if late-breaking Civil War news doesn’t crowd them out).

  3. Britta says:

    Our Florida Senate President, Mike Haridopoulos, had a contingent of NOW protestors outside of his office today. He has always been a wormy little vote monger with no ethics to speak of. His wife happens to be a local physician who was a single Mom and had endured spousal abuse prior to their union. Our county is shameless in terms of who they uphold as political community leaders. One would think “Mikey” would be a bit sensitive, but nooooo. He’s all about the politics. He, along with his male (and female) political counterparts are prostitutes for a vote….frankly speaking. Good grief, we are now moving back in time? Transvaginal ultrasounds? To what end?

  4. MorganLF says:

    This is precisely why Barry Goldwater is spinning in his grave. The classic Goldwater conservative had nothing to do with radical evangelical issues that seek to worm their way into our private lives.

    What the f’ does any of this have to with politics? It’s vulgar and frankly nuts. The party has been hijacked by the conservative religious right, and dear god, if this is not clear to republicans, then let them sink in the mire of of self righteous bull shit they have pulled down upon themselves.

    Abortion as a political issue? Is there nothing more pressing that needs our attention? What century is this anyway?

    I propose making anal probes mandatory for every Viagra prescription written.

  5. annie pelfrey says:

    as a non Democrat (anyone but Obama)- i can’t believe this issue is even on the agenda! what does this have to do with running the country?
    Susie Massey wrote a great letter to editor (Richmond Times Dispatch) years ago , saying all males should have a vasectomy at birth- undo it when ready for family.
    really-aren’t there more important issues to be concerned with?
    i’m sick of republicans catering to the far right!

  6. catsworking says:

    Morgan, we LOVE your idea of the anal probe. Even better, to make sure that the penis is able to withstand the added strain of a 4-hour erection, a mandatory catheter inserted into the tip — oh, say, up to the man’s NOSE — would be in order.

    You all are so right. NONE of these personal bodily functions have any BUSINESS being discussed by politicians of either party. They are simply evading the REAL work of balancing budgets and passing laws that actually HELP people (instead of violate, humiliate, and even kill them).

    The Republicans have gone so far off the rails with their religious obsessions, the only way to salvage the party is going to be for the moderates (if any are left) to break off and start over. There’s going to be no bringing the crazies back into the fold.

  7. MorganLF says:

    Yet I still know a bunch of republicans who endorse their party as one of LESS government .

    Since when does the mandatory shoving of a Louisville Slugger up a woman’s privates constitute less government?

  8. catsworking says:

    Morgan, if the bill had been about shoving a similar instrument up men’s butts, that bill would have died before anybody even hit “Print.”

    It just goes to show that American men are just one step removed from cultures that treat women like objects, to be segregated, covered up, and abused. I sincerely think the very notion of women being immobilized in stirrups and forcibly raped, even in a clinic setting, titillates them.

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