What Would be Worse Than President Newt?

By Adele

First Lady Callista, or “Cally Lou,” as she’s known to family.

You can sling mud all day about Michelle Obama or Hillary Clinton (I have). But when it comes to sheer repugnance, NO ONE competes with Callista Gingrich:

  • 6 years as Newt’s mistress before becoming Wife No. 3 after he got around to divorcing Wife No. 2, whom he had married after cheating with her on his first wife, the mother of his 2 daughters.
  • Younger than Newt’s daughter Kathy by 3 years, same age (45) as Newt’s daughter Jackie. I bet Newt’s itching for them to call Callista “Mom.”
  • Beneficiary of Newt’s $500K line of credit at Tiffany’s.

And anyone wonders why Newt lags in polls with female voters?

Callista’s on the campaign trail a lot, although she rarely speaks. Rather than supporting her husband’s ambition, don’t you get the feeling she’s there to make sure Newt doesn’t start stepping out with Wife No. 4?

Desperate Republicans who can’t embrace that morally squeaky-clean Mormon, Romney, now claim serial cheating is A-OK and, “It’s between Newt and God.”

They’re apparently good with rank hypocrisy, too, since Newt was going full-steam after Bill Clinton for Monica while he and Callista were making wet spots on the sheets.

Before Callista met Newt, she reportedly dated a single, age-appropriate guy for a few years, but broke it off when she found another girl in his apartment.

But Callista’s got Newt’s immortal soul covered. She persuaded him to convert to her faith, Catholicism. You can just imagine. “Oh, Newty, Wooty, you’ll love it. It’s GREAT! You can break every Commandment whenever you like. Then you just step into this little phone booth and give the priest the gist — it’s all ANONYMOUS. You say a few prayers, and your soul is good as new!”

Have I been making Callista sound like a dumb blonde? Sorry. As First Lady, she has said her pet cause would be MUSIC EDUCATION. She studied music and plays piano and French horn.

Somehow she missed the part where Republicans want to strip education to its bare bare bones, cut silly electives like art and MUSIC, kill artsy-fartsy Public Television and Broadcasting because nobody needs opera, and eliminate the National Endowment for the Arts and anything else that has the slightest whiff of culture.

And Callista’s greatest contribution to fashion as First Lady would undoubtedly involve a renaissance for peroxide and the helmet-head hairdo. (Sorry, honey, Barbara Bush beat you to the pearls.)

Politics hasn’t seen such a golddigging bimbo since a cute little blonde named Eva sank her claws into Juan Peron.

Is this REALLY who you want standing behind the leader of the free world?

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15 Responses to What Would be Worse Than President Newt?

  1. Zappa's mom says:

    That face is cringe-making.Even cringe-y-er is the knowing where that face has been.Yeesh.

    ZM

  2. adele says:

    And what is that “hair” made of? It looks like a substance unknown to nature, which will probably outlast atomic attacks. Then there are the eyes — I’d say she’s hyperthyroid, but they might be the result of a browlift gone terribly wrong.

    Callista was smart to bring Newt to the One True Church — theoretically, since divorce is banned, she’ll never be an ex-Mrs. Gingrich.

    ZM, the picture you paint has me cringing so badly that the cats are staring at me. They feel that the Gingriches should have been spayed and neutered long ago.

  3. Britta says:

    Catholicism works for Newt, Callista and bunch of others who find wiggle room for errant behavior..and I’m not talking about a few cocktails, dancing or a bit of gambling. But, let marriages (born from infidelity) and priesthoods (inclusive of childhood abuse) stay intact..UGH, hair aside, they are both creepy as President and First Lady.

  4. Jessica says:

    I wonder why women will marry a man who was cheating on the woman he was married to. He obviously isn’t marriage material and once you make the leap from mistress to wife, he’ll just turn around and find another mistress.

    What is it that they say in the stock market? Past behavior is the best predictor of future performance?

  5. catsworking says:

    Jessica, you’re so right. The current Mrs. Gingrich is the proud owner of a chronic cheater. I hope she’s not dumb enough to think that Catholic rules are going to keep her Newty in check. He hasn’t thought the rules apply to him since he married his geometry teacher. If that had happened today, his teacher would probably be in prison.

    I suggest all readers click on the link to the New Yorker and read the whole piece about Callista. It’s true that voters won’t be electing her, but in an indirect way, they ARE because she’ll be in bed with the president every night (unless he starts catting around again). You’d have to raid the casts of the Real Housewives franchise to find a woman LESS desirable as First Lady.

    Britta, politics has turned into the sport of the 1%, so all people get to choose from is egomaniacal millionaires out for ultimate power and even more money. Any decent person who sincerely wants to do good and help the country gets chewed up and spit out so fast, we barely hear of them. There’s no way this is all going to end well for anybody. Our leaders are incapable of digging us out of the mess they’ve created.

  6. Imabear says:

    I heard a story on NPR a few weeks ago that discussed Newt’s conversion to Catholicism. In it, this woman was described as a “devout Catholic” – in the next breath, they mentioned she’d been his mistress for 6 years. I’m thinking the pope would not agree that she fits the definition of “devout”.

    I hadn’t seen her before. YIKES!

  7. Britta says:

    This is all too crazy. Let’s see what my fine state’s voters come up with…not

  8. catsworking says:

    Imabear, like most Catholics, Callista only sticks with the parts she likes. For example, Catholics believe contraception is a sin. Callista took up with Newt when she was about 27, yet somehow they have not produced any children. Hmmm…

    Obviously, she’s good with adultery, and divorce is OK as long as she’s CAUSING one, not getting one herself. Oh, and the New Yorker piece said she sings in a choir. From her sweet lips to God’s ears…

  9. catsworking says:

    Britta, CONGRATULATIONS! Florida voters didn’t fall for Newt’s line of “pious baloney.” And Romney won the female vote by 2-1. I wonder if Callista will continue to do her mime act at Newt’s side everywhere he goes, or if his advisors will realize that maybe reminding everybody daily that he’s a chronic cheater attracted to phony, bling-loving blondes isn’t such a good idea.

  10. Mauigirl says:

    Callista reminds me of a Stepford wife. That picture is downright frightening.

  11. catsworking says:

    Mauigirl, now that Donald Trump has thrown his ridiculous hair considerable weight behind Mitt Romney, it seems Newt’s chances are growing dimmer.

  12. Britta says:

    Yes Karen, so the lesser of two evils has prevailed. Hope Newt keeps spending his money in pursuit of an office he will never hold. Sad for Callista though, diminished funds for those botox injections and circus-like hair and makeup jobs.

  13. catsworking says:

    Britta, at least Callista got her luxury cruise vacation in the Greek Isles before Newt started blowing the big bucks on his campaign. Even though Newt’s campaign people were against it, Callista’s stand was essentially, “You take me on that cruise or I’m outta here.” (At least, according to the New Yorker.)

    Says a lot about how a Newt presidency would go. And they think Michelle Obama’s a threat. At least with her kids and mother living with her, we know she’s not 100% ME, ME, ME.

  14. Anne Linde says:

    My only regret is that I won’t have the chance to see Callista
    battling a wind storm. I say Snookie for president!

  15. catsworking says:

    I just read somewhere that Newt’s hair is fake! Could he really be wearing a rug? What is WRONG with those people?

    If Newt manages to get elected, here’s an insider tip. Put all your money into Aqua Net stock. Extra hold. Screw the ozone layer!

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