Suckered by a Pet Psychic

By Karen

On January 17, I consulted a pet psychic as my last hope of resolving ongoing hostilities between the Cats Working felines without resorting to medication (for them, not me).

I did my homework and thought I found a good psychic; her website was impressive. I won’t name her because I’m not out to sink her career, which can be lucrative — $50 for 30 minutes.

When we spoke to schedule the session, I liked her. I prepared questions for her to ask the cats, which I read to her at the start of what became a 2-hour ordeal.

At the appointed hour, I phoned her from the living room while the cats lounged in my bedroom. We started with Adele, who kvetched about “dust in the air” when I vacuum and something I spray in the house. (The only spray I use is Clorox Clean-Up in the kitchen and bathroom when Adele’s not there). Adele also complained her food isn’t “pure” enough.

The psychic seemed to push a raw-meat diet, which is dangerous and nutritionally unbalanced, and then suggested a dog food. She seemed to think cats and dogs can eat the same food.

Then Adele got nasty. She accused me of adopting Cole and Max for myself, not as her companions, and thinks it’s unreasonable for me to expect harmony. She claimed I spend too much time with the boys, fail to “discipline” them, and let them get away with too much. She feels like she’s doing all the work with them. She also thinks I need to “reclaim” my house and put them all in their place.

I was told that my life is out of balance and that the cats crave for me to bring nature to them, if only by getting outdoors more myself. Their hostility toward each other mirrors my feelings about myself.

To correct this, I’m supposed to remind myself that “I love me” when things go wrong, and practice more creative visualization.

Adele urged me to live in the moment. “When you’re with Cole and Max in the moment, you can sense who they are.”

Now, readers, do I seem like I don’t have a good sense of who these cats are?

Then our attention turned to Cole, who cryptically replied, “My instincts run deep,” when asked why he’s still skittish after living here for over 2 years.

We’ve had this longstanding mystery with the Petmate cat fountain. It keeps emptying into the big tray it’s placed in. I know Cole does it, but have never caught him in the act.

Instead of just asking Cole, “How does the water get out of the fountain?”, the psychic pumped me for details on the fountain, then basically repeated them back to me, right down to the “glug, glug” of the water reservoir draining. She said Cole does it by putting his paw in the water.

Really? And I thought he was using a shop vac.

Last, Max told me he’s fun-loving and lets things roll off his back.

Well, DUH! Max is a kitten.

Max also observed that Cole is really smart. I’ll say. Cole can suck a cat fountain dry without getting caught.

Bottom line: The cats’ interpersonal issues are MY fault because of how I live my life. They want more discipline. And I need to stimulate Cole’s and Max’s minds more.

Surprisingly, the late Fred and Yul and their Christmas orbs never came up.

It’s taken me a few days to write about this because it (and its $200 price tag) left me really in the dumps. If you know Cats Working, you understand why.

Adele spent a few hours at the vet that same afternoon, having minor surgery on an injured claw, which she told the psychic she had snagged on the rug. (Good guess!) Adele didn’t think the vet could do much, but I disagreed. As a result, the vet saved the claw (and buh-bye to another $200).

After processing everything, I concluded the psychic thinks cats and dogs are interchangeable and she cribs off Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan a lot. His name even came up.

And all the New-Agey recommendations didn’t come from the cats. They’re not into that stuff.

I’m happy to report that the cats have relaxed into their usual level of bickering. I guess I’ll just have to live with it.

P.T. Barnum said there’s a sucker born every minute. This was definitely my minute.

14 Responses to Suckered by a Pet Psychic

  1. Have you tried looking at animal planet’s Jackson Galaxy, Cat Behaviorist. He has a show called My Cat from Hell. I looked a few tips on their myself. And he also is on Facebook listed as Jackson Galaxy Cat Behaviorist.

    Hope this helps.

  2. catsworking says:

    Hi, prettygirl! Thanks for the lead. I think I saw all episodes of the first season of My Cat From Hell. Haven’t seen any of Season 2 yet. It seemed to me that Jackson Galaxy was taking on softball cases. When he cures a cat from spraying or peeing outside the box, he’ll earn my respect. I’m guessing he’s tried to tackle some of those and they ended up on the cutting room floor as failures.

  3. annie pelfrey says:

    DOG FOOD for a cat??? holy moly
    i also love “My cat from hell”
    sorry you got ripped off- and sometimes it’s not you- it’s actually the cat’s personality.

  4. adeleAmer says:

    What a crock! Some of the craziest people I’ve known have had very nice cats, and all of my friends with multiple cats have had issues upon introduction. Alice and Dorothy are the first cats I’ve had, who never seem to exchange a cross word, but Alice is the only cat I’ve had, who’s not highly social.

    The nature stuff is really strange, considering that Cole was a shelter cat from kittenhood, and you adopted Adele and Max as kittens.How would they know that they’re missing nature. I think just two years from being the baby of the family to being senior cat in residence AND losing brothers whom she adored, was too much for Adele.

    Actually, My Cat From Hell gave me help with some litter box issues Alice was having. She was missing the box fairly often (and had stress related cystitis. The Cat from Hell guy was visiting a family, who had a cat, who would not use the litter box at all. He said to take the cover off the box, because the cat was fastidious and didn’t like being surrounded by the smell. I took the cover off Alice’s box, and to the accidents stopped almost immediately.

    Alice and Dorothy both say if they had to live anywhere else, they’d want to live with you and to tell Adele that they’re always available for girl talk.

  5. Bacardi1 says:

    While I feel your pain, all I can do is LOL!!!!! You’re too funny.

  6. catsworking says:

    Bacardi, the cats are still laughing about it. Yesterday, Adele jumped up on my desk to check out the post after I finished it and summed it up for me like this: “That psychic was one dumb bitch.”

    Yeah, dumb all the way to the bank.

    Out of the mouths of cats…

  7. catsworking says:

    I watched 2 hours of My Cat from Hell last night. My Max was particularly intrigued by “Mad” Max and his hostility issues.

  8. catsworking says:

    One development since my session is that the water has been staying in the kitty fountain. The psychic said Cole was splashing it all out as a game with me. And suddenly he’s given it up? Really weird.

    Adele, covered boxes are almost always a bad idea. Not only do they create that stinky “porta-potty” effect for the cat, but I’ve read that they cause large cats to have to squat in unnatural positions that makes it hard for them to go.

    I had one covered box when Yul was young. When he stood up to his full height, he would lift the top and wear it like a hat. It was open boxes (with very high sides) from then on (because he also liked to pee standing up).

    Max is the first cat I’ve ever had who likes to POOP standing up. He puts his front paws on the side of the box and goes while standing on his back feet.

  9. Zappa's mom says:

    Covered boxes are bad? If I take the top away and Zappa has a problem with it,will that psychic point that out as my issue as well? Even though I live alone, I always close the door.


  10. catsworking says:

    ZM, if you take the top off the box and Zappa suddenly develops “shy kidneys,” you will be accused of bestial voyeurism.

    Max is just the opposite, he seems to PREFER to go when he has company. Many times I’ve been in the closet scooping and he’s leaped into one of the boxes to take a whiz. We have no secrets here.

  11. annie pelfrey says:

    i ran to answer phone, and didn’t put top back on litter box. my seal point pooed outside the box. so much for that theory…

  12. catsworking says:

    Condolences on the poo, Annie. Maybe your cat got spooked because the box looked different. My recommendation would be to put out a second box that’s uncovered, give it some time, and see which one the cat prefers in the long run. I’m betting the open box will win. But then again, those Asian breeds are unpredictable. They don’t think like we do…

  13. annie pelfrey says:

    not to worry- just that one time, and she has the tiniest poo. and how sad that i’m discussing this!
    so glad i never wanted human kids- i would be the most boring mother EVER!

  14. catsworking says:

    I once had a tuxedo cat named Ginger (Rogers) who, for no apparent reason, started pooping right in the middle of the living room, or whichever room she’d happen to be in. I’d come home from somewhere and Wham! there would be a few perfectly solid turds in the middle of the room.

    I cleaned the spots to get rid of the smell and covered them with tin foil. After a week or 2 of this, Ginger stopped as mysteriously as she had begun and never mixed the box again.

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