Maxing Out on Christmas

By Max

I’m 8 months old now, and for my first Christmas ever, I’m discovering I landed in a home where Christmas is all about us CATS!

It all started when a big wreath showed up on the living room floor.

Adele frisked that thing like she was trained by the TSA.

I took a few sniffs and moved on once I realized it’s all fake.

Turns out, it was my first Christmas test. Karen planted the wreath there to see if I would go bonkers and destroy it. She figured it would be safer for me to attack it on the floor than on the mantel. I passed with honors.

Adele hasn’t been letting anything come into the house without a thorough inspection. No stocking-stuffer has been too small to escape her.

Adele raising "nosy" to an art form.

Then Karen started mumbling about my “stocking.” I thought we had that covered. I’m wearing 4 white furry socks.

Turns out I didn’t need a wearing stocking, but a hanging-by-the-chimney-with-care stocking — a.k.a. Santa Kitty bait.

The best stocking Karen could find is covered with stupid buttons. She sewed my name on it, but assured me it’s still a “work in progress” and she will replace the buttons with jingle bells. But for now, she jazzed it up with a sparkly brooch that looks just like ME!

If anybody asks, I’m saying it’s an homage to my “cute as a button” good looks.

Of course, when Adele saw my bling, she threw a fit and had to have some.

For her Highness, nothing less than gold and diamonds would do.

Cole’s stocking already has so much junk on it, he doesn’t care.

Santa Kitty can’t miss these babies now!

Every new kitty gets a special ornament for the tree, but Karen used my mug shot from the joint when I was 6 weeks old. That explains the dopey look on my face. I guess I’ll have to live with that every Christmas now.

At least I’m not lying naked on a bear-skin rug.

Then Karen dragged out a huge box of branches. When she put them all together, they made a TREE! In our LIVING ROOM!

I wasted no time climbing that thing — about every 5 minutes for a week.

Hmmm… where’s Cole when a kitten needs a boost?

Must remember

It's much easier when I smash the branches real flat!

Rats! I hit a green ceiling & couldn't go any higher.

Could YOU scold this kitty for climbing the tree?

I spent so much time in the tree, Karen was afraid to put anything but my one ornament on it. But then she felt guilty about depriving her little Maxy of his very first Christmas.

I tried to help her decorate, but stringing the lights from inside the tree almost got me strangled, so I climbed down and let Karen finish. She really did a number on it.

Have you ever seen anything so tarted up?

Cole likes to hang out under the tree with all the presents.

“I’m dreaming of a black Christmas…”

Karen’s OK with us hanging out under the tree as long as we don’t try to open any presents.

I wonder who all this junk is for?

We’re allowed to get away with so much, you’d think we would cooperate when Karen wanted us to do one little thing like pose in our Santa hats for your Christmas greeting, but you’d be wrong. Adele complained the hat mussed her ears. Karen did manage to catch Cole off-guard for a second…

If looks could kill...

I took my cue from Cole…

Mmmm... Santa must taste like chicken!

Then, my beloved Cattey betrayed me and made us all look like ingrates. I don’t know who he was trying to impress. There’s no such thing as SantaPillar!

Cattey's even SMILING!

But back to presents. Ours are wrapped in plain brown paper so we’ll know exactly which ones we can tear into Christmas morning.

Adele thinks they're new carriers for taking us to the vet. Always the pessimist.

The 2 flat ones in front are for Karen from us. Boy, is she going to be surprised when she sees her next AmEx bill!

I can hardly wait for Christmas morning. I probably won’t be able to sleep, listening for Santa Kitty to claw his way down our chimney.

Next week, I’ll let you know what was in all those big brown packages.

I hope Santa brings all our Cats Working readers a big pile of good ‘nip. Adele, Cole, Karen and I wish you…

A Merry Maxy Christmas!


22 Responses to Maxing Out on Christmas

  1. MorganLF says:

    I know, but I ain’t telling… Merry Christmas Everyone!

  2. adele says:

    Max, your baby picture ornament is just too adorable. You’re very lucky to live with Karen; my cats only have a menorah, a Coca Cola polar bear,who plays saxophone and candle holders of the three kings (my favorite characters from the story of the nativity).

    Alice, Dorothy and I do hope that Santa Kitty brings you everything your little heart desires, and Merry Christmas to all of you.

    P.S. Cole’s disgust at wearing the Santa hat is priceless, and Adele surrounded by the wreath is a fine pose.

  3. catsworking says:

    Adele, WE have a Coca Cola polar bear! But it doesn’t do anything. Karen says it’s very old, and it sits beside a can of original Coke, made before they came out with that stuff called “New Coke.” Karen’s afraid one day the Coke will eat through the can or make it explode.

  4. jimmie chew says:

    Oh Jimmie did not pass the test, his tree has to be put away when no one is home.
    merry x-mas!!!!

  5. catsworking says:

    Sorry to hear that Jimmie fell into the rookie mistakes that so many kittens make. I was lucky that Cole showed me the ropes. Santa Kitty comes tonight, and so far the tree is unmolested. Well, we played with it just a little bit, but it was easy to fix.

  6. Zappa and Zappa's mom says:

    Wow,Christmas is WAY more fun at your house! My Human doesn’t let me have any of that stuff.

    Merry Christmas

  7. adele says:

    Zappa and ZM,

    Merry Christmas from Alice, Dorothy and me. Their four Great Dane cousins gave them a mousie with blinking laser eyes that scares them.


    We hope you, Adele and Cole had a great Christmas morning and that peace reigned over your little kingdom.

  8. Zappa and Zappa's mom says:

    Thanks,Adele! Happy 2012!!

  9. MorganLF says:

    Ok so what’s the verdict on Karen’s new toy? If I am correct I bet she hasn’t come up for air….

  10. catsworking says:

    Morgan, Karen was happy to get her new toy — iPad2 — until she turned it on. She thought we were all going to spend Christmas morning playing with our toys, but instead Karen spent an hour scouring YouTube for videos on how to get the f**king iPAD to boot (the screen showing an iTunes icon and a USB cable meant NOTHING to her), after page 1 of the freaking user manual was flat-out WRONG about the existence of some built-in guidance to do it. Who would have guessed the iPad requires a PC and a fully functioning. pre-existing iTunes account right out of the box?

    Then yesterday she tried to download a book from the iBook store, only to be told she couldn’t because she doesn’t have iOS5, which has to download from a computer. For something that’s supposed to be so slick and standalone, it’s entirely too dependent on hardwired connections to other computers to make it work.

    The iPad may be “intuitive” if you grew up with Apple products, but it’s “unfuriatingly cryptic” if you didn’t, to quote Karen directly.

    On the other hand, it looks good if you don’t try to actually use it. But once Karen FIGURES IT OUT and gets some relevant apps on it, she is sure she will grow to love it and abandon her Nook altogether. At least, unlike her Windows computers, the iPad isn’t doesn’t incessantly nag her to download system software and security software updates.

  11. MorganLF says:

    Should have warned you about needing an I tunes account. I had work IT dude set mine up but adding email accounts and apps very easy. I especially like the Hd it’s perfect and videos are totally Hd and easy. For free movies and tv try Crackle.

  12. catsworking says:

    Aha! Professional help. You avoided most of the pain. I’m still trying to work out the kinks. For example, I entered all my email accounts, and somewhere it said it knew which one to default to, but it’s STILL defaulting to the wrong account and I can’t find how to fix it ANYWHERE!!! “Intuitive” my foot. Just an excuse for lack of documentation.

    I do like that it comes on instantly and doesn’t take forever to boot, and then want to run 6 hours of updates before you actually get anything done. And the picture clarity is great.

  13. MorganLF says:

    My friend got one for Christmas and last night at a dinner party directly after the truffled Brussels er I mean pizza, I tried to show her a few apps, the tension between her and her husband palpable.

    He had set it up then forgot all passwords, not realizing that you need an iTunes , network, and email password. Thus I could not log into their wi fi. Configure your email in settings or use the email envelope icon on the front page, Add or delete as needed. When you see the mail icon on the opening page it will default to the last account you were in, so at the top tap on say Gmail, it brings you inbox tap again you get all mailboxes ie Yahoo, AOL
    then select the one you want. Or go through the Safari browser and log as you would on a PC. I tended to use the browser for familiarity but graduated to apps. So you can use safari, which uses google to search twitter and log in, or go to iTunes store and load the free twitter app and one tap gets you there, all the easier for delusional twitter addicts to respond to all the “personal” messages being sent to them.

    I still find typing funky .

  14. MorganLF says:

    PS: that George Clooney and Clive Owen need to leave me be! I am having a tough enough time keeping up with all the direct messages from Alex Hamilton, and Chuck Dickens.

  15. catsworking says:

    Morgan, I am still tip-toeing through the iPad minefield, trying to figure it out. At this point, I am totally confused about what accounts I’ve set up/not set up with Apple. I think I have an iTunes account, and I can get on my home network.

    It defaults to the last email account I entered. I’ll try what you suggest to change that. If it doesn’t work, I’ll delete all but the one account I want as the default, then access the others via the Net (which means remembering all their passwords).

    My biggest problem is that I don’t know all the secret taps and gestures to get anything to work (well, there is one gesture I use often with the iPad, but it doesn’t accomplish anything except to vent my rage). It’s like learning another language. But if Apple thinks the interface is instinctual, they’re delusional.

    I need a stylus (they can be used on iPad, right? or is the notion of tapping with an implement too primitive?), because when you open some websites, the things you have to tap on are so microscopic, it’s virtually impossible.

    I have been mainly using Safari, and have downloaded a few apps (which were promptly repo-ed into cyberspace). But I’m beginning to get lost in the password jungle. I have Norton on my PCs, and it fills in a lot of passwords for me so I don’t have to.

    I’m glad I got the iPad because I know this is the direction computing is headed (the next innovation will be a device that draws stick figures on cave walls), but I’m suffering a severe case of Apple disillusion. It’s every bit as cryptic, dictatorial, and uncooperative as Microsoft.

  16. MorganLF says:

    Oh your just frustrated and pouty. Google “Apple support” and you will find a number to call. Yesterday I did a software update by connecting my iPad to my computer it went smoothly but I lost some things so I called. A real nice cat stuck on the phone with me for well over an hour. We backed up all my apps reloaded and set up an I cloud account, sort of a server in the enter that loads all your stuff and then sends it to all your apple devices, but since I don’t have any other devices not germain at this time.

    Just trust me the high def pics and video are AMAZING, I took a whole bunch of family video then you can email it automatically to you you tube account. I use my cable company’s portable app all the time. Can watch two things at once and the search features rule.

    Give it time it’s not a PC but so much more feature rich. And games? Let’s just say that if I was using real money I’d be a millionaire from Texas hold em. I love this thing the battery lasts for ever and when the device is done there is no changing the battery you get a new device for $99.

    I shall never be without one ever again!

  17. catsworking says:

    Morgan, I look forward to the day I am as addicted to the thing as you are. Really. Last night I downloaded the Crackle app and poked around there. I read about the gestures in the user manual. This morning, instead of firing up the netbook to check a site I saw mentioned in the paper, I used the iPad and it was fine. (Now I know how to zoom out the screen!)

    Oh, and last night I downloaded a few books AND transferred some books over from my Nook account.

    What I’m really excited about testing is magazines and newspapers. I would LOVE to get all my magazines online instead of having them pile up in a basket in the living room.

    I think I signed up for an iCloud account to back things up, but I’m not sure.

    Since I don’t have any other Apple devices, one thing I’m noticing is how out of whack the email is. What I delete on the PC doesn’t delete from the iPad, and vice versa, so the iPad is really only good for reading whatever’s sitting out there. Maybe responding briefly. I’m not loving the virtual keyboard, but plan to get the iPad its own.

    I asked the guy in Best Buy about battery changes, and he said you have to send it to Apple, or bring it to BB and they’ll send it to Apple. That idiocy puts Microsoft to shame. “You have to love us so much you’ll be willing to be without your device for a week or more BECAUSE IT NEEDS A BATTERY??!!!” WTF??

    The guy didn’t mention the $99 deal, which is great to know. For the record, I’ve never known anybody who worked at Best Buy to know much about anything. Every time I’ve got a super bum-steer on electroics, it’s been at Best Buy.

  18. adele says:

    Karen, I’m a total Apple ignoramus, but my sister has a Mac computer and an iPad. With each she got 1 free hour at the Apple store, which helped a great deal with the computer — she doesn’t use the iPad for much,and my nephew set it up for her — for all things cyber related I’ve discovered that it helps to have a young relative or friends.I know you can buy classes at Apple as well, although it sounds like right this minute, you don’t want to give them one more red cent. My sister did take a couple of the computer classes; as it turned out, they were one on one (because of lack of others signing up), and she liked them very much.

  19. catsworking says:

    Adele, Karen here. Unfortunately, I AM the “young relative or friend” in this family who gets all the PC problems dumped in my lap. Right now I’m facing uninstalling and reinstalling Norton security software on 6 machines. The annual new year’s ritual.

    Through trial and error (mostly error), I’m learning the iPad. What I haven’t figured out, though, it how to back out of an app without going all the way back to the home screen and starting over. On a PC, there’s usually the back arrow, but I’m finding it’s inoperative most of the time on the iPad.

  20. mercadee says:

    They could care less about the tree … the ornaments are fun for them so we keep the breakable ones near the top. What they really like is the water. We have tried assorted deterrents — aluminum foil around the stand, tape with the sticky side up, etc. Is there something to put in the water that the cats will hate, but won’t make them (or the tree) sick?

  21. catsworking says:

    mercadee, you are braver than I am. I’ve had a fake tree for many years because I knew a real tree would just cause mayhem. Unfortunately, I don’t know of any tips on how to keep the cats out of the tree water, except to cover it. I think I’d try a one of those tin foil pie plates, cut a hole for the trunk, then tape the thing to the stand. Of course, watering the tree would become a hassle, but maybe you could squeeze a funnel in so you don’t have to uncover the stand every time.

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