Why the GOP is Like the 4th of July

By Cole

Here’s a riddle: What do the misfits and intellectually-challenged opportunists vying for the Republican nomination have in common with Independence Day?

Fireworks. One by one they have been catapulted by their gullible followers to the heights of the polls. They hover for a time, all sparkly and beautiful and full of promise, and everybody “Oohs” and “Aahs” at their brilliance.

But then their flash is exhausted, they’ve got no substance to keep them aloft, and they fall back to earth.

Last week it was Rick Perry’s turn to flame out. After making an ass of himself almost every time he opened his mouth until he swore off debates altogether, they pulled him back in. That tells you right there he’s not cut out to tangle with whichever foreign despots we haven’t killed off.

And Perry obliged by really stepping in it. Herman Cain owes him a big one for deflecting the heat.

Don’t you just love listening to buffoons bragging about all the government agencies they’ll unilaterally wipe out — and then in the next breath reveal they have no idea what they’re talking about?

Poor Herman seems to be showing signs of early-onset dementia in his inability to remember any of the women who clearly remember him groping dissing them.

And now Rick Perry’s making George W. Bush look like Demosthenes.

And yet Perry and Cain act like they should get a pass for their inability to convey articulate or honest thought. After 8 years of Bush, and the U.S. declaring open season on heads of state we don’t like, it’s hard to imagine the rest of the world taking yet another mush-mouth in the Oval Office in stride.

Next up in the fireworks display: Newt Gingrich. He’s been one of those stealth types, but they’re running out of options so he’s he’s approaching his zenith and will have to show us what he’s got. It’s almost a certainty that some news hound will drag yet another skeleton out Newt’s walk-in closet, and he’ll end up on the ash-heap with the rest.

Meanwhile, Mitt Romney quietly lies in the shadows, waiting for his party to put away the garlic and the crosses, open his lid, and beg him to suck the life out of Obama.

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4 Responses to Why the GOP is Like the 4th of July

  1. C from FL says:

    I think Romney will be the GOP candidate but would not be shocked if he picked Cain as running mate—hopefully he will not mess up and pick Bachmann or any other far right female just because he thinks women “need” a woman in the mix. Cain is top runner in FL polls but I don’t get it. His 9-9-9 tax scheme hurts retirees (we have a lot of ’em down here) because it adds 9% sales to the 6,7,or 8 percent we already pay. Personally, I don’t think he was a groper but nothing is real these days and with the economy the way it is some folks will try anything to make a buck. Gloria Alred is such a media whore, she makes Nancy Grace look like Clarence Darrow in heels.

  2. catsworking says:

    Good one about Gloria Allred. We agree with you there. We watched the press conference yesterday with that woman’s ex-boyfriend, and he said Gloria is getting paid nothing to represent the woman. So it’s all about the talk show rounds.

    We think Cain just finished himself off in that interview where he drew a blank on Libya. First, it was not knowing that China has nuclear weapons, then he’s clueless when the capture and killing of Gadhafi dominated the news for many days. He’s too stupid to even be a vice president.

    When Romney gets the nomination, we think he will pick an unknown because the current crop is tarnished goods, and none of them have enough support to do him much good. Virginia’s governor, Bob McDonnell, has been named as a possibility. Personally, we’d love to see him hit the campaign trail so he’ll stop driving Virginia in the wrong direction.

    And don’t forget Chris Christie. The last time we saw him, he was doing an interview with Romney where they were all but holding hands and kissing. Christie said he wouldn’t run for PRESIDENT, but I bet he could be persuaded to be VP as OTJ training for when he is “ready” to run for president in 2016.

  3. Britta says:

    Bravo Cole—well done! You had me rofl line by line. Sadly, while funny it is also too true but that is the state of our impending race. UGH

  4. catsworking says:

    Why, thank you, Britta. No sooner were the words out of my paws than they were digging up dirt on Gingrich. Why am I not surprised that he was making a fortune off Freddie Mac while criticizing everyone else for their ties to it?

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