America’s Real “Most Dangerous Person”

By Adele

Anthony Bourdain’s in the soup for calling Paula Deen “the worst, most dangerous person to America,” but he overlooks an even more insidious influence. This bitch is so arrogant, so demeaning and demonic, she fluffs my tail and make me hiss whenever I see her.

I just caught the demon on Finding Sarah, that bizarre OWN reality series Sarah Ferguson’s financial desperation drove her to do.

I’m not talking about Fergie. She’s a hot mess, but lovable, even if she raised children with no fashion sense.

I’m talking about Suze Orman.

Apparently, Sarah, who was teetering on bankruptcy, was forced to spend 2 days with the she-devil because Sarah’s projects and endorsements went Poof! after News of the World scammed her into selling access to Prince Andrew to make news.

Orman began by berating Sarah for letting Andrew be her “cushion.” He lets her stay at his place occasionally.

Orman asked, “What’s it feel like to be dependent?” “Do you really want to be successful?”

Then the bitch proceeded to spew impractical platitudes…

“Finding Sarah means taking your power and not doing something just to fulfill a contract or a commitment.”

Suze, you idiot. That’s called “having a job,” which Sarah could use.

“Your key is not to rush.”

Suze, impending bankruptcy comes with a sense of urgency.

Tell yourself, “I’m going to only have people in my life… that help me find me.”

“When you owe somebody money, it’s is my distinct belief that it’s not about the money. It’s about what is the lesson you have to learn about yourself that the problem with money is showing you.”

Suze, do you read the paper? Do you think millions of flat-broke unemployed people, with no healthcare, facing foreclosure, and eating only by the grace of food banks are interested in “learning lessons about themselves?”

Poor Sarah sat there and took it, probably feeling an inch tall. Then Orman went for the kill, proclaiming, “I have a crush on myself!”

If I could have leaped through that screen and shredded her for Sarah, I’d have done it.

There isn’t a more egomaniacal woman on TV, including Palin and Bachmann. Suze Orman learned about finance working for such beloved institutions as Merrill Lynch and Prudential Bache. She’s been parting suckers from their money with her worthless money advice ever since, and every dollar she rakes in feeds her bloated sense of self-importance.

I’d like to see Paula Deen become Suze Orman’s nutritionist.

5 Responses to America’s Real “Most Dangerous Person”

  1. adele says:

    First of all, Adele, that you managed to get a post up despite the quake, shows real journalistic dedication. Too bad you didn’t try to warn Karen, though.

    I think your plan for Paula Deen to be Suze Orman’s nutritionist is excellent. I’ve started to watch some of Suze’s PBS shows more than once, but not more than 10-15 minutes in, I’m feeling like such a worthless idiot (even though I realize that Suze isn’t in touch with the real world and worked for institutions that are part of the problem ) that I turn her off. I’ve heard that “crush on myself” crap before — at least Suze will always have that.

  2. Britta says:

    Adele, you are most astute. And really, the homage paid to folks just because they appear on OWN and Food Network is really rather despicable. Frankly, Moore cats, particularly Nola, contend that these engines of reality voyeurism, “wanna-be” chefs and world travelers attract the least industrious, entrepreneurial and creative minds and hearts of our nation. Truth be told, if folks were out there inventing, nurturing and growing meaningful ventures, they’d have little time for OWN and FN.

  3. catsworking says:

    Adele, I was lucky enough to be using the netbook, which fits nicely under the bed during the quake. And we never lost power, so I was able to stay online. All I can say to the matter of failing to warn Karen is “No comment.”

    I watched 4 episodes of Finding Sarah On Demand (out of order and with 2 crucial ones missing, I might ad — thanks a bunch, Oprah!), and I really felt sorry for Sarah. She survived TWO DAYS with Orman, although in tears almost the whole time. Then she was subjected to Dr. Phil, who deemed her an “approval addict,” and she pretended to be ecstatic about finally having a label for her problem.

    The things people will do to stay on Oprah’s good side.

    So it would appear, even though Oprah has gone her merry way on to her OWN network, she’s still plugging that stable of faux “stars” she created at every opportunity.

    I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I ever heard of Suze Orman before she appeared on Oprah. Sure, she was doing her TV shows and maybe writing books (there seems to be a 10- or 11-year gap between the time she walked away from her own business and crossed paths with Oprah that’s something of a black hole, employment-wise), but Oprah’s endorsement really put her on the map.

    Just imagine what Orman’s girlfriend (wife?) must have to put up with, living with someone who has a crush on herself. Isn’t that called a narcissist?

    Britta, that’s an interesting observation. It makes me feel good that we never turn on Food Network or Travel Channel anymore except for research purposes. Travel Channel has become pretty much FN2 anyway, with just about every show revolving around food, except for the guy who hunts ghosts and that bunch who play in sand. Actually, we can’t watch the sandcastle guys because it causes a stampede to the litterbox.

  4. Zappa says:

    What happened to Travel Channel? I remember watching a show that filmed the host living with indigenous peoples around the world.One show that held my interest was a NFL player that went around the globe competing in various sports and athletic competitions-caber tossing in Scotland,etc.Now its all about traveling to the world’s cesspools and eating penises(penii?)
    Bring back the charming football player and the guy that actually taught the viewer about the way people live AND SHUT TONY BOURDAIN THE FUCK UP!! What exactly is his humanely raised,grass-fed,organic beef with Paula Deen about,anyway? As if we have been watching him eat granola for the last several years.


  5. catsworking says:

    ZM, We remember the show about the guy living with the tribe, but not the football player.

    Karen says Bourdain may have stepped into much deeper doo-doo with his Paula Deen comment than he could have imagined. He didn’t just diss her, but Southern cooking (OK, most of hers is not authentic, but with all that grease, it’s on the same wavelength). Many Southerners don’t realize the Civil War is over. The local paper runs some recycled Civil War garbage on PAGE 2 of the paper EVERY DAY to keep it fresh in everybody’s mind. They’ve been itching for a rematch for over 100 years, and next time they intend to WIN. Bourdain may just have touched the match to the powder keg.

    Southerners may not even like Paula Deen themselves, but they won’t stand for no Yankee bad-mouthing her, either. And if he thinks writing for Treme and having that chef come back to New Orleans with all her new-found NYC wisdom is going to win anybody over, he can think again.

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