Hello, My Name is Max

By Max

Yes, the rumors on Twitter are true. Cats Working has a new member. I was sprung, like Cole and Adele (and the late Yul) from the Richmond Animal League.

RAL neutered me at 8 weeks and enrolled me in vocational training at 10 weeks (I’m 18 weeks old now), which is how I can type. RAL don’t shelter no unemployable freeloaders. 

In the joint, they called me Venice, which was unfortunate because Karen’s long-ago ex-husband was named Dennis. But I had no problem starting my new life with a brand-new new collar and a brand-new new identity.

Karen thought I looked like Oscar Hammerstein (yeah, I know, what was she smoking?), but I kept ignoring her until she consulted a character-naming book and read about 2,000 cat names on the Web and finally pulled Max out of her butt.

At LAST! She guessed my REAL name!!

So, since all Karen’s cats have been named for famous humans, my full name is Maxwell Perkins Wormald.

It’s taken me a few days to pull this post together because Karen wanted it illustrated. But this is how they were all coming out because I’m really fast.

That's me, after leaving a little present in Cole's big-cat box.

And then I had to learn how to use a PC. (I’m used to Mac.) I couldn’t wait to get right to work in Karen’s office first thing Monday morning, but my learning curve was interfering with Karen’s work.

I never knew watching someone type could be so much fun!

I literally sat there for HOURS, mesmerized.

When it was my turn to type, I noticed that Karen has an ergonomic keyboard. I really love it!

I quickly realized I type much faster when I sit on the other side of the keyboard.

In fact, since I arrived, I have spent most of my days hanging out in Karen’s office, and I have already learned how to keep this from happening whenever I jump off her desk.

I hadn't been there 10 minutes before all Karen's projects went flying.

Karen moved one of the cat beds in for me, but I found her recycle box just as comfy.

Trying to prove I'm not a golddigger. Hope it's working. I won't always fit in here.

I wasted no time in letting Karen know that even though I’m named after an editor, I can’t be trusted with manuscripts.

Best to dispel early any notions she has of making me her file clerk.

Speaking of trust, yesterday while Karen was trying to take a nap with Cole and Adele to get back in their good graces, I snuck upstairs to use Cole’s box instead of the tiny kitten box Karen gave me. I hate to be treated like a child. Unfortunately, the toilet paper was hanging beyond my reach, so I had to make do.

Glad she doesn't buy that cheapo one-ply stuff. I'd have to unroll twice as much.

My first night “home” (ah, I love how that sounds!) I slept in the room that Cole calls his “man cave,” and I think it left Cole feeling displaced and a little grudgy. But he has nothing to worry about. I moved out the next morning and I’ve had the run of the house ever since, including the coveted crow’s nest of the kitty perch.

Do you think it's true, what they say about boy cats with big tails?

I won’t say Adele and Cole have been mean to me, but they haven’t been exactly cordial. I’ve been using my considerable charm to steadily wear them down.

Who could resist this sweet, innocent face?

It’s working. Last night, Adele shared a game of laser pointer tag with me, and then sat me down for a pow-wow. I did my best to show respect for her vast wisdom. Now she lets me touch her nose.

Why does she keep calling me "Grasshopper?"

Before the evening was over, we were all hanging out together and nobody was hissing, so I think this is all going to work out.

Day 4. Our first group photo. I arranged that lamp shade.

Since I’m named after Hemingway and Fitzgerald’s editor, I know Karen set the bar for my blog posts very high. Cole says that until I get up to speed on current events and start having intelligent opinions — which I suspect he thinks will never happen — I’ll be handling the cat beat.

Adele keeps repeating, like a broken record, “Write what you know.”

So I just thought I’d pop in and introduce myself.

PS: Kittens play hard, but we also rest hard. Here’s me discovering that the bed in Karen’s office isn’t half bad!

Not my most flattering pose, but at least I'm not drooling



20 Responses to Hello, My Name is Max

  1. Imabear says:

    Max – congrats on the new home – I’ think you’ll be very happy there.

    Oh, Karen, he’s just precious! He really reminds me of our Spooky, who is black with a snow white patch on his tummy and one white whisker – (Spooks has some Siamese or short-haired oriental as he has that triangle face and long, slim body type – kind of looks like Max does too). Spooky is scared of his own shadow, thus his name (not because he’s black). All 3 of ours are adopted as well. Kudos for adopting – what a great feeling that is!

  2. adele says:

    Welcome, Max! You’ve landed yourself in the best possible home,and it’s already clear that you’ll be a valuable addition to the CatsWorking staff. Glad that you land the senior staff are already arriving at a rapprochement — you are pretty irresistible.

    Even though it will probably embarrass you when you get older, the last photo of your nap-time is just too adorable. Alice and Dorothy also welcome you and look forward to your posts.

  3. marilyn says:

    Congratulations to you Max for finding such a fantastic home. You will find that you will always be surrounded by lots of love, good friends, special toys, comfy beds and yummy food. Just wait until Christmas!!! What? You don’t know about Santa Claws yet do you!

  4. catsworking says:

    Wow! I just put my post out there and 2 peeps have responded already? I’m FAMOUS!

    OK, Karen taking back the keyboard here, but Max is sitting in front of it, watching me type. He’s totally fascinated by the computer.

    Imabear, the lady at the shelter said Max looks like he’s got some Siamese in him, too. Yul also had that. It came out in his meow and his habit of bolting his food and then puking.

    When I brought Max home Sunday afternoon (yes, that broke all previous records of cat replacement, but Yul and I had several months to say goodbye and he helped me plan it), Max’s little white feet were dingy and his fur was rough and dull. By the next morning, his feet were snowy white (he must have been trying to make a good impression) and his fur is now sleek and shiny from lots of petting and some Fancy Feast. They fed him Hill’s Kitten food in the joint, but I’m transitioning him to Blue, which has more protein. His coat already looks a lot better.

    I wasn’t supposed to get Max until Tuesday because RAL is really strict. They wanted to run a “vet check” to see if Cole and Adele’s shots were up-to-date. They remembered Cole (aka Dash), so my personal references were still good and didn’t need rechecking. I had all the medical records at home and went back on Sunday to see if they would suffice because once I picked Max out, I couldn’t stand the thought of him spending any more days in a cage. My records were good, and Max got sprung.

    He was like a limp rag at the League. He’d just sit in your arms and didn’t try to run away or play. That had me a little worried, but I was looking for a docile cat so Adele and Cole wouldn’t freak. But when I got him home and gave him some cat toys, he went absolutely nuts and wouldn’t let me touch him or pick him up. It was only after he spent his first night all alone in the man cave that he came around. In hindsight, I think it was prob. the only night he’s ever been all alone in his life because he had a littermate (all black).

    Monday morning he was very upset when I got up, but came right to me and wanted to be held, and he’s been that way ever since — when he’s not running around and playing. He turns out to have exactly the right balance of kitten playfulness and need for human interaction. He’s been sleeping next to me in bed every night, while Cole and Adele continue their bed turf war.

    I haven’t had a kitten in the house since Adele 11 years ago, so it’s quite an experience for all of us to have such a little bundle of energy in our midst.

  5. Imabear says:

    Spooky has that bolt and puke thing happening too – didn’t know it was breed related. That could explain a lot.

  6. catsworking says:

    marilyn, Santa Claws? No, I have never heard of this. I’m sure Cole and Adele will fill me in when we get more friendly.

    Karen here: Oh great. You just reminded me that I’ll be embroidering a name on another stocking this year.

  7. Britta says:

    Karen, have been following your blog for a few months but never posted. Don’t know if that’s considered lurking in that I had to subscribe. Can’t even recall how I stumbled on it but nonetheless, have been amazed with the journalistic stealth of your “working” crew, cleverly commenting on our world as only cats can. Condolences to you all for Yul’s passing. One of our brood has similar health issues. Keep the great stuff coming. Can’t wait for wisdom from Max. Kudos to you for keeping your team at capacity. It’s good work for all the unemployed cats out there needing a job and a purpose in life.

  8. Noel McWormald says:

    OMG…it’s Bailey’s twin!!! Looks like he has spunk. I hate spunk. And besides, I used to be the cute one. : ( p.s. I’m a little worried. It’s not Bailey is it??? I thought I’d gotten rid of her once and for all… Love, Cousin Noel

  9. catsworking says:

    Welcome, Britta! I’m so flattered that my first post brought you out of lurk mode. That should be worth something in the pecking order around here. Karen tells me the best thing you can do for our long-term job security is to spread the word to anyone who might be interested in the contents of Cats Working to come and check it out.

    I’ve been surfing the Net, trying to get up to speed, and know there are a lot of cat blogs out there. But they seem to talk mostly about being a cat (well, so do we, occasionally). But my colleagues are telling me to be unafraid to tackle the BIG issues. Being a kitten with the belief that the world is my oyster just waiting to be slurped raw (I’ve also been reading many of Karen’s old Bourdain posts), I can’t wait to sink my claws into the work!

    Karen here: Britta, welcome and thanks for your kind words about Yul. Without him, the whole dynamic of the house has changed, but Max has done wonders in keeping us all from falling into a funk. Cole and Adele are even beginning to remember their own crazy kittenhoods.

  10. catsworking says:

    Hiya, Cuz! I didn’t know I had a cousin!

    Rest assured, I am not Bailey, whoever that is. My name is Max.

    I don’t know what you look like, but if you’re not a kitten, you can be certain you are not as cute as I am. Not to put you down or anything. Just sayin’. My cuteness is a feature that comes standard. Karen couldn’t have gotten me without it, even if she’d wanted to.

  11. Zappa says:

    Hi Max! Congratulations on your new Human and new home! I have to ask,what else do you have planned for that lamp? I have a few ideas!


  12. cyn says:

    MAX I LOVE YOU!!! Some years ago, my much beloved Domino died. He was such a wonderful, buddy cat that after he passed, of couse I knew he went right to Cat Heaven. Now, I learned better. Domino renicarinated into your beloved Max. This is on the level. Max/ Domino look and act and photograph the same. Domino always slept next to me on the bed. Cool !!! May everyone love Max / Domino as much as I do !!!

  13. Mary Austin says:

    So very sorry to hear about Yul’s passing. He had a very good life and you gave him that. I lost a beloved kitty just about a year ago and it just hit me coming home from vacation, that for the first time in 25 years I had no cat to come home to. Some neighbor cats come over and give me my cat fix! Love your new kitty. Max is adorable and seems to have some great spunk. Looking forward to more tales about him and Adela and Cole.

  14. Britta says:

    Glad to be on board with Cats Working. Will spread the word to our local employment groups here in east central Florida. Working cat’s observations are so insightful…we need more of this in bubba land. UGH..To save others from despair, I won’t digress. Nonetheless, kudos from Ivy, Nola, Naomi, Mama, Moochie, Pocket, Fuzz Butt, Zapper and Rudy. A happy crew in residence for many years

  15. MorganLF says:

    I really don’t know why you would have any problem naming a cat after your ex, I’d do it without hesitation except Fuck-Face and Ahole just don’t seem appropriately feline….anywho welcome Max!

  16. catsworking says:

    This is amazing. So many new friends!

    Zappa, I figure in a few weeks, that lamp is going DOWN. This morning I got in some practice with this very tall plant in the living room. It’s so top-heavy, that all it took was a few little digs in the pot and… TIMMBBERR!

    cyn, so sorry to hear about Domino, but I want you to know that all us tuxedo kitties belong to a union to uphold the integrity of the breed when it comes to our code of conduct, so that’s probably where you’re seeing the resemblance.

    Karen wrestling the keyboard away from Max… Morgan, in the first few days whenever I told somebody the cat’s name was Venice, they all thought I said Dennis and went, “WHAT? Why would you do that?” I guess he left a bad taste in everybody’s mouth. And you’re right. All the nicknames I can think of to go with that name are nothing any cat should be called.

    Britta, sounds like you have a full crew. The cats send their regards and are thrilled to have so many new cat readers. This blog was started because of my book, “How to Work Like a CAT,” which was an idea inspired by my cat Fred. Although the illustrations make it look tongue-in-cheek, I intended it as a serious guide for employees who are sick of being treated like crap at work.

    Mary, I have had 3 cats for so many years, when one is missing, it throws the whole household off. I can’t even imagine coming home to a no-cat house. My parents are making that adjustment right now because they lost their cat a few weeks ago and didn’t have a spare. My mother is talking like she wants another one, but my father had to do all the dirty work, so he’s having none of it.

    For me, a house without cats is unthinkable. I’d be even nuttier than I am if they didn’t keep me on a schedule. And it’s always a happy day when I can get one more cat out of a cage and give it a life worth living.

  17. Nina says:

    Welcome Max! You’re a cutie!

  18. Leslie C says:

    Oh Karen, he is adorable.

  19. Britta says:

    Karen, yes we have maintained a full workforce. We have six who patrol the perimeters in their enclosed sanctuary and three who guard the gates of the indoor environs. They are all most productive and well appreciated for their individual talents. As a nonprofit oriented guardian, will be thinking of ways to get the “Cats Working” word out. My profession centers on humans but my other passion revolves around felines.

  20. catsworking says:

    Britta, Max here. It sounds as if you have your domain well-protected, so you probably don’t have to worry about Moammar Gaddafi showing up on your doorstep dressed in drag, looking for a place to hide.

    I’m told that Cats Working is nonprofit as well. Just the other day a friend asked Karen how much money she makes off the ads on the blog, and Karen said, “What ads?” When we see the blog it never has any ads, so we have no idea what we’re shilling for.

    So to anybody who’s out there seeing ads, rest assured we don’t make a penny if you click them. We’re guessing that WordPress gets any income from them, which must help to keep the blogging software free.

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