Florida Welcomes Disposable Children

By Adele

If you’re a young adult whose wild and crazy unprotected sex resulted in a pesky child to raise — YEARS before you were ready to give up drinking, partying, and sleeping around — Florida wants to help.

Just tell the kid you’re taking him/her to meet Mickey Mouse at DisneyWorld. Pack light. A roll of duct tape fits easily into a carry-on.

As soon as you arrive in Orlando, take the child to McDonald’s for a Happy (Last) Meal and keep the receipt. It will come in handy later if you ever need to show anyone what a devoted parent you are.

Before you check into a hotel, slap a few strips of duct tape over the child’s nose and mouth, then throw him into the trunk of your rental car before too many people see him.

For the duration of your stay, you can enjoy all of Orlando’s attractions and nightlife, unfettered by a cranky brat with poopy diapers whose insistence on eating and sleeping would only cramp your style.

When it’s time to head home, dump the kid in the nearest empty lot. If the car trunk smells funky from a corpse rotting in Florida’s heat, not to worry. The rental company has chemicals to take care of that.

Back home, if anyone in your family happens to notice your child hasn’t been around for a while and raises a “stink,” just accuse them of molesting you and threaten to sing like a canary. That should shut them up.

And never fear being caught or convicted. If a remorseless killer and pathological liar like Casey Anthony can get away with it, rest assured that the same morons who couldn’t read a ballot in 2000 and handed the White House to George W. Bush are still going strong and likely to be on your jury of “peers,” if it ever comes to that.

But, thanks to the Anthony “not guilty” verdict, the Orlando ‘burbs will soon be strewn with the remains of so many unwanted kids, they’ll look like above-ground catacombs. The chances of your departed darling ever being found and linked to you are slim to none.

Now, don’t you feel better?


16 Responses to Florida Welcomes Disposable Children

  1. adele says:

    Adele, I went back and read a bunch about the Anthony case, yesterday — I knew the basics, but stopped following it, because dead children are pretty traumatic for me; I spent 30 years worrying that a kid would be killed, being assigned cases where a child was killed, viewing autopsy slides, and dealing with the killers and the siblings.

    I do believe that there was foul play in the Anthony case, but I’m more angry at the prosecution than at the jury. I think the prosecution did not prove its case. They got lazy and swept up in the media circus, and rather than looking hard for a cause of death, they figured they had a slam-dunk. Watching Casey Anthony’s face, I do believe that she is a sociopath, incapable of feeling normal human emotion. She has many years of child bearing ahead of her, and I fear for any more children she might have. In Illinois, Child Protective Services would also have been involved, and the standard of evidence to say that someone caused the death of a child, either through their own action or blatant disregard of a child’s welfare is lower that the criminal court standard. A case like this would stay on the books, and if DCFS were informed that another child was born, there would be an investigation. I don’t know what the rule is in Florida.

  2. catsworking says:

    Adele, Caylee Anthony didn’t toddle 15 houses down the street, climb into a trash bag, cover her face with duct tape, and commit suicide.

    And the grandfather who supposedly loved her so much didn’t find her floating face-down in the pool and then toss her body into the woods so his wife wouldn’t get mad. That whole scenario was so far beyond bat-shit crazy, and totally unsubstantiated by ANY of the evidence, it’s a wonder it was allowed to stay in the record.

    I agree with you that the prosecution failed at connecting every single dot for the jury so convicting her could be a no-brainer. On the other hand, the prosecution DID connect all the dots for the OJ jurors, and he still got off.

    Short of showing a dated video of Casey actually murdering Caylee and dragging that trash bag into the woods before prancing off to a nightclub to party, it was hopeless. The whole Anthony family was revealed to be so horribly depraved, the shock value of what Casey did disappeared because her parents almost outdid her in trying to top each other with how viciously they could betray each other. Caylee got completely forgotten in the family drama.

    This morning the Today Show mentioned that Casey wrote a letter to someone while she’s been in jail saying that if she ever got out, the thing she’d like to do is HAVE ANOTHER CHILD!!! I’m with ZM in believing that mandatory sterilization is the only solution for her.

    Caylee’s killer will never be brought to justice. Like with Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman, the search will end now because everyone knows the killer got away with it.

    And just like with OJ, who’s now rotting in the slammer in Las Vegas, we haven’t seen the last of Casey Anthony. This “victory” will only embolden her, and she will quickly fall in with the wrong crowd (because no decent person will have anything to do with her) and she’ll come to a bad end, sooner rather than later.

    In finding Casey guilty of the lying charges, I wonder why the jury thinks she lied. To cover up a murder, or just harmlessly out of habit?

  3. Anne says:

    Sounds like you nailed it! She should have been convicted on the sleaze factor alone.

  4. catsworking says:

    Anne, thank you. Exactly.

    One of the alternate jurors said the prosecution didn’t prove cause of death. Let’s see… you find a skull with duct tape. The duct tape isn’t attached because THE NOSE AND SKIN IT WAS STUCK TO ARE GONE. So the prosecution couldn’t possibly recreate how the duct tape was attached to a living face. So Casey walks. This jury was so effing stupid, you have to wonder how they ever found their way home.

  5. C from FL says:

    Hold on just a moment…are you sure you are not a Nancy Grace wannabe? Why put the name of our great state in your headline in such a disgusting manner? There were plenty of us here that did NOT agree with the verdict but to say that in Florida we “welcome” disposable children is very offensive to many of our clear thinking, law abiding, nature loving, non-state-income-tax paying, jury serving citizens. The Anthony case was a terrible tragedy as were the terms of G Dubya. Jimmy Carter was no saint either when he allowed the Mariel Boatlift to create such havoc in our state. Florida has always been quirky. It’s the only place where the more north one goes the more southern the state becomes.It won’t take more “dead children” to turn Orlando into any more of a cesspool than it already is….but……the world keeps going there and since the 70’s it has turned a little out-of-the-way town into a big city with the horrors of big city crime. We are not stupid down here but thanks to self-serving, loud mouth jerks like Nancy Grace we are played out to be. Orlando isn’t Florida and Ms. Grace calls herself a lawyer but is not a representative of the practicing legal profession. We might not like it but our trial system is what it is. Given your take on the state of Florida and also the fact that Bourdain is far less interesting now that he is a corporate schmuck, I think your latest blog entry is my last.

  6. Cheray says:

    I would like to know the definition of REASONABLE doubt. In my mind there was no reasonable doubt that she did it, only unreasonable and far-fetched fantasy.

    And Casey Anthony will be just fine. She will parlay the shameful verdict into a money-making book and eventually porn films before she (hopefully) self-destructs. Let’s hope and pray that she never has another child.

  7. catsworking says:

    Fair enough, C. I apologize for painting Florida with such a broad brush, and of course you are right that many of the people there are just as incensed as the rest of the country at the Anthony verdict and don’t think justice has been served.

    There’s a fine line between satire and bad taste. Nancy Grace represents bad taste because she takes herself seriously and thinks she’s dispensing bona fide legal analysis. Cats Working has always been satire. People who don’t get it get offended. It’s an occupational hazard. Ya can’t please all of the people all of the time.

  8. catsworking says:

    Cheray, one of the actual jurors was on TV this morning and she basically said that the prosecution totally failed to prove how Caylee died, who killed her, why she was killed, what Casey’s motive might have been.

    It’s like the jury sat there for a month wearing earplugs. When faced with all the evidence in the jury room, they treated it like a jigsaw puzzle with no 2 pieces they could fit together to reach any conclusions about ANYTHING.

  9. Cheray Smith says:

    It’s getting so that unless the actual jury members witness the act, it’s “not guilty”! Did they not think the duct tape on her face just might have killed her? As far as motive goes, did the fact that she was not reported missing for over a month, while her “mother” (that bitch that gave birth to her) was being photographed partying and entering “hot body” contests, not provide a motive?

    When my children were little (and to this day) if they went missing, I would be screaming down the 911 line for “HELP, please find my child”! And I’m sure that any mothers reading this would do the same….

    Because that’s what mothers do….

  10. Cheray Smith says:


    I’m sure there are many folks in Florida who are outraged at the shocking verdict, but I was reading another blog today (cannot remember which one) in which a person had posted:

    “I HATE FLORIDA….and I live here!”

  11. Carrie says:

    C from FL can suck it! Get a life and a clue. It makes me think you don’t actually read Cats Working Blog if you’re taking it oh so seriously. I happen to like satire … frisky …

  12. Mary Austin says:

    CL if you don’t like Bourdain, then don’t come to catsworking. He is so not a corporate schmuck, which you would know if you actually watched his show and got him. About the trial, it’s hard to imagine what the jurors went through, but I’ve been on a jury and I can tell you for that verdict I would have been the lone holdout. I don’t think less of Florida, but would hope that there are at least some laws in place to allow the state to monitor this mother before she puts anymore future children in danger. On another note, Karen I am so glad to hear you have a clean bill of health!

  13. catsworking says:

    Carrie, thank you. It just so happens that I’m still sharpening my claws and working on one more post about the Anthony case.

    Yes, Florida has been at the center of this and the 2000 election, which ended up costing the whole country untold billions from the 2 wars that election ultimately spawned. But in the Anthony case, the results could have happened anywhere. Stay tuned…

  14. catsworking says:

    Mary, I saw Marcia Clark (remember the lawyer in the OJ case?) on the Today Show this morning, and she said the Casey Anthony jury must have gone into deliberations knowing they would probably dismiss all the murder charges. I can’t remember now what her reasoning was, but it made sense to me.

    Seems that the whole Anthony family would do better if they all went their separate ways now because they seem to feed each others’ sickness. It won’t surprise me if we hear within a few weeks that the parents have split.

    I was reading yesterday that a lucrative book deal for Casey is unlikely because OJ poisoned the well with If I Did It. There was such public outrage over it, some publisher said it would be “career suicide” to taken on Casey Anthony.

  15. Zappa's mom says:

    I want to poke the hornet’s nest one more time.”Florida”brings home a point.I find myself becoming increasingly annoyed that my my beautiful hometown (Washington DC) is constantly maligned by anyone with any kind of axe to grind.I have been met with “eeewww,how can you live THERE??” by complete strangers when I say where I live. “Washington” isn’t a smoking cesspool full
    of invertebrates anymore than Florida is full of criminally negligent parents at best and cold-blooded murderers at the worst.Consider that,C.

  16. catsworking says:

    Richmond, VA, once held the honor of murder capital of the country, and every time we make national news it’s for something incredibly stupid and backward, like screaming over a statue of Arthur Ashe being put on Monument Avenue, home to a bunch of statues of Confederate generals.

    Speaking of which, our newspaper is running a daily column of recycled garbage from the Civil War because it’s the Sasquatchtennial or something. It’s as if they think if they keep refighting it, they can change the outcome and wake up tomorrow owning slaves.

    Florida is FAR from having the market cornered when it comes to stupid.

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