Congressman Anthony Weiner is living proof you should be careful what you wish for. When he put his penis on the Internet, he obviously wanted the world to see it — and now it has. Nobody can stop making jokes about it, and the only ones really suffering are hot dogs, who did nothing to bring this shame upon themselves.
Weiner’s infantile exhibitionism and subsequent lies about it reveal him to be too immature for Congress — and that’s saying a lot. But what’s next? Will he drop trow and run through the Capitol with his ass hanging out like the Coppertone baby?
We now know that a major lobe of his brain is located below his belt, and that’s not where we want to see the laws of this land coming from.
On the other hand, I give Weiner credit for owning his name and the inevitable levity it spawns, unlike a certain unnaturally orange buffoon in Congress who insists “Boe” spells “Bay.”
Anyway, the only reason Weiner’s weiner is news is because people give dicks too much power. Dogs walk around every day with their junk hanging out and they lick it in public, but nobody bats an eye.
Human male genitalia should receive the same dismissive treatment. Stop idolizing it and make it mandatory for men not to wear pants. Let them proudly wave their tiny batons whenever they feel like leading a parade. If they can reach, let’s legalize public ball-licking.
Trust me, I’ve lived with guys since I was a kitten. After you’ve seen one dipstick, you’ve seen them all.
It won’t take long for men to realize how they really measure up. Their urge to grant forbidden peeks will die when the guaranteed reaction is “Meh.”
Sure, I realize this will raise unemployment for exhibitionists, but there’s always Peeping Tom work out there.
Weiner’s weiner is a celebrity because we’ve plastered his erection across the Internet and shown it on every news broadcast. We’re only feeding into his sick fantasies. Enough already. Let’s treat men like the animals they are by pulling off their pants permanently and robbing their dicks of any potential for 15 minutes of fame.