(Note from Karen: Season 7 of No Reservations is in its 4th week of limbo tonight; Travel Channel again gives 9 p.m. to Off Limits. My new bits of Bourdainia can wait until tomorrow because Cole just scooped me big-time with his first celebrity interview. I’m not kidding. He really did this. Keep reading…)
I was chosen to tackle this important assignment (a Mother’s Day surprise for Karen) after much debate. We finally agreed that my rugged good looks and black-cat charm were most likely to open a door here, and we were right. I was granted permission to do this written interview with Lupetto Bourdain.
Lupetto is cagey in dealing with the media, which you’d expect from a celebrity’s cat. Some of his responses are almost De Niro-esque. But he’s so cool, I wouldn’t be surprised if Tony sometimes tries to channel Lupetto’s ‘tude. After all, it’s the sincerest form of flattery, and their relationship seems to be based on mutual respect.
Cole: I researched your name “Lupetto” online and found that it means “wolf cub” or “turtleneck (as in sweater).” Does either description fit your personality?
Lupetto: Ottavia told me I looked like a little wolf when she adopted me.
C: Do you mind telling us your age?
L: 10 years old.
C: Ottavia tweeted recently that your nickname is “Nini.” Where did that come from? Have you got any nicknames for them?
L: One day they just started calling me that. Personally, I prefer Lupetto. I do not feel free to disclose any nicknames I may or may not have for them. I rely on them for food.
C: You’ve known Ottavia since you were a kitten, when it was just the two of you. Did you have any issues sharing her? Was Bourdain nice to you?
L: I was struck immediately by Mr Bourdain’s kindness and sensitivity towards me. We forged an immediate bond, and I found myself quickly relocated to his home.
C: How do you and Ariane get along? Is she nice, or a tail-puller? Does she let you play with her toys?
L: Ariane gives me the respect and attention I deserve. Sometimes I let her play with my toys.
C: Do you have a favorite human?
L: The sushi delivery guy has many fine qualities.
C: Since you live with a famous food guy, you must see a lot of weird people-food. Do they ever share with you?
L: I can’t believe the shit those two eat. I wouldn’t touch that stuff with your mouth.
C: Do you ever jump on the counters or the table? Do they freak out?
L: I do as I please, you got a problem with that?
C: Have they ever offered you people-food that made you think they were nuts?
L: They know better.
C: I trust you eat regular cat food. Do you prefer dry or canned? What are your brands?
L: Canned: Solid Gold, Soulistic and Fancy Feast (only the grilled variety).
C: Are you into treats?
L: Bits of Parmigiano.
C: Bourdain has said he tries to avoid eating pets, but you’d know the truth. Has he ever come home with dog or cat on his breath?
L: He made a personal commitment to me not to.
C: I hear a lot of vermin lives in the big city. Have you ever caught a rodent? If so, what did you do with it?
L: What kind of crack house do you think I live in?
C: Claws or declawed? If claws, what’s your favorite thing to scratch?
L: Fully clawed, and I use them frequently. I’m very fond of the new couch…
C: You live in a bilingual household. Are there any Italian words you understand?
L: I speak a hell of a lot more Italian than Mr. Bourdain, for sure.
C: Does Bourdain himself ever feed you or scoop your litterbox?
L: He happily feeds me. He’s less happy about the litter box.
C: Do you ever help him with his writing? If so, how?
L: I wrote all of his books. Without me he’s nothing.
C: Any favorite toys?
L: A laser pointer.
C: Favorite places to sleep?
L: Their bed.
C: When you go to the vet, are you a pussycat or a tiger?
L: I hate doctors.
C: Do you have any habits the humans wish you would break?
L: Jumping into the tub when Ottavia showers.
C: Do you like to be picked up or sit in laps, or are you the independent type?
L: I’m a Rolling Stone, baby.