Don’t Diss Your Cat Dis Christmas

By Yul

Cats love Christmas — except for poisonous poinsettias, cleaning up, and putting away — so I was dismayed by a poll that revealed only 48% of cat owners are buying us presents this year.

Adding insult to injury, 56% of dogs are on their owners’ gift lists.

What is WRONG with you people?

Luckily, you still have 3 days to redeem yourself and remain in your cat’s good graces.

In a pinch, your grocery store stocks plenty of feline gifts you can pick up while buying your Christmas feast. The pet aisle has many varieties of gourmet cat food and treats, and even a few lame toys.

Imagine your cat’s joy on Christmas morning while ripping open a brand-new catnip mouse. (Tip: Wrap in plenty of paper and curly ribbon). Remember, it’s the thought that counts, so when he immediately bats the mouse under the couch and stalks off to sulk for the rest of the day on your bed, you’ll know exactly what he thought of the cheap ‘nip.

From the rest of the grocery store, your cat might appreciate a nice can of fancy people tuna (packed in water, a separate delicacy) or even a jar of all-meat baby food.

If your cat has a thing for potato chips, green beans, cheese, or yogurt, indulge it in moderation. Everybody eats what they shouldn’t at the holidays.

But if you REALLY want to make your cat’s Christmas one he’ll remember for the rest of his nine lives, visit a department or pet supply store and buy him a snuggly blankie, a comfy bed, or something to sharpen his claws on. Lay in a good supply of primo ‘nip for the long winter nights to come. Get us one of our must-have toys. Like sparkle balls, which glisten so prettily among the dust bunnies under the fridge. We also love feathers on a stick, but only if your New Year’s resolution to lose weight includes doing laps around the house to make the feathers fly like a bird.

WARNING: Presents we DON’T want are litterboxes (especially new-fangled electronic ones), exotic new litters, litter scoops, grooming tools, or bowls. That’s like Santa leaving a mop, dishrag, comb, and a bottle of water in your stocking. And we appreciate new collars like you enjoy getting underwear. (Except for Cole. A new collar reassures him he’s not going back to the joint.)

We cats just want some small token of your esteem. If we’re so inclined, we’d also like you to sit still for a minute and allow us to curl up with you for a nice cuddle.

May Santa Kitty bring you everything you wish for! Merry Christmas!

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8 Responses to Don’t Diss Your Cat Dis Christmas

  1. Imabear says:

    We have stocked up on goodies for our babies: tuna, salmon, etc. Their favorite gifts in past years always seems to be the wrapping paper, boxes, etc, left from gift opening. We let them play with it as long as they want. Still, I guess I should pick up a catnip toy or two….

  2. adele says:

    Yul, thanks for the Christmas hint. Of course Alice will be hiding all Christmas Eve, since there will be 8 people and 2 DOGS at our house, and she lives in fear, every year that a portly stranger, dressed in red, will make his way down our fake fire place.

    But I already have her people tuna for Christmas morning breakfast, and then she’ll open her presents.

    Have you guys done any shopping for Karen? With your computer skills, you could certainly order something online.

    In any case, from our house to yours, Merry Christmas.

  3. catsworking says:

    Imabear, we have been having a ball playing in boxes every time the UPS guy shows up and drops off something mysterious. And, of course, Adele is partial to partaking of fine ribbons. She never tries to swallow them. She just likes the way they crunch between her teeth. It’s weird.

  4. catsworking says:

    Adele, we got Karen a new computer for Christmas. We showed her in the Sunday paper exactly which one we wanted her to have, then sent her out to pay for it and lug it home.

    Oh, and I bought her a hot water bottle of her very own, dressed in a red sweatshirt. If Santa Kitty doesn’t bring me a new one, my Plan B is that we’ll share

    Never let it be said that we cats aren’t thoughtful!

  5. Hi Cousin Yul. Good post. My human bought me a soft new bed… I enjoy the low-sided kind so I can use the edge as a pillow and so that my feet don’t slide out from under me when I’m in “tuck” position. Of course, she put it under the tree and I took up residence in it last week… the one thing you can say about cats and Christmas is this–we’re cats; calendar be damned. I want my present NOW! — p.s. Aunt Keri didn’t buy you guys ANYTHING this year. All presents were for me!

  6. catsworking says:

    Noel, it’s so nice to hear that your stingy mom didn’t get us anything because we got something particularly interesting this year. As I said, it’s the thought that counts, and now we know exactly where we stand with your branch of the family.

  7. zappa says:

    I hope Santa Claws really spoils you guys!

    Zappa

  8. catsworking says:

    Zappa, we hope you had a great Christmas, too! We got a bunch of new toys (all blue, strangely enough – Karen read somewhere that cats can see blue and yellow, but every other color is a shade of gray (think about that – HOW could humans possibly know that?), so all our stuff is gradually becoming blue and yellow), including a Zhu Zhu pet. It’s black and white (like us) and looks like a hamster. It runs around and makes all kinds of weird noises. Adele smacked it under the TV, but even then it wouldn’t shut up.

    Cole got the new collar he wanted (blue), and some new feathers for Da Bird (also blue). I enjoyed the treats and spent quite a bit of time bunny-kicking my new catnip mouse before I decided it was time to begin undecorating the tree. Everybody saw it Christmas Eve, so what the hell, right? Well, Karen didn’t appreciate it. Humans are so hard to please.

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