Dog Poop Justice

By Cole

An unnamed woman in Belmont, Massachusetts, is in deep doody for throwing dog poop in the name of justice. She was walking her dog through her ‘hood recently when a vehicle sped through. She thought the driver almost hit a man on a bike and indignantly threw the bag of poop she’d scooped at the vehicle. It went through the open window and splatted in the driver’s face.

Now the woman faces charges of “assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, vandalism to property, and disorderly conduct.”

Fortunately, no charges were brought against her dog for “aiding and abetting” by supplying the woman with said dangerous weapon.

That woman shouldn’t be prosecuted. She should get a medal. She was doing the right thing by picking up after her dog. The driver was potentially homicidal, not some innocent victim.

Neighborhood Watch associations should follow the poop-thrower’s example and enlist all their dog-walking residents to give speeders the same treatment. It would serve two purposes:

1. Irresponsible dog owners who now don’t pick up after their pets would be more likely to start if they could have the thrill of flinging a steaming pile at a bad driver.

2. If more speed demons knew they might end up with a puss full of poop, maybe they’d slow down.

The speed limit on our street is 25 mph, yet drivers whiz through here like they’re training for NASCAR. Seems like our used kitty litter could do something to address the problem. Hmmmm…..

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6 Responses to Dog Poop Justice

  1. zappa says:

    I like this a lot,Cole.My mom lives in downtown DC and ia always dodging a phoning/texting/otherwise occupied driver.She has had several near-misses right in front of our house! I’m going to suggest that she keep with her a handy supply of cat….ammo…to fling at angry commuters.As you you are well acquanted with the day old consistencies of cat poop,wouldn’t those rock hard kitty rockets make the point?

    Zappa

  2. catsworking says:

    Zappa, with today’s super-clumping litter, your mom could be giving people concussions. Maybe that — and days picking litter out of their hair (because washing it would only make it WORSE) — would teach them to stay off the damned phone while they’re out in public.

  3. adele says:

    Cole and Zappa, you two would obviously make great partners in crime. I’m cringing at the prospect of trying to shampoo “filled” litter clumps out of one’s hair.

    Zappa, tell your mom it was great to meet her Thursday night, and Cole, I hope you kitties survived being without Karen for a couple of days.

  4. catsworking says:

    Adele, I wasn’t referring to “filled” clumps, which would probably fall out, but to the fact that if moisture hits the litter while in your hair, it would turn to slimy concrete.

    Yes, we paced ourselves at the food bowls in case our sitter forgot to show up, and roughed it with less frequent box-cleanings while Karen was gone, but it was kind of nice having her whole bed all to ourselves! Even so, we’re happy she’s back and our routine is restored. Now we can read the paper and watch TV again.

  5. zappa says:

    Hi kitties and Humans!
    My mom was thrilled to meet the Humans that came to Washington.She said that they were in a huge building filled with People Food! I heard rumors of some sort of…catfight? I’m still trying to fill in the details

    Zappa

  6. catsworking says:

    Zappa, that’s exactly what Karen called it. A catfight. Wish I’d been there to add my claw-power!

    You can read all about it in today’s post.

    Karen said she really had a good time with your mom and appreciated all the goodies she foraged.

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