Zenyatta’s Still the Queen

By Adele

On November 6, for the first time in her long racing career, Zenyatta traveled east to race in the $5 million Breeders’ Cup Classic at Churchill Downs in Kentucky.

Big mistake. Watch the race:

I phoned Zenyatta when she got back to her digs at Hollywood Park, California, and she was ready to dish some dirt — literally.

Adele: Do you think trading your usual synthetic track for dirt affected your performance?

Zenyatta: The hooves don’t care, but I’ll tell ya, Kentucky dust leaves an awful aftertaste. And it took my groomers hours to get that crud off me.

A: I hope you flew home First Class so you could relax and unwind.

Z: They told the flight attendant to pour me a good stiff belt of carrot juice and keep ‘em coming. I just wanted to forget the sight of Blame’s Durante-like schnozzola sticking over the finish line.

A: Now the press is saying you lost by “a head.” Did you hear the race commentators calling you the “Aging Amazon?”

Z: I call them aging jock douchebags. They probably bet against me, too. Always did.

A: Mike Smith, your jockey, blames himself.

Z: Poor Mike. He’s probably right. If we’d kicked into gear just a few strides sooner, I would have been tickling Blame’s schnoz with my tail. The stone-cold fact is that I outran 10 of the best males racing today. Did you see how far behind I was when I started passing them? We just ran out of track a few steps too soon. So send me to the glue factory.

A: They’re saying Blame will probably be named Horse of the Year.

Z: He can have it. Horse of the Year is bullshit. If I can’t win it with 19 straight victories, it’s a joke.

A: I’m sorry to hear that you’re probably going to be retired soon, too. In Kentucky.

Z: So is Blame. I just hope they don’t try to hook us up. He’s got a reputation for pointing fingers. He’d never stop gloating. I may have finished behind him, but I never want to end up under him.

A: The day after the race, Kentucky fans came out in force to get see you off, but not Blame.

Z: What can I say? It was just one race. Star power is forever.

A: Now that you’ll have more free time, are you going to pursue your dancing?

Z: Absolutely! I’ve always want to learn Argentine tango.

A: If you start a family, colt or filly?

Z: Filly, definitely. I’ve even picked out her name. Zenyette.

There you have it. Zenyatta is pissed, but unbowed. Long live horse racing’s Queen!

BONUS: A tribute to the fabulous Zenyatta.

3 Responses to Zenyatta’s Still the Queen

  1. zappa says:

    I can’t wait to read her tell-all! She will make a fortune on QVC with her line of exclusive mane and tail beauty products.Aging Amazon or equine Heidi Klum?

    Zappa’s mom

  2. adele says:

    Adele, I just knew you’d score an interview. The late Fred would be so proud of you; you’ve taken over the Cats Working Horse Racing desk, and you’re doing a fabulous job.

    Once again, when I spoke to my sister about the race, she said, “I’ll bet that cat was unhappy with the outcome. You’re building a reputation, one human at a time.

  3. catsworking says:

    Adele, to tell the truth, I was down in the dumps all weekend until I actually talked to Zenyatta. She thinks it’s no big deal, even though there was $5 million riding on the race. She feels like she’s earned her keep better than most, established her reputation among the top female horses of all time, and taken with grace a lot of dissing from detractors. (She only gets really pissed when they criticize her dancing. She said, “Yeah, let them try doing soft-shoe in horseshoes!”) She’s very self-confident.

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