Quiznos. Kittens. Why?

By Yul

Every time I see this weird and annoying Quiznos ad featuring an all-kitten brass band, which they awkwardly call “Singimals,” I’m very tempted to spray the TV.

What’s that on those poor kitties’ heads? Granny wigs?

And the “Three Blind Mice” soundtrack? There isn’t a cat even mentioned in that song. It would have made more sense to use singing rats in sunglasses. They might not have had to look far to find the talent (if you get my drift).

Oops! Too late. They’ve already used some sort of rodent life form, and it makes less sense than kittens, if that’s even possible…

I can just imagine Quiznos’ meeting with their “Mad Men”…

Quiznos: Why cats?

Ad Guy: They’re even cuter than vermin with bad teeth. Everybody knows if you want something to sell, you put cats on it.

Q: But if you say “cats” in our business, people think Chinese restaurant and start to feel nauseous.

AG: We’re going to change all that. Just trust us. This ad is golden.

It wouldn’t surprise me if Quiznos used the same jokers to design their bizarre website that jumps around and makes swoopy noises. Whose attention are they trying to grab with that?

It would seem that Quiznos’ target market is babies. Babies who eat subs.

Brilliant.

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10 Responses to Quiznos. Kittens. Why?

  1. OMG thankfully I hadn’t seen those ads until now. Can you say “annoying!?” Ugh!! Awful!!!

    To quote a wonderful folksinger named Christine Lavin “what were they THINKING?!!”

    Caren Gittleman
    Cat Chat http://opcatchat.blogspot.com

  2. Zappa says:

    Hi Yul!
    My mom happened to point this ad out to me(I was napping) She is a dedicated brown bagger but will on rare occasion patronize Quizno’s.I looked at it with one eye and went back to sleep,but she was so creeped out that she will stay away forever.On a side note,we live in downtown Washington DC and there have been 2 Quizno’s within a few blocks of each other to board up recently.Meow.

    Zappa

  3. Adele says:

    Yul, Alice and I just saw that Quizno’s ad last night. At first we thought the critters were mice and not kittens. Then I realized that they really were kittens and told Alice that their little eyes looked like the eyes of the kids in “Children of the Damned.”

    What were the Quizno’s ad people thinking. No self-respecting cat would eat one of their subs.

  4. catsworking says:

    OK, I’m going to let the “cat out of the bag” here and tell you that Quiznos is one of Karen’s favorite fast food joints. And the guy who seems to be the owner/manager of the one she frequents is Asian. But she assures us that he’s a nice man and would never use cats or kittens as an ingredient in the subs, even if HQ ordered him to put them in the Torpedos.

  5. Tuxi says:

    Hi! We had a Quizno’s up the street that moved into a new shopping center and it only lasted 2 months. Mom and I saw the cats in the ad and wondered at first what they were advertising. Somebody there must like babies because they used to have baby Bob advertise for them. Maybe pediatricians own the place! Right now I’m lying next to Mom with my head on her left leg. She said she needs to run the vacuum but I’m delaying that as long as possible. Mom has an Electrolux Silencer which I admit is quiet and she can run it when everyone is asleep since you can put it on half-power and run it totally quiet. I call my front left paw the silencer myself!

  6. catsworking says:

    Tuxi, weekends are vacuum time around here as well. Cole sometimes spends the rest of the day under the bed after Karen gets out her red Hoover Wind Tunnel monster, which she always cusses at because it must have been built by a committee of men who never touched a vacuum in their lives. The top of the handle falls off in her hand, the hoses clipped to the side are always falling off and trippingg her, and if she doesn’t use one hand to constantly hold up the cord (because the little clip that’s supposed to keep the cord up is a joke), the vacuum runs over it on every back stroke. So she hates vacuuming as much as we do.

    But back to Quiznos. They must be doing OK here because Karen says she can think of 2 nearby. But it sounds like their brilliant strategy to capture the sub-eating baby market isn’t going too well elsewhere. Maybe the late Taco Bell dog has a descendant they could hire. Even speaking Spanish, the dog made more sense than the ads they’re running.

  7. Tuxi says:

    Mom told me she did like the Baby Bob ads and the E-trade ones with the little guy on the computer, but we prefer cat commercials with real cats. Mom was never a big Quiznos eater because the menu had alot of sandwiches with spice. She could order without spice and anything she didn’t want, but she always just gets her subs at Subway, Wawa or a local shop. Some of the cats here like to take tuna salad out of her tuna hoagies when she gets them.

  8. catsworking says:

    Karen likes Quiznos subs better than any of the other chains, and wonders why they are dumbing down the ads so much when the subs themselves are pretty adult, using fancy breads and sauces and spices and giving them names like Chicken Carbonara and Pesto Turkey. She’s never brought home a tuna sub, but if she did, we’d be all over it!

  9. Adele says:

    I must be really hungry, because I’ve been following the sub discussion with great interest. Of the chains, I always preferred Quizno’s, but the one around my house has closed. Fortunately I don’t live far from some good Italian Delis so I get my subs from them. Ah, ham, provolone, capicola, maybe a little turkey, lettuce, tomatoes and some giardinera. I always wipe off a little piece of ham and give it to Alice. Pork isn’t really good for cats, but she loves ham and whines on the rare occasions when I have bacon cooking.

  10. catsworking says:

    Adele, I run hot and cold on ham. Sometimes when Karen’s making a ham sandwich I make a pest of myself until she throws me a pile. Other days, meh. I’m the same way with bacon, but Cole is a bacon fanatic. He loves it! The late Fred used to prefer Kroger-brand deli roast beef, and he could tell if Karen tried to slip him some from Food Lion because he wouldn’t touch it.

    Our Adele, not into luncheon meats at all. In fact, the only people food she will touch is shrimp and the occasional piece of fish.

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